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lumy12Title: "Singularity" Chapter 23: "Karma is a..." [23/49]
Fandom: The Last of Us (first game only)
Characters: Ellie, Joel, Tommy, Maria, OCs
Pairings: Joel/Ellie
Warnings: Underage
Word Count for this chapter: 9,410
Rating (for fic as a whole): R
~
"They're gone, Joel... FUCK..."
"It's all right. There'll be more."
"No there won't! This was the last of them! That's IT. Forever. And it's all your fault. You're a horrible-- -What are you doing?"
"What does it look like I'm doing?"
"You can't just-- Joel, stop. You think sex makes everything okay?"
"I KNOW it does."
"But I don't-- stop it! What the fuck-- --Get off me!"
"Ellie--"
"No -- get the fuck away from me! ...DON'T EVER TOUCH ME AGAIN!"
"... ... Ellie!... ...Ellie?... Ellie... ..."
~ ~ ~
"Ellie..."
"Joel, wake up... Joooeelllll... it's okay..."
His eyes flew open -- it was dark, though -- too dark to see -- he was in a tiny space -- where the hell--
The camper... I remember now. Ellie was rubbing his arm, cooing to him. Being her usual sweet self. He rolled away from her. "Sorry I woke you," he mumbled.
"You didn't!" she lied (...well, he assumed it was a lie). She scooted right up into his back, spooning him. They fit together much better the other way around, of course, but she never seemed to mind. "You were saying my name. What were you dreaming about?"
"You." The automatic answer.
"No shit -- I just told you, you were saying my name. But what was the dream about?"
He didn't know why she even bothered asking him; he never gave her any satisfactory answers. "Don't remember." The standard lie that rolled off his tongue so easily.
She wedged her arm underneath his in an attempt to hug him. "Well... I can probably guess. I mean, the main thing about it... the theme. But I'm right here and I'm okay. It was just a bad dream, okay?"
Sure, he'd had dreams like that. It wasn't always Ellie who was in danger. It would be himself, or someone from his past, or some nameless person he knew was important to him in the dream... dreams were weird that way. None of those stuck with him. They were easily dismissed and forgotten. But the Ellie dreams…
This one wasn't even a nightmare... not really... and it made no goddamn sense. He and Ellie were at his old house in Texas, with a bunch of other random people... and whatever he'd kept her from getting was something... dumb. There was only an empty plate on the kitchen counter when she got there. What the hell was it... I knew, in the dream... it was like gingerbread cookies or some shit. And while she could perhaps be a bit overly dramatic about such things, the real Ellie wouldn't have been cruel like that. Then again, the real me would've been a smidge more sympathetic. ...Maybe. -Not a TOTAL asshole, at least. In the midst of this argument, they had magically hopped from the kitchen to their bedroom in Jackson, so at least his dream self wasn't stupid enough to try to get frisky around a horde of people. Only 'get frisky' don't seem to cover it... she acted like I was assaulting her... WAS I? He didn't get the sense that he'd been trying to hurt her, though... more like, he was just being a dick. A persistent dick. But... "Don't ever touch me again" - ? That's...
It just made no goddamn sense.
He'd had other dreams like this recently... where Ellie made it clear in some way that she didn't want him around, and he didn't much care to respect her wishes. The quasi-assault thing is new, though. A new low. ...What the hell is wrong with me, dreaming up shit like that?
And Tommy -- he had been there this time. He just came in, ran the dishwasher, and left without even speaking to Joel. Or Ellie, for that matter. Didn't acknowledge their presence at all. Naturally, it hadn't seemed like an odd thing for him to do in the dream.
"Joel? Are you okay?"
She knows I ain't asleep yet so I can't just ignore her. "I'm fine. Go back to sleep." ...I'd bet the farm she won't leave it at that, though--
"It's just... you always say you feel better when you hold me. After. I know I sure do after I have a nightmare--"
"It wasn't a nightmare. Go back to sleep," he repeated.
"It wasn't? It kinda seemed like one. You were all... agitated-like. Maybe... maybe I woke you up before it got to the worst part! Like you do with me sometimes!"
"Maybe." He could give her that much. Maybe he would tell her about Tommy and the dishwasher, later. She'd get a kick out of that.
"Can you just roll over for one second? Please? Then you can go back. If you want."
He couldn't really roll over with her right there, but he carefully rotated himself until he was on his other side, facing her.
She squiggled in close, gave him a peck on the lips (actually, it took her a couple of pecks just to find his lips, it was so dark), and laid her head on his... cheek, basically. Sandwiching his head between her and the pillow. She squeezed him super tight. "I love you, Joel."
Aww. He hugged her back. He couldn't not be touched by her sweetness. "Love you too, baby girl. Thank you. I'm all right, though. Really." He tucked her head snugly into his neck and shifted a little, getting cozy enough to fall back asleep.
"That's better," she murmured. "I might believe you now."
They had just 'celebrated' their latest monthly anniversary. Which, thank God, Joel wasn't expected to remember -- even when they were in Jackson, where dates actually mattered. Seems like it comes around awfully quick... really the only thing they ever did to celebrate it, no matter where they were, was to get a little mushy... a little extra romantic. He could handle that. It was kind of cute that she liked to keep track. When they reached a year, however, he would tell her they'd have to go by years now, not months. IF we make it to a year...
-Of course we will. That's only three months from now, he reminded his pessimistic side. At least he'd conditioned himself not to say negative shit like that to Ellie, who was convinced they would be together ~forever~.
It's a nice fantasy... but the closer they got to Jackson, the less sustainable the fantasy became. Reality weighed more heavily on his heart now... and his gut was starting to whisper to him that their days were numbered.
* * * * * * *
It wasn't the best time to be taking an extended break; they'd recently had a couple of half travel days, with the other half taken up by hunting (or attempts at hunting). However, they'd only gone about five or six miles this morning before reaching the Snake River -- and although Joel pointed out they'd be following it a little ways, and would intersect it on down the road even after that, Ellie insisted on replenishing their purified water supply. And bathing. Washing clothes and blankets and letting them air-dry. All that shit. Since he was in no hurry to get home, he didn't try too hard to talk her out of any of that.
And that surprised her. "Really? We can spend the rest of the day here? You don't mind?"
"Why would I mind?" he asked. As if he could think of no reason. As if he hadn't balked at this type of request a few days earlier.
"Oh, I dunno... maybe cuz we're eating the rest of the bear today and we'll have to go hunting yet again when we've only done... what, like... a hundred miles in four days?"
The fourth day being today, which would pretty much be a total loss. "We did good yesterday, though. We can take it easy today. Maybe go huntin' while the laundry dries. Find somethin' better to eat. -This looks like a good spot here." He steered them off the road, closer to the river bank.
Ellie giggled. "Find something better? The bear is fine! You're just too fucking picky. We were lucky it found us."
It figured that on a day they weren't looking to hunt at all, the prey would come to them. "Lucky? That thing scared the shit outta me." (And her.) "Just 'cause I happen to not like somethin' don't make me picky, either." He didn't recall Ellie liking it all that much, either, the last time they had it. We're just getting hungrier.
"Whatever. If only we could find a fishing rod that works... I bet there's some good edible fishies in there," she remarked as she gazed out over the water.
Yes, it helped to have one equipped with an actual fishing line. And lures. And a functional reel. "Never thought we'd miss fish."
"Yeah -- and I never thought I'd be hungry again after all we ate last night, but -- hey, do you wanna start a fire while I get the water going? It'll taste better warm."
"Nothin' could make it taste good, but I'll take 'better,' I s'pose." They had enough kindling in the jeep for a modest fire (they'd learned to treat kindling rather like gasoline: pick it up as you go and store it for future use, space permitting).
Ellie ate her fill -- again -- and Joel enjoyed watching her far more than he enjoyed eating his own stringy portion. It wasn't quite the event it used to be... she'd slowed down some, except perhaps when they'd eaten nothing but almonds and oranges for a couple days... but it still looked to him like she never quite took it for granted. Like it was so ingrained in her to not have enough food that eating was a luxury. He knew she'd been bullied by bigger kids in Boston... and although that was awful, of course, it had made her scrappy, which was a good thing. I suppose in civilization she pretty much takes it for granted, other than not wanting to waste a single bite... For the most part, people at Golden Sands had cleaned their plates, as food wasn't always extremely plentiful there, but when they didn't? Oh did they ever hear it from Ellie!
"Joel, if I eat any more I'm gonna puke," she implored him, clutching her stomach and slumping against the wall -- the wall of some random boarded-up little diner along the highway -- so much that she was practically laying down.
Joel was sitting like a normal person. "I don't want no more. We can leave the rest for the vultures... crows... whoever comes along. There ain't that much." Not that THEY will want it, either... but he kept that thought to himself.
"Yeah -- there ain't that much, so can't you force it down? I really don't wanna puke."
"So don't eat it," he chuckled. "Pukin' it up is worse than just leavin' it for some other animal to get, don't you think?"
"But if you--"
"Nope. Sorry." He pointedly didn't look her in the eye, though; that was dangerous at times like these, when he needed to stand his ground. "And before you suggest it -- we can't take it with us. It's gettin' too old, and it's too warm out today."
"It's not warm at all!"
"The sun is out. It ain't anywhere near fridge-cold."
"Okay, so... even though the thought of this makes me wanna puke at the moment, what if I eat it in like an hour or two?"
"Nope, it's done," he said firmly. He leaned back against the wall and gazed out at the river across the street.
Every time Ellie talked about puking, his mind wandered into unwelcome places. Every time, since they'd started having sex. But we haven't had any close calls lately, and she ain't late... I made her check... it was silly to worry.
Something off to his left -- his non-Ellie side -- twitched in his peripheral vision. So peripheral he almost couldn't see it at all. He tensed up, but didn't reach for a gun. Shit, not again--
"What? What is it?" Ellie hissed, presumably reading his body language. She straightened up quickly.
"Lean forward a little and look over there. Behind that tree -- the biggest one. Tell me if you see a little girl."
"Fuck -- are you serious?!" She did as he requested. "Uh... no?"
"Maybe she caught you lookin'." Joel didn't see her now, either.
"Was it the same girl you saw last time?" Ellie asked with interest.
At least she don't think I'm crazy, Joel mused. Of course she didn't -- she'd had ~experiences~ like this as well. "No... I don't think so? Around the same age, though, I reckon. Blonde girl."
He didn't have to look at her to know that Ellie was now giving him a Look. "See? The fates are trying to tell you something!"
It was a fairly vague statement, but she had already shared her opinions on the subject with him last time, and he wasn't inclined to discuss her ludicrous guilt theory again now. He was trying to think of a gracious way to convey this when... he heard something, a rustling noise--
Ellie scrambled to her feet and moved far enough away from the wall that she could see around the side of it. "Hey! Little girl! Don't be scared -- come here!" she beckoned to the phantom before glancing at him. "I see her now, Joel!"
He had risen to his feet when Ellie did... and stepped away from the building enough to--
Holy shit-- he saw a little girl running away. And Ellie was looking in the same spot -- she really can see her this time!
"We have food!" Ellie shouted to the retreating figure.
Joel snorted. "Barely edible food, that is."
She swatted him. "It's perfectly fine. And... the girl stopped, see?" She made a windmill-like 'come here' gesture with her arm. "Come over! We have enough to share!" she hollered.
