"Singularity" Chapter 16: "Curse of the Fold" Part 2: "Spooky Little Girl" [16/49]

[lumy12]

Title: "Singularity" Chapter 16: "Curse of the Fold" Part 2: "Spooky Little Girl" [16/49]
Fandom: The Last of Us (first game only)
Characters: Ellie, Joel, Tommy, Maria, OCs
Pairings: Joel/Ellie
Warnings: Underage
Word Count for this chapter: 9,691
Rating (for fic as a whole): R


~

At least Joel wasn't being a dick about her hallucinations. Or... was no longer being a dick? ...Nah, he wasn't being all that dickish before, Ellie decided. She might have overreacted. Just a tiny bit. What the fuck was he supposed to say after she told him something so completely ridiculous? She had claimed to see the devil right beside him in the water, for fuck's sake. While Joel, Mr. I-Can-Spot-Infected-A-Mile-Away, observed nothing. Who was more likely to be right in this case?!

He seemed to have an explanation for the woman, at least, if not the devil:

"Ellie, I think I know why you saw that ghost woman."

"I never said she was a ghost!"

"You're rememberin' one of Keith's campfire stories. That one that him'n'Lupe told last week -- that 'story duet' thing they did. She said she grew up believin' it was true -- about the woman who drowned her children--"

"La Llorona?"

"That's the one."

"That woman was CRYING. This one wasn't!"

"White dress, though, yeah? Dark hair? ...Water?"

"Okayyyy... ? But--"

"And her name was Maria, wasn't it? You were thinkin' about how we're goin' home an' we're gonna see Maria real soon--"

"Oh my God -- I didn't hallucinate some fucking GHOST woman from campfire because she's named Maria! That's the dumbest--"

"The long flowy dress, though. It fits, don't it? And this is the first water we've seen since we left."

"Well, the OCEAN is water... why wouldn't I just see her on the beach, then?"

"She drowned the kids in a river."

"...Um, this is a reservoir?"

"Close enough."

"But that chick was nothing like OUR Maria! She was vain and jealous and... PSYCHO, obviously..."

"They don't gotta be alike. Just the name association might've--"

"Can we just agree that there's no explanation -- besides me being crazy -- and forget it already? Fuck."

Besides, Ellie had already ruled out the ghost theory, because who ever saw ghosts in the daytime? They only come out at NIGHT. Everyone knows that! And she was disturbed enough about this shit as it was without thinking about those creepy campfire stories on top of it.

She did love that she could yell at Joel and say horrible things like "I hope you get dragged down to hell" when she was pissed off, and he wouldn't punish her for it. Like he knew she was just blowing off steam... knew that she didn't mean it. Whereas if Joel said shit like that to her, she'd be furious! Even once he calmed down and went back to normal, she'd probably give him the silent treatment or something. Something! But he doesn't say nasty things to me when he loses his temper... Ellie probably shouldn't be nasty, either. She needed to work on that. And even though she knew Joel didn't give a fuck that she'd been mean to him, she could envision herself snuggled up with him for the night, deciding she needed to apologize... to make sure he knew she didn't mean it. Even though she knew that he already knew. Fuck, it even came up in the next conversation, that I'd never leave him! ...Well, that's a little different. Maybe I'll just have to tell him that if he ever does get dragged to hell, I'll go chasing after him and I'll fight off all the demons and the motherfucking devil himself, because NO ONE is fucking taking him away from me!

Ellie was driving now. She wondered if it was Joel's way of apologizing for making fun of her... or if it really was just because he'd promised earlier that she could drive 'soon.' Of course, whenever she imagined herself driving, it was always a bit more exciting than this. They were barely going faster than walking pace! Yet Joel said they were 'making good time.' As in, going much faster than they were on the way to Monterey. She understood that you can't make the horse go fast all the time, or even most of the time... but she was sure Fox could handle more than this. Joel was still worried about them somehow running over the poor horse if they went too fast. With Ellie in the saddle, they could go faster for a little while, but Joel wouldn't tolerate that for long, either; he wanted her in the car with him. And he absolutely would not ride the horse himself, leaving her to drive the car without having him right there to take over if she fucked up or encountered some kind of problem. Yeah... because we're going so CRAZY FAST that he couldn't POSSIBLY jump off the horse and grab the wheel only one second later than if he was sitting right beside me. Nope, surely that would be a DISASTER! (He even argued that he couldn't ride the horse anyway because the stirrups were adjusted for her height. As if they couldn't just be fucking adjusted back.)

The stick thing was a pain in the ass, granted. Joel told her it was more fun at higher speeds. Ellie didn't see what would be so fun about it at any speed (although Joel certainly had seemed to enjoy showing off for her in that parking lot). Sure, the higher speeds were more exciting, but having to worry about shifting at exactly the right moment pretty much sucked the fun out of it. No, the best part of driving was steering! And this Pacheco Pass highway they were on was nice and curvy, winding its way through the mountains like an undulating snake. Farmhouses dotted the landscape. There was much less rock. Lots of trees... smaller and rounder than the majestic pines they'd been seeing. Shrubby hills... shrubby valleys... and fruit stands. Lots of those. If only they had actual fruit in them!

Joel took the opportunity to examine the scenery more closely -- through the binoculars. Ellie usually kept them around her neck when they were moving, but since Joel had traded places with her, it was his turn to play scout. He leaned out to get a better look behind them (and now Ellie understood why Joel didn't like it when she did that; it was hard not to imagine him toppling out! Of course, at this pace, it would likely be the injury equivalent of falling out of bed... but still!). He scanned the horizon. He checked to their right and to their left. Even if there was nothing there but steep hills, in which case he would look up -- like some hunters might just happen to be waiting to ambush them? -like they wouldn't be noticed when he scanned ahead?

And he did it over. And over. And fucking over!

"I... guess I should be glad you trust my driving?" Ellie remarked. "Since you're barely watching me and all."

He just grunted.

"Except I think you're making me more anxious than if you were breathing down my neck. Can you just... relax a little? Part of the time, at least?"

