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(though I still managed to use it in the title - woohoo!)
I would like to think out loud a little here and see what you guys think. Comments welcome. You can comment ANONYMOUSLY, people, so it shouldn't be so scary. Of course emails are fine too, I'm just trying to break more people into this blogging stuff.... and I wonder how many people still read this journal?
My selfishness and friendship boundaries are my issues.... my friend T (who doesn't get online so I assume would never read this) is going through a rough time right now. Actually, she's one of those people who has a perpetual black cloud following her around. Yet she's always very upbeat and pleasant, she's not a downer at all, she's pretty amazing that way. She has a slew of health problems, there's family drama in both her family and her husband's family, and now to top things off her marriage is ending - not by her choice. Things are getting uglier by the day, it seems. I have endless sympathy for her.
The problem is I feel a little strange that she comes to me for money... she has throughout our friendship, and has always paid it back fairly promptly. Except this time. Her husband refuses to pay me back, saying it's not his problem, and she doesn't have her own money - she hasn't been able to work since she got sick a few years ago. The thing is, her parents have money. She just doesn't like to go to them (the whole pride thing) So I'm starting to resent that. I'm not an ATM! She keeps saying she'll pay me back but never is able to. Also, I feel like she wants me to invite her to come stay with me, and I just can't do it - my brother is with me now (we're having so much fun being roommies!) - and she has a 16-year-old son who I'm very fond of also, I just don't have room for them and all their stuff right now. I think she knows this, but she still hints.
I don't mind them coming over to escape once in a while. Even though I find last-minute changes in plans disturbing (it's my "inner Monk", right, Stad?), I can usually blow off whatever I was going to do, unless it involves another person, of course. I just feel like I should be doing more. I'm a good listener, but that's about it. I should be doing more to help, somehow. I don't know, that sounds lame even as I type it. What can I do? If I were really a wonderful friend, wouldn't I offer to squeeze her into my house somehow?
What makes me feel the most selfish, I guess, is the fact that I'm single and I don't have any kids, I have a mortgage but no car payment, I have plenty of credit available to me, I have a small amount of savings but at least I do HAVE savings.... I mean, I spend my money going to see Star Wars every weekend, I think I can afford to help her feed herself and her kid, ya know? When I look at it like that, I don't care about the money. She needs it more than I do. Yet I still DO care or I wouldn't be writing all this.
ARGH!!!
Thoughts?
I would like to think out loud a little here and see what you guys think. Comments welcome. You can comment ANONYMOUSLY, people, so it shouldn't be so scary. Of course emails are fine too, I'm just trying to break more people into this blogging stuff.... and I wonder how many people still read this journal?
My selfishness and friendship boundaries are my issues.... my friend T (who doesn't get online so I assume would never read this) is going through a rough time right now. Actually, she's one of those people who has a perpetual black cloud following her around. Yet she's always very upbeat and pleasant, she's not a downer at all, she's pretty amazing that way. She has a slew of health problems, there's family drama in both her family and her husband's family, and now to top things off her marriage is ending - not by her choice. Things are getting uglier by the day, it seems. I have endless sympathy for her.
The problem is I feel a little strange that she comes to me for money... she has throughout our friendship, and has always paid it back fairly promptly. Except this time. Her husband refuses to pay me back, saying it's not his problem, and she doesn't have her own money - she hasn't been able to work since she got sick a few years ago. The thing is, her parents have money. She just doesn't like to go to them (the whole pride thing) So I'm starting to resent that. I'm not an ATM! She keeps saying she'll pay me back but never is able to. Also, I feel like she wants me to invite her to come stay with me, and I just can't do it - my brother is with me now (we're having so much fun being roommies!) - and she has a 16-year-old son who I'm very fond of also, I just don't have room for them and all their stuff right now. I think she knows this, but she still hints.
I don't mind them coming over to escape once in a while. Even though I find last-minute changes in plans disturbing (it's my "inner Monk", right, Stad?), I can usually blow off whatever I was going to do, unless it involves another person, of course. I just feel like I should be doing more. I'm a good listener, but that's about it. I should be doing more to help, somehow. I don't know, that sounds lame even as I type it. What can I do? If I were really a wonderful friend, wouldn't I offer to squeeze her into my house somehow?
What makes me feel the most selfish, I guess, is the fact that I'm single and I don't have any kids, I have a mortgage but no car payment, I have plenty of credit available to me, I have a small amount of savings but at least I do HAVE savings.... I mean, I spend my money going to see Star Wars every weekend, I think I can afford to help her feed herself and her kid, ya know? When I look at it like that, I don't care about the money. She needs it more than I do. Yet I still DO care or I wouldn't be writing all this.
ARGH!!!
Thoughts?
