"Singularity" Chapter 9: "Sitting Ducks" [9/49]

[lumy12]

Title: "Singularity" Chapter 9: "Sitting Ducks" [9/49]
Fandom: The Last of Us (first game only)
Characters: Ellie, Joel, Tommy, Maria, OCs
Pairings: Joel/Ellie
Warnings: Underage
Word Count for this chapter: 9,236
Rating (for fic as a whole): R

~


Joel still loved watching Ellie sleep. Not watching her like a hawk -- it was just... the knowledge that she was sleeping peacefully, really. That she trusted him to keep her safe. She'd finished telling him her tale, asked him what they should do... and dozed off shortly after his "let me think about it." He supposed it was all the hair-stroking that did her in.

Even if he had been so inclined, Joel couldn't allow himself the luxury of sleep. The sky was already showing hints of gray, and he didn't know how long they had.

It had pained him a little to extricate himself from her arms, but he'd managed to do it without waking her. He'd also managed to hunt Ray down (thank God the man was an early riser) and persuade him to come over and talk outside the room. Not right outside -- he didn't want to risk Ellie hearing anything -- just close enough that he could keep an eye out (and damned if Joel didn't poke his head in the door to make sure Ellie hadn't vanished in the five minutes or so that he'd been gone).

Now, he wondered how long he should let Ellie enjoy the oblivion of sleep. Security was apparently very lax over at that base... no night patrol or anything like that. She had predicted that they would have at least a few hours before that bastard was missed -- because she had closed the door, and the soldiers allegedly respected each others' closed doors. Joel reckoned that if anyone were to knock and get no response, they might assume that the scumbag had drank too much during poker and was still in an alcohol-induced dead-to-the-world slumber. However, he didn't trust the no-intrusion thing, given the fact that the asshole had been trying to get her in bed when he'd told her that. Ellie hadn't been able to say how many other soldiers were aware of her presence there last night. It was possibly just two: Parker's boyfriend, and some dude that had passed them in the hallway on the way in. But she had no way of knowing how much the other poker players knew: had Parker's guy announced to the room that there was a teenage girl waiting for the creep upstairs, or just pulled him aside because that sort of thing was frowned upon there? Perhaps not exactly 'frowned upon,' but... not openly acknowledged? Like Parker. Ellie had said that his relationship was a secret -- but also said that everyone there probably knew about it.

Joel hadn't been too impressed with Parker's actions upon their arrival at the base... but it sounded like he'd helped Ellie at the end. She said she'd been "too freaked out to do anything" at first, but eventually, a sudden, urgent desire to not be alone had led her to go find Parker, and after doing a little freaking out of his own, he helped her clean herself up a bit... he cleaned off the knife (which Ellie had just left there by the body)... and most importantly, he got them the hell out of there. Ellie said she just dazedly followed him... and he kept making her stop. It was stop-and-go until they got outside. Joel assumed Parker had been scouting ahead... that he'd realized how bad it would be for them if anyone saw Ellie like that. He also assumed that if anyone had seen them, it must have been from a distance, because no way in hell would a soldier ignore a girl in their barracks covered in blood, letting her pass with no questions asked.

She had mentioned a security camera outside the door she'd used to enter and exit the building, but she was positive there were no cameras inside. The decor, or lack thereof, was sparse enough that she felt she would have noticed them. And she said that according to Parker, no one monitored the camera feeds. But when Joel had asked her if they record footage to be reviewed when needed, she had no idea.

In the end, it didn't really matter; Joel figured they didn't have much time before someone would notice, put two and two together, and show up here, guns blazing, looking to even the score. Ellie had been certain that Parker's boyfriend was unaware of her actions at the time that she and Parker left (on account of being "mostly asleep"). Maybe he would sleep in today... if not, Joel figured the guy might just head straight down the hall to see if Ellie had spent the night with his buddy. Obviously, things over there were run a little differently from what Joel would consider an 'ordinary' military operation... but maybe they still did 6am drills or some shit. Something where the asshole's absence would be noted and followed up on. Ellie didn't know about any of that. She said she'd been too "out of it" on the way home to ask Parker any questions.

I guess I better wake her up... I hate to do it, after only a couple hours. She still looks so angelic, so innocent, when she sleeps... which was a funny thought to have, given that Joel had stolen what remained of her innocence months ago. "You didn't steal it -- I GAVE it to you!" Ellie would say to him whenever he said things like that. He supposed it was true enough. You're still innocent in some ways, baby girl. Last night is proof of that. If only I'd... if he'd what? Aside from teleporting his sleeping ass into that room or preventing her from going in the first place, what could he have done to better prepare her? Kept pounding it into her head that soldiers -- or men in general -- were scumbags more often than not? He never would have dreamed that she'd put herself in the position she'd been in last night. Hell, it was one of his justifications for being with her: sparing her the need to weed through a bunch of worthless jerks to find a suitable partner. Right... because you're some great prize yourself, asshole. You've really made things SO much better for her, uprooting her from her home after a scandal she never should have had to deal with... then nearly getting her killed in Sacramento because you were careless and stupid... and now this?

But he could sort that internal shit out later.

"Ellie," he whispered, kneeling beside the couch and pressing his lips gently to her forehead. There was barely enough daylight to see by, with the room just beginning to lighten from black to gray. "I'm sorry, baby girl... you need to wake up now..."

She smiled a little... and he knew she was in that half-awake state where reality hadn't quite set in yet. "Mmff," she mumbled.

He smoothed her hair off her face. "I hate to wake you. Looks like you were sleepin' pretty good." No nightmares, at least.

