CYOA Page 193

[lumy12]

Page One Hundred Ninety-Three

You really would like to get some sleep before embarking on another long day tomorrow. You grab your flashlight and hightail it down the hall to Joel's room. You take in the layout of the room quickly, then switch off the light in an attempt not to wake him -- although he was stirring before you even slipped through the doorway. "Joel, it's me," you whisper -- because if you don't, you might find a gun pointing at you in another couple seconds. "It's okay. Keep sleeping."

Sometimes if you wake him like this, he'll just mumble something, roll over, and fall right back to sleep. You hope he does that this time...

...but no such luck! Probably because you're Outside? "What's wrong?" he asks... and he might actually be all-the-way awake.

"Nothing! Didn't I just say it's okay?" you hiss. You stand there in the dark, waiting for him to make some noise that indicates he's going back to sleep. Like deep breathing... or even just rolling over and ignoring you.

"Well, obviously you need somethin'. What is it?"

Fuck -- he IS totally awake! "Um... okay, fine. It's... my bed. I can't sleep in it."

"What's wrong with it?"

"There's like..." ...shit, he WAS laying on it with me for a while... he knows there's no bugs or gross smells or anything! "I just don't like it, okay? I can't fall asleep."

It sounds like he's starting to get up! "All right, we'll find you another--"

"No! No no no... stay here. I'll just... sleep here too. If you don't mind. I promise I won't kick you in my sleep. Or steal all the covers." Both of which you've done to him on at least one previous bed-sharing occasion. You start crawling over the bed before he can protest.

"Did you have a bad dream?"

"No," you answer... too quickly! Because damn it, that would've been a better reason to come sleep with him than being afraid of a ghost -- and you've done it before. It's just embarrassing. Joel's nice about it and all, just... you're sixteen now. You can handle bad dreams. You've handled them your whole life, actually... but before Joel, you never had the luxury of a parent-type person to crawl into bed with when you got spooked.

Spooked... ugh! You don't recall ever being afraid of a ghost before. Even when you were of an age to believe in monsters under your bed and other such nonsense.

"Ohhhh I know what this is about," he declares.

"...You do?" Usually when he says something like that, he follows it with something completely off-base. So maybe your secret is--

"It's your ghost, ain't it. Did you... feel its essence tryin' to--"

"Oh shut up -- it wasn't a ghost, okay?" you scoff.

"I think it was. I think--"

"Can I stay in here, or not?" you cut him off, hoping to distract him from the whole ghost thing. He won't kick me out now that I'm all the way in... under the covers and everything... at least, he never has before?

"Of course. ...Maybe it's just... bein' Outside that's got you so rattled?"

"I guess. Yeah, prob'ly." It's reasonable.

"Except... you were fine last night. I would think that the first night would be harder than the second. Unless, of course, the house we stay in the second night is haunted. ...It's a wonder I fell asleep myself, with all the ghosts an' shit flyin' around--"

"Fuck you! Maybe I'd rather go sleep with the ghost than put up with you!" You start to get up, slowly, shuffling the covers noisily...

...and Joel buys it! He reaches for you, his hand grazing your arm. "Don't go. I'm sorry -- I'll be nice."

Aww, yay, now he feels bad! You... may or may not make a habit of taking advantage of Joel in scenarios like this. "Will you do circles on my arm?" you ask hopefully; you can't not fall asleep if he'll do that!

"Sure."

You lay back down and scoot a little closer to him. "Thanks. I'm sure I'll fall asleep fast and then I won't bother you the rest of the night."

He starts lightly stroking your arm. "You're no bother," he lies (...clearly it's a lie, because you just pestered him for the circles!). "Besides... I don't think I want you sleepin' with some ghost. Might be a pervert."

You giggle at that. "If it's a male ghost? Yeah, probably." Joel seems to think the majority of males are perpetually horny. Especially-- "I bet it's a teenage boy ghost."

"Ugh. Can't have that."

"Mm... it might be hot, though," you say thoughtfully.

"...If you can't see it, how do you know if it's good-lookin'?"

"No, I mean..." ...getting molested by someone --someTHING?-- that I can't even see? You know that's hot. People have sex with blindfolds on and stuff, don't they? But you can't say all that to Joel! While it's fun to make him squirm sometimes, that's... too personal or something. ...and kind of creepy to talk about while Joel's touching me in the dark? You love the way his fingers dance lightly over your arm. You're way more relaxed now. "Never mind. Maybe it's a hot chick ghost. That'd be okay, right?"