"Ghosts don' need to eat," he pointed out.
"Well, maybe this one does. -Look, she's coming!" Ellie donned her most welcoming smile. "That's it! Come on! ...And don't worry about him, he's nice!" She elbowed Joel. "Try to look nicer, will you?"
He watched the little girl approach... slower now, as she was getting close. Damn, she looks so REAL... "I don't think she looks particularly worried about me."
"Well, can't you just... smile or something?"
Joel plastered a smile on his face.
"That's better!" Ellie chirped. She took a couple steps toward the little girl. "Hi! I'm Ellie, and this is Joel. What's your name?"
The girl just stared at them.
"It's okay, you can tell us," Ellie encouraged her. "We're friendlies. If you're nice to us, we're nice to you. And you... look like a nice kid."
The girl certainly didn't look threatening. She was small and thin... her big blue eyes looked too large for her face... but she wasn't emaciated. She was dirty... but not filthy-dirty. Her long blonde hair looked like it could use a good washing -- and combing -- but her skin and clothes looked reasonably clean. Possibly on account of the river being right there. She ain't wearing a dress, like the last one... nope, this girl was more sensibly dressed -- in jeans and a hoodie. Her appearance fit the environment. Yep, I reckon she's real.
"I'm not supposed to talk to strangers," the girl finally said matter-of-factly. "But you guys seem okay."
Joel chuckled. "What seems true ain't always true. Whoever told you not to talk to strangers should've mentioned that, too."
"Joel!" Ellie chided him.
"My dad," the girl replied, unperturbed. "He told me. He'll be really mad if he sees me talking to you."
Just what we need... a pissed off father coming after us...
"Well, we can keep it a secret, then!" Ellie replied cheerfully. "Me and Joel are good at keeping secrets. We won't tell him."
Joel could have shot her a look for that little remark, as it would have undoubtedly gone straight over the little one's head... but the remark itself surely did as well, so there was no point. And Ellie didn't even so much as glance at him.
The girl looked dubious, but she moved toward them a little. "I'm supposed to hide if I see people. Or helicopters."
Ellie did look at him after that unexpected announcement; surely it wasn't coincidental. Joel flashed her a "stay calm" look. "Helicopters? You see many of those around here?" he asked the little girl nonchalantly. Just making conversation...
"Only one! I didn't even know what it was! Daddy said we had to hide -- and then it landed and these men got out and started looking for us! But they didn't find us -- one of my jobs is to find good hiding places. Places big enough for me and Daddy to both hide in at the same time. I'm really good at finding those! We heard them yelling at us. They said they just wanted to ask us questions. I like answering questions but Daddy says sometimes people lie and maybe they would hurt us so it's better not to talk to them, especially cuz they had guns. And... you have guns..."
"We just use them for hunting!" Ellie lied -- quite smoothly, at that.
"It's good to have 'em out here for protection," Joel added. "It don't seem like you wanna hurt us, though, so we can leave 'em holstered."
"I won't hurt you," the girl affirmed, looking at Joel in disbelief, or perhaps confusion. She probably wasn't used to being viewed as a threat by grown men.
Ellie giggled. "I told him you wouldn't. He just gets scared of people sometimes. Good thing he has me around to look after him!"
Rather than pretending to be annoyed by her antics, Joel ignored her and stayed focused on the little girl. "Your dad is smart not to trust men with guns. That helicopter... when did you see it? Do you remember?" We're too close to Jackson for it to have come from Monterey...
"It was like... a lot of days ago, kind of. We had to hide for so long that day -- I got really bored. Then we moved, right after that. I'm glad cuz I like our new home better. We move a lot. Can I go see your horse?"
The abrupt change in subject didn't faze Ellie one bit. "Oh -- don't you wanna eat? We have meat left over..."
"Maybe if I have time after I see the horse?"
Ha-- "If I have time"...? The girl was on a schedule? "Tell you what," said Joel. "If you tell us your name, you can see the horse for as long as you want. And eat somethin' after."
"It's Karma."
...Huh? "Sorry... say again?"
"Karma," she repeated. "It's spelled K - A - R - M - A."
The first thought that popped into Joel's mind upon hearing that name was "karma's a bitch." The second thought was why in the hell would someone name their daughter 'bitch'? A dog, maybe, but a little girl?
"That's a pretty name," Ellie said sincerely, making Joel wonder if she'd ever heard the phrase (he thought she had...?). "How old are you, Karma?"
"Eight, I think," the girl replied. "For sure I'm seven, but I think I might be eight by now. How old are you?"
"Sixteen. ...Wow, it's the first time I've gotten to say that to anyone," she said happily. "Cuz I used to be fifteen. I mean, I just had a birthday, kinda recently." She started walking slowly toward the horse, who was grazing as close to the highway as his picket line would allow, and the girl fell in step beside her. Joel stayed a few paces behind the two girls, keeping a wary eye out for someone who might "be really mad" about strangers -- one of whom was a grizzly old dude, no less -- talking to his young daughter.
"Do you know what month your birthday is?" Ellie asked her.
"February. At the end."
"Okay -- it's April now, so you're eight if that's what you were turning this year. As for Joel... don't ask how old he is. He gets very grumpy if he has to talk about that. Don't you, Joel?" She shot a disarming smile back at him, no doubt expecting a dirty look in return.
"Where's this dad of yours?" Joel asked the girl in lieu of taking the bait.
"He's doing the train," she replied. ...With no further explanation. As if it made sense. "Aww, your horse is so pretty!"
"Oh, don't let him hear you say that -- he's handsome," Ellie coached her, smiling. "His name is Fox."
Joel wondered how long it took to 'do' a train. "And he just... leaves you out here alone, when he does that?" he pressed.
Karma shrugged. "Most of the time, yeah. Unless we're riding it somewhere."
"You jump trains?" Ellie gaped at the little girl.
"Hop trains," Joel just had to correct her. Even though it was the same difference, really.
"Sorry -- I always say it wrong, huh! Train-hopping... that's something me and Joel haven't done yet." Said with a trace of longing.
"It's hard!" said Karma. "You have to do it so no one sees you. If anyone does see you, you have to kill them. I think that's the real reason Daddy doesn't like me to come. When we're not riding it somewhere, I mean. Not cuz I'm too little to do it good. He says killing is for grown-ups. Can I pet him?"
Ellie seemed a bit taken aback by that casual disclosure. "Uh... sure! I wish we had an apple or something for you to feed him. Stay on this side -- don't go behind him or he might kick you," she warned as she rubbed Fox's neck, demonstrating for the girl. "So... your dad just hops on trains and hops back off when he's not actually going anywhere? Why would he do that?"
Joel chuckled. "Because he comes back with stuff. Right? Like food?"
The girl nodded absently, totally absorbed in the horse. "I think he likes me! Can I pet his nose?"
Ellie smiled at her. "Yeah, go ahead!"
Karma rubbed Fox's nose happily. "He's so cute! I used to live in a place that had horses. Wish I could have one."
Fox sure seemed to be enjoying the attention. He's definitely a ladies' man...
"So... your dad is a train robber?" Ellie asked conversationally.
"Yep."
"Um... okay then. And he kills people. Is he a hunter?"
"Ellie--"
"What? I'm just asking."
But the little girl didn't seem offended -- because she was either too young to understand or she was unfamiliar with the term. "Sometimes," she answered. "We don't always have a lot of bullets."
The latter, then... "I'm sure he... does what he has to do," said Joel diplomatically. A vague statement that could mean anything, really. "Is he nice to you?"
She seemed confused by the simple question. "What do you mean?"
"Is he nice. Does he treat you good. Look after you."
"Yeah -- he's my dad."
Joel heard the silent "duh" at the end of that sentence. "Just because he's--" --Nah, no need to go there. "Just-- makin' sure he ain't mean."
"He's not! He's a good guy, not a bad guy." Said like the world was divided neatly into heroes and villains. "It's like you said. He just does bad things if he has to. And he only takes a little bit -- they have soooooo much."
Joel nodded. "That's smart. Less noticeable that way." Plus, how much could one man carry at a time? Unless he has help... Christ, is there gonna be a band of hunters coming back here? "Anyone else go with him?"
"Nope. He's by himself. It's just me and him here."
He must be doing all right... the girl's more interested in petting the horse than eating our meat. And she didn't even know it was just crappy bear meat; she hadn't been close enough to hear them talking about it. Unless maybe she can identify it by smell? Still -- a starving kid would eat just about anything.
"Where's your--" Ellie started to ask a question and cut herself off. "Er... where's this train? We haven't seen any out here. This time, I mean. We've seen some tracks, but we don't know if they're ones that trains actually go on, you know?"
"It's somewhere over there, I think." The girl gestured vaguely to the east. "We never live really close to it. Just in case. That's another reason I don't go -- it's a long walk home. I mean long. And I'd have to walk the whole way cuz Daddy has to carry too much stuff and can't carry me besides. I'm too big now -- but even when I was little, he had too much."
Joel wondered if Karma even knew what that all-encompassing "just in case" meant or if she was just regurgitating her dad's explanation, but he didn't ask her to explain. At any rate, it sounded like the two of them had been out here a long time.
"So... you like horses, obviously," Ellie stated. "You ever ridden on one?"
Those big blue eyes got even bigger. "No! But I've always wanted to! Can I? Can I please?" she added.
"Of course!" Ellie replied. "You're gonna love--"
"Ellie, don't jump the gun here," Joel cut in warningly. "Only if it's okay with her dad."
Ellie grinned. "Ha! Jump the gun but hop the train. Got it." (It sure didn't take much to amuse her sometimes.) "Karma, when is your dad coming back?"
"Ummmm... I don't think I heard the train but maybe I missed it? It doesn't always come at the same time. Or even on the same day that he thinks. Like he figured it out and keeps track but if it gets stuck in the snow somewhere it might come really late."
"Keeps track," Ellie repeated. "Good one! So, Joel, have you heard a train today?"
"It's kind of hard to hear sometimes," Karma informed them.
Ellie snorted. "Oh, trust me -- Joel can hear things that normal humans can't. So?" She looked at Joel expectantly.
"Sorry," he replied. "The jeep ain't exactly quiet. Mighta drowned it out if it's far away."
"The what's not quiet?" asked Karma.
"The jeep," Ellie answered her. "This one here. It's ours. Well, sort of. It's ours for now..."
The little girl went bug-eyed again as she looked over at the shaded jeep, apparently for the first time. "This? This is yours? It works?"
"Yep!"
"Like... it moves?"
Ellie chuckled. "Yeah, that's why all our stuff is in it, see?"
"Wow -- can I ride that too?" She looked at Joel. "If Daddy says it's okay. And you guys are nice so I know he will."
"Joel, it wouldn't hurt to take her for a little spin, would it?" Ellie put in. "The guy might not even be back for ages."
He supposed the chances of the man opening fire on a vehicle containing his daughter were slim... but still. "Ellie, think about it. I know I sure wouldn't like it if I came back from somewhere and found you ridin' around with some strange dude."
"I guess," Ellie sighed and turned back to the girl. "Okay, so... if you wanna come back after your dad gets home? We're going to be here a while. Or you can hang out with us. Will he freak out if he gets home and you're not there?"
