CYOA Page 242
Sep. 10th, 2013 07:00 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lumy12"Yeah... you can come in, if you want."
Of course he wants. Your bed is right in front of the door, and he's shining his light directly on you the second it opens. Fortunately, it only takes you a second to yank your hand up and wipe it off on the bed -- on the bare mattress you're laying on. But there's nothing you can do about your fly, unless you remain on your stomach while talking to Joel. That would be kind of silly. Maybe Joel won't even notice that--
"Were you takin' your pants off?"
...uuggghhh, fucking Joel! "No, I just... had an itch." You sit up all the way, allowing him room to sit beside you.
"An itch," he repeats.
Oh my God he's suspicious of THAT? At least he's letting the light shine on the opposite wall now, so he can't see the blush that just took over your whole fucking face. "I unzip them sometimes if I'm sleeping in them," you say defensively. Why didn't I just say that in the first place? "It's more comfortable."
"Uh-huh."
There's that tone again. "What? I do! You know I do, you've seen--"
"I agreed with you, didn' I?"
"But you were being sarcastic!"
"I was agreein' with you."
"Sarcastically."
"...Maybe a bit, yeah," he finally admits. "You still haven't told me why you came over here."
Ummm... think fast, Ellie! "Well... maybe I won't now. Because you're being such a jerk."
He laughs. "I agree with you, an' that makes me a jerk?"
"It's the way you said it. You even admitted it!" You've probably 'punished' him for offenses even less grievous than this before, honestly. You can be... a bit moody. Sometimes. But Joel LIKES it. I keep his life interesting!
"Ellie, I'm too tired to fight with you. You don't wanna tell me, that's fine." He slings his arm around your shoulders and tugs you close so he can kiss your temple. "Besides, I already know the answer."
"You do?" He couldn't possibly!
"Mmhmm."
Wait... can he SMELL it or something? Like... FUCK, I should've closed up my pants before he came in here! The shit-eating grin on his face is unnerving...
"You are so damn cute when you're tryin' not to freak out, you know that?"
You resist the urge to hide in his shirt. "I'm not freaking out. I'm not trying not to freak out, either. I'm doing nothing involving freaking out, okay?"
"That's good. 'Cause there's no need. It's perfectly natural."
OH MY GOD! "I have no fucking clue what you're talking about," you say calmly in a last- ditch effort to sell your lies. ...He's not grinning anymore, at least?
"Yes, you do. It's all right. I won't make you say it. It's a... private thing. I'll leave you to it. You can--"
"Leave me to what?" (you just can't give it up, can you!)
Joel chuckles. "You want me to say it? Fine. You can keep playin' with yourself. I'll--"
You force a laugh -- of the obnoxious, that's-the-most-ridiculous-thing-EVER variety. "What? Is that what you think I was doing? HA!"
"Huh. So I've got it all wrong?"
"Yes!" you reply in your eyeroll tone. "Why would I leave your bed to... that's just insane!"
"I can't think of why else. You have yet to tell me why else."
"You know why? Because I'm pissed at you, okay? That's why." You're doing a pretty good job of acting the part now, so if you can just think of a decent reason...
"You weren't pissed when we went to bed. You were bein' real sweet, as I recall."
"Yeah, well... I wasn't going to tell you. I was trying to be nice."
That makes him laugh, too, further provoking your ire.
"What, you don't think I'm nice now?" You glare at him, hoping he can see it in the dim lighting (you're probably better lit from the moon shining through the window than that flashlight shining on the wall). Then you give him a little shove (and you wish you'd thought to do that first; usually when you're pissed, you don't want him this close to you).
He doesn't take the hint, though. "You're very nice... sometimes. When you wanna be. But when you're pissed off? That ain't one o' them times."
He's got you there. "Well, maybe I'm just more mature now, Joel. I can like... handle my anger better and stuff."
"Is that so?" He leans closer... and starts nipping at your neck.
"Stop!" ...but you can't say it without laughing, damnit! He's letting his whiskers tickle you... you lean away from him, but he just leans in more.
He kisses up to your ear, his tongue flicking your earlobe before whispering, "You don't let me do this unless you've already decided to forgive me."