He ponders this. "...For you or for me?"

"Ha! Um... we were talking about me, but if you're so interested..."

"Nah. You can have her."

You feel sort of bad that you fucked up a potential romantic relationship for Joel, shortly after arriving in Jackson last year. He says it wasn't you, but... you're pretty sure it was. Esther... she was -- is -- pretty cool. Too cool: you couldn't help feeling like she was a threat to you. Like she would steal Joel away from you. Now that you're much older and wiser (and more secure in Joel's affections), you can look back on everything and regret your childish behavior. You've tried to make amends by pushing him toward Esther in recent months, but he always balks at it. Says things like "that ship has sailed" and "it wasn't meant to be." Which... you have to admit, is probably true, because if they were really supposed to be together, your antics wouldn't have kept them apart in the first place, right?

And now... you spend more time with your friends than you do with Joel. It's like you totally take him for granted. This trip is serving as a good reminder not to do that. It's bringing back those feelings from your first one... where all you had in the world was each other.

"You know what? You can have her," you offer generously. "She's a little old for me."

"Huh. How can you tell?"

"Um... I dunno... I think she likes you better."

He chuckles. "No one in their right mind would like me better than you."

Aww! "So... she's a crazy hot chick ghost?"

"In that case... I'm too old. I'm too old to do crazy."

You're not sure what he means by that, but... "Bullshit! You'd be so good with a crazy chick. Maybe you could like... de-crazy her."

He chuckles. "Uh... if there's one thing I've learned, it's that you can't change people. You'll learn that, too, someday."

Whatever, Joel... you already know that you changed him. You and Tommy had a good long talk about it once. But you're not going to bring that up now; it would be awkward, and it's not the right time.

...Except Joel seems to be reading your mind? "I ain't sayin' that people can't change," he says. "They can. But it has to be... natural. You can't just... mold them to your will."

That makes sense; you never tried to change Joel. Still too heavy right now, though... "Another problem? If she's haunting this house, you'd have to stay here to be with her. All by yourself. That would be a hard life."

"All by myself? You wouldn't stay with me?"

"Fuck no. In the middle of nowhere? No electricity... no running water... no people... no food..."

"Shit. So I gotta choose between you'n'her? Is that it?"

"Yeah, pretty much. I mean, I could come visit you once in a while. Once a year, maybe."

He ponders this. Er... pretends to ponder, because you certainly hope he knows the right choice here! "All right. She'll just have to live without me. Or... not live, I s'pose, seein' as how she's already dead..."

"Poor ghostie," you giggle... and then you don't bother to stifle a yawn. "Good answer, though. Here... do my other arm." You roll onto your stomach so he doesn't have to reach over you.

"Yes ma'am." Joel yawns, too, because it's the weirdest fucking thing -- yawns are contagious! He starts ghosting dancing his fingers over your other arm. "Think you can sleep now?"

"Yeah, think so. ...In here, you mean, right? Cuz I'm too comfortable to move."

"You rolled over just now," he points out.

"Too comfy to get up," you clarify. Jeez!

"Really? You'd make me carry you? I'm gettin' too old for--"

"No you're not! But nooooooooooo -- I'm staying here. I'm cozy," you remind him.

"All right. Go to sleep, baby girl. I'll keep all the ghosts out."

"Thanks. 'Night... again." You smile, even though you don't think he can see it in the dark. It only just now occurs to you that you haven't heard any strange noises since you deposited yourself in Joel's bed. And you're not freaked out at all anymore, after talking to him.

A short while later, you're juuuust about to drift off when Joel stops rubbing your arm. It doesn't jolt you awake or anything, but you're conscious enough to be aware of the cessation of soothing touch. And then... you swear you feel something brush across your temple...

...only it's not a ghost: it's Joel, giving you a good night kiss! He never does that. He probably thinks you're asleep. You smile to yourself. ~I love you too, Joel~


THE END



If you'd like to start another adventure, return to page 1.

Comments

Carlos

[(Anonymous)]

ahh... another good end thanks. This ghost part is interesting... so how you think of it? I mean why you want to do a ghost part inthis story?

Re: Carlos

[luminations.livejournal.com]

Thanks! Ummm... I dunno, I just had so many threads and was trying to run with any idea I had that didn't feel completely ridiculous... and as usual I wanted to take the opportunity to do both sides, one where there really is a ghost and one where it could all very well be Ellie's imagination. I'm glad you liked it!