"Yeah... I was... I am... ..." She opened her eyes, and he could tell she was coming back down to Earth.

"You can take a few minutes. Then you need to get dressed."

But she didn't need a few minutes. "It wasn't a dream, was it," she said, wincing.

"Last night? 'fraid not."

"Well, it sure doesn't feel real." She sat up and stretched her arms over her head. Let out a big yawn.

"Good."

"...Good?"

"Tell yourself it was a bad dream. I want you to put it out of your mind today... as much as you can, anyway. You can think about it later." Later: when the passage of time had watered it down some in her memory. Or so he hoped.

"But we have to figure out--"

"It's all figured out. -That bruise looks a little worse than last night." It was starting to darken around her eye... into some shade of blue, he would guess, but the lighting was too dim to tell. "Does it hurt much?"

"Not really."

It was one of her 'autoreplies'... it might hurt like a bitch and she just didn't want him to feel bad for her. Sure do wish I could hurt the bastard who did it! Joel might not have justification for beating the guy's ass on account of being a creep, given his own attraction to her, but on this count? Joel was in the clear: he would never hurt her physically. As for mentally, or emotionally... well, I certainly don't do that on purpose.

He thrust some clothes at her: a short-sleeved T-shirt, her only other long-sleeved T-shirt, and her old jeans. They actually fit her better than the ones she'd had on last night, but they were much more worn. The left leg had a huge patch on it. "Here. Put these on."

She looked over the little pile. "You washed my jeans already? Or... no. These are the Sacramento jeans."

"You wore them after that, too," he reminded her. And for many months before that; they didn't really deserve such an offensive label.

"I'll just wear the Nina shorts."

She had gone riding in shorts here on occasion and never had any problems with chafing and whatnot, but only for very short periods of time. He wasn't about to let her ride all day like that. "No. Wear these."

She took a look around for the first time, no doubt noticing the bags on the floor, the lack of stuff laying around... she turned to Joel and frowned. "We're leaving. Aren't we."

He nodded. "Remember what I've been sayin'... that we'll just know when it's time to go home?"

"I didn't think you meant it would be like this!" she wailed.

"Me neither, to be honest."

"What if we just like... hide out for a while, then come back in a few--"

"No," he said emphatically. The thought had crossed his mind... and he'd quickly dismissed it. "It's too dangerous for us to stick around here. Better to just... make a clean break. We were gonna leave anyhow. Possibly in just a couple of weeks."

"After my birthday," she supplied.

"Yes." He'd been planning a surprise party for her. Maybe next year. "I'm... sorry we'll be havin' another one on the road."

She shrugged. "I really don't care. I just wish that... I mean, we're leaving right now? Without even saying goodbye to anyone?!"

"It's better that way. Gives everyone plausible deniability. Except Ray... he knows. He's gonna explain to everyone later. When it's safe." ...And he would be regurgitating Joel's version of events, which was a little different from Ellie's. Joel strode over to the desk and picked up a piece of paper he'd left there. "See this? It's a note, tellin' 'em we're leavin'. If the soldiers-- when the soldiers come lookin' for us... either he'll go 'look' for us or he'll bring 'em here, maybe, if they insist... either way, this is all they'll find. It don't say why we're leavin'... it don't say much of anything at all, other than so long an' thanks for all the fish."

Ellie gave him a strange look. "Um... it's more than just fish that we--"

"I know," he chuckled. "It's just somethin' people used to say. I don't even remember where it comes from."

"O...kay... so you didn't literally write--"

"No."

She tucked the clothes under one arm and tried to grab the note out of his hand. "Can I write something?"

"No. I kept it real simple. ...I guess you can sign your name if you want." He handed it to her.

Ellie read it and snorted. "'Had to leave...Thanks for everything'... ? Jesus, Joel, could you be any more generic? The soldiers are gonna know why we left."

"Of course they will. That ain't the point. They'd know it even if we... embellished it with bullshit. Hopefully this is good enough to keep 'em from hasslin' people here, is all. So they don't think they're tryin' to cover for us, or help us... hide us... nothin' like that." There was still the possibility that the army would call bullshit... but Ray and Jan would just have to handle that. Joel had other things to worry about, and no time to waste. "Now get dressed, wouldja? I wanna get goin'."

"But... it's so early..."

"That's the idea."

"But Sophie doesn't get up this early... can't we at least say good--"

"No -- we need to just... go. No goodbyes. I'm sorry."

"I was gonna help Gabs rebuild her unicorn!" she protested. "Remember how upset she was? I promised we'd make an even bigger--"

"She'll get over it." Apparently, the little girl's brother had smashed the sand creation for some reason. Joel had missed out on all that petty childish nonsense back in the day, having only one child.

"Yeah... and she'll learn that people don't keep their fucking promises."

Every kid has to learn that sooner or later, Joel thought darkly... but he said nothing. Ellie wasn't used to being the one to break them, and it wasn't a role he could see her adopting easily; he didn't want to poison her with his cynicism more than he already had.

He'd thought it over... it wasn't like he didn't have people he'd like to say goodbye to himself. Including Sophie. But Joel couldn't shake the feeling that they were just sitting ducks here... ducks sitting on a time bomb, and we can't even see the timer... he couldn't assume that they would be able to 'take care of' however many soldiers showed up. And even if they could, doing so was just inviting a world of hurt on these people who... well, weren't exactly innocents, some of them... but this was his mess. His and Ellie's. He didn't want to screw up the community arrangement... stop them from getting supplies and running water and whatever else... he hadn't taken the time to get into details with Ray, but the man had confessed to having knowledge of what kind of 'trade' was going on. He hadn't seemed particularly abashed (although he did apologize to Joel for Ellie getting caught up in it, and swore that he knew nothing about that). Apparently, some of the trade was on the up and up. The sex operation was only one facet of it.