"No... he knows I go exploring. Which is way more fun than waiting around for the train and then having to walk for soooooo long. Sometimes I find cool stuff. Besides hiding places."
"Oh -- like this time... you found us, and we're pretty cool, huh?" Ellie smirked.
"Yeah! Also -- I'm good at climbing trees. If I need a break I find a good one to climb and I sit in it."
Joel wondered how long it took the guy to rob the train. Maybe there were multiple cars involved. Maybe he had to open crates and shit, too... Joel supposed the train could carry him a couple miles or so, which he would then have to schlep back, plus the distance in between the tracks and their camp. It would probably feel pretty far to a little kid. Still, if it were him... I think I'd rather have Ellie with me than out here alone for who knows how many hours, unarmed, talking to strange people passing through...
Well, who am I to judge? He had tried to shield Ellie from harsh realities at first, too, and fourteen was a far cry from eight. Hell -- Joel still tried to protect her, when he could. The kid's father was between a rock and a hard place out here. If the bullets were flying, or there'd been some kind of close call with the train -- like if she fell, or... who knows what kind of crazy shit could go down... maybe the man reckoned she'd be safer out in the middle of nowhere than in the middle of all that. Leaving an eight-year-old alone for untold hours would have been considered neglect, in the old days. Now... it was possibly the lesser of two evils. Unless... unless he never makes it back? ...Can't worry about shit like that, though... ain't our problem...
They fed the girl (or tried to -- she too was not a fan of the bear meat)... talked to her some more... learned a few significant things about her life, often in the same breath as the more superficial. For instance, her mother was dead, and they had recently found a trampoline ("it's this cool-looking thing that you jump on and it bounces you up really high!") that her dad wouldn't let her try out because he said it wasn't safe and wouldn't work right anyways because it was too old. Once you got her going, the girl could talk a blue streak that could rival Ellie's. Ellie finally got to practice her French-braiding technique again; she even gave Karma her only surviving hair tie. In return, Karma helped with the washing -- which was especially nice because Joel felt like he needed to be more vigilant than usual, and didn't like the idea of he and Ellie both down at the river's edge like that, their backs to the world. This way, he could keep a lookout while the girls were occupied. He'd gotten some sense of what Karma's father was like just from the things she'd said... but nothing that could reassure Joel beyond a shadow of a doubt that he wasn't the shoot-first-ask-questions-later type. This was one of those times when Ellie's mere presence would say a lot more than any placating words Joel could speak. If I were in his shoes, I'd probably shoot me, too... but Ellie's sweet spirit had a way of casting him in a much better light.
Of course, if the man knew the true nature of his relationship with Ellie... well, he might just shoot me anyhow. On principle.
Joel actually relaxed a little, once he heard the train. It was hard to estimate how far away it was, but if it was a mile or two or three, and the guy had to come back from there... then go home (because why wouldn't he? He didn't know anyone was here by the river)... Joel reckoned the clock was now ticking, but ticking slowly. He sent Karma home, declining her invitation to come see where she lived -- because he felt like her dad wouldn't appreciate finding strangers in his house upon his return. Ellie wanted to go, but he wouldn't let her. Or... rather, he persuaded her to stay with him (it was still hard not to slip into dad mode with her sometimes). Best to let the guy decide for himself if he wanted to come meet them or not.
It did feel strange to send an eight-year-old off by herself, though. If she likes to go exploring, she must know how to find her way home... Joel had told her if it started getting dark and her dad wasn't back yet, she could come back if she wanted. Because what if... ? It was a horrible thought. Was it one that occurred to little Karma every time her dad left her alone, or was she so used to the way things were that it didn't worry her at all? Other than that first minute or so -- after she realized she'd been spotted and had started to run away -- the girl hadn't shown any signs of fear or anxiety. And she and Ellie had become fast friends. That's my Ellie... she can win people over in two seconds flat, without even breaking a sweat.
And now... Joel would worry. What if the girl didn't come back? Should they go make sure she was all right, or just assume that her father had returned... and that he had decided not to go meet them?
It ain't our problem, he reminded himself. ...Or tried to remind himself; it seemed that brand of logic really only applied to other adults. Just... I would feel better, knowing we didn't just abandon her out here. Knowing her dad made it home safely.
He would have to put it out of his mind for now. After watching Karma disappear into the horizon, Joel turned back to Ellie, who was packing up the soap and shit very neatly in the jeep -- because even when they planned on staying somewhere for a while, it was always good to be ready to go quickly if needed. It was a sunny day... relatively warm... but she was visibly shivering (of course, the jeep was strategically parked where the afternoon sun's path would never find it). He walked up behind her and snaked his arms around her waist... kissed her neck...
"Ooohhh you're nice and warm!" she giggled, leaning back into him.
"You're wet," he observed. And not in the sexy way...
She turned her head to smirk at him. "Am not -- you haven't touched me all day!"
He smirked right back. "That ain't what I meant. You have a filthy mind, kiddo," he teased her, despite his own... filthy-mindedness.
"It's much filthier than yours," she said sagely.
"Mm. Much," he pretended to agree. Shit... if I voiced even HALF of the thoughts that cross my mind on this topic... but even if she wasn't so damn young, he just wasn't that lewd. He squeezed her. "How'd that little girl manage to soak you from head to toe?"
"It wasn't all her fault. Just most of it! But I was already a little wet from the blankets and sticking my hands in the--"
"Mmhmm. Sure. And it was her who started the splash wars, was it?"
"It was!" she lied, giggling as Joel tickled her neck with his beard. "Hey -- you're making it worse--" She wrenched herself out of his grasp... then wriggled back into it. Immediately. She was facing him this time. "And that breeze makes it even worse! Brrrrr!"
He kissed her softly. "We can't really be doin' this when they come back, you know. If they come back." He knew Karma definitely wanted to -- she hadn't gotten to go for a ride yet.
"She just barely left!"
"You know we lose track of time too easily, though. Or maybe she forgot to tell you somethin' an' comes right back. C'mon -- you've been in the sun too long today. Let's go sit over there a while." He took her hand and started walking toward the diner.
"We're in the shade right now!" she protested, stumbling after him. "I was gonna go back in the sun -- I put sunscreen on!"
"Which has prob'ly all washed off by now an' we're almost out. The only dry blanket's over there." Joel was actually glad now that Ellie had developed a klepto thing with blankets on this trip.
"Yeah but we have to sit on it cuz the ground is cold cuz it's all shady over there!"
"You can sit halfway on my lap," Joel offered. "Or in front of me, if you want. Leanin' back."
That mollified her; a minute later, they were snuggled up against the wall -- that is, Joel was leaning on the wall, with Ellie right in front of him. She said she felt warmer... and she had stopped shaking... but there wasn't much he could do for her wet-jeans-clad legs.
"So you don't care if they find us like this, huh?" she asked.
"Nope. Nothin' wrong with it." Except Ellie's probably a little too old to sit like this with her 'dad'...
"Pfff -- there's nothing wrong with any of it," she retorted.
"That's debatable."
"You said there's nothing wrong with it!"
He chuckled. "You do like to put words in my mouth. I never said--"
"Yes you did!" she insisted. "Sometimes you forget things you say, but I remember!"
That was probably true. "I stopped carin' about it bein' wrong, is all. It ain't the same thing."
"Uuuggghhh -- Joel, you're impossible."
"I really am," he had to agree.
"You're lucky I love you so much."
"Damn straight."
She giggled softly... but it was almost a nervous little sound. "Yeah, so... fuck. You wanna be father and daughter with these people we don't even know... there's no way you're gonna be cool being... being us... when we get home. Is there." A statement, not a question.
And she's spot on... He hadn't definitively made up his mind on the subject, but just hearing her say it seemed to put the nail in the coffin. "I'm sorry, baby girl. I know that's what you want. But I... don't really see a good outcome, that way." To put it mildly.
"It's okay. I get it. I wasn't like a hundred percent about not hiding, you know. I remember... how horrible it was... knowing that people thought-- I just fucking hate that they turned something so... beautiful, and special... they took that and made it into something ugly and disgusting."
He gave her a squeeze. "They didn't make it into anything. It still is what it is. It's... our perceptions that are different from theirs."
Ellie absorbed that for a moment. "That makes it sound like it's okay for them to think it's ugly and disgusting. Their perception is wrong! It's not... you forcing me to... or if they don't think that -- maybe not forcing, exactly, but--"
"Groomin'," Joel supplied. "Like Caleb with Parker."
"Right! It's not that either."
...Except that's exactly what it is. He could dress it up different ways... claim that his genuine love for her made it different... but at the end of the day, that's what it still boiled down to. Ellie, however, seemed to view Caleb and Parker as a foil of sorts. Like the questionable or bad things about Caleb and Parker's relationship illustrated what he and Ellie were not. "They don't understand us," Joel said (...and wasn't he quite the diplomat today). "I'll give you that."
Ellie snorted. "That's the understatement of the year. But you said that by now everyone's forgotten all about that shit from right before we left. The rumors and stuff. Right?"
"I hope so." You'd think that people would have more important things to worry about...
"As long as we're in our own house again, I can deal. ...Although it was kinda fun sneaking around to be alone with you..."
"It was a pain in the ass." Especially that one day when Ellie had gotten the time wrong and waited a whole extra hour for him. He didn't really miss having a cell phone anymore, but for things like that, it would be a godsend.
"It'll be fun to miss you again," she said... sounding rather like she was trying to convince herself.
"Right. I won't get on your nerves so much."
"Ha -- yeah. And I won't get on yours."
"Mm." Here's where I'm supposed to tell her she never gets--
"Joel! I don't get on your nerves, do I?!"
"Nope -- never!" he answered too quickly and cheerfully to ring true.
"Such a liar," she grumbled good-naturedly.
"Hey, I said what you wanted me to. Is this one of those damned if I do, damned if I don't things?"
"Yep, must be!" She squiggled around to give him a peck on the cheek before settling back again. "You're so cute. Seriously... it is kind of awesome to see you after not seeing you all day. Not eight days or anything-- " -- the longest they'd ever been apart, due to Joel working on a project outside of town -- "--but... eight hours is okay. We'll actually have stuff to tell each other! About our days, I mean. Cuz they won't be the same."
That would take some getting used to. Again. Seems like it should get easier with repetition... but I never really got used to being apart from her in California. Even though they hadn't been joined at the hip, he'd nearly always known where she was. And a couple times when I didn't, things were BAD... yeah, that knowledge definitely didn't make it easier for him to learn to let go.
They relaxed in that spot for a long time; Ellie said they weren't being lazy -- they were busy 'drying their laundry.' Right. They weren't hunting because they'd told Karma they'd be there all day, and they had agreed to have dinner together, if the girl's dad was cool with it. Be pretty rude not to stick around for that... They'd already eaten their main meal for the day, so having another would be a nice bonus.
But when Joel heard something -- 'people noises' -- it wasn't coming from the direction the little girl had gone. "Ellie, you hear that?"
"No -- are they coming back?" Ellie hopped up immediately.
"It's over there." He gestured to the northwest, and he rose to his feet as well. "Let's hide around the corner an' see if they head for the horse." They'd left Fox across the street, grazing by the river. "We can see how many there are."