"Sorry. I just can't shake that feelin'."

The people one. "Yeah, but..."

"Feels like we ain't alone here. But everywhere I look... nothin'." He was sitting still now...

...but Ellie caught his eyes darting to the mirrors (all of which he'd adjusted to suit himself, with Ellie's blessing -- it wasn't like she needed them to help her drive). "It's not crazy," she said kindly. "I sort of felt like that before. It went away, though. I don't feel it now. You're gonna make yourself batshit, looking so hard."

"Well, I can't jus' stop lookin'. Soon as I lower my guard, real trouble will come along." He leaned out enough to peer up the hill they were approaching.

Poor Joel. "Maybe I should pull over for a while? Like when you thought someone was following us--"

"It don't feel the same. But... maybe it's related to that. Soldiers passin' us... eventually turnin' around, comin' back this way..."

Ellie wasn't convinced he'd actually heard a vehicle that time. They had hidden the jeep and Fox from view of the road, but kept an eye on it themselves... and, nothing. Joel felt like they might have been on the other road (the highway split in places, and sometimes they couldn't see the whole thing). "So... should I stop?" she asked.

"...No. It's all right."

"Okay, well... you can take a break. I got this."

He glanced at her and smirked. "Oh, sure. I'll just take a lil' nap over here."

"You totally could! I did it to you!"

"You didn't... do it to me. It just happened. I didn't mind." And she knew he meant it; he liked watching her sleep. Not watching her-watching her, all creepy-like, just...

Yeah. I like it, too. And if he would just sleep now, he'd quit distracting her with his batshitness! "Well, I'm saying I don't mind, now. If you take one. You can lean your head on my shoulder, the way I lean on yours... aww, that would be so cute! Do it!"

"Thank you. But I'm good."

He doesn't really like being CUTE. But she knew it wasn't just that. "You don't trust me to wake you up if there's anything at all that's... weird?"

"I'm good. That's all. Besides, if I doze off an' you miss our turn..."

"I'm not going to. If I do, I give you permission to... be pissed. Or at least cuss me out."

He just snorted.

"And I'll never ask you to let me drive again," she threw in.

"Mmhmm. Sure you won't. That punishment's a bit steep for a missed turn, though." He leaned out to check behind them again.

"Will you stop that? And it's really not: I'm supposed to be paying attention." It wasn't like the turn was hard to find or something!

He did stop looking behind... but then he leaned across to check her side -- because she had scolded him earlier for standing up to lean out and look over the top! Like, he'd coiled himself around it -- and stayed up there so long that she knew he was looking in all directions, not just hers (yet still, he refused to put the top down). "If I'm the navigator now, then technically, it'd be my fault for not directin' you," he countered. "No naps for me."

Right, I forgot -- it's always HIS fault! She kissed his cheek before pushing him back into his seat, withholding another reminder that she was perfectly capable of minding her own side (he would've just ignored her anyway). "Fine -- you can wait 'til after I turn, then. It shouldn't be long now. We passed the half-mile sign an hour ago." Only a slight exaggeration of how slow they were going...

"Cute. Except there wasn't a half-mile sign this time. I only saw a three-quarters one."

Of course he did. "Well -- I guess that's cuz we haven't even traveled a quarter mile since then! Ha! But, whatever. It still feels like I should be turning left, not right." They needed to go north, and right led south.

"Remember how they wind around an' cross over each other, though. You can trust the sign. It ain't gonna send you in the wrong direction. And... I can see it comin' up now... see it there? Definitely on the right."

"The ones that have exits on the left just make more sense, if that's the direction you're going."

Joel chuckled. "You might be the only person who feels that way."

"What? Then everyone else is crazy!"

"Maybe Californians agree with you. But the rest of us? Uh-uh." As if Joel could speak for the rest of the driving world. "The left lanes should be for carpools or goin' fast. Not for exits. Unless it's one where you can exit left or right -- a carpool lane exit. That's fine."

"That’s what I’m saying!"

"No you ain’t. You want 'em to go in different directions, instead of both exits leadin' to the same place."

"Uh... yeah. What, you want both sides for the same direction? Isn't that more confusing?"

"Nope. That way, the carpoolers an' speed demons don't have to cut across six lanes of traffic to get off. Seems like California ain't a big fan of those. They wanna make it as difficult as possible. Hard enough to keep all the damn freeways straight, but keepin' track of which side you gotta be on, too? Shit. Sometimes you can just get on the damn freeway an' right away gotta cut across all these lanes real quick to get over to your exit -- an' the lanes are all jammed with cars... bein' assholes, not wantin' to let you over..."

"The good old days, right?"

"Oh yeah."

Ellie had vague recollections of Joel and Sophie talking about driving in California, on the way over. She'd mostly been in her... fog of funk, or whatever... and hadn't paid much attention. Everything had seemed trivial and meaningless... and, mainly, joyless. Now she could appreciate Joel's memories again. She was surprised he even remembered driving in California when he'd only done it a handful of times, a million years ago (long before she was even born). It must have made an impression on him. ...And I THINK I’ve heard him say ‘speed demon’ before...? It didn’t seem like he was trying to mess with her again about the demon thing. "Well, in case you haven't noticed, there's only two lanes on our side here. And only dead cars every once in a while -- who also don't let you move over, though... assholes!"

Joel chuckled. "Very discourteous of them, yes. -Hell, I can't doze off now... this is quite a thrill, your first exit. Anyhow, this is a highway, not a freeway. No self-respectin' freeway only has two lanes each way."

"That's all they should need! One fast, one slow." She understood it would be frustrating as fuck for a car traveling at normal speed to get stuck behind her and Joel, but as long as there was one lane providing the means to leave their slow asses in the dust, wasn't that good enough?

"Sure, kiddo. Well, when freeways make a comeback, you can get rid of all them pesky extra lanes. Which, by the way, have saved our asses when a lane or two is blocked."