Anyhow, Joel suspected that any and all agreements would be in jeopardy if a bunch of soldiers turned up dead here. That might already be the case, just on account of the one Ellie had disposed of... but there was nothing they could do about that now. As always, everyone else took a backseat to Ellie, in his eyes. Joel hoped to mitigate the damage by leaving; he just couldn't see it going well for anyone if they stayed.

"What if we just talked to them?" Ellie was asking now. "Explain what happened. Maybe they'll--"

Joel cut her off with a bitter laugh. "Oh sure. You'll make them understand? Is that it?"

"Yeah, maybe! I can say I left last night without telling them because I was scared of what they'd think. I mean, that's actually true."

"Ellie, you went over there to have sex with that dude. You think--"

"No I didn't! I told you--"

"I know. I believe you. But they won't. In their eyes, you went over there to have sex with him. Went into his bedroom... willingly. They ain't gonna care about little details like... did you consent."

"Little details?" Ellie scoffed.

"I'm just tellin' you how they'll look at it."

"You don't even know them!"

"I guarantee I know 'em a far sight better than you do."

She shot him a glare before storming off to the bathroom, letting his note flutter to the ground. The slamming of the door made him think twice about following her.

I really ought to be getting the horse packed up... but he couldn't leave Ellie. Not with visions of vengeance-hungry soldiers in his head (...and the ones in his head could plow through that locked gate like a hot knife through butter). So instead, he paced the floor, willing Ellie to hurry the hell up. He managed to bite back a request for her to do just that. No need to be a dick...

She was only in there a few minutes. She came out fully dressed, and went to the sink to wash her hands...

"Shit, I packed the soap," he realized (out loud). "I think it's in--"

"Don't bother," she snapped. "It's fine. We're stealing their soap?"

"They gave it to us. They can get more easier than we can. For a while, anyway." Assuming all was still well in Jackson...

"Yeah, well, now you know how they do it." She turned the water off and wiped her hands on her jeans (Joel had taken the towels, too; the resort had plenty to spare).

"I think they have a lifetime supply of it here already." He'd seen a couple of their storerooms; toiletries like that had apparently sat untouched behind locked doors through the worst years of pandemic chaos. "I left your hair thing there for you, though. Not the brush... but you can redo it later if you want."

Ellie jerked her hair up into a hasty ponytail, then turned around, glare intact. "Those sunglasses on your head? Definitely from the exchange program. Parker mentioned them specifically. You were even commenting how nice and expensive they were."

Joel sighed. Tossed them on the desk. "Fine. I'll leave 'em. Happy now? Anything else you'd rather not take?"

"I'd rather we not leave at all. Not like this. Sneaking off without even saying goodbye..."

"There's no time for that shit. We--"

"Saying goodbye isn't shit!"

Why does she have to be so goddamn literal sometimes? "You know I didn't mean it like that. We don't have time. Period. Are you ready?"

"No."

He sighed again. "Ellie--"

"This is so unfair. It's my fuckup. I should be the one who leaves."

Uh... what? That wasn't what he'd expected to hear after that 'unfair' remark. "I know you didn't jus' suggest that we split up."

She shrugged. Stared down at her shoes. Apparently the anger had finished working its way through her; now she just looked sad.

Is it the guilt? She thinks I shouldn't have to suffer for her sins and whatnot? "They know you were livin' here with someone. Right? Parker told that pervert you wouldn't be interested, on account of that."

"He told Caleb. I don't know if Caleb told anyone else. He might've just said no without giving a reason?"

"Well, if he didn't tell anyone before, he will now. He'll tell them everything he knows about you. If you ain't here, the first person they're gonna wanna talk to is-- well, maybe the second person, after Parker -- is me. How do you imagine that's gonna turn out? So it ain't like... if you leave, all the trouble goes right along--"

"You could lie! All of you could! People here are good liars. Just say that I must've left with my boyfriend cuz he's gone too! They don't have to know it's you."

Could Joel tell such a lie? ...Probably. He had concealed his true feelings for her in Jackson, for the most part. Could everyone else back up the lie? Including the two little kids? Kids can be coached... but the idea was too ludicrous to take seriously. "All right... say that's true. All the folks here are the smoothest liars in the world... the soldiers buy that story an' go on their merry way. Do you honestly think I'd stay here, happy as a clam, soakin' up the rays without a care in the world, while you're--"

"Of course you wouldn't," she groaned. "That hardly makes me feel any better about it, though. Fuck."

"Don't feel bad... we were leavin' soon anyhow, remember?" he reminded her again softly. She didn't resist when he pulled her into his arms... although she didn't hug him back, either. "Besides... it's our fuckup. Not yours alone."

She snorted. "Right. Sure. Even though you were asleep the whole time."

Guess I better tell her... "I wasn't, though. It was me who killed that bastard. Not you."

"...What? Ugh -- you're delusional if you think I'm gonna believe that!"

"No, you know the truth. But no one else here does. I told Ray it was me." Joel braced himself...

"You did what?!" She pushed him away. "Why the fuck did you do that?!"

It was a fair question. "I don' know," he answered honestly. Maybe because I WISH that's what happened? It felt like the right thing to do. Like the more people who believed Ellie was innocent, the better.

"Well, I'll go set him straight!" She tried to push past Joel...

...but of course, he stopped her. "Oh no you won't. It's done. It don't matter, seein' as how we're--"

"If it doesn't matter, then why not just tell the fucking truth in the first place?!" She scowled. "And you're wrong -- someone else here does know the truth: Parker!"