"Fuck off," you protest, giggling. You can't retreat much farther because you're almost all the way in the corner now...
But then he withdraws. Returns to his former position -- and to the interrogation. "So what did I do that made you mad, hmm?" he asks -- knowing damn well that you weren't ever mad.
You curl up and lean into the corner, pretty sure he can't see your face here. "Umm... you were just being a dick." ...When in doubt, keep it vague?
"How so?" he asks, of course.
...But details make lies more believable... you rack your brain for something he did or said this evening that could have possibly set you off. Why did he have to be so NOT-a-dick tonight? He did pretty much ignore your advances when he was falling asleep, which was irritating, but if you bring that up now, he'll just leap straight to the truth! Maybe... go back to this afternoon? Hurry! "You... you just... um... when you dropped the toilet paper."
He seems to be waiting for you to elaborate. When you don't... "That pissed you off?"
"What you did after, instead of shaking the dirt off. Tossing like five rounds... layers, whatever... that weren't even dirty. That was totally wasteful." ...Oh man, is that the best you can do, Ellie?!
"Uh... it was one, maybe two -- not five."
"At least three or four," you insist (though it was probably more like two?). "We're going to run out before we get home because of you."
"No, the roll was nearly full when we--"
"I'm a girl -- I have to use more than you do! But you don't care about that. Cuz... you're a dick," you conclude feebly.
Joel doesn't seem to know what to make of your ridiculous accusations. "Well... okay, then. I apologize. I had no idea it upset you so much. So much that you don't even wanna sleep in the same bed? I am so, so very sorry that I... offended your delicate sensibilities, in such a... boorish manner. I ask that you kindly please forgive my... my insensitivity to your--"
"Okay, see, now you're just being a dick again. I'll only go back to bed with you if you're nice." ...and because I want you to drop this!
"An apology ain't nice?"
"A fake one isn't, no. Being nice is forgetting that any of this ever happened."
"Any of what?"
"This. You accusing me of... doing stuff I didn't do."
He chuckles. "You make it sound like a bad thing."
"It doesn't even make sense. Why would I even do it in the first place?" you reason. "I have you."
"Mm. So... by your logic, if a person's in a relationship, they shouldn't ever... engage in self-love."
...engage in self-love? Ha! Joel is fucking hilarious sometimes! "Duh -- why get yourself off if you have the other person to do it for you?" You can't believe you have to explain that to him!
"Couple reasons. Maybe the other person ain't around... maybe they don't feel like it... or maybe they're fallin' asleep when you wish they wouldn't," he adds pointedly.
You ignore that. "You know another dumb reason? When you have to do it yourself because even though the other person is perfectly willing to help you out, you won't let them touch you cuz you think they're too young when they're totally not."
"...That's a dumb reason? Or they're all dumb reasons? The way you said it--"
"They're all dumb. In different ways. But that one's the dumbest."
"I see. So... your reasonin' is your partner needs to be the one to do the honors. If they can't or won't, then you just wait until they can... or will. Is that right?"
"Um... there should be no can't or won't. But yeah, if--"
"Hold on. No can't? So you're sayin' couples should be together every minute of every day. In case the need arises."
You snort. "Nice word choice there, Joel... okay, fine, so there's a can't if the other person's not home... then they should just wait."
"What about the won't?"
"Nope. That's part of your job as a boyfriend or girlfriend. Which is why it sucks that you won't let me do it."
Joel's quiet... so long that you're starting to wonder if he's reconsidering his stance on the matter! Oh God, that would be AWESOME!
But you don't wonder that for very long. "That's... troublin', that you feel that way," he says. "But we'll talk about this some other--"
"What's troubling about it?"
"I said we'll talk about--"
"No, now I have to know what you mean!"
He sighs. "I've told you this ain't a sex thing. Us. Our relationship."
"Yeah. You tell me every day, in one way or another," you scoff. "But of course it's not just that. We love each other in other ways."
"Yes. We love each other. It's not a job we're doin'. We ain't obligated to... fulfill each other's every desire, every whim--"
"Well, that doesn't sound so bad to me, but like... you love Tommy, too, and you don't want to have sex with him. At least, not that I know of?"
"Cute."
