CYOA Page 126

[lumy12]

Page One Hundred Twenty-Six

"I think that... it's gonna be hard enough for these kids to find out one of those women is dead. Maybe we shouldn't take both of them."

Joel nods. "Glad you feel that way, 'cause I don't much like the idea of killin' 'em both, either."

"Yeah... but... like, even though I don't want to do it, it feels sort of wrong that this changed my mind. Doesn't it? Like... she could still be just as much of a threat, and... it's like I'm deciding her life is worth more, because she's a mom."

Joel chuckles. "That's because it is."

"But why? I'm not a mom, so mine is worth less?"

"No, you're a kid. More importantly, you're my baby girl."

That makes you smile. "But like... she's a person. You know? She has a favorite color and... maybe a birthmark on her ass..."

"Why her ass?"

"Or wherever! Maybe she sings in the shower. Maybe she snores real loud... she's afraid of beetles..."

"So... if someone snores, their life should be worth more? Think I got that one covered."

You roll your eyes. "You know what I mean."

"Not really. An' keep quiet... those kids are right over there in front of the house..."

"You don't know what I'm trying to say? Like... everyone's unique..."

"Sure. But you can't tell me that some... asshole hunter who beats his wife -- that his life is worth the same as a decent woman takin' care of young kids."

"Yes I can. You were a hunter." You kindly leave out the asshole descriptor (cuz you don't believe he was one, anyway, unless attacking innocent people for shits and giggles automatically makes you one... okay, maybe he was one, if that was his M.O.?).

"I never beat my wife."

"Whatever -- you stopped being that way. If someone had killed you cuz they figured your life wasn't worth anything anyway... I would've died if it wasn't for you. Lots of times. And I'd be stuck in a life that... is nowhere near as good as the one I have now. So who are we to--"

Joel shushes you, and you realize there's someone coming your way. Must be one of the kids! Did he hear us? You try to peek through the bushes without letting yourself be seen...

"Too late," Joel whispers -- and you see he's right; you're about to be discovered. "Be cool..."

You turn on your brightest smile as a little kid (he must be like three or four?) wanders around the shrubbery to your hiding spot. "Oh man -- you found us!" you say in a stage whisper, then you turn to Joel. "I told you this wasn't a good spot for hide and seek!"

"Not pwaying hide'n'seek," says the little blond boy, puzzled. At least he's familiar with the game!

"You're not?" You keep your voice low. "Oh. Well, we are -- can you do us a favor and act like you never saw us? I really don't want 'it' to find us. Can it be our secret? Pleeeeeease?" You clasp your hands and make a comical 'pleading' face.

And it is comical, because the kid giggles a little.

"Andrew! Where'd you go?! Get back here right now!"

"That your sister, Andrew?" Joel whispers (and ohhh how surprised the boy looks that Joel knows that he is Andrew -- ha!). "You better go back so you don't get in trouble."

"But remember our secret, 'kay?" you add. You resist the urge to reach out and wipe some of the dirt off his face.

He smiles and runs off.

"Think he'll tell?" you ask Joel.

"Don' know but we ain't gonna wait around an' find out. Come on... tree to tree."

You start to move out... and you think you hear the sister questioning him ("secret about what?"). Even when you're far enough away from the house that you don't have to be quite as stealthy, Joel has you continue in the same manner, as he's now expecting to see any number of people out and about in the little community. You don't end up seeing anyone else, though, and you make a clean getaway on the horses.

"That was good quick thinkin' back there," Joel remarks once you're on your way again.

"What, hide and seek?"

"Yeah. Smart."

You smile at the praise. "He was really cute. Didn't seem afraid of us at all. With all our guns and shit, even."

"Thanks to you. You saved my life again."

"Ha ha." Joel likes to say that people are less inclined to be all shoot first and ask questions later when they see you -- like they would be that way if he were alone. Again, because people make unfair assumptions about what someone else's life is worth based on exterior factors! "Somehow I don't think that little boy would've kicked your ass."

"Big sister might've had a rifle in there, though."

"Yeah... man, I really hope we didn't kill their mom."

"We didn't."

You glance at him. "What? How do you know? Did you hear something else?"

"No, but... we'll never know, so just tell yourself that we didn't, if it makes you feel better."

You snort. "That's like saying if you wish something was true, you can make it be true."

"Sometimes you can. Look... whatever the case may be, we killed one of their group. They're gonna feel the loss in some way, whether she was their mom or not. But that's the way life goes. They'll help each other through it. There's a lot of 'em. At least two more adults, sounds like... an' prob'ly more than that. They'll be fine. They'll come out stronger on the other side."

You chuckle bitterly. "Tell me you did not just say we did them a favor, making them stronger."