"He was high. Maybe a bit drunk, too."

"The high was gone by then and he said he only had like, one beer."

"Stoned, drunk... he won't remember it right," Joel said, as if he hadn't heard her. "You fought the guy off, dude passed out 'cause he was drunk, too, you kids came home... you told me what happened, I got angry... so I went back there an' finished him off."

She stared at him... with that "are you kidding me?" expression of hers. "Parker's not stupid. He was all 'What the fuck did you do, Ellie? What the fuck did you do?!' and like... I didn't say 'oh it wasn't me, it was Joel,' so..."

"Of course you didn't. I hadn't done it yet. You two left, then I went back there on my own." It could have happened.

"Uh... I had blood all over me... my knife was there... plus he saw the dead body. And believe me -- Shelby looked very, very dead. Parker wasn't so out of it that--"

"I'm sure he was." Or, rather, Joel had made sure that Ray thought he was. Does it even count as gaslighting when the person's mind has already been compromised? It was all too easy. "His mind was prob'ly playin' tricks on him. Bein' high can do that to you. Plus he must've blacked out if he can't even remember comin' here with you to wake me up. I saw for myself what bad shape he was in. Why would I lie about that? He might be a little confused when Ray tells him what really went down, but--"

"Yeah -- because he fucking knows what went down, and it's not your bullshit story! Jesus, Joel--"

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't've even told you." It wouldn't matter for at least a few months, if ever -- they might never see these people again. Even the Jacksonites. "But you leavin' by yourself wouldn't make sense, when everyone knows it was me who--"

"Stop talking like your stupid lie is the truth! Fuck." She flopped face down on the couch. (An overly dramatic gesture, in Joel's opinion.)

He nudged her in a little so he could sit beside her and give her shoulder a squeeze. When she didn't tell him to fuck off, he proceeded to rub her back soothingly. "You know why it really don't matter? 'Cause what happens to one of us, happens to the both of us. Been that way for a long time now."

"But this... this was mine. You weren't even there," she mumbled into the cushion. "You can't just... just... ..."

"Just what?"

"Just-- I don't even fucking know." She finally turned her head to the side, in his direction. "It's very... Joel-y. What you did. Telling Ray it was you."

"Uh... all right, well, I s'pose that makes sense." He trailed his fingertips down her cheek. I hope I don't regret this, but-- "C'mon. Let's go see Sophie real quick, then blow this joint."

She perked up immediately. Sat up, even. "Really??"

"Really. I reckon it's only fair, seein' as how I did tell her we'd take her back to Jackson if she wanted."

"So she's coming with us?!"

Joel chuckled. "It's more of a courtesy offer. She won't wanna leave Alex."

"So Alex can come, too!"

"He won't leave Nina."

"Nina, too! Fuck -- and her parents can come! It'll be a whole fucking party hitting the road!"

Joel kissed her forehead. "Cute. But no. Now c'mon." He took her hand and stood up.

She rose with him... then glanced over toward the bedroom. "Did you get the giraffe?"

The little wooden giraffe he'd whittled for her back in Jackson. It had been living on top of their dresser here, mostly forgotten. Or so I thought... that's sweet that she remembered it. "Of course. I got everything. We'll do a final sweep before we go so you can make sure."

She sighed. "We might never see it again. The bed where we first made love."

He liked that she could use that term without giggling or rolling her eyes now. "Yep. Where you lost-- Sorry. Gave away your virginity." Ellie had wanted it to happen on the beach... but that hadn't worked out very well.

"Good, you said it correctly this time," she praised him. And then she got that glint in her eye... "Don't you think we--"

"Ohhh no. Hell no, in fact." He dropped her hand and headed for the door. "We can leave our stuff here. No sense--"

"You don't even know what I was going to say!" she pouted.

"That's 'cause you didn' need to say it." He held the door open, and she trudged past him... but then yanked him by the hand, and they fell in step together as they headed for Sophie's room.

"At least you're letting me see Sophie," she grumbled.

"That's right." He reckoned that Ellie wanting to have sex was a good thing, though -- or that she could joke about having it, at least. Maybe last night didn't fuck her up in that regard. ...Or maybe she just knew I'd refuse? Because she had to know that he wouldn't want to risk getting caught with his pants down -- literally.

"Is it just cuz we're in a hurry?" she asked. "Not wanting... one last time, I mean."

"Yes."

"Cuz... I thought maybe you wouldn't want to if like... you're mad, or... maybe disgusted now... cuz of what I--"

"Ellie-- no. If you're askin' if anything's changed since last night, as far as... how I feel about you? The answer is no. We can talk about all that later, all right? Don't think about anything right now except the task at hand."

"So... everything's normal. Between us, I mean."

"Everything's normal, yes," he assured her. Normal... ish? But on the scale she was concerned about, 'yes' would suffice. He couldn't devote any energy to that emotional clusterfuck right now -- not until he knew they were safe. "Listen. You can say goodbye, but don't tell her what happened. We'll let Ray fill her in, same as all the others."

Ellie snorted. "Can't we at least tell her your version?"

"No. First -- I wanna be in'n'out in five minutes or less. Second -- plausible deniability, remember? Third -- she'd know it's a lie by the look on your face anyhow. Think up what you wanna say to her, all right?" Joel supposed he should do the same, but... well, he didn't really have anything he wanted to say. Wasn't I thinking just a few minutes ago that it would be nice to say goodbye to her? What a ridiculous thought; he actually hated goodbyes. He'd always been lousy at them.