For some reason, you like comparing Joel's love for you to his love for Tommy. (Maybe because you feel like he loves you more than he even loves his own brother?) "It's different, is all I'm saying. It's not just sex... but it's not just love, either."
"Fine. Say we're havin' sex. We--"
"Oooo I like this so far!"
"I mean we've been havin' it for a while. Years. I come home from third shift an' you're dead asleep. I'm... in the mood, so I should just wake you up an' disrupt your--"
"Yes, of course you should! That would be fucking amazing, Joel. Do that next time!"
He's not amused. "It might be fuckin' amazin' sometimes, sure. But say you're sick. You don't feel good, you ain't sleepin' well but you finally got to sleep tonight... you ain't interested in sex at all right now, but--"
"Pffff. Like that'll ever happen!"
"Ellie, I'm bein' serious."
"So am I!"
He sighs. "Fine -- say it's me. I ain't in the mood. I'm exhausted. Sex is the last thing I want. But you want it. What happens next?"
"...Is this a trick question?"
"Nope."
"Um... well, I need to get you in the mood, then."
"You can't. My back is killin' me, I'm practically asleep on my--"
"Oh -- I give you a back massage first!" NAILED it!
"No matter what you do, you can't make me want it."
You snort. "I bet if I gave you a blow job, you would."
"Ellie--"
"We've been having sex for years, right? So I'm good at it by now." There's no way he can argue with THAT one! Obviously, as long as you can make him hard, you can get him ~in the mood~ -- no matter how much he swears otherwise.
To your surprise, he stands and picks up the flashlight. "I'm goin' to bed. Stay in here if you want to."
"What? But we didn't finish the story."
"I've heard enough. Good night, baby--"
"No, wait!" You scramble up out of the corner and grab his arm. "Don't you want me to come with you?"
"I just wanna go back to sleep." He shakes you off and starts down the hall.
He's supposed to say "Of course I want you to" ! ...and he didn't. You feel the first rustlings of panic awaken in your stomach. You follow him. "I promise I'll let you sleep! I'll sleep, too! I won't say another word! Please?"
"...All right then, come on."
Whew! You'll gladly give up an orgasm to sleep beside him all night. You wonder if he'll hold you to the not-another-word part. It's funny... a minute ago, all you wanted was for him to drop the whole thing. Now you don't want to shut up? You decide you'd better ask for clarification, though; he's clearly irritated with you for not answering his questions correctly. "So... no talking at all. Not even to finish our conversation?"
"We can finish it tomorrow."
"...Okay." He didn't exactly answer the speaking-more-words part, but you don't want to push him too hard.
He snuggles with you like normal, all warm and cozy and not at all acting like he wishes you weren't there. So that's something. But his irritation with that conversation is going to eat at you. You need to figure out what you should have said, and then ask for a re-do tomorrow so you can give him the proper answers.
It doesn't take you long: it boils down to your basic keep-Joel-in-love-with-you mantra of DO WHATEVER HE WANTS. If he doesn't want to have sex and you can't make him want it (although you still don't find that very plausible, given your imaginary blow job expertise in the scenario), then you have to not-want it yourself, either. It's basically what you're already doing. It works! But you have to be careful how you phrase that in your responses tomorrow, because whenever you even hint that you'd do anything he wanted in order to keep him, he gets upset. One time he even said that's why the two of you can't have sex. Like that makes any fucking sense at all?! He said something like... he wouldn't know what you really want versus what you're doing to please him -- when you've fucking told him a thousand times that you want to fuck him! He's so exasperating sometimes.
Okay... so use phrases like "respecting your wishes" and "being considerate of your feelings" -- he likes that. It makes him think you're mature. Like you're not only thinking of yourself all the time -- even though you totally are, in this case, because you're just trying to make sure he stays in love with you!
You think Joel's already asleep, but he surprises you by kissing your hair and murmuring, "Love you, baby girl."
Aww! He must be happy that you stopped talking. "I love you too, Joel." No matter how much he infuriates you, you love him so fucking much. If only he could understand that!
If you'd like to start another adventure, return to page 1.
Carlos
Date: 2021-06-18 04:33 am (UTC)Re: Carlos
Date: 2021-06-19 02:18 am (UTC)