"You think it's hunters? Fuck, I left the binoculars in the--"
"You won't need 'em. They're gettin' close." He didn't have his full arsenal on him, but he had an adequate amount to choose from. The rifle's pretty good for sniper distance...
But then he relaxed: he heard the higher-pitched voice of a child. Close enough now that they could see a figure weaving through some nearby trees. More like BOUNCING through them...
"You're still here!" Karma shrieked as she cleared the trees.
Ellie waved to her and called out, "Of course we are!" She was looking beyond the little girl... and she lowered her voice so only Joel could hear. "Uh-oh... is she by herself?"
Joel had wondered that too, at first. "No -- Dad's just laggin' behind. See him now?"
"Oh yeah... the dude with the ginormous rifle."
He arched an eyebrow at her. "It ain't any bigger than ours... and we got our guns out too, didn't we?"
Ellie holstered hers (by some miracle, she was actually still wearing the holster belt) and jogged out to meet Karma. Joel stayed a few steps behind, gun drawn but aimed at the ground. The other man had the rifle slung over his shoulder... in enough of a 'ready' position that he could fire pretty quickly, but he wasn't aiming at them, either.
"I thought you were down that way more so we went to the wrong place at first!" the girl explained as she neared them. "And guess what, Ellie! He likes my hair like this! You should've seen his face! He was like--" She illustrated this with an expression of surprise on her own face.
Joel kind of tuned out the 'girl chatter' as he sized up the other man, who gave him a small smile and extended his hand. "Paul," the guy said by way of introduction.
Joel gave the hand a hearty shake. "Joel. Nice to meet you." The ingrained response that still amused Ellie because she claimed it didn't sound like him.
Paul was maybe a couple inches taller than him, and a good ten years younger. Lean, but not skinny. He was dressed like his daughter -- in a hoodie and jeans. Other than that, Joel wasn't sure he saw much resemblance. Maybe around the eyes... though his were brown and Karma's were blue. Brown hair, fuzzy beard... nothing remarkable about his features. Joel's gut actually wasn't getting a real good read on the man, but... it was leaning more to the good than the bad. He got the feeling that Paul was appraising him much the same way -- and coming to the same conclusion.
"She told you about the helicopter," Paul said, watching him carefully.
"She did." ...What does he know?
"We heard them say Karma was too young. That they were looking for an older girl."
"Me," Ellie confirmed for the man before Joel could reply. "They're looking for me. But it's all a big misunderstanding. We're not bad!"
"You... stole their jeep?" Paul asked (not accusingly).
"Only cuz we had to!" Ellie replied (defensively all the same).
"We didn't have to. Things just... worked out that way," Joel said vaguely. "But that ain't why they're lookin' for us. At least... not entirely."
"Then why are they?" Karma asked.
"We don't need to know that, sweetie," her father chided her gently, shooting a look at Joel and then Ellie that clearly said Karma didn't need to hear the details.
Joel reckoned that a man who was in the business of robbing government-run trains -- and killing anyone who got in his way -- couldn't really throw stones. He's just getting a feel of who we are... maybe gauging the likelihood of us stealing from THEM... hell, Joel was doing the same thing. If they did end up having dinner together, he didn't plan on letting this guy leave his sight. He was less concerned about the little girl; after watching her all afternoon, he hadn't seen that shiftiness that usually accompanies a kid looking to rip someone off. Also, he wasn't concerned about Karma -- or any other female -- possibly hurting Ellie the way he was naturally concerned about a grown man. Ellie could call him sexist all she wanted -- it was just different.
Of course, the other man would have the same concerns about Joel. Concerns he wouldn't have about Ellie -- although she was bigger than his daughter, so there was that. But, she's ELLIE -- he can probably tell already that she won't hurt her. Just the fact that Joel could feel Paul sizing him up actually earned the guy a little trust, in Joel's book. More so than if he didn't give any thought to protecting his daughter. Karma was also helping his case much the same way Ellie tended to help Joel's... but still. Any asshole can have a kid. And just because they weren't assholish enough to ditch their kid somewhere didn't exempt them from assholedom altogether.
"Thanks for feeding the kiddo here... and being so nice to her all day," Paul said cordially. "She's been talking about it nonstop since--"
"Wait -- did you say 'kiddo'?" Ellie butted in. "That's my name!"
A fact that seemed to astonish Karma. "What?? But... you're big!"
Joel had to chuckle at that. "That might be the first time anyone's ever called her big," he teased -- which earned him a playful shove from Ellie. "I know -- it's all relative. I also know you've heard of other kiddos before, kiddo. It ain't like it's unique." She'd heard it from him, in fact, before she'd banished the nickname from his vocabulary in regards to anyone other than her. (He'd mostly broken the habit by now.)
Paul seemed more at ease already. "Listen... we'd like to repay the kindness. If you're willing. We live... prob'ly less than half a mile from here. Got plenty of food to go around."
"Like what?" asked Ellie.
"Ellie..." Joel used his don't-be-rude tone.
But Karma answered her excitedly. "Protein bars and beans and corn and oatmeal and sugar and-- um-- what else, Daddy? -- oh -- rice -- and soup -- and strawberries that I found --"
"Strawberries -- that seals it for Ellie," said Joel. As if Ellie would have refused otherwise.
"No meat, unfortunately," Paul said apologetically. "But we do have some pasta."
"From last time -- it's only good when it's cooked," Karma added. "If you don't cook it, it tastes like... nothing. Plus it grows when you cook it."
"Wow, really?" Ellie played dumb, shooting an amused look at Joel. "Must be magic."
"No, that's just what it does if you put it in water," Karma explained.
"Well... then the water is magic," Ellie declared.
"No! There's no such thing as magic," Karma informed her; it was like the two girls had swapped ages, really.
Ellie goggled at her. "How can you say that? There totally is! Joel, we have to tell her about our Wizard of Oz experience."
Does she want me to lie? Their 'house' hadn't actually been whisked away; they'd only imagined that part for shits and giggles. The time warp thing was magical enough, I suppose...
"We'll tell them at dinner," Ellie decided. "They can be the first ones to tell us we're crazy."
Paul was trying to jog Karma's memory about the movie. "You don't remember? You saw it when you were little, sweetie. Remember the munchkins? the tin man? the scarecrow? -Remember the lion? How you were scared of him at first but then you really liked him?"
The look on Ellie's face was priceless; she didn't have to say anything because her expression was screaming "How the fuck can anyone be scared of the Cowardly Lion?" "The wicked witch was a little scarier, don'tcha think?" is what she said.
"She was only five," Paul explained. "We saw it in this town we used to live in."
Karma had spoken of a place they'd lived that had electricity, and Joel had assumed it was a QZ, but no one ever referred to those as towns. "What town was that?" he asked.
"Jackson," Paul replied. "It's in Wy--"
"No way!" Ellie exclaimed. "That's where we're going! We live there! Wow -- I can't believe -- was it a really long time ago when you left? Cuz we've been there a long time -- almost a year -- well, except for this past winter, we sort of took this long vacation -- so when were you guys there?"
"...It's been a while," Paul said once Ellie paused long enough to give him a chance to speak. "We left in July... not last year but the year before."
Joel could tell Ellie was filing this into her mental chronology; she furrowed her brow just enough to indicate the gears were moving around in there. "Okay... oh man -- so you weren't even there the first time we were there. Except that doesn't really count cuz we didn't get to go into town, just the dam -- we wouldn't've even seen you. We're really close to there now, you know! Only a few days away -- right, Joel? You guys should come with us!"
"Yeah!" Karma seconded. "Can we, Daddy? Pleeeeease?"
Paul gave his daughter a look. "You know why we can't." He scratched the back of his neck, and just... generally looked awkward. "And it's best if you two don't tell anyone there that you saw us," he added, looking at Ellie and Joel in turn.
To Joel's surprise, Ellie didn't even ask why; maybe she'd taken his don't-be-rude look to heart. He nodded at Paul. "All right. Well, it's gonna be gettin' dark soon. How 'bout we give you a lift back home. Horse or jeep -- your pick."
The little girl smiled. "I want both!"
"Well, unless you can be in two places at once, that ain't gonna work," Joel chuckled. "If your dad's cool with it, we can let you do the other one later, just for fun."
Paul mulled it over for a few moments. "I assume the headlights work?"
"They do," Joel assured him.
"Then I vote horse first. For her, anyway. I've ridden horses before. She hasn't."
"All right," said Joel. "Horse it is. Ellie can take her... and you can ride in the jeep. That work for you?"
"Sure. Can't remember the last car I've been in -- one that runs, I mean."
"Ever been in an army jeep with no doors?" asked Joel.
"Heh... that would be a no."
"Good, so it'll be new for you, too. Ellie, why don't you--"
"Why did you guys leave?" Ellie blurted. Like she just couldn't contain her curiosity any longer. "Sorry -- if it's too personal, that's okay, just tell me it's none of my business... er -- can you at least tell us why you feel like you can't go back?"
"I can tell them," Karma offered, looking to her dad... for permission, presumably.
Paul sighed. "It's fine. Maybe you have a right to know. We were... more or less asked to leave."
The man's discomfort was palpable. Either that was all he was going to say or he was trying to think of what to say next. I'll help him out-- "It's none of our business, kiddo," Joel reiterated to Ellie, because he knew Paul's answer wasn't going to cut it for her. "Let's--"
"Why?" she asked anyway, undeterred. "What happened?"
"It was really just him who had to leave," Karma put in. "But me and Mommy wanted to go with him."
Paul chuckled... but it was a rueful sound. "And I never should've let you. I'll regret that... for the rest of my life."
The girl's mother is dead, but she was with them in Jackson... it didn't take a genius to figure out why the man regretted it.
And Ellie wasn't oblivious to the pain Paul was exuding. "I'm sorry," she said soberly. "And I'm sorry I made you talk about it. I just... can't imagine what would be so bad that Tommy and Maria would do that to you. But... yeah, not like we know you at all, right? Sometimes people look nice, and then... ugh -- sorry. I didn't mean that you're not nice--"
"It's okay," Paul excused her flub graciously. "Frankly, I'm not all that nice. Not all the time."
"Well, no one's nice all the time," said Ellie, charitable as ever. "And you sound like Joel -- Joel likes to say he's not nice, but he is!" She paused to receive his I-ain't-nice look, which she countered with a smirk. "Yeah, so... that was almost two years ago. Ancient history. You could come back with a clean slate. Me and Joel will talk to them -- Tommy is Joel's brother, so we kind of have this--"
"Tommy's your brother?" Paul cut her off. "Oh boy. I really should just tell you."
What does Tommy have to do with it? Now Joel's curiosity was piqued, too. But the sun was creeping lower... "Maybe after dinner."
Ellie shot him an amusingly murderous look for that. He really couldn't imagine her making it through dinner without prying the story out of Paul little by little.
"You might not want to have dinner with me, once you know. And, Ellie... yes, two years is a long time, but... not long enough. Not for this." He sighed again. "Not when you're asked to leave because... you killed a person. An innocent person... who happened to be one of the town founders."
...Oh. SHIT.
Ellie stared at Paul... uncharacteristically speechless.
Joel knew how to respond, though. He clapped a hand on Ellie's shoulder and gave it a squeeze. "Come on. Let's take them home so we can eat. ...Together," he added, since she looked uncertain. "All four of us."