Ellie knocked on the door. Sophie had a room of her own now... adjacent to Alex and Nina's, but the door was closer to the room on the other side of her, which was empty... and nights were still chilly enough that most folks were keeping the windows closed, so Ellie's light rapping wasn't likely to wake anyone -- possibly not even Sophie, from the looks of things. At least Sophie's room wasn't a suite, so her bed was somewhat close to the door.

Ellie started knocking a little louder, then added a furtive stage whisper: "Sophie! Wake up -- it's me and Joel! It's important! Wake uuuuupppppp! Sophie! Joel and I have to tell you--"

"Okay! Gimme a sec!"

"Finally," Ellie muttered. As if she herself always woke up promptly. "But she's taking more than a sec..."

"She's prob'ly throwin' on a robe or somethin'," Joel presumed.

"Oh -- yeah -- cuz I told her you were here. You've already seen her naked though, so who cares?"

...THIS again? "If you're referrin' to-- she had a towel on," he reminded her. Which had actually 'slipped' for a moment, but by the grace of God, he had managed to get through Ellie's subsequent interrogation without being forced to disclose (or even lie about) that little detail. Thankfully, Sophie had done enough other stuff to piss her off that Ellie had forgotten to question the 'oops' she'd overheard. Oh, how she'd hated Sophie back then! And now, Ellie was actually the one who had seen her naked -- multiple times, on their trip out here. The woman wasn't shy.

"I know, it was an accident, or... against your will... whatever," Ellie drawled.

Joel was surprised she'd even go there; Ellie's little stunt that day had ended up embarrassing the shit out of her when she'd been caught. "Why are you bringin' that up now when--"

"I'm not! You're the one who mentioned her putting on a robe!"

The door opened, and an amused Sophie -- clad in a T-shirt and jeans instead of a robe -- ushered them inside. "You guys scared me for a minute there... but you're bickering like usual so things can't be -- oh shit... Ellie, your face!"

"Yeah, things are pretty bad," Ellie informed her.

"What happened?!"

"It ain't important right now," Joel answered before Ellie could start babbling.

"But Joel didn't hit me or anything," Ellie added.

Sophie goggled at her for a moment (...not unlike the way Ellie had looked at him earlier). "Girl, you did not just say that to me." She had a right to be offended by that remark; after everything the three of them had been through together, she was probably the only other person in the world who knew how deeply Joel loved Ellie (although Ellie probably didn't fully understand why).

"Well, he didn't!" Ellie replied.

"You think I don't know that? Jeez." Sophie looked between them uncertainly. "Okay, um... you guys want some juice or something?"

"No thanks," Joel replied while Ellie said, "Yes, please!"

And Ellie spoke before he could even scold her for it. "I know, okay? But I'm gonna miss--" She stopped herself there, but naturally, Sophie caught the gist of it.

"What do you mean?" she asked, puzzled. "Are you guys taking a trip somewhere?"

"You could say that," Joel replied. "We're goin' home. In fact, we're on our way out right now."

"Oh my God... are you serious?!" Sophie gasped, her hands flying to her face in dismay. "Why didn't you say anything before?"

"We didn't know we were leaving 'til this morning," Ellie explained.

"What?" Sophie glanced at the window. "Isn't it only just now getting to be the butt crack of dawn?"

"That's right," Joel answered. "Somethin' happened. We can't get into it right now. You never saw us, all right?"

"Ummm... okay? Can I ask--"

"Ray will fill you in later. We reckoned it's close enough to the time we were gonna leave anyhow, so--"

"Before Ellie's birthday, though?"

"Aww, you remember my birthday?" Ellie seemed surprised... and pleased.

"Of course she does," said Joel lightly. "Sweet sixteen is a real special one." Aaaaaand he'd recruited Sophie to help with the party. 'Recruited' meaning basically she'd do all the networking to get everyone on board with the surprise, as that was more up her alley than Joel's. Besides, it was damn hard to effectively plan a surprise for someone when you were with that person all the time. Joel was touched by how many people had offered to come up with something special to do for Ellie. They all love her... it's a shame it has to be this way... But people in Jackson loved her, too. Ellie really thrived in a community setting, period.

"I haven't had any special ones yet," Ellie pointed out. "Last year I didn't even know when it was my birthday!"

"We'll know, this time," Joel promised. "I already marked your calendar off for today. We'll still keep track." Ellie was real good about that, even on the road. Once she'd started announcing the date in conversation here and there at Golden Sands, usually at the beginning or end of a month, people had begun to ask her what day it was, on occasion. He idly wondered if anyone here would take over keeping track now.

Ellie shrugged off her birthday. "It's just another day, really."

Like she wouldn't be disappointed -- no, pissed -- if Joel forgot. Ha! But, truth be told... she might not be, because she wasn't used to having a fuss made over her birthday. Which was just sad, given how young she was. ...Speaking of sad--

Sophie looked like she might cry. "I'm gonna miss you guys..."

Ellie stepped forward and gave the woman a big hug. "We'll miss you too, Soph. We'll miss... what was it... the bejeezes out of you! It won't be the same out there without you getting lost going pee. -Oh! Right--" She pulled back. "Do you wanna come with us? We figured you wouldn't, especially on such short-- well, zero notice... but a deal is a deal."

Sophie looked puzzled. "What deal? You guys got me here. That was the deal -- that's all I wanted."

"We offered to take you back, though, remember?" Ellie reminded her.

"Ummm... I thought that was more like... if we couldn't find Alex, you guys wouldn't ditch me?" Sophie recalled. "That's a little different."

Joel nodded. "That was the main thing, sure. But it was a standin' offer."