"That's true, I guess." Although she would say it saved them time and effort more so than their asses, because most of the blockages weren't insurmountable. Not for their spunky little jeep! "Okay, you can keep all your lanes."

"...They're mine now?"

"You were like... equating them with respect," she explained.

"That makes 'em mine?"

"You were defending them! You loooove them!" She giggled a little. When Joel didn't react to her silliness, she glanced at him and... uh-ohhhhh... "What's wrong?"

"Ellie, stop the car! Now!"

Startled by this abrupt change in his demeanor, she slammed on the brakes (as if the jeep was actually moving fast), violently jerking them to a halt. Shit--

"Get down!"

"...Down, like-- ?"

"Down!" He actually pulled her down himself, yanking her toward him. "Hold this." He passed her the lead rope and leaned over her... cocked a gun...

She hadn't seen anything worth shooting at, but her heart started racing based on Joel's reaction alone. Fox didn't get spooked, though-- even with the sudden stop. "What is it? Soldiers? Infected?"

He just shushed her. "Damn, I wish this thing had doors right now," he whispered.

Ellie couldn't imagine what he had seen -- on her side, no less. Yes, she was driving, but like she'd told Joel, she was keeping an eye out. She would've spotted a threat so immediate that it made Joel freak out like this! She tried to twist around so she could see for herself. Unfortunately, she managed to see little more than Joel's shirt -- and nothing outside the vehicle. She settled on a position that didn't place her face in line with the gear shifter. Ugh, but my shoulder... and my stomach... usually I LIKE being squished by Joel, but... "Joel, this is super not comfortable--"

"Ssshhh! Don't you hear that?"

Ohhh, he HEARD something! That made a little more sense; he was always hearing things before she did. And they had just come through a rock-y area right here, so instead of being walled in, there were more fields surrounding them. Wide open, overgrown fields that she supposed could hide all sorts of horrors, really...

"Ellie."

"Yeah?"

"Do you hear that."

"Hear what?"

She felt him relax a little. "You don't hear it."

"No, I guess I don't. Do you see something?"

He was quiet an extra moment... probably scanning the area again, in search of the source of the mysteriously silent sound. "No. ...I don't see shit. And you... you really don't hear that."

"All I hear is you asking me if I hear something! Can I sit up now?"

Joel withdrew to the passenger seat, taking the rope from her. "Sorry. Did I hurt you?"

He probably asked her that since she winced while she was sitting up. "No biggie. My insides didn't really like that, though." Which was true enough, this time, but she couldn't blame him for the actual Red River bloating and cramps (thankfully, those were pretty mild at the moment).

"I'm sorry. Come sit over here with me. I... don't like you bein' over there. On that side."

"But there's nothing out there," Ellie pointed out.

"Please? Humor me."

"Okay... how do you want me to..."

"Actually-- stay here. I'm gonna look around." He started to get out as Ellie moved toward him.

"Wait!" She grabbed his shoulder. "I'll look with you, then!"

He paused, his back toward her. "I'd really rather you didn't." He gave her hand a reassuring pat before plucking it off of him and stepping out.

"Why?"

"Just... because." He loosely looped the lead rope over the side mirror.

"That's not a reason." She crawled over his seat and slid out as soon as he stepped away from the jeep.

"It's prob'ly nothin'. In fact, I'm sure it's nothin'."

"Then why can't I come?"

"I'd feel better if you stayed here."

"Joel, that makes zero sense. ...If you need to go ~spend quality time with nature~, just say so." She didn't care to be with him for that!

"That ain't it." He was looking all around with the binoculars again, apparently unwilling to leave the jeep until Ellie agreed to stay.

I'll have to persuade him... "I thought you felt like I was safer with you than without you. Isn't that what you always say?"

He ignored her.

"If you wanna look around... I mean... you can," she continued, "but what if you come back here and like... I'm nowhere to be found? Or you hear a gunshot... coming from here... and you have to haul ass back to--"

"Christ, Ellie, don't put shit like that in my head." He lowered the binoculars to glare at her.

She was pretty sure she hadn't 'put' it there. More like... she'd dredged it up to the surface? "You're welcome."

"...I wasn't thankin' you."

"You will be, when that doesn't happen because I go with you." She grinned.

He sighed. "Let's just go. I mean let's drive off, not go... lookin' around for nothin'."

She rubbed his arm soothingly. "If you'd feel better looking, we should look. You still haven't told me what you--"

"I don' need to look. Come on." He gave her a quick side hug and nudged her toward the jeep, then started walking around to the--

The driver's side! "Wait wait wait -- it's my turn still! And-- it's my turn ahead!" She scrambled through the passenger side, beating him to the driver's seat.

"I would feel better if--"

"No! You can feel better by watching for your mystery thing while I drive! If you seriously can't stand it after like... five minutes? I'll let you drive. Okay?"

He stood there for a moment, scowling... but then he traipsed around to the passenger side. Victory!

The actual turn itself was easy as fuck, which made her wonder if Joel was only hyping it up for lack of anything better to get excited about (before the mysteriously-silent-and-invisible threat, that is). She supposed it was a little different when you were going a decent speed -- and had to worry about things like staying in your lane? -- although the exit was just a single lane anyways... and she did handle it expertly, if she did say so herself.

Which... she did, because Joel wasn't saying it! She deepened her voice as much as she could. " 'Good job, kiddo. I knew you could do it. I shoulda let you do ALL those twisty turns in the more mountain-y area. I'm so glad you talked me into lettin' you drive so I can jus' sit back'n'relax over here... on my ass... my HOT ass, that is. Yeah.' "

Joel didn't even bother to pretend to look amused!

Ellie found that offensive. "What? Well, someone had to say it!" she complained. "The 'good job' part, I mean. ...Well, the hot ass part, too."

"Thank you for sparin' me the effort," he quipped before resuming his binoculared search for phantom trouble.

"Okay, so, really you were more worried about me spacing the turn and going too far. The turning part was easy. But... I'm still waiting for you to scold me about how I stopped."

"...Hm?"

