CYOA Page 121
Sep. 13th, 2013 07:00 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lumy12Jo doesn't try to stop you from leaving, and seems truly appreciative that you've stuck around as long as you have -- and then even more appreciative when you insist on giving her supplies. You still feel guilty, though. Because you could've done more.
When you say as much to Joel later, he sighs. "There are times when it's all right to... go above an' beyond... an' times when you just gotta look out for your own."
"Well, that may be your philosophy..."
"She ain't hurt. Or helpless. We told her how to get to Jackson, an' gave her things to help her out. We did enough, all right? Just forget it now."
"Fine. I'll just go back to brooding about it and feeling selfish," you mutter.
Joel doesn't even tell you that you're not selfish, like he's supposed to when you say things like that! He's all too happy for me to shut up about it.
You've only been going for maybe an hour when Joel calls for another break. It's unusual, but... hey, if he's gotta go, he's gotta go...
He doesn't, though. He moseys around like he's going to, but doesn't stray far enough away before coming back. "I was thinkin'..."
You stop petting your horse's nose and turn to look at him. "You wanna go back?"
"No." He frowns.
Damn! "What, then?"
"There's some deer tracks here... pretty fresh ones, I think. Thought we could maybe--"
"What -- go hunting? So, you don't want to waste any more time on Jo, but you're totally cool with that. It could take hours."
"We could try it for a bit. If we don't find nothin', then--"
"I thought you didn't want to spend the night in the middle of nowhere?" you remind him.
"We won't. That last sign we passed said the next town's only two miles away."
"Two miles, huh?" You snort. "So we could've stayed with Jo a little longer, or helped her look for her friend."
"We've gone a lot of miles since then," Joel says defensively.
When you hear that tone in his voice... it usually means you're right. "You knew! You just wanted to leave," you accuse him; you really need to start paying more attention to those highway signs yourself.
"That was a couple hours ago, Ellie. We couldn't've spent much more time there an' still made it."
You don't feel like a couple of hours have passed since meeting Jo... and you can't tell if Joel really thinks so, or if he's just saying so to boost his argument. Too bad his watch doesn't work! You know he doesn't like traveling on horseback after dark; he doesn't feel it's safe.
"We don't have to. It was just a thought. We could also go in the mornin'... if we get somethin', we could bring whatever we don't eat to the hospital."
You sigh. "Joel, just stop it."
"Stop what?"
"I know what you're doing. And it's annoying."
"I ain't... doin' anythin'."
"Yes you are." You cross your arms across your chest and give him another glare (even though the first one didn't work). "You know I wanted deer meat, so now you're trying to get some for me, and you know I felt bad about leaving Jo, so now you're like... 'hey, look, we can do this other good deed instead!' Like that will make--"
"That's not what I'm doin'," Joel says... pretty sincerely, it would seem.
"No? I think it is. You know why it's annoying, though? Because you're making it really hard to stay mad at you."
"I didn' know you were mad at me."
That might be true... he IS oblivious sometimes. "More like... irritated. Peeved. Not mad."
"All I know is you gave that woman more than half our food. I personally--"
"I did not!" you protest. "Not even close to half!"
"--would prefer not to starve on this trip," he continues as if you hadn't spoken. "If we get somethin' large, we ain't gonna eat it all in one day, an' it won't last more than--"
"Oh, shut up, Joel, why can't you just admit I'm right?" You're trying to stay stern but you can feel your mouth twitching, trying to curl up into a smile.
"I admit it when you are--" (he doesn't -- at least not always) "--but this time, you ain't." He seems a little irritated now himself, which somehow also serves to lessen your own irritation (why does that happen sometimes??).
"Whatever." You allow a small smile to surface. "Thank you. It's really sweet of you to think of it." Wait for it...
He bristles -- visibly bristles -- when you call him sweet. "Tellin' you I don't wanna starve is sweet?"
The scowl doesn't fool you. "Yep! Cuz I know how to read between the lines." You give him an affectionate little shove.
"Sometimes you read things that ain't there, kiddo. Let's just get goin' now." He mounts his horse and starts heading out before you've even mounted yours. End of conversation -- you get it.
He's so... WEIRD, you muse as you catch up to him. Like... it's so obvious what he was doing. And it was NICE. What's the big deal?! He has no problem telling people I'm his daughter -- er, telling strangers, anyway? -- and it's not like I don't KNOW he cares about me... isn't it NORMAL to want to do nice things for your kids? To make them feel better any way you can think of? Not that you would know from personal experience, but you've learned enough from other people... and movies and stuff (though Joel loves to remind you that that's all fictional).
It's normal for Joel, at least. If you have a crappy day, you always feel better after talking to him. Sometimes he asks you what you need, or what he can do for you. Why can he be sweet like that, like... directly sweet... and yet when you call him out on this... disguised sweetness, he can't just smile and be like "yep, you caught me" or something?
You feel like you know Joel so well, after all this time you've spent with him... but there's still plenty you don't understand.
"We should go in the morning," you announce to him, like five minutes later.
"Go where?" ...as if he doesn't know what you're talking about.
"Hunting."
"I think we should jus' stick to our trail," he says coolly.
"Yeah? Cuz... a few minutes ago, you were like--"
"The sooner we get there, the better. No need to waste time huntin'. Pay attention -- we don' know what we'll find in this town, an' we're gettin' close enough to it now."
"Two miles isn't real close--"
"Less than two miles. An' it's close enough." He clucks to his horse and pulls ahead of you.
Whatever, Joel... hide behind your Outside Persona all you want... I KNOW you were being sweet. But you'll let him stay ahead of you for now. You'll stay alert (it likely won't be necessary, but you'll do it, because it's what you have to do out here), and by the time you stop for dinner -- stop for the night -- he'll act like nothing happened. And you won't bring it up again, so he won't get all peevish and things won't be uncomfortable.
But you are going hunting in the morning. You know you'll be able to persuade him!
If you'd like to start another adventure, return to page 1.
Carlos
Date: 2021-01-01 12:50 pm (UTC)