~Continue to Chapter 24~
Fandom: The Last of Us (first game only)
Characters: Ellie, Joel, Tommy, Maria, OCs
Pairings: Joel/Ellie
Warnings: Underage
Word Count for this chapter: 9,410
Rating (for fic as a whole): R
~
"They're gone, Joel... FUCK..."
"It's all right. There'll be more."
"No there won't! This was the last of them! That's IT. Forever. And it's all your fault. You're a horrible-- -What are you doing?"
"What does it look like I'm doing?"
"You can't just-- Joel, stop. You think sex makes everything okay?"
"I KNOW it does."
"But I don't-- stop it! What the fuck-- --Get off me!"
"Ellie--"
"No -- get the fuck away from me! ...DON'T EVER TOUCH ME AGAIN!"
"... ... Ellie!... ...Ellie?... Ellie... ..."
~ ~ ~
"Ellie..."
"Joel, wake up... Joooeelllll... it's okay..."
His eyes flew open -- it was dark, though -- too dark to see -- he was in a tiny space -- where the hell--
The camper... I remember now. Ellie was rubbing his arm, cooing to him. Being her usual sweet self. He rolled away from her. "Sorry I woke you," he mumbled.
"You didn't!" she lied (...well, he assumed it was a lie). She scooted right up into his back, spooning him. They fit together much better the other way around, of course, but she never seemed to mind. "You were saying my name. What were you dreaming about?"
"You." The automatic answer.
"No shit -- I just told you, you were saying my name. But what was the dream about?"
He didn't know why she even bothered asking him; he never gave her any satisfactory answers. "Don't remember." The standard lie that rolled off his tongue so easily.
She wedged her arm underneath his in an attempt to hug him. "Well... I can probably guess. I mean, the main thing about it... the theme. But I'm right here and I'm okay. It was just a bad dream, okay?"
Sure, he'd had dreams like that. It wasn't always Ellie who was in danger. It would be himself, or someone from his past, or some nameless person he knew was important to him in the dream... dreams were weird that way. None of those stuck with him. They were easily dismissed and forgotten. But the Ellie dreams…
This one wasn't even a nightmare... not really... and it made no goddamn sense. He and Ellie were at his old house in Texas, with a bunch of other random people... and whatever he'd kept her from getting was something... dumb. There was only an empty plate on the kitchen counter when she got there. What the hell was it... I knew, in the dream... it was like gingerbread cookies or some shit. And while she could perhaps be a bit overly dramatic about such things, the real Ellie wouldn't have been cruel like that. Then again, the real me would've been a smidge more sympathetic. ...Maybe. -Not a TOTAL asshole, at least. In the midst of this argument, they had magically hopped from the kitchen to their bedroom in Jackson, so at least his dream self wasn't stupid enough to try to get frisky around a horde of people. Only 'get frisky' don't seem to cover it... she acted like I was assaulting her... WAS I? He didn't get the sense that he'd been trying to hurt her, though... more like, he was just being a dick. A persistent dick. But... "Don't ever touch me again" - ? That's...
It just made no goddamn sense.
He'd had other dreams like this recently... where Ellie made it clear in some way that she didn't want him around, and he didn't much care to respect her wishes. The quasi-assault thing is new, though. A new low. ...What the hell is wrong with me, dreaming up shit like that?
And Tommy -- he had been there this time. He just came in, ran the dishwasher, and left without even speaking to Joel. Or Ellie, for that matter. Didn't acknowledge their presence at all. Naturally, it hadn't seemed like an odd thing for him to do in the dream.
"Joel? Are you okay?"
She knows I ain't asleep yet so I can't just ignore her. "I'm fine. Go back to sleep." ...I'd bet the farm she won't leave it at that, though--
"It's just... you always say you feel better when you hold me. After. I know I sure do after I have a nightmare--"
"It wasn't a nightmare. Go back to sleep," he repeated.
"It wasn't? It kinda seemed like one. You were all... agitated-like. Maybe... maybe I woke you up before it got to the worst part! Like you do with me sometimes!"
"Maybe." He could give her that much. Maybe he would tell her about Tommy and the dishwasher, later. She'd get a kick out of that.
"Can you just roll over for one second? Please? Then you can go back. If you want."
He couldn't really roll over with her right there, but he carefully rotated himself until he was on his other side, facing her.
She squiggled in close, gave him a peck on the lips (actually, it took her a couple of pecks just to find his lips, it was so dark), and laid her head on his... cheek, basically. Sandwiching his head between her and the pillow. She squeezed him super tight. "I love you, Joel."
Aww. He hugged her back. He couldn't not be touched by her sweetness. "Love you too, baby girl. Thank you. I'm all right, though. Really." He tucked her head snugly into his neck and shifted a little, getting cozy enough to fall back asleep.
"That's better," she murmured. "I might believe you now."
They had just 'celebrated' their latest monthly anniversary. Which, thank God, Joel wasn't expected to remember -- even when they were in Jackson, where dates actually mattered. Seems like it comes around awfully quick... really the only thing they ever did to celebrate it, no matter where they were, was to get a little mushy... a little extra romantic. He could handle that. It was kind of cute that she liked to keep track. When they reached a year, however, he would tell her they'd have to go by years now, not months. IF we make it to a year...
-Of course we will. That's only three months from now, he reminded his pessimistic side. At least he'd conditioned himself not to say negative shit like that to Ellie, who was convinced they would be together ~forever~.
It's a nice fantasy... but the closer they got to Jackson, the less sustainable the fantasy became. Reality weighed more heavily on his heart now... and his gut was starting to whisper to him that their days were numbered.
* * * * * * *
It wasn't the best time to be taking an extended break; they'd recently had a couple of half travel days, with the other half taken up by hunting (or attempts at hunting). However, they'd only gone about five or six miles this morning before reaching the Snake River -- and although Joel pointed out they'd be following it a little ways, and would intersect it on down the road even after that, Ellie insisted on replenishing their purified water supply. And bathing. Washing clothes and blankets and letting them air-dry. All that shit. Since he was in no hurry to get home, he didn't try too hard to talk her out of any of that.
And that surprised her. "Really? We can spend the rest of the day here? You don't mind?"
"Why would I mind?" he asked. As if he could think of no reason. As if he hadn't balked at this type of request a few days earlier.
"Oh, I dunno... maybe cuz we're eating the rest of the bear today and we'll have to go hunting yet again when we've only done... what, like... a hundred miles in four days?"
The fourth day being today, which would pretty much be a total loss. "We did good yesterday, though. We can take it easy today. Maybe go huntin' while the laundry dries. Find somethin' better to eat. -This looks like a good spot here." He steered them off the road, closer to the river bank.
Ellie giggled. "Find something better? The bear is fine! You're just too fucking picky. We were lucky it found us."
It figured that on a day they weren't looking to hunt at all, the prey would come to them. "Lucky? That thing scared the shit outta me." (And her.) "Just 'cause I happen to not like somethin' don't make me picky, either." He didn't recall Ellie liking it all that much, either, the last time they had it. We're just getting hungrier.
"Whatever. If only we could find a fishing rod that works... I bet there's some good edible fishies in there," she remarked as she gazed out over the water.
Yes, it helped to have one equipped with an actual fishing line. And lures. And a functional reel. "Never thought we'd miss fish."
"Yeah -- and I never thought I'd be hungry again after all we ate last night, but -- hey, do you wanna start a fire while I get the water going? It'll taste better warm."
"Nothin' could make it taste good, but I'll take 'better,' I s'pose." They had enough kindling in the jeep for a modest fire (they'd learned to treat kindling rather like gasoline: pick it up as you go and store it for future use, space permitting).
Ellie ate her fill -- again -- and Joel enjoyed watching her far more than he enjoyed eating his own stringy portion. It wasn't quite the event it used to be... she'd slowed down some, except perhaps when they'd eaten nothing but almonds and oranges for a couple days... but it still looked to him like she never quite took it for granted. Like it was so ingrained in her to not have enough food that eating was a luxury. He knew she'd been bullied by bigger kids in Boston... and although that was awful, of course, it had made her scrappy, which was a good thing. I suppose in civilization she pretty much takes it for granted, other than not wanting to waste a single bite... For the most part, people at Golden Sands had cleaned their plates, as food wasn't always extremely plentiful there, but when they didn't? Oh did they ever hear it from Ellie!
"Joel, if I eat any more I'm gonna puke," she implored him, clutching her stomach and slumping against the wall -- the wall of some random boarded-up little diner along the highway -- so much that she was practically laying down.
Joel was sitting like a normal person. "I don't want no more. We can leave the rest for the vultures... crows... whoever comes along. There ain't that much." Not that THEY will want it, either... but he kept that thought to himself.
"Yeah -- there ain't that much, so can't you force it down? I really don't wanna puke."
"So don't eat it," he chuckled. "Pukin' it up is worse than just leavin' it for some other animal to get, don't you think?"
"But if you--"
"Nope. Sorry." He pointedly didn't look her in the eye, though; that was dangerous at times like these, when he needed to stand his ground. "And before you suggest it -- we can't take it with us. It's gettin' too old, and it's too warm out today."
"It's not warm at all!"
"The sun is out. It ain't anywhere near fridge-cold."
"Okay, so... even though the thought of this makes me wanna puke at the moment, what if I eat it in like an hour or two?"
"Nope, it's done," he said firmly. He leaned back against the wall and gazed out at the river across the street.
Every time Ellie talked about puking, his mind wandered into unwelcome places. Every time, since they'd started having sex. But we haven't had any close calls lately, and she ain't late... I made her check... it was silly to worry.
Something off to his left -- his non-Ellie side -- twitched in his peripheral vision. So peripheral he almost couldn't see it at all. He tensed up, but didn't reach for a gun. Shit, not again--
"What? What is it?" Ellie hissed, presumably reading his body language. She straightened up quickly.
"Lean forward a little and look over there. Behind that tree -- the biggest one. Tell me if you see a little girl."
"Fuck -- are you serious?!" She did as he requested. "Uh... no?"
"Maybe she caught you lookin'." Joel didn't see her now, either.
"Was it the same girl you saw last time?" Ellie asked with interest.
At least she don't think I'm crazy, Joel mused. Of course she didn't -- she'd had ~experiences~ like this as well. "No... I don't think so? Around the same age, though, I reckon. Blonde girl."
He didn't have to look at her to know that Ellie was now giving him a Look. "See? The fates are trying to tell you something!"
It was a fairly vague statement, but she had already shared her opinions on the subject with him last time, and he wasn't inclined to discuss her ludicrous guilt theory again now. He was trying to think of a gracious way to convey this when... he heard something, a rustling noise--
Ellie scrambled to her feet and moved far enough away from the wall that she could see around the side of it. "Hey! Little girl! Don't be scared -- come here!" she beckoned to the phantom before glancing at him. "I see her now, Joel!"
He had risen to his feet when Ellie did... and stepped away from the building enough to--
Holy shit-- he saw a little girl running away. And Ellie was looking in the same spot -- she really can see her this time!
"We have food!" Ellie shouted to the retreating figure.
Joel snorted. "Barely edible food, that is."
She swatted him. "It's perfectly fine. And... the girl stopped, see?" She made a windmill-like 'come here' gesture with her arm. "Come over! We have enough to share!" she hollered.