"Back there -- I did it wrong. We stalled." She waited for him to dutifully ask her if she knew why the jeep had stalled, to which she would reply that in her haste, she'd forgotten to push in the clutch.

Instead, he said nothing.

She sighed. "Are you ever gonna tell me--"

"No."

Jeez! Okay... "So..."

"Just forget it, Ellie, all right?"

"I was just gonna ask you how many miles we're supposed to be on this highway and what I'm supposed to look for next. I can just look at the map myself if you want." And ACT like I know how many miles the squiggles are!

"Sorry." He retrieved the map from where it had landed earlier. "It's, uh... uhhhhh... a little over ten miles. Sandy Mush Road."

"Sandy Marsh? What a weird name. There's sand around here but... isn't a marsh more like a swamp?"

"Sandy Mush. M-u-s-h. Which is even weirder, if you ask me."

"Oh. Yeah... maybe it was named after a Sandy who likes oatmeal?" she suggested.

"Sure. Why not. I like that."

She glanced at him; he seemed to be chilling out a bit, finally. Maybe his people feeling was going away. She almost asked him, but she didn't want to inadvertently re-trigger it. She didn't think it worked like that... it never USED to, I don't think? ... but today had been pretty bizarre so far.

Come to think of it... why CAN'T he tell me what he heard? If he imagined the whole thing... I mean, I pretty much did that with the bridge woman and the water devil, right? But she could broach the subject later. At dinner, or maybe in bed. No sex tonight... stupid period! Joel was so sweet that when she'd had her first period as a non-virgin, he'd actually offered to still have sex with her if she wanted. The thought was so utterly repulsive to Ellie that she wondered what the fuck was wrong with him for not being repulsed by the idea. He'd said something like "blood is blood"... dismissing the grossness like it was truly no big deal. Or did he just know that I'd be too grossed out to do it so he was just SAYING that? Anyway, even if she didn't find it abhorrent, she physically just didn't feel like it so much when she was at her grossest. Like her body knew exactly what to do with her hormones to facilitate creating life: she was horniest during her most fertile time, and un-horniest when there was no chance in hell she could get pregnant. Or so she assumed; Joel always said she could get pregnant any old time. That it was no use trying to figure out when they could 'get away with' not pulling out, because that was how accidents happened. (Yep, babies were considered accidents.) But... if the baby's 'house' is bleeding out of me, where's it gonna live? Or... I guess the house is still there, but like... the provisions are depleted? Do they replenish themselves immediately, or what?

"Maybe we'll start lookin' for somewhere to camp when we get to this Sandy Oatmeal Road," Joel was saying.

"Already?"

"It's still gonna take us a lil' while to get there. And there's just... a whole lotta nothin' around here -- like you said earlier. Hopefully the intersection'll have buildings of some kind."

This nothing was more boring than the previous one. The highway was narrow -- two lanes instead of four -- and straight as an arrow. Somehow that made it seem less... ominous, or something? Hopefully it would help Joel wind down to his normal-- oh, haha -- a STRAIGHT road to WIND down! "We could go to that dairy we just passed!" Ellie suggested. "Man, I miss milk." Goat milk would've been nice, but Golden Sands only had the one goat, so that wasn't an option. Maybe we could bring him a mate when we go back someday...

"Ain't like there's any cows there," Joel pointed out.

"Still! Might be cool." She'd never seen the insides of a real dairy.

"Bit too early to stop. I'd rather go until..."

"Until you... feel better about where we are?" Ellie presumed.

"Yes. Maybe this change of scenery will... I don' know."

So he DOES still have the people feeling, Ellie thought sadly. She wished he wouldn't... for his sake, because it was making him uneasy, but also because she trusted his gut, and if it was just lying to him now... how trustworthy was it, really?

It couldn't have been more than five minutes after she had that thought when Joel startled her again. "Ellie -- stop the car!"

She complied -- and she even remembered to push in the clutch. "What is it?" she asked warily, because once again, she didn't see any cause for alarm.

He was looking away from her -- it was on his side this time. "There... you see that?"

"See what?"

"C'mere. You prob'ly can't see unless you're..." He slipped out of the jeep again before she'd finished clambering over to his side... the lead rope slipped right out of his hand. He either didn't notice or didn't care.

Ellie plucked it off the pavement and looped it around the mirror again, watching Joel creep slowly into the grass... er, trees? It wasn't all just straight up farmland right here... "Joel, you know you don't have a gun drawn right now, right?" she felt the need to point out.

"Sshhh... it's all right..."

...Uhhh... is he talking to ME? His demeanor struck Ellie as that of a person approaching a wounded animal... one that he didn't want to scare off. But what the fuck is he looking at? "O...kayyyy..."

He shushed her again, and this time she knew he was addressing her. Which was good, since there was no fucking animal there. There was nothing there. She had no idea why Joel was acting so strangely.

Ellie joined him, remaining quiet as requested. After a few moments of silent creeping, Joel stopped and looked at her.

"What?" she had to ask (quietly).

"You ain't sayin' nothin'."

Really, Joel? "Um, yeah... didn't you just tell me to shut up?"

"You don't see it."

"See what?!"

He turned his attention back to the nothing spot. "Damn. She's gone now."

"She? Oh my God... is it the woman I saw before? That you couldn't see? I guess we were driving slow enough that she could get ahead of us... somehow..."

"Not a woman. A little girl. But... that's right. You were seein' shit that wasn't really there... guess I am now, too."

"And before? When you heard something that I didn't? What was that?"

Joel ran his hand through his hair and sighed. "I must be losin' it."

"Joel! It happened to me too. If you're losing your mind, then we both are." ...We'll lose our minds together... all poetic and shit... Ellie swallowed a sudden lump in her throat. She'd never forgotten her old best friend; she still thought of her every day. She'd just thought of her a little while ago and not gotten choked up or anything. But she still couldn't think about that day without-- NO-- stop thinking about Riley -- Joel needs you HERE now-- "What did you hear that freaked you out so much?" she asked him.

He glanced at her... and was clearly reluctant to answer. "You'll laugh. As payback for the devil thing."