"That's really sweet," said Sophie. "But... yeah, I'm good here. With Alex... and Nina's kinda like a sister now..."

"Sister-in-law," Ellie huffed. "I'm your sister!"

"Of course you are," Sophie assured her, smiling.

"This doesn't change that," Ellie added... not very convincingly.

Sophie certainly heard the note of doubt in that statement, too -- she hugged Ellie again, and exchanged an amused look with Joel over Ellie's shoulder. "Nothing will change that. For me, anyway."

"For me either!" Ellie echoed.

Sophie was actually old enough to be Ellie's mother (and she was a good ten years younger than Joel, at that... Christ). When the three of them were on the road, they'd pretended to be a nuclear family that way when it suited them. If the universe made any sense at all, that's how things would have shaken out for real. Joel did care about Sophie -- he just didn't have those sorts of feelings for her... wasn't in love with her, the way he was with Ellie. Nope, that would've been too easy.

The amount of estrogen currently being exuded in the room was getting to be a little suffocating for him. "I'll give you two a minute," he offered. Really CONSIDERATE of me to give them some privacy... "But only a minute, Ellie, you hear?"

After... maybe three minutes, Ellie and Sophie emerged from the room, arm in arm... Joel got that weird feeling of déjà vu. But Sophie's eyes ain't quite as puffy and red this time...

"Sophie's gonna come help us load up," Ellie announced.

Joel was about to say that wasn't necessary, but quickly realized it was just a way for them to prolong the goodbye. Which was fine -- he was just itching to get moving.

The sun had crawled up over the horizon by the time they lugged their cargo over to the stables. Naturally, Ellie had to say goodbye to all the horses. Particularly the one they'd arrived with, a mare named Poppy who had the same coloring as Callus (presumably the two were related). He knew Ellie was still smarting over being 'abandoned' by her favorite horse, Spirit, before they'd even made it to California. Joel had grown fond of the horse himself, but as he kept reminding Ellie, some horses preferred to be free to do as they pleased (and there was a chance he'd been stolen).

"We don't even know for sure if Poppy is pregnant," she lamented, rubbing the horse's side affectionately. "I'm just gonna have to wonder forever if there's a Spirit Junior in there."

Joel suspected it, but he was no horse expert, nor was anyone else there. He knew horses had a really long gestation period, though, and it probably hadn't been long enough yet for her to show. At least Ellie had agreed with him on leaving her behind; if she was pregnant, the strain of such a long trip -- not to mention the potential dangers out there -- couldn't be good for the fetus. "Maybe Alex'n'Sophie will come ridin' him into town someday," Joel speculated, though he doubted it would ever happen (it would just be a nice fantasy for Ellie to hold on to). "Unless the horse takes after his papa and don't like bein' ridden. Or maybe we'll come back here for a visit... after a while."

"Before next winter!" Sophie suggested.

"Yeah! To escape the snow again! Right, Joel?" Ellie looked at him hopefully.

"We'll worry about that when the time comes," Joel said noncommittally. He didn't really like the idea of making this long-ass trek twice a year... then again, he didn't much like snow, either.

Ellie looked around and frowned. "It seems mean not to take them to the paddock now, when--"

"I'm sure Mark will be along soon enough," Joel cut her off. "No more stallin'. Now--"

"Stalling -- ha! That's a good one!" Ellie laughed.

He hadn't even punned on purpose, but he would let her think he had. He turned to Sophie. I ought to say SOMEthing to her... He cleared his throat. Waited for words to come.

Sophie's eyes got all... freshly shiny. "Oh, Joel... shit." Then she hugged him.

He hugged her tight, silently pleading with her not to make things awkward by bursting into tears. "Stay out of trouble," he teased.

"Me? Ha. I'm a good girl now." She made it only a teensy bit awkward by kissing his cheek when she pulled back.

Ellie practically jumped on Sophie the second she let go of Joel, much to his amusement. She CAN'T be jealous... we might never see the woman again, and she's-- well, okay, it seemed Ellie really just wanted to hug her one last time. And to tell her "Remember what I said" very softly -- perhaps thinking Joel wouldn't hear it. Even though he was standing right there. Damnit, what did she-- No point in asking her about it now; Sophie couldn't un-hear whatever she'd been told, and they really needed to leave.

Sophie was squeezing the shit out of her. "Ellieeeee... okay. I'm not going to worry about you guys, 'cause I know you'll be fine. You're gonna keep a close eye on Joel..."

"You know I will," Ellie agreed. "If anyone messes with him, they're dead."

"They'll take one look at her an' shit their pants," Joel put in, grateful that they were keeping things light.

Sophie mussed Ellie's hair when they finally separated. "Oh hey -- I can do your hair in a--"

"No," Joel said firmly. "Her ponytail's fine. She don' need a fancy braid." He mounted their designated horse -- a gray stallion named Silver Fox, or Fox for short -- and gestured for Ellie to come take his hand. Ellie had suggested they take two horses, what with Poppy likely having a bun in the oven... the idea being that two in/two out was only fair... Ray might have been amenable to that, but Joel felt they could get by just fine with one. He could walk part of the time to compensate for overloading the poor creature with all their shit. Fox was younger than his name would suggest, though no one knew for sure how old he was. He was in great shape, and would no doubt be an asset to the farms back home. However, Joel wasn't looking forward to showing Tommy that once again, he'd borrowed a horse from him and not been capable of returning it safe and sound. Who knows, maybe we'll find Spirit on the way back...

...Sure, and maybe pigs will fly out of my ass, while we're at it.

