CYOA Page 217

[lumy12]

Page Two Hundred Seventeen

You can't stand it. You have to tell Joel what you did.

But you don't have to tell him right this second. Your pace will be much faster going back to the house than it was coming from it, now that you're not trying to decipher shit. You're sure he'll agree to break for lunch there (wow, lunch already... you guys are making like zero progress on this mission as a whole! First by going backwards, then by going in circles). You can tell him then.

Do I tell him before, during, or after? Before and during would ruin the meal, but after would allow him to shut down by saying "we need to get going." No hugs and kisses to soften the blow. But he might say that anyway, even if I do it before?

You're sweating it so much that you decide to just get it over with. Bite that bullet. Bite it, chew it, swallow it... let it fester in your stomach... no, this will get RID of that icky feeling--

"Joel, I have to tell you something," you blurt out before you've even gotten to the house.

He glances at you. "Now?"

"Well... I guess we can wait 'til we get to the house." You know he wouldn't appreciate the distraction while Outside. At least now I can't change my mind!

Unless you make it cheesy and lame. Like "I just had to say ~I love you~!"

Pffff. No, you'll tell him.

You let Joel search the house again (in the unlikely event that someone else came along in the past few hours and is now hiding in there... but hey, if it makes him happy to do it...), and when he calls to you that the coast is clear, you go sit on the couch and wait for him to come down the stairs.

He sees you and chuckles. "What're you doin'? What do you wanna eat?"

"Can you just come over here?"

He sits beside you and puts his arm around your shoulders. "What's on your mind? Talk to me."

This might be the last time he's nice to me... The thought makes you want to cry. No! No, he loves me. He won't stop just because I'm a fucking liar. ...ugh!

"What is it? You're startin' to scare me."

"Sorry... um... you know how much I love you, right? I love you soooooooooo much... and... I don't want you to hate me..." You wince, but you don't cry.

"I could never hate you. Is this about Zack? Feelin' guilty... like it's your fault?"

HE KNOWS! ...No, of course he's talking about the falling-asleep guilt. "Yeah, but not just that... I mean, not that exact thing, actually..."

"It was a mistake. We all make 'em. I blame myself, too -- the sleepin'-in-shifts thing didn't have to--"

"It wasn't your fault! Joel, this one's totally on me."

He smiles -- still not getting it -- "You're bein' too hard on yourself. I hope you ain't pickin' that up from--"

"No, Joel, listen! It is my fault. I..." You swallow a lump in your throat. "I let it happen."

"It was an accident."

"It wasn't an accident." You force yourself to look at him, even though your shame makes you want to duck your head and close your eyes. "He asked me to help him escape and I... agreed to it. I fell asleep on purpose. Now do you hate me?" You bite your lip and wait.

He looks at you while it sinks in. And doesn't say a fucking word!

You give him a pained look that you hope properly expresses the true regret you're feeling. "I'm so sorry -- I never wanted to lie to you! I felt like it was the right thing to do, cuz he wanted it so bad--"

"The right thing to do," he repeats, and... uh-oh, he's pissed... he pulls away from you. "Right to send a little kid out there on his own? Unprotected... alone... in a strange area--"

"It's what he wanted!"

"That don' make it the right thing to do." Joel shakes off your hand on his shoulder and stands up. Starts pacing, as you kind of knew he would... "Say a kid don't wanna go to school -- oh, it's all right! You don't have to go. A kid wants to eat nothin' but... popcorn. Every meal. Sure! Whatever you--"

"Okay okay," you cut him off. "But you don't know the whole story! That guy who was sort of his dad? He beats him! Remember that broken arm he had? Not an accident! And his back is all scarred from being whipped and stuff... That's why he ran away -- he hated it there!" Sorry to spill your secret, Zack -- damage control needed here...

Somehow, knowing that Zack had a good reason only seems to make Joel even more pissed off. He stops pacing and looks at you. "And you didn't think this information was worth sharin'... say, yesterday?"

"I promised him I wouldn't tell!"

...Oh God... how can he be even MORE furious? But he is! He's practically spitting venom. "Oh... I see. You--" He stops and shakes his head. "Do you know how childish that sounds?"

...No? "How is it childish?"

"You know what? Sometimes I forget -- you are a child."