"Ghosts don' need to eat," he pointed out.
"Well, maybe this one does. -Look, she's coming!" Ellie donned her most welcoming smile. "That's it! Come on! ...And don't worry about him, he's nice!" She elbowed Joel. "Try to look nicer, will you?"
He watched the little girl approach... slower now, as she was getting close. Damn, she looks so REAL... "I don't think she looks particularly worried about me."
"Well, can't you just... smile or something?"
Joel plastered a smile on his face.
"That's better!" Ellie chirped. She took a couple steps toward the little girl. "Hi! I'm Ellie, and this is Joel. What's your name?"
The girl just stared at them.
"It's okay, you can tell us," Ellie encouraged her. "We're friendlies. If you're nice to us, we're nice to you. And you... look like a nice kid."
The girl certainly didn't look threatening. She was small and thin... her big blue eyes looked too large for her face... but she wasn't emaciated. She was dirty... but not filthy-dirty. Her long blonde hair looked like it could use a good washing -- and combing -- but her skin and clothes looked reasonably clean. Possibly on account of the river being right there. She ain't wearing a dress, like the last one... nope, this girl was more sensibly dressed -- in jeans and a hoodie. Her appearance fit the environment. Yep, I reckon she's real.
"I'm not supposed to talk to strangers," the girl finally said matter-of-factly. "But you guys seem okay."
Joel chuckled. "What seems true ain't always true. Whoever told you not to talk to strangers should've mentioned that, too."
"Joel!" Ellie chided him.
"My dad," the girl replied, unperturbed. "He told me. He'll be really mad if he sees me talking to you."
Just what we need... a pissed off father coming after us...
"Well, we can keep it a secret, then!" Ellie replied cheerfully. "Me and Joel are good at keeping secrets. We won't tell him."
Joel could have shot her a look for that little remark, as it would have undoubtedly gone straight over the little one's head... but the remark itself surely did as well, so there was no point. And Ellie didn't even so much as glance at him.
The girl looked dubious, but she moved toward them a little. "I'm supposed to hide if I see people. Or helicopters."
Ellie did look at him after that unexpected announcement; surely it wasn't coincidental. Joel flashed her a "stay calm" look. "Helicopters? You see many of those around here?" he asked the little girl nonchalantly. Just making conversation...
"Only one! I didn't even know what it was! Daddy said we had to hide -- and then it landed and these men got out and started looking for us! But they didn't find us -- one of my jobs is to find good hiding places. Places big enough for me and Daddy to both hide in at the same time. I'm really good at finding those! We heard them yelling at us. They said they just wanted to ask us questions. I like answering questions but Daddy says sometimes people lie and maybe they would hurt us so it's better not to talk to them, especially cuz they had guns. And... you have guns..."
"We just use them for hunting!" Ellie lied -- quite smoothly, at that.
"It's good to have 'em out here for protection," Joel added. "It don't seem like you wanna hurt us, though, so we can leave 'em holstered."
"I won't hurt you," the girl affirmed, looking at Joel in disbelief, or perhaps confusion. She probably wasn't used to being viewed as a threat by grown men.
Ellie giggled. "I told him you wouldn't. He just gets scared of people sometimes. Good thing he has me around to look after him!"
Rather than pretending to be annoyed by her antics, Joel ignored her and stayed focused on the little girl. "Your dad is smart not to trust men with guns. That helicopter... when did you see it? Do you remember?" We're too close to Jackson for it to have come from Monterey...
"It was like... a lot of days ago, kind of. We had to hide for so long that day -- I got really bored. Then we moved, right after that. I'm glad cuz I like our new home better. We move a lot. Can I go see your horse?"
The abrupt change in subject didn't faze Ellie one bit. "Oh -- don't you wanna eat? We have meat left over..."
"Maybe if I have time after I see the horse?"
Ha-- "If I have time"...? The girl was on a schedule? "Tell you what," said Joel. "If you tell us your name, you can see the horse for as long as you want. And eat somethin' after."
"It's Karma."
...Huh? "Sorry... say again?"
"Karma," she repeated. "It's spelled K - A - R - M - A."
The first thought that popped into Joel's mind upon hearing that name was "karma's a bitch." The second thought was why in the hell would someone name their daughter 'bitch'? A dog, maybe, but a little girl?
"That's a pretty name," Ellie said sincerely, making Joel wonder if she'd ever heard the phrase (he thought she had...?). "How old are you, Karma?"
"Eight, I think," the girl replied. "For sure I'm seven, but I think I might be eight by now. How old are you?"
"Sixteen. ...Wow, it's the first time I've gotten to say that to anyone," she said happily. "Cuz I used to be fifteen. I mean, I just had a birthday, kinda recently." She started walking slowly toward the horse, who was grazing as close to the highway as his picket line would allow, and the girl fell in step beside her. Joel stayed a few paces behind the two girls, keeping a wary eye out for someone who might "be really mad" about strangers -- one of whom was a grizzly old dude, no less -- talking to his young daughter.
"Do you know what month your birthday is?" Ellie asked her.
"February. At the end."
"Okay -- it's April now, so you're eight if that's what you were turning this year. As for Joel... don't ask how old he is. He gets very grumpy if he has to talk about that. Don't you, Joel?" She shot a disarming smile back at him, no doubt expecting a dirty look in return.
"Where's this dad of yours?" Joel asked the girl in lieu of taking the bait.
"He's doing the train," she replied. ...With no further explanation. As if it made sense. "Aww, your horse is so pretty!"
"Oh, don't let him hear you say that -- he's handsome," Ellie coached her, smiling. "His name is Fox."
Joel wondered how long it took to 'do' a train. "And he just... leaves you out here alone, when he does that?" he pressed.
Karma shrugged. "Most of the time, yeah. Unless we're riding it somewhere."
"You jump trains?" Ellie gaped at the little girl.
"Hop trains," Joel just had to correct her. Even though it was the same difference, really.
"Sorry -- I always say it wrong, huh! Train-hopping... that's something me and Joel haven't done yet." Said with a trace of longing.
"It's hard!" said Karma. "You have to do it so no one sees you. If anyone does see you, you have to kill them. I think that's the real reason Daddy doesn't like me to come. When we're not riding it somewhere, I mean. Not cuz I'm too little to do it good. He says killing is for grown-ups. Can I pet him?"
Ellie seemed a bit taken aback by that casual disclosure. "Uh... sure! I wish we had an apple or something for you to feed him. Stay on this side -- don't go behind him or he might kick you," she warned as she rubbed Fox's neck, demonstrating for the girl. "So... your dad just hops on trains and hops back off when he's not actually going anywhere? Why would he do that?"
Joel chuckled. "Because he comes back with stuff. Right? Like food?"
The girl nodded absently, totally absorbed in the horse. "I think he likes me! Can I pet his nose?"
Ellie smiled at her. "Yeah, go ahead!"
Karma rubbed Fox's nose happily. "He's so cute! I used to live in a place that had horses. Wish I could have one."
Fox sure seemed to be enjoying the attention. He's definitely a ladies' man...
"So... your dad is a train robber?" Ellie asked conversationally.
"Yep."
"Um... okay then. And he kills people. Is he a hunter?"
"Ellie--"
"What? I'm just asking."
But the little girl didn't seem offended -- because she was either too young to understand or she was unfamiliar with the term. "Sometimes," she answered. "We don't always have a lot of bullets."
The latter, then... "I'm sure he... does what he has to do," said Joel diplomatically. A vague statement that could mean anything, really. "Is he nice to you?"
She seemed confused by the simple question. "What do you mean?"
"Is he nice. Does he treat you good. Look after you."
"Yeah -- he's my dad."
Joel heard the silent "duh" at the end of that sentence. "Just because he's--" --Nah, no need to go there. "Just-- makin' sure he ain't mean."
"He's not! He's a good guy, not a bad guy." Said like the world was divided neatly into heroes and villains. "It's like you said. He just does bad things if he has to. And he only takes a little bit -- they have soooooo much."
Joel nodded. "That's smart. Less noticeable that way." Plus, how much could one man carry at a time? Unless he has help... Christ, is there gonna be a band of hunters coming back here? "Anyone else go with him?"
"Nope. He's by himself. It's just me and him here."
He must be doing all right... the girl's more interested in petting the horse than eating our meat. And she didn't even know it was just crappy bear meat; she hadn't been close enough to hear them talking about it. Unless maybe she can identify it by smell? Still -- a starving kid would eat just about anything.
"Where's your--" Ellie started to ask a question and cut herself off. "Er... where's this train? We haven't seen any out here. This time, I mean. We've seen some tracks, but we don't know if they're ones that trains actually go on, you know?"
"It's somewhere over there, I think." The girl gestured vaguely to the east. "We never live really close to it. Just in case. That's another reason I don't go -- it's a long walk home. I mean long. And I'd have to walk the whole way cuz Daddy has to carry too much stuff and can't carry me besides. I'm too big now -- but even when I was little, he had too much."
Joel wondered if Karma even knew what that all-encompassing "just in case" meant or if she was just regurgitating her dad's explanation, but he didn't ask her to explain. At any rate, it sounded like the two of them had been out here a long time.
"So... you like horses, obviously," Ellie stated. "You ever ridden on one?"
Those big blue eyes got even bigger. "No! But I've always wanted to! Can I? Can I please?" she added.
"Of course!" Ellie replied. "You're gonna love--"
"Ellie, don't jump the gun here," Joel cut in warningly. "Only if it's okay with her dad."
Ellie grinned. "Ha! Jump the gun but hop the train. Got it." (It sure didn't take much to amuse her sometimes.) "Karma, when is your dad coming back?"
"Ummmm... I don't think I heard the train but maybe I missed it? It doesn't always come at the same time. Or even on the same day that he thinks. Like he figured it out and keeps track but if it gets stuck in the snow somewhere it might come really late."
"Keeps track," Ellie repeated. "Good one! So, Joel, have you heard a train today?"
"It's kind of hard to hear sometimes," Karma informed them.
Ellie snorted. "Oh, trust me -- Joel can hear things that normal humans can't. So?" She looked at Joel expectantly.
"Sorry," he replied. "The jeep ain't exactly quiet. Mighta drowned it out if it's far away."
"The what's not quiet?" asked Karma.
"The jeep," Ellie answered her. "This one here. It's ours. Well, sort of. It's ours for now..."
The little girl went bug-eyed again as she looked over at the shaded jeep, apparently for the first time. "This? This is yours? It works?"
"Yep!"
"Like... it moves?"
Ellie chuckled. "Yeah, that's why all our stuff is in it, see?"
"Wow -- can I ride that too?" She looked at Joel. "If Daddy says it's okay. And you guys are nice so I know he will."
"Joel, it wouldn't hurt to take her for a little spin, would it?" Ellie put in. "The guy might not even be back for ages."
He supposed the chances of the man opening fire on a vehicle containing his daughter were slim... but still. "Ellie, think about it. I know I sure wouldn't like it if I came back from somewhere and found you ridin' around with some strange dude."
"I guess," Ellie sighed and turned back to the girl. "Okay, so... if you wanna come back after your dad gets home? We're going to be here a while. Or you can hang out with us. Will he freak out if he gets home and you're not there?"