They could have walked to the front gate from there, really, but Joel figured riding would be easier as far as finally leaving Sophie behind. With Ellie tucked snugly behind him, he set off without looking back. He could tell Ellie had twisted herself around to wave goodbye... for probably a good minute, until Sophie was no longer in sight.

"I knew you would like her if you gave her a chance," Joel chuckled, "but I didn't expect you to get this attached."

"She saved my life. Same reason I love you so much, see?" Ellie wriggled up enough to kiss his neck.

"That makes sense. I didn't give two shits about you 'til you saved mine."

"Hey, that's actually true." Ellie swatted his shoulder. "You didn't even give one shit."

"Mm... I might've given half a shit."

"Or half of a half!"

He wasn't sure when he'd started caring about Ellie, but he was sure it was long before he could actually admit it to himself. And admitting it to her had taken a good long while after that. She's smart, though... she's always known. It was easy to love Ellie. Him, on the other hand... well, a kid with her background is probably a prime candidate... wasn't she wired to latch on to the first person who gave her attention? She'd told him about people who had abandoned or disappointed her in her youth. Joel had no way of knowing if they were all assholes, but logic dictated that at least some of them probably weren't. They could've been people who had shown her a smidge of kindness, enough to open the floodgates of intense need inside her that revealed how desperate she was to be loved... Joel reckoned it could drown an unprepared person. Especially before she'd learned to hide such vulnerable pieces of herself. It wasn't Ellie's fault -- it was Marlene's, of course. Every kid needed parents. One parental figure, at least, given the state of the world these days. But Marlene had failed Ellie horribly in that regard. If she wasn't capable of looking after her herself, she should have found a family that was. A family, not a goddamn school or institution.

Over the years, Ellie had grown a thicker shell to encase that need. He'd seen it... that night he'd rejected her, when she'd first confessed her feelings for him. And he'd seen it even before that: that day he'd tried to foist her on Tommy. He knew he'd hurt her. He had just told himself she would be fine... that she'd get over it. And she would have. He had no doubt of that. She was so young, so resilient... Tommy would've taken her, and things would've gone down differently at the hospital. Tommy probably wouldn't have let her nearly drown, as Joel had, but even if he had, maybe those goons would've recognized him and not knocked him out while he tried to revive her. Meaning they never would've been separated, so the Fireflies never would've started to kill her for their goddamn experiment... Tommy wouldn't have let that happen. He would've taken Ellie back to Jackson, and taken her in as a daughter -- then she would've had two parents. And friends her own age, maybe a nice little boyfriend... a normal life (relatively).

Instead... she spent all her time with an old man. One who couldn't even keep her safe. Of all the bullshit I tell myself when I feel guilty about us... that's always what it boils down to, ain't it? I say none of it matters 'cause she's better off with me than she would be with anyone else -- that she's SAFE with me -- but now, even THAT sounds like bullshit.

...But -- again -- he could think about shit like that later.

Ray and Jan were waiting for them at the gate. Christ... we're never gonna get out of here! But he could see they had some goodbye presents -- in the form of food, he hoped.

"Thought you could use this," said Jan... sheepishly? Apologetically? "It's not much. It's... the least we can do. Considering."

Joel honestly didn't know how to feel about their role in all of this. He had other things to worry about, and he wasn't going to be seeing these people again any time soon, if ever. He dismounted to accept the offerings: a drawstring knapsack/backpack type thing from each of them. "Thank you. Much obliged." He let the woman draw him into a quick hug... Ray just clapped him on the back. Joel expected Ellie to be right behind him...

But she was still on the horse... looking away from them. Eyes downcast. Jan approached her tentatively. "Ellie... honey... I'm so--" She gasped when Ellie turned toward her. "Yikes, that looks painful! I... am so sorry that you--"

"It's not your fault!" Ellie cried. "I'm sorry. I swear I wasn't trying to fuck anything up for you guys! I really wasn't! I was just... curious... and kinda worried about Parker... not worried, exactly, just..."

Jan patted Ellie's leg. "You have nothing to be sorry for, okay? And you didn't fuck anything up. We're gonna be fine. Listen... I think Joel's right about the soldiers... they'll be coming here. I understand why you don't wanna stick around and give those meatheads your side of the story... but after we hear their side, I'll give them a piece of my mind about--"

"The less you say about it, the better," Joel cut in, annoyed by something in her tone he couldn't put his finger on.

How much of THEIR SIDE will they share with these folks, anyhow? He hadn't bothered to conjure up all the details needed to support his lie. For one thing, if the bastards did review their camera footage, they wouldn't find any traces of him on the premises. All he'd said to Ray was that he had been "able to bypass their security systems." Nice and vague. "You never talked to us, never saw us... we must've left in the middle of the night 'cause otherwise y'all would've seen us at the gate... and you're more than willing to cooperate with 'em. Answer their questions an' whatnot. Assumin' you don't wanna start a war over this, that's how I'd play it." Technically it would be US who started the war, but...

"We'll take care of it," said Ray dismissively. He walked up behind Jan. "I'm sorry too, Ellie. I hope you can forgive us... someday."

Ellie finally slithered off the horse and hugged both of them at the same time. "There's nothing to forgive. I never should've gone over there in the first place."

The three of them stood there a moment, arms around each other... Joel really just wanted to get the hell out of there, but he wouldn't deny Ellie the farewell wishes. He still had to add the two extra bags to Fox's load anyhow... he went and did that while Ray encouraged Ellie to keep up with her guitar practice when they got home -- and to have more confidence in her singing. He'd told her that before, and Joel didn't disagree... although he rather liked the softness of Ellie's singing voice, and didn't think she needed to change anything about it.