You know he doesn't want you in his space right now, so although you stand up and move toward him, you don't get right in his face. "I'm not. You know I'm not. He asked me not to tell, and I was hoping he would feel comfortable telling you himself after he got to know you a little better on this trip. I told him you could help him."

He scoffs at that. "Well, I can't now, can I."

You should probably be kissing his ass and apologizing until you go hoarse, but you can't help feeling defensive. "What's it to you anyway? You're not his father. He's been out here for weeks -- by choice. We had no right to hold him against his will."

"Again... he's a kid. He don' know his ass from his elbow."

"He's not that young."

"I know you think you're all grown up... but ten-year-olds?"

"Well, even toddlers know their ass from their elbow. He's way older than that."

...Aha! A smile! He tried to hide it but I saw it!

"I... didn' mean that literally. It's an expression." He's scowling again.

But the smothered smile gives you hope. "Oh. ...Look, Joel... I'm sorry. What can I do to make this-- okay, maybe I can't make it right, but... can you forgive-- no, wait -- too soon. You don't have to forgive me yet... just give me a chance to make it up to you. Tell me what you want me to do. Whatever you want. I'll do it."

Joel sighs. "You know I can't stay mad at you when you look at me like that."

I DIDN'T know that! Not this time, at least. This is a bigger deal than the usual shit he gets annoyed about. You smile tentatively. "Really?"

"Really. I'm... disappointed. Not mad." He sits back down on the couch, and you know it's safe to approach him now.

You sit beside him, though, not in his lap; you don't want to push it. "I really am sorry, Joel. I wish I hadn't done it."

He quirks an eyebrow. "A second ago you were tellin' me we had no right to hold him hostage."

"Yeah... but I wish I hadn't gone behind your back. I hated that. It's like I had this ball of... like fucking shit in my stomach... I'll never do it again."

Joel tugs you into a side hug, and now you truly know everything's going to be okay. "Shit in your stomach? That ain't good."

"Yes! It was horrible!" And now it's gone!

"You came clean. That's... that's somethin'. You could've kept quiet an' I'd prob'ly never know the difference, but you told me."

"I couldn't stand it. I didn't expect it to feel so..."

"...shitty?" he quips.

"Yeah!"

"That's 'cause you're a good person," he says, brushing his lips over your temple. "Some people... they can take the lies to their graves an' never feel bad about it."

"Like you?" You poke him teasingly.

"Exactly."

You roll your eyes. "Whatever. You will never convince me you're a bad person."

"Who says I'm tryin' to?"

"Ha. You do seem to like it when I argue with you about it..."

"I like that you fall for my nice guy act."

"Because it's not an act." You lean in and kiss him softly. "You're way too sweet to be a bad guy."

He chuckles and gives you a squeeze. "And you... are naïve to think that. C'mon... we need to eat an' get back out there."

You stand up with him. "How long do you wanna keep looking for Zack?"

He ponders this a moment. "I don' know. He got such a head start on us, an' he could go anywhere. There's too many directions... maybe we'll come back out here later with a bigger search party. Now that we know he's out here." He gives you a hard look. "But you don't want him to be found."

You sigh. "I mean... no, not really... but... I am kinda worried about him. Like, what if he changes his mind? He was tired of being hungry and now... he's gonna be hungry again. He took some food but it'll run out quick. And... I hate to think of him running into trouble."

The two of you start walking back out to the horses (and bags). "We can stick close to the highway," says Joel. "He knows the general direction we were goin'... if he can find his way to the highway, maybe he'll wait for us to come back through. We did bring him closer to Jackson, too... maybe he'll find his way home."

You don't think Zack will want to do that, but you suppose stranger things have happened.

...Like Joel only being mad at me for like two seconds?! You got off easy. You're sooooooo glad you told him the truth and shook that weight off your shoulders! You vow to never ever deceive him again as long as you live.



THE END



If you'd like to start another adventure, return to page 1.

Comments

Carlos

[(Anonymous)]

Nice ending. I was so worry that you will let Joel to be mad at her until the end, but glad that he soft out at the end.

I wish you luck with you action part, I just write one on my, but is more easy for me. :D

RE: Carlos

[luminations.livejournal.com]

He can't seem to stay mad at her for long :D

Thsnks! I let myself get distracted again by RDR2 funnies on youtube lol I'm never gonna finish this sceeeeeeene