"No... he knows I go exploring. Which is way more fun than waiting around for the train and then having to walk for soooooo long. Sometimes I find cool stuff. Besides hiding places."
"Oh -- like this time... you found us, and we're pretty cool, huh?" Ellie smirked.
"Yeah! Also -- I'm good at climbing trees. If I need a break I find a good one to climb and I sit in it."
Joel wondered how long it took the guy to rob the train. Maybe there were multiple cars involved. Maybe he had to open crates and shit, too... Joel supposed the train could carry him a couple miles or so, which he would then have to schlep back, plus the distance in between the tracks and their camp. It would probably feel pretty far to a little kid. Still, if it were him... I think I'd rather have Ellie with me than out here alone for who knows how many hours, unarmed, talking to strange people passing through...
Well, who am I to judge? He had tried to shield Ellie from harsh realities at first, too, and fourteen was a far cry from eight. Hell -- Joel still tried to protect her, when he could. The kid's father was between a rock and a hard place out here. If the bullets were flying, or there'd been some kind of close call with the train -- like if she fell, or... who knows what kind of crazy shit could go down... maybe the man reckoned she'd be safer out in the middle of nowhere than in the middle of all that. Leaving an eight-year-old alone for untold hours would have been considered neglect, in the old days. Now... it was possibly the lesser of two evils. Unless... unless he never makes it back? ...Can't worry about shit like that, though... ain't our problem...
They fed the girl (or tried to -- she too was not a fan of the bear meat)... talked to her some more... learned a few significant things about her life, often in the same breath as the more superficial. For instance, her mother was dead, and they had recently found a trampoline ("it's this cool-looking thing that you jump on and it bounces you up really high!") that her dad wouldn't let her try out because he said it wasn't safe and wouldn't work right anyways because it was too old. Once you got her going, the girl could talk a blue streak that could rival Ellie's. Ellie finally got to practice her French-braiding technique again; she even gave Karma her only surviving hair tie. In return, Karma helped with the washing -- which was especially nice because Joel felt like he needed to be more vigilant than usual, and didn't like the idea of he and Ellie both down at the river's edge like that, their backs to the world. This way, he could keep a lookout while the girls were occupied. He'd gotten some sense of what Karma's father was like just from the things she'd said... but nothing that could reassure Joel beyond a shadow of a doubt that he wasn't the shoot-first-ask-questions-later type. This was one of those times when Ellie's mere presence would say a lot more than any placating words Joel could speak. If I were in his shoes, I'd probably shoot me, too... but Ellie's sweet spirit had a way of casting him in a much better light.
Of course, if the man knew the true nature of his relationship with Ellie... well, he might just shoot me anyhow. On principle.
Joel actually relaxed a little, once he heard the train. It was hard to estimate how far away it was, but if it was a mile or two or three, and the guy had to come back from there... then go home (because why wouldn't he? He didn't know anyone was here by the river)... Joel reckoned the clock was now ticking, but ticking slowly. He sent Karma home, declining her invitation to come see where she lived -- because he felt like her dad wouldn't appreciate finding strangers in his house upon his return. Ellie wanted to go, but he wouldn't let her. Or... rather, he persuaded her to stay with him (it was still hard not to slip into dad mode with her sometimes). Best to let the guy decide for himself if he wanted to come meet them or not.
It did feel strange to send an eight-year-old off by herself, though. If she likes to go exploring, she must know how to find her way home... Joel had told her if it started getting dark and her dad wasn't back yet, she could come back if she wanted. Because what if... ? It was a horrible thought. Was it one that occurred to little Karma every time her dad left her alone, or was she so used to the way things were that it didn't worry her at all? Other than that first minute or so -- after she realized she'd been spotted and had started to run away -- the girl hadn't shown any signs of fear or anxiety. And she and Ellie had become fast friends. That's my Ellie... she can win people over in two seconds flat, without even breaking a sweat.
And now... Joel would worry. What if the girl didn't come back? Should they go make sure she was all right, or just assume that her father had returned... and that he had decided not to go meet them?
It ain't our problem, he reminded himself. ...Or tried to remind himself; it seemed that brand of logic really only applied to other adults. Just... I would feel better, knowing we didn't just abandon her out here. Knowing her dad made it home safely.
He would have to put it out of his mind for now. After watching Karma disappear into the horizon, Joel turned back to Ellie, who was packing up the soap and shit very neatly in the jeep -- because even when they planned on staying somewhere for a while, it was always good to be ready to go quickly if needed. It was a sunny day... relatively warm... but she was visibly shivering (of course, the jeep was strategically parked where the afternoon sun's path would never find it). He walked up behind her and snaked his arms around her waist... kissed her neck...
"Ooohhh you're nice and warm!" she giggled, leaning back into him.
"You're wet," he observed. And not in the sexy way...
She turned her head to smirk at him. "Am not -- you haven't touched me all day!"
He smirked right back. "That ain't what I meant. You have a filthy mind, kiddo," he teased her, despite his own... filthy-mindedness.
"It's much filthier than yours," she said sagely.
"Mm. Much," he pretended to agree. Shit... if I voiced even HALF of the thoughts that cross my mind on this topic... but even if she wasn't so damn young, he just wasn't that lewd. He squeezed her. "How'd that little girl manage to soak you from head to toe?"
"It wasn't all her fault. Just most of it! But I was already a little wet from the blankets and sticking my hands in the--"
"Mmhmm. Sure. And it was her who started the splash wars, was it?"
"It was!" she lied, giggling as Joel tickled her neck with his beard. "Hey -- you're making it worse--" She wrenched herself out of his grasp... then wriggled back into it. Immediately. She was facing him this time. "And that breeze makes it even worse! Brrrrr!"
He kissed her softly. "We can't really be doin' this when they come back, you know. If they come back." He knew Karma definitely wanted to -- she hadn't gotten to go for a ride yet.
"She just barely left!"
"You know we lose track of time too easily, though. Or maybe she forgot to tell you somethin' an' comes right back. C'mon -- you've been in the sun too long today. Let's go sit over there a while." He took her hand and started walking toward the diner.
"We're in the shade right now!" she protested, stumbling after him. "I was gonna go back in the sun -- I put sunscreen on!"
"Which has prob'ly all washed off by now an' we're almost out. The only dry blanket's over there." Joel was actually glad now that Ellie had developed a klepto thing with blankets on this trip.
"Yeah but we have to sit on it cuz the ground is cold cuz it's all shady over there!"
"You can sit halfway on my lap," Joel offered. "Or in front of me, if you want. Leanin' back."
That mollified her; a minute later, they were snuggled up against the wall -- that is, Joel was leaning on the wall, with Ellie right in front of him. She said she felt warmer... and she had stopped shaking... but there wasn't much he could do for her wet-jeans-clad legs.
"So you don't care if they find us like this, huh?" she asked.
"Nope. Nothin' wrong with it." Except Ellie's probably a little too old to sit like this with her 'dad'...
"Pfff -- there's nothing wrong with any of it," she retorted.
"That's debatable."
"You said there's nothing wrong with it!"
He chuckled. "You do like to put words in my mouth. I never said--"
"Yes you did!" she insisted. "Sometimes you forget things you say, but I remember!"
That was probably true. "I stopped carin' about it bein' wrong, is all. It ain't the same thing."
"Uuuggghhh -- Joel, you're impossible."
"I really am," he had to agree.
"You're lucky I love you so much."
"Damn straight."
She giggled softly... but it was almost a nervous little sound. "Yeah, so... fuck. You wanna be father and daughter with these people we don't even know... there's no way you're gonna be cool being... being us... when we get home. Is there." A statement, not a question.
And she's spot on... He hadn't definitively made up his mind on the subject, but just hearing her say it seemed to put the nail in the coffin. "I'm sorry, baby girl. I know that's what you want. But I... don't really see a good outcome, that way." To put it mildly.
"It's okay. I get it. I wasn't like a hundred percent about not hiding, you know. I remember... how horrible it was... knowing that people thought-- I just fucking hate that they turned something so... beautiful, and special... they took that and made it into something ugly and disgusting."
He gave her a squeeze. "They didn't make it into anything. It still is what it is. It's... our perceptions that are different from theirs."
Ellie absorbed that for a moment. "That makes it sound like it's okay for them to think it's ugly and disgusting. Their perception is wrong! It's not... you forcing me to... or if they don't think that -- maybe not forcing, exactly, but--"
"Groomin'," Joel supplied. "Like Caleb with Parker."
"Right! It's not that either."
...Except that's exactly what it is. He could dress it up different ways... claim that his genuine love for her made it different... but at the end of the day, that's what it still boiled down to. Ellie, however, seemed to view Caleb and Parker as a foil of sorts. Like the questionable or bad things about Caleb and Parker's relationship illustrated what he and Ellie were not. "They don't understand us," Joel said (...and wasn't he quite the diplomat today). "I'll give you that."
Ellie snorted. "That's the understatement of the year. But you said that by now everyone's forgotten all about that shit from right before we left. The rumors and stuff. Right?"
"I hope so." You'd think that people would have more important things to worry about...
"As long as we're in our own house again, I can deal. ...Although it was kinda fun sneaking around to be alone with you..."
"It was a pain in the ass." Especially that one day when Ellie had gotten the time wrong and waited a whole extra hour for him. He didn't really miss having a cell phone anymore, but for things like that, it would be a godsend.
"It'll be fun to miss you again," she said... sounding rather like she was trying to convince herself.
"Right. I won't get on your nerves so much."
"Ha -- yeah. And I won't get on yours."
"Mm." Here's where I'm supposed to tell her she never gets--
"Joel! I don't get on your nerves, do I?!"
"Nope -- never!" he answered too quickly and cheerfully to ring true.
"Such a liar," she grumbled good-naturedly.
"Hey, I said what you wanted me to. Is this one of those damned if I do, damned if I don't things?"
"Yep, must be!" She squiggled around to give him a peck on the cheek before settling back again. "You're so cute. Seriously... it is kind of awesome to see you after not seeing you all day. Not eight days or anything-- " -- the longest they'd ever been apart, due to Joel working on a project outside of town -- "--but... eight hours is okay. We'll actually have stuff to tell each other! About our days, I mean. Cuz they won't be the same."
That would take some getting used to. Again. Seems like it should get easier with repetition... but I never really got used to being apart from her in California. Even though they hadn't been joined at the hip, he'd nearly always known where she was. And a couple times when I didn't, things were BAD... yeah, that knowledge definitely didn't make it easier for him to learn to let go.
They relaxed in that spot for a long time; Ellie said they weren't being lazy -- they were busy 'drying their laundry.' Right. They weren't hunting because they'd told Karma they'd be there all day, and they had agreed to have dinner together, if the girl's dad was cool with it. Be pretty rude not to stick around for that... They'd already eaten their main meal for the day, so having another would be a nice bonus.
But when Joel heard something -- 'people noises' -- it wasn't coming from the direction the little girl had gone. "Ellie, you hear that?"
"No -- are they coming back?" Ellie hopped up immediately.
"It's over there." He gestured to the northwest, and he rose to his feet as well. "Let's hide around the corner an' see if they head for the horse." They'd left Fox across the street, grazing by the river. "We can see how many there are."