"No I-- well... I don't wanna lie to you. If it's really out there, I might laugh... like, not on purpose. But you have to tell me! I told you!"

He sighed again. "I s'pose that's fair. I... didn't see anythin', before, but I heard it... so loud... it sounded like a stampede at first. Of horses. It was gettin' louder, an' closer... then it sounded like a stagecoach. Like somethin' straight out of an old Western. I could see it in my mind... but it was only the sounds I heard for real. Or... thought I heard. And there were voices... sounded like hunters. Hollerin' like the dickens. But then it just... faded into nothin'... the noise receded... when they should've been passin' us, or attackin' us." He paused, like he was waiting for her to laugh.

She didn't, though. "Holy shit! That's... holy shit." It sounded pretty fucking terrifying. ...And batshit, yes...

"Yeah. But... you definitely would've heard somethin', if it was legit. Fox would have, too, and he was jus' standin' there, calm as anything. And besides that... a stagecoach full of hunters? Tch."

It was out there, alright... it just didn't tickle her funny bone (she still wasn't sure which bone that was, but it wasn't tickled). "Um... if you didn't see it, how did you know it was a stagecoach? Maybe it was like that wagon back in Jackson?"

"Could be," Joel allowed. "I just... knew it, somehow. I saw it in my head even though I didn't see it with my eyes. That don't usually happen when I hear things we can't see yet. Even if I think... it's prob'ly hunters, or... I don' know... I don't get an exact picture in my head, like that."

Ellie wondered if his 'seeing it in his head' was the same thing as her hallucinating, just expressed differently. She must have seen her people only in her head earlier since they weren't real, right? "Maybe you were thinking about... oh! When you were explaining where riding shotgun came from before -- remember?" It had involved a stagecoach. That has to be it!

"That's... no. No, that ain't it."

"Okay, um... what about this girl? You didn't just hear her... you saw her?"

"Yes, I saw her. Not just in my head -- she was real. Or... I thought she was."

His perception of the two incidents was clearly different, so... Ellie didn't know what to make of it. I guess some ghosts let you see them and others don't? Who says they're all the same, right? "Okay. And she wasn't like... scary?" Judging by his reaction to her, anyway...

"No. It looked like she was cryin'... only I couldn't hear her."

Crying...? Ellie gasped. "Joel! La Llorona! See, now you got it in your head!"

He shook his head. "She was just a little thing... six or seven, maybe?"

"One of the drowned kids, then!"

"I don't think so. She was fair, not dark-haired."

"Well... ghosts are pale, right?"

But he was determined to dismiss that theory -- just like Ellie had been, when Joel did it to her. "She looked so damn real," he continued. "She was sittin' right over there... huggin' her knees, hidin' her face... she had curly blonde hair... bare feet... and she was wearin' a long blue dress."

Another dress-wearer? "Fuck... so much detail..."

"I saw her, plain as day."

"Okay, so... maybe she really was there and she ran away? You wanna--"

"No, Ellie, you were lookin' right at her, and you didn't see her."

...Which was exactly what had made her realize her devil wasn't real, after she stopped and thought about it for a second: Joel had been looking in the exact right spot to see it. She wanted this girl to be legit, though, for Joel's sake. Hearing voices in your head wasn't quite as worrisome as hallucinating shit... I think? She heard Joel's voice in her head often enough! "Well... maybe... it's kind of shadowy, in that area? so maybe she slipped away like--"

"It ain't that dark there. I could see the color of her hair. And her dress. It wasn't--" He cut himself off with a little frustrated noise. "Let's just get the hell outta here. This place is creepy."

"Okay. Not a big fan of it myself." But I STOPPED being creeped out by it... did I pass that on to Joel somehow? Is it fucking contagious?!

"I want us to go faster than slow as hell," Joel declared. "You wanna ride the horse while I drive?"

"Okay," she repeated.

She took in the lead rope and mounted the horse while Joel fucked around with the seat (he liked it farther back than she did). He had to re-set some of their stuff in the back as it had shifted forward to fill the space. Ellie waited patiently... and looked back to where Joel's little girl had been. As if she could just will her to materialize. Why are we seeing DIFFERENT fake shit? she wondered.

"All right -- stay beside me... a little behind, so you can see what I'm doin' and react to it. Close, but not real close. I'll keep an eye on you in the mirror." He gestured to the driver side mirror, which he was adjusting; the rearview one was mostly useless, with all their crap piled high in the tiny backseat.

"I got it -- we've done this before, remember? ...How about... if I go like right... here?"
"Bit farther back... ... ... There, that's good. It's startin' to get dark enough now that you can see-- if you see me flash my lights--"

Ellie waited for him to finish the instruction... but he didn't. "You flash your lights... and?" she prompted him.

"Never mind."

"I'll do whatever you--"

"I mean never mind the whole damn thing. Come sit in the car with me."

The way he kept changing his mind about what to do was starting to unsettle her; it just wasn't like him. Once he made a decision, he usually stuck with it -- at least for longer than two seconds. "Uh... why? Don't you wanna go fast?"

"We will. It's a pretty straight road here. We can go faster than we were on the mountain pass. And Fox is gettin' real good at heedin' the jeep's movements. You notice that?"

"But-- I kinda want to ride him now," she protested. "It's not that dark yet. You don't have to worry."

"Please, Ellie? Do it for me?"

He really needs to work on the 'puppy dog eyes'... that's what he liked to call it sometimes when Ellie was the one asking for something. Joel just looked... a bit freaked out. "Anything for you," she drawled. She rubbed the poor horse's neck (he must be so confused!) and directed him back to the passenger side of the jeep.

"Thank you." Joel remained in the driver's seat.

She wouldn't have minded driving longer, but she wasn't going to argue. She thought it might be good for Joel's psyche if he had that sort of... control? Power? He seemed more at ease when he was behind the wheel -- backwards though that seemed to Ellie! She would try not to take it personally, as a knock on her driving. She just got the feeling it was a personality thing, with him. Or maybe a guy thing. "What changed your mind?" she asked as she clambered back in on the shotgun side.