"Not a favor, no. But that's the way it is. An' when the woman gets back to 'em... she'll prob'ly have her hands full an' won't bother comin' after us."

"You think? Hmm... maybe, yeah, but she could always send someone else. It's not like we'd be hard to pick out." Most traveling parties don't consist of a bad-ass old man and a teenage girl.

"Nah. They'll realize it's futile, at that point. We'll be long gone. Plus it ain't like we gunned her down in cold blood. It was self defense. Maybe she'll understand."

"You really believe that?" Because you don't.

"I'm sayin' it's possible. Maybe not durin' the hardcore grief, but later. She could even forgive us."

That makes you turn and stare at him. "Why the fuck would we even give her the chance to do that?! Do you plan on coming back up here?"

He chuckles. "I don' mean in person. In her heart."

"Oh. ...What's the point of that?" You might forgive someone if they beg you for forgiveness. But if they don't, and they don't even know you've forgiven them? That makes no sense.

"It's s'posed to help you let go of your anger. That's what they say, anyhow."

"What, you don't agree?"

He shrugs. "I guess I've never tried it."

"You'd rather hold on to the anger?" you say, somewhat teasingly. "Let it fester and grow instead of letting it go?" ...Hey, I like how that rhymes...

"Somethin' like that."

"Haven't you forgiven Tommy for... whatever he did that pissed you off?"

Joel snorts. "That's a long list."

"Well, haven't you?"

"...Have I ever said 'I forgive you' to him? No."

"Has he forgiven you?"

"Tch. Nothin' to forgive."

"Ooooookay." You know better.

He glares at you. "Everythin' I did, I did for us. He knows that."

"Whatever, Joel. Okay, so he hasn't. Or he hasn't said it, at least."

"No, he hasn't said it, 'cause if he did, I'd tell the motherfucker to get off his high horse an' realize that even when he undermined me, even when he went--"

"Whatever, Joel!" you repeat, louder. "We're gonna have a family meeting when we get home."

"...Says who?"

"Says me! I just decided."

"What for?"

"So you guys can clear the air once and for all and you can both forgive each other and let go of all your anger."

"I never should've told you that," Joel mutters.

"About forgiveness? I'm glad you did! This is so happening."

"We get along fine. The air... is as clear as it needs to be."

"But not as clear as it could be. Still kinda hard to breathe sometimes."

Joel shakes his head, chuckling to himself. "You're a pain in the ass, you know that?"

"Yep!"

"Lucky for me you'll forget all about it as soon as we get home."

"No I won't!" You'd better not. You'll fucking write it down if you have to!

"Seriously, though..."

"I am serious!"

He ignores this. "I'm real glad you changed your mind, back there. I was startin' to worry that you were... gettin' to be maybe a bit too much like me."

"You were?" So that's why he seemed a little funny about it...

"I was."

"But... if you were worried about that... and you never wanted to kill her in the first place... see, you're not even like you now," you say triumphantly.

"...Come again?"

"You're not like the 'you' that you talk about when you say shit like that. You're just a big old softie now."

He gives you his best I'm NOT a goddamn softie! glare, but it doesn't fool you. "Quiet. Need I remind you we're Outside?"

You give him a knowing smile. "Uh-huh. You're just tired of talking now."

"No, we just need to be careful out--"

"Riiiiiight. I get it. You're all talked out." He did pretty good, actually; you figured he would revert to the "We're Outside" defensive tactic as soon as you mentioned Tommy, and he lasted a little longer than that. "It's fine -- I'll shut up now," you add sweetly.

He pulls ahead of you, like he doesn't believe you'll actually shut up.

...and that was smart of him, because you kind of want to expand on the softie thing. Maybe tell him that he needs to forgive himself for all the shit he's done that makes him keep thinking of himself as a bad person. You two have talked about this before, but now that he's brought up the relationship between forgiveness and anger, you can pad your argument. Maybe he'll be a little more receptive now.

Anyway, it's not really a conversation you should have Outside -- at least not while you're actually traveling, out in the open. The words you've already said can just sort of... bounce around in his head all afternoon. With any luck, they'll sink into his stubborn brain... but no, he'll most likely kick them out before that happens.

Maybe not ALL of them, you hope. Maybe a few will stick this time.


THE END


If you'd like to start another adventure, return to page 1.

Comments

Carlos

[(Anonymous)]

Oh, this was a nice ending. All their talk at the end reminds me about how the relationship with Joel and Tommy goes after Joel and Ellie get back to Jackson at the end of the game.

RE: Carlos

[luminations.livejournal.com]

I like it when Ellie plays shrink :) She is smarter than Joel in some ways