"You think it's hunters? Fuck, I left the binoculars in the--"
"You won't need 'em. They're gettin' close." He didn't have his full arsenal on him, but he had an adequate amount to choose from. The rifle's pretty good for sniper distance...
But then he relaxed: he heard the higher-pitched voice of a child. Close enough now that they could see a figure weaving through some nearby trees. More like BOUNCING through them...
"You're still here!" Karma shrieked as she cleared the trees.
Ellie waved to her and called out, "Of course we are!" She was looking beyond the little girl... and she lowered her voice so only Joel could hear. "Uh-oh... is she by herself?"
Joel had wondered that too, at first. "No -- Dad's just laggin' behind. See him now?"
"Oh yeah... the dude with the ginormous rifle."
He arched an eyebrow at her. "It ain't any bigger than ours... and we got our guns out too, didn't we?"
Ellie holstered hers (by some miracle, she was actually still wearing the holster belt) and jogged out to meet Karma. Joel stayed a few steps behind, gun drawn but aimed at the ground. The other man had the rifle slung over his shoulder... in enough of a 'ready' position that he could fire pretty quickly, but he wasn't aiming at them, either.
"I thought you were down that way more so we went to the wrong place at first!" the girl explained as she neared them. "And guess what, Ellie! He likes my hair like this! You should've seen his face! He was like--" She illustrated this with an expression of surprise on her own face.
Joel kind of tuned out the 'girl chatter' as he sized up the other man, who gave him a small smile and extended his hand. "Paul," the guy said by way of introduction.
Joel gave the hand a hearty shake. "Joel. Nice to meet you." The ingrained response that still amused Ellie because she claimed it didn't sound like him.
Paul was maybe a couple inches taller than him, and a good ten years younger. Lean, but not skinny. He was dressed like his daughter -- in a hoodie and jeans. Other than that, Joel wasn't sure he saw much resemblance. Maybe around the eyes... though his were brown and Karma's were blue. Brown hair, fuzzy beard... nothing remarkable about his features. Joel's gut actually wasn't getting a real good read on the man, but... it was leaning more to the good than the bad. He got the feeling that Paul was appraising him much the same way -- and coming to the same conclusion.
"She told you about the helicopter," Paul said, watching him carefully.
"She did." ...What does he know?
"We heard them say Karma was too young. That they were looking for an older girl."
"Me," Ellie confirmed for the man before Joel could reply. "They're looking for me. But it's all a big misunderstanding. We're not bad!"
"You... stole their jeep?" Paul asked (not accusingly).
"Only cuz we had to!" Ellie replied (defensively all the same).
"We didn't have to. Things just... worked out that way," Joel said vaguely. "But that ain't why they're lookin' for us. At least... not entirely."
"Then why are they?" Karma asked.
"We don't need to know that, sweetie," her father chided her gently, shooting a look at Joel and then Ellie that clearly said Karma didn't need to hear the details.
Joel reckoned that a man who was in the business of robbing government-run trains -- and killing anyone who got in his way -- couldn't really throw stones. He's just getting a feel of who we are... maybe gauging the likelihood of us stealing from THEM... hell, Joel was doing the same thing. If they did end up having dinner together, he didn't plan on letting this guy leave his sight. He was less concerned about the little girl; after watching her all afternoon, he hadn't seen that shiftiness that usually accompanies a kid looking to rip someone off. Also, he wasn't concerned about Karma -- or any other female -- possibly hurting Ellie the way he was naturally concerned about a grown man. Ellie could call him sexist all she wanted -- it was just different.
Of course, the other man would have the same concerns about Joel. Concerns he wouldn't have about Ellie -- although she was bigger than his daughter, so there was that. But, she's ELLIE -- he can probably tell already that she won't hurt her. Just the fact that Joel could feel Paul sizing him up actually earned the guy a little trust, in Joel's book. More so than if he didn't give any thought to protecting his daughter. Karma was also helping his case much the same way Ellie tended to help Joel's... but still. Any asshole can have a kid. And just because they weren't assholish enough to ditch their kid somewhere didn't exempt them from assholedom altogether.
"Thanks for feeding the kiddo here... and being so nice to her all day," Paul said cordially. "She's been talking about it nonstop since--"
"Wait -- did you say 'kiddo'?" Ellie butted in. "That's my name!"
A fact that seemed to astonish Karma. "What?? But... you're big!"
Joel had to chuckle at that. "That might be the first time anyone's ever called her big," he teased -- which earned him a playful shove from Ellie. "I know -- it's all relative. I also know you've heard of other kiddos before, kiddo. It ain't like it's unique." She'd heard it from him, in fact, before she'd banished the nickname from his vocabulary in regards to anyone other than her. (He'd mostly broken the habit by now.)
Paul seemed more at ease already. "Listen... we'd like to repay the kindness. If you're willing. We live... prob'ly less than half a mile from here. Got plenty of food to go around."
"Like what?" asked Ellie.
"Ellie..." Joel used his don't-be-rude tone.
But Karma answered her excitedly. "Protein bars and beans and corn and oatmeal and sugar and-- um-- what else, Daddy? -- oh -- rice -- and soup -- and strawberries that I found --"
"Strawberries -- that seals it for Ellie," said Joel. As if Ellie would have refused otherwise.
"No meat, unfortunately," Paul said apologetically. "But we do have some pasta."
"From last time -- it's only good when it's cooked," Karma added. "If you don't cook it, it tastes like... nothing. Plus it grows when you cook it."
"Wow, really?" Ellie played dumb, shooting an amused look at Joel. "Must be magic."
"No, that's just what it does if you put it in water," Karma explained.
"Well... then the water is magic," Ellie declared.
"No! There's no such thing as magic," Karma informed her; it was like the two girls had swapped ages, really.
Ellie goggled at her. "How can you say that? There totally is! Joel, we have to tell her about our Wizard of Oz experience."
Does she want me to lie? Their 'house' hadn't actually been whisked away; they'd only imagined that part for shits and giggles. The time warp thing was magical enough, I suppose...
"We'll tell them at dinner," Ellie decided. "They can be the first ones to tell us we're crazy."
Paul was trying to jog Karma's memory about the movie. "You don't remember? You saw it when you were little, sweetie. Remember the munchkins? the tin man? the scarecrow? -Remember the lion? How you were scared of him at first but then you really liked him?"
The look on Ellie's face was priceless; she didn't have to say anything because her expression was screaming "How the fuck can anyone be scared of the Cowardly Lion?" "The wicked witch was a little scarier, don'tcha think?" is what she said.
"She was only five," Paul explained. "We saw it in this town we used to live in."
Karma had spoken of a place they'd lived that had electricity, and Joel had assumed it was a QZ, but no one ever referred to those as towns. "What town was that?" he asked.
"Jackson," Paul replied. "It's in Wy--"
"No way!" Ellie exclaimed. "That's where we're going! We live there! Wow -- I can't believe -- was it a really long time ago when you left? Cuz we've been there a long time -- almost a year -- well, except for this past winter, we sort of took this long vacation -- so when were you guys there?"
"...It's been a while," Paul said once Ellie paused long enough to give him a chance to speak. "We left in July... not last year but the year before."
Joel could tell Ellie was filing this into her mental chronology; she furrowed her brow just enough to indicate the gears were moving around in there. "Okay... oh man -- so you weren't even there the first time we were there. Except that doesn't really count cuz we didn't get to go into town, just the dam -- we wouldn't've even seen you. We're really close to there now, you know! Only a few days away -- right, Joel? You guys should come with us!"
"Yeah!" Karma seconded. "Can we, Daddy? Pleeeeease?"
Paul gave his daughter a look. "You know why we can't." He scratched the back of his neck, and just... generally looked awkward. "And it's best if you two don't tell anyone there that you saw us," he added, looking at Ellie and Joel in turn.
To Joel's surprise, Ellie didn't even ask why; maybe she'd taken his don't-be-rude look to heart. He nodded at Paul. "All right. Well, it's gonna be gettin' dark soon. How 'bout we give you a lift back home. Horse or jeep -- your pick."
The little girl smiled. "I want both!"
"Well, unless you can be in two places at once, that ain't gonna work," Joel chuckled. "If your dad's cool with it, we can let you do the other one later, just for fun."
Paul mulled it over for a few moments. "I assume the headlights work?"
"They do," Joel assured him.
"Then I vote horse first. For her, anyway. I've ridden horses before. She hasn't."
"All right," said Joel. "Horse it is. Ellie can take her... and you can ride in the jeep. That work for you?"
"Sure. Can't remember the last car I've been in -- one that runs, I mean."
"Ever been in an army jeep with no doors?" asked Joel.
"Heh... that would be a no."
"Good, so it'll be new for you, too. Ellie, why don't you--"
"Why did you guys leave?" Ellie blurted. Like she just couldn't contain her curiosity any longer. "Sorry -- if it's too personal, that's okay, just tell me it's none of my business... er -- can you at least tell us why you feel like you can't go back?"
"I can tell them," Karma offered, looking to her dad... for permission, presumably.
Paul sighed. "It's fine. Maybe you have a right to know. We were... more or less asked to leave."
The man's discomfort was palpable. Either that was all he was going to say or he was trying to think of what to say next. I'll help him out-- "It's none of our business, kiddo," Joel reiterated to Ellie, because he knew Paul's answer wasn't going to cut it for her. "Let's--"
"Why?" she asked anyway, undeterred. "What happened?"
"It was really just him who had to leave," Karma put in. "But me and Mommy wanted to go with him."
Paul chuckled... but it was a rueful sound. "And I never should've let you. I'll regret that... for the rest of my life."
The girl's mother is dead, but she was with them in Jackson... it didn't take a genius to figure out why the man regretted it.
And Ellie wasn't oblivious to the pain Paul was exuding. "I'm sorry," she said soberly. "And I'm sorry I made you talk about it. I just... can't imagine what would be so bad that Tommy and Maria would do that to you. But... yeah, not like we know you at all, right? Sometimes people look nice, and then... ugh -- sorry. I didn't mean that you're not nice--"
"It's okay," Paul excused her flub graciously. "Frankly, I'm not all that nice. Not all the time."
"Well, no one's nice all the time," said Ellie, charitable as ever. "And you sound like Joel -- Joel likes to say he's not nice, but he is!" She paused to receive his I-ain't-nice look, which she countered with a smirk. "Yeah, so... that was almost two years ago. Ancient history. You could come back with a clean slate. Me and Joel will talk to them -- Tommy is Joel's brother, so we kind of have this--"
"Tommy's your brother?" Paul cut her off. "Oh boy. I really should just tell you."
What does Tommy have to do with it? Now Joel's curiosity was piqued, too. But the sun was creeping lower... "Maybe after dinner."
Ellie shot him an amusingly murderous look for that. He really couldn't imagine her making it through dinner without prying the story out of Paul little by little.
"You might not want to have dinner with me, once you know. And, Ellie... yes, two years is a long time, but... not long enough. Not for this." He sighed again. "Not when you're asked to leave because... you killed a person. An innocent person... who happened to be one of the town founders."
...Oh. SHIT.
Ellie stared at Paul... uncharacteristically speechless.
Joel knew how to respond, though. He clapped a hand on Ellie's shoulder and gave it a squeeze. "Come on. Let's take them home so we can eat. ...Together," he added, since she looked uncertain. "All four of us."
~Continue to Chapter 24~