"Put your seat belt on."

She clicked her belt in place without protest, then looked at him expectantly. "Well? What was it?"

He put the jeep in gear again. Looked at her and snorted. "It's all your fault."

"How is it my fault?!"

"You made that comment before. About me comin' back an' findin' you gone, or hearin' gun shots an' not knowin' what's--"

"But you said so yourself, the first time we did it -- we're still together if I'm just on the horse!"

"Not together enough."

Aww. She took his hand in hers. "Want me to whip out those handcuffs?" she teased.

But he responded quite soberly. "I was just thinkin'... how the horses were comin' in fast, gettin' louder, an' then just... dwindled back to nothin'. ...I don' know, just..." He brought her hand up to his lips to kiss it, then let their hands fall to rest comfortably between them, just behind the stick. "At least you ain't laughin'."

Because I GET IT! ...Sort of. She didn't quite get what he was trying to convey just now, but she knew how disturbing it was to be so sure of what you're seeing -- only to be just as sure a few moments later that it must've been an illusion. "Of course I'm not laughing -- it's not funny. It's like... maybe your fears manifesting in different-- oh, like with the little girl -- not a fear, but remember how you were saying before that you wished you could see me when I was little?"

Joel shook his head. "She didn't look like you. At all. Blond? Curls? ...A dress?"

"You've seen me wear one!"

"It wasn't blue."

True... it had been white with little yellow flowers on it. "But I had to wear that sweater over it to hide my arms, remember? The time I wore it to the wedding. And that was blue."

"No. It had nothin' to do with that." He whistled to the horse... picked up a little speed... then glanced at her again. "I'm sorry I didn't take you seriously before. With your... visions."

"That's okay. Why wouldn't you think I was full of shit, saying crap like--"

"I didn't think you were full of shit. I thought... your imagination was runnin' wild or somethin'."

"So, maybe both of ours are? Yours started running to catch up to mine!" she suggested.

"Except I don't have an imagination." He actually said that.

"Liar -- yes you do! You've told me about it before. It thinks dirty things!"

Joel chuckled. "Shit. I forgot. Guess I do have one."

YESSSS -- he laughed! Ellie hoped he would start to relax more now. Or... maybe not relax, exactly, since they were still Outside and out in the open, but... get back to more of his normal disposition.

"Ellie, can you grab the atlas there? I... thought this highway was a straight shot up to the next road. The mushy oatmeal one."

She retrieved the map without letting go of his hand. "Uh... where are we..."

"Look for the Diablo mountain range -- we're just east of that. Goin' straight north. On fifty-nine."

"I see it... yep. Totally straight. Totally... not like this one..." What the fuck? Ellie squinted at the map. "I must not be reading it right."

Joel slowed them down slightly to veer left. "Those maps don't show every little thing, at that scale, but... this is a bit big to-- and up ahead, look -- more windin' around..."

"And where'd all the farmland go?" Ellie added, perplexed. "The fields and stuff? It's starting to get more like... rock-y, again."

"You're right... and the road -- it was two lanes here before."

On that one, she didn't follow. "It's still two lanes, isn't it?"

"See the white stripes? That means both these lanes are goin' the same way." He gestured to their left. "And over there's the other side. It's four lanes total here."

Ellie remembered him explaining the white and yellow stripes before, the dotted line versus solid... she'd absorbed it all like it might actually be of use to her someday. And now it... is? If CONFUSING me about our location means it's OF USE... "Okay, yeah... I see what you mean. The other side is... there was no other road before. It was all together after the exit. Now it's split up again." Maybe they just hadn't noticed when it split again? Since they were going faster now... and preoccupied with analyzing each other's insanity...

"If I didn't know better, I'd think we were still on Pacheco," Joel said thoughtfully.

Ellie was definitely getting the creeps again. "Shit... are we still?"

"You exited us off of it. That was your big turn that you insisted on doin' yourself."

"I know, but... Joel, this all just looks... ...look at that van! -- in the ditch there -- didn't we drive by that already? I remember it!"

"It prob'ly just looks like the one you saw earlier," Joel replied... though he didn't sound at all convinced. His palm was getting sweaty, too, though that could just be from holding hers for so long...

"Another white van in a ditch with the back doors busted off and red writing on the side?" She wished she'd memorized the name or phone number on the first one, but she hadn't given it more than a cursory glance -- and that glance had been mainly to ascertain if there were people in it, really.

"Sure. Those are a dime a dozen."

Ellie knew that was bullshit... and she could tell Joel did, too. Man... it's really bad when he can't even FAKE the reassurances... he never sounds all wavery like that. He's as rattled as I am!

Joel cleared his throat -- cleared out the shakiness. "I must've turned the wrong way back there. That's all. I'll just turn us around," he said, exuding confidence again.

"No you didn't, Joel! You didn't just... magic this road into being twice as big, and curve all the straight parts!" He sees I'm starting to panic so he's trying to do a better job of convincing me but it's STILL BULLSHIT!

" 'Course I didn't. I brought us back to this--"

"No you didn't!" she insisted. "I would remember you turning us all the way around to get back on that road. There was no turning. You fucking went straight ahead."

"We were too busy talkin' about the... visions, an' whatnot... we didn't notice. It's the only thing that makes sense. We'll come to a highway sign soon enough that'll prove it. It'll tell us we're goin' west again. Maybe I oughta just turn around now..."

But they didn't need a sign; what Ellie saw coming up on their right made her stomach plunge all the way to her toes. It didn't prove that they had turned around -- rather, they were driving the same exact road they had already driven. "Joel," she whispered... and simply pointed.

He looked. Looked, but didn't reply. No bullshit explanations offered this time.

She squeezed his hand hard. "Joel, I'm scared," she blurted. Not gonna lie!

He squeezed back. "Don't be. We're fine."