"We're sure going to miss your duets," Jan told her. "If you two ever want to come back... you're welcome here. As long as you sing."

"You... want us to come back?" Ellie marveled.

"Of course." Jan smiled warmly; she certainly didn't seem to have any hard feelings about all this (which made sense to Joel, since she and Ray were at least partly responsible). "Whenever you feel it's safe. -Oh! And if they ask us where we think you went? We'll rack our brains for a bit... and then say you've mentioned knowing some people... oh... maybe down in Oceanside... or was it San Diego..."

"Down? Like, south? That's good, right, Joel?" Ellie didn't wait for him to answer. "Or -- you guys said there's a Jackson in California. It could be an honest mix-up, right?"

"Too close to where you're going," Ray replied. "And maybe a bit too on-the-nose. They might figure it out."

"We've really gotta get goin' now," Joel interjected when he was done with the bags and back up in the saddle again. It was light enough now that more early risers would be up and about, and Joel wanted to avoid running into anyone else. "Thanks for everything."

Ellie snorted. "That's pretty much all that Joel's note says to you guys in our room." She took Joel's hand and swung herself up behind him. "Tell everyone... ...um... ...fuck."

"Will do," Ray deadpanned.

"No, I mean-- fuck!" Ellie laughed. "I don't know what to... I hate that we didn't even get to say bye to everyone."

Ray started yanking the gate open. "We won't tell 'em a thing until the soldiers are long gone. Then, we'll tell 'em they were all in your thoughts when you left."

"You're not gonna let them in, are you?" Ellie twisted around in her seat as they passed through the gate.

"That's why we left the note, remember?" Joel answered before Ray could. "Even if they don't show up as soon as we expect, an' it's been long enough that Ray 'finds' the note on his own... I don't think they'll be content to take his word for it that we ain't here. I wouldn't, if I were them."

"Okay but don't let them talk to Parker alone!" Ellie cried. "He didn't do anything wrong, but they might think... I dunno, just..."

That thought had crossed Joel's mind, too; he just had to hope Parker's boyfriend cared enough -- and held enough sway with the other soldiers -- to keep him out of it. At the very least, the guy should be able to provide an alibi for Parker. ...Except they probably can't determine a time of death, not down to the hour... and the boyfriend might've already slipped up and said he had no idea when Parker left... Joel couldn't worry about that right now.

"We'll talk from the roof first," said Ray. The spot where he had first greeted Ellie and Joel nearly four months ago. "Get a feel for where their heads are at."

"They'll need to leave their weapons at the door," Jan added. "We won't let things get out of hand. Bye, now... take care..."

Joel heard the gate clanging shut behind them. They were finally free to go... but he turned the horse around. Something was still niggling at him. He looked alternately at Ray and Jan. "I ain't one to judge... I ain't in a place where I can throw stones, myself. Things here... well. They are what they are. Maybe certain things can be... revisited. Improved." ...Jesus, just get to the point, asshole-- "I think it would be nice if-- no, not nice... prudent, maybe... ... -It would be good if someone besides Ellie would worry about that boy. That's all." He waited a moment in case they wanted to acknowledge this somehow, but they didn't respond. Didn't acknowledge it, didn't refute it... just stood there and exchanged an unreadable look between them. Joel nodded a final goodbye, then turned his attention to the road. Or, rather, to the drive that led down the hill and through the sizable parking lot. The horse knew the way out to the street.

Ellie hugged Joel's midsection. "That was really sweet, what you just said."

"Too little too late, is what that was."

"Shut up! Parker should've come with us so you could be his father."

Joel chuckled at that. "You want me to be his dad? He's older than you."

"Only by a little. And you're a great dad. It's not like I'd be his mom or anything! It would be allllllll you."

"No thank you." Speaking of being a mom... or NOT being one... "With everything goin' on, I forgot to ask -- how do you feel? Still feelin' sick?"

"Um... no... I'm not sick. I think I just threw up from the... stress or something? Or how gross it was after I... ? I dunno."

Joel hoped like hell that was all it was; he'd had so much to take in that he'd actually forgotten to fret about the fact that she'd puked yet again, at the base. "Your stomach's good now?"

"Yeah... I mean, it's kinda hungry, but other than that..."

"We'll stop an' eat real soon." She hasn't really felt nauseous since that night, after the boat, so maybe we're in the clear.

"When?"

"Soon." Her hunger also tended to be an indicator of her mental health, so he took it as a good sign. "I just wanna put enough distance between us and--" He didn't finish the thought.

"...and? I know you won't--"

"Sshh -- you hear somethin'?"

She listened for a moment. "No. It's too soon for you to be hearing shit, we're not even on the--"

"It's them." Shit! Nothing was in sight yet, but Joel was definitely hearing a vehicle of some kind to the east. He pulled up on the reins and quickly scanned the vast expanse of parking lot, trying to determine if there was a better direction to go in order to ditch whatever it was -- because it was bound to be on their tail imminently.

"Fuck, I hear it now too! Ummmm-maybe we can hide behind that trailer over there until they come up here? Then sneak out?"

"We'll never make it in time. Let's just--" He turned the horse south rather than their desired direction (north), and took off at a gallop. There was no way they wouldn't be spotted, but if they could make it out to the streets before the soldiers got too close and then just cut through enough places where the vehicle couldn't follow, they might be able to ditch them.

"Stop! You on the horse -- stop right there!" a voice called through what sounded like a police car megaphone.

"Joel -- it's a jeep! It's moving fast -- holy shit!"

Holy shit indeed-- if that jeep had a gun mounted on it, they were fucked.


~Continue to Chapter 10~