He does sound sure of THAT, at least... "How the fuck can this be happening? Even if you turned around by accident, which you didn't, the dam would be on our other side!" She knew Joel would have realized this already, of course. Saying it out loud didn't accomplish anything. With the van... maybe there'd been a fleet of them out here back in the day or something. Vans on both sides of the road. But there's no way a fucking DAM would just hop over the highway!

"It's like... some kind of wacky time loop or somethin'," Joel mused.

"Time loop? What, like in a science fiction movie?"

"Only it can't be a time loop 'cause the time of day is consistent... it's later than when we were here last. The shadows are all different from before. The way the light is hittin' things. The sun's still startin' to set like it was... when we were on fifty-nine... I didn't really think about it before, maybe 'cause the sun's hidin' behind the mountains, but it's still behind us, not ahead of us..."

He sounds normal now... like he's thinking out loud. What the fuck?! Ellie didn't feel anywhere near that calm herself. "Fuck... I can't..." She released his hand, then her seat belt.

"What're you--"

"We're not together enough," she explained as she scooted up against him. There was no seat there, and she had to be careful her knees didn't bump the gear shift thingie, but she wasn't concerned about physical comfort at the moment. She would contort herself into whatever position necessary to glue herself to his side. ...Or his arm, rather. It would have to do.

"I can't really put my arm around you right now," he said apologetically as she squirmed and squiggled.

Because he needed his hand ready to shift. "That's okay." She swallowed hard against the panic rising up in her throat. I am NOT going to have a panic attack! No no NO--

Of course, it didn't really work like that; if her body wanted to freak the fuck out, it would. Or was it her brain... -It was both of them, really. Working in concert. She felt like this was different, though. Maybe cuz it's based on REAL FEAR and not imaginary shit in my head?! She buried her face in his arm; she sure as fuck did not want to see that woman or the water demon at this dam again.

"Don't be scared," he repeated. "It's weird, but it ain't... I don' know."

"Like... malicious? What if it is? Even if it's not -- what if -- fuck, Joel -- we were gonna split up before -- what if it only took one of us and left the other one back on the straight road? Er... ahead, on that road, I guess, cuz we haven't gotten there yet... even though we already... this makes no fucking sense! How can we figure out how to fight it if it's not... if we can't even fucking understand it?" If it took him back here and left me up there and I had NO FUCKING IDEA where he went--

"Who says we gotta fight it?"

"We can't let it-- what if it splits us up?!" That possibility was scaring her more than anything else.

"It won't," he assured her.

"How do you know?"

"I just do."

...Uh-huh. "You don't, though. Not really."

"I know I won't let anything bad happen to you. All right?"

"Or you!"

"Or me," he agreed.

"There's no me without you," she said quietly.

Neither of them spoke for a few moments, and Ellie wondered if he was working up a lecture about that sentiment. She knew she wasn't supposed to say things like that.

But Joel actually nudged his seat even farther back, then lifted his arm to pull her in close... and she ended up in his lap, with her back to the outside, his left arm barring her in. She just had to keep her head out of the way so he could see (tucking it into his neck worked well), and she twisted herself sideways a bit so as not to interfere with the shifter or the steering wheel. "It's all right, baby girl," he assured her. "Go ahead an' let out a little of that rope there... ...there you go... we're just gonna keep drivin' this time, no stoppin'. It was the stoppin' that did it."

Ellie clung to his shirt... clung to the soothing notes in his voice like they were some kind of life raft. "Did what?"

"Caused this... whatever it is. It must've happened when I saw that girl."

Ellie contemplated this. "I did notice there were trees right there... it looked a little different from all that grass..."

"Right, see? Then when we got back in the jeep, we were... ..."

"...suddenly teleported back to this piece of road we were on many many miles ago? We're not even through the dam yet!" Fuck... I was THINKING about teleportation earlier, wasn't I? With the freeway stacks! That's kinda freaky, too--

"Miles," he repeated thoughtfully. "The trip meter don't look right. What's your log got for today as a startin' point?"

"Good question." Ellie reluctantly scooched back over to her seat and unlatched the glove compartment (which had a shitload of stuff in it, yet no gloves). Joel kept his hand on her shoulder... is he afraid of it, too? That if we're not connected physically -- as in, body parts touching -- there's a CHANCE one of us might get left behind? As soon as she retrieved the log, she slithered back into Joel's lap, resuming her odd twisted position -- which was surprisingly comfortable, really. "Okay... today is the 14th... it was 39,244."

Joel's gaze flicked over the dashboard. "Did you re-set the trip thing in the middle of the day for some reason?"

"Um, no... why?"

"Because if your startin' number is right, we've gone about forty-five miles so far... but this thing says nineteen."

Ellie checked her math on the previous day to see if she'd fucked up the ending number or something... no such luck. "But... forty-five makes more sense. And I don't think the dam was that many miles back from where we... got time warped? Space-warped... whatever... I mean we just barely left it a little while ago..."

Joel frowned. "And I bet if you trace all our miles on the map, it'd be a different number yet."

"What does that mean? Are we... stuck, somehow? Like..."

"I don' know what it means but I'm tellin' you, it was that little girl that done it. We don't see her, we'll be fine."

"I never saw her in the first place," Ellie reminded him. "Maybe... there was something in that water?"

"We haven't drank any yet. Just cooked it up."

The purifier didn't actually cook it, but Joel liked to say it that way. "Well, we bathed in it."

"So we... absorbed it through our skin? And it... decided to teleport us only after we went another--"

"Ugh, so none of it makes any fucking sense, okay? What about your stagecoach?"

He chuckled. "No idea how that figures in. What about your lady? ...your devil? How does it all tie together? Or is it just a bunch of random shit?"

Ellie let the log fall between her chest and Joel's; she could put it away later. "No fucking clue. All I know is... if I was by myself, I would be soooo fucking freaked OUT by now." She still was, a little bit...

"Me, too."

"Pfff. Like you ever freak out. You looked kinda freaked out earlier, but I mean... I would be hyperventilating... screaming... crying..."

"I might, too. You never know. But the fact that... we're both here, experiencing the same shit -- same meat, different gravy, at least -- that means it's real. We ain't crazy. If we were alone? Either of us -- an' we knew we hadn't done any drugs? We'd have to feel like we were goin' nuts. There's... a certain comfort, when you ain't the only one."

Ellie wasn't so sure about that. If I'm simply losing my mind, it would mean there's no possible legit danger, right? But she knew what Joel meant. "I do feel a little better now... I think. If you're sure we're not just... stuck in some loop where we drive the same road over and over again."

"I'm sure we're not."

So confident! "I don't even care about that, really. As long as we stay together."

"You don't care, huh? Is this your way of gettin' more drivin' practice? That turn'll be comin' up again... eventually..."

"Oh yeah -- totally. You're onto me. I teleported us backwards to do that... while you were driving. Mmhmm. So how did I manage to erase miles off the counter thingie?"

"I don' know how you did any of it. But a ghost could've done that part." He totally said it with a straight face.

"Pffff. Who -- that woman?"

"Would've been before that. We haven't gone enough miles since then to rack up a fresh nineteen."

"So your people feeling... was really a ghost feeling, cuz one was right here in the jeep fucking with us?"

"Maybe so. A friendly one. Just playin' pranks."

Ellie kind of wanted to tell him to get real already... but how could he, when the whole thing was so unreal? She knew he was just trying to calm her nerves. "You can stop. I'm okay. Really."

"Stop what?"

"The friendly ghost stuff."

"There was a friendly one, though... it was part of his name. Everyone was afraid of him... on account of him bein' a ghost and all... but he just wanted a friend. Who was that... some old cartoon..."

"They're all old," she reminded him.

"Ancient, then."

"His name? It was a boy? The one you saw was a girl."

"It was definitely a boy. It'll come to me."

Ellie snorted. "You're just making this up."

"No I ain't. I'll prove it to you. We'll have to see if the library--"

"The girl was crying, remember?" she interrupted him. "Maybe he was mean to her!"

Joel chuckled. Shook his head.

"What's so funny?"

"Us. Talkin' about this shit like..."

"...like it's real? Because it is. I mean... something happened. Something we can't explain." Something that defied all logic. Fuck... if I can't even count on like... the laws of PHYSICS... "Are we gonna stop soon? Can we stop before it gets all the way dark out?"

"Soon as we get past... where we were before... -no, that won't be before dark. I don' know which is the lesser of two evils. What do you think?"

"Me? Um... I dunno..." The thought of being out here in the dark while all this freaky shit was going down was terrifying. But so was the thought of not getting away from the place where all this freaky shit was happening!

"You can sit normal now if you want," Joel told her. "Maybe just... hold my hand."

"I don't want. Unless I'm bugging you, being over here. I mean... we don't even know how it works. What if this isn't good enough? Maybe I should get the handcuffs! I was joking before, but--"

"We're fine. I promise." He turned and kissed her forehead. "But you can stay with me as long as you want."

Okay... that's FOREVER... She wasn't really freaking out now, but that didn't mean she wanted to risk getting separated by some fucked up space warp thing! She did realize, however, that it simply wasn't feasible for her to physically never let go of him. If only she knew the rules. Like... what was the factor that dictated that all four of them -- her, Joel, Fox, and the jeep -- would get hurtled through the warp tunnel thing? Along with their stuff -- the bags, Fox's saddle, their clothes... was it everything that wasn’t attached to the ground in a certain area, or what? Maybe a bunch of stones and bugs or whatever got teleported backwards, too. Or is it because we were all touching -- each other, and all the stuff? Is that the rule? But we WEREN'T, when we stopped... Joel seems to think it happened then...

Only because he'd convinced himself that the little girl had caused it. But it stood to reason that you couldn't go somewhere unless you were moving. (Not that any of this made any sense whatsoever, but Ellie simply had to believe she could apply some kind of logic to it.) That means it must have happened when we were in the jeep -- moving -- so I'll just wait 'til we're on solid ground. THEN it will be safe to let go.

Right??

...Wrong. She decided it was too great a risk. Being separated from Joel out here was... unfathomable. How could she decide something so important based on zero evidence? Seriously... I would lose my shit if he vanished into thin air. How the fuck did HE stand it for TWO WHOLE DAYS?

She would hold his hand... link arms with him... she could lean against him at dinner... or maybe intertwine their legs... they could do the night 'chores' together, taking twice as long as it otherwise would but who gives a fuck? Joel might tease her, but she'd take that over losing him any day. And he might not tease her. Maybe he was actually just as scared as she was?

Poor Joel... he's always the brave one... but sometimes, being brave was just plain dumb. Like with Shelby... ugh, I was so STUPID. Better to be cowardly and alive than brave and dead! And she was okay being the scared one. The needy one. She'd be doing Joel a favor, really, because then he could keep being all cool and calm and pretend he was just humoring her with the hand-holding and stuff, when really he'd be secretly grateful that she was looking out for them. The thought actually made her snicker out loud.

"What's so funny?" Joel asked her.

"Oh... just you. You're funny."

"...All right. How so?"

She grinned at him. "You just are. Don't be scared, okay? I'm going to make sure we stay together, no matter what. Don't worry about a thing."

~

Author's Note: When I was "following" Joel and Ellie on their chosen route home, I learned that the Pacheco Pass portion of highway 152 in the Diablo mountain range is said to be haunted, or cursed. It allegedly has a violent history dating back to the 18th century... and in modern times, it boasts the highest number of fatal accidents in all of California -- although this could be due to the winding road and places where it is only one lane each direction, if not an actual curse. (If the bloody skirmishes are to blame, the TLOU 'verse should have a LOT more cursed roads!) I found multiple accounts of people who claimed to have seen visions or experienced some kind of time warp similar to what Joel and Ellie did here -- I was so intrigued by these stories that I just had to incorporate some of those elements in this segment, and I ended up having so much fun with it that I had to split the chapter in two due to its length. Hope you enjoyed!


~Continue to Chapter 17~