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The whole world's getting married
Jul. 13th, 2005 09:09 amA close coworker of mine just told me he's getting married in October. This will be my 4th wedding this year. And, of course, always: "When are you and A. getting married?"
Well, we're not. As I've said before I can't imagine myself getting married, being a good wife and performing all those wifely duties that may seem easy to some but not to me. Not to mention how it would cramp my much-needed alone time. I don't think marriage is my cup of tea.
So there should be no problem, since I'm with a guy who doesn't believe in marriage, right? - Sort of right. Our viewpoints are different. I DO believe in marriage (I don't care how many divorces there are in the world, I believe it can work, I've seen examples of it working, studies show that married people are healthier and live longer than singles, blah blah blah), I just can't see how it works for ME. A. just doesn't believe in it, period. I think he wants our relationship to be the equivalent of being married but without the legal part. And that ain't gonna happen. He's extremely understanding of this. We don't even talk about it anymore. But more and more I wonder if I should "do the right thing" and set him free so he can find someone who views the world more the way he does. And it wouldn't be completely unselfish of me to do that - I would get the benefit of living a guilt-free existence, and I'm ASSUMING I wouldn't lose his friendship because of how things worked out the first time we broke up.... I shouldn't assume that.
Anyway - after the show I did for him on Saturday I went out to dinner with the usual gang. Got teased again with the "when are you getting married" crap - I don't really mind it, I complain about it here but I don't mean to sound like it's the most annoying thing in the world to get teased about. It's not. But this time, someone asked me how old I was - I replied - then she said, "Honey, it's time for you to shit or get off the pot." I've heard that expression before, but I hadn't applied it to me and A. So, just because we haven't gotten married yet, we should break up? What if that's not what we're looking for? Which leads to the question, what ARE we looking for... what am *I* looking for.... and I feel like just a good friendship would suffice, I don't need a romantic relationship. Don't want one. Fantasies are one thing, real life is different. More and more I find myself drawn to fantasy. Don't care so much about real life. Is it a phase? How do I know?
Well, we're not. As I've said before I can't imagine myself getting married, being a good wife and performing all those wifely duties that may seem easy to some but not to me. Not to mention how it would cramp my much-needed alone time. I don't think marriage is my cup of tea.
So there should be no problem, since I'm with a guy who doesn't believe in marriage, right? - Sort of right. Our viewpoints are different. I DO believe in marriage (I don't care how many divorces there are in the world, I believe it can work, I've seen examples of it working, studies show that married people are healthier and live longer than singles, blah blah blah), I just can't see how it works for ME. A. just doesn't believe in it, period. I think he wants our relationship to be the equivalent of being married but without the legal part. And that ain't gonna happen. He's extremely understanding of this. We don't even talk about it anymore. But more and more I wonder if I should "do the right thing" and set him free so he can find someone who views the world more the way he does. And it wouldn't be completely unselfish of me to do that - I would get the benefit of living a guilt-free existence, and I'm ASSUMING I wouldn't lose his friendship because of how things worked out the first time we broke up.... I shouldn't assume that.
Anyway - after the show I did for him on Saturday I went out to dinner with the usual gang. Got teased again with the "when are you getting married" crap - I don't really mind it, I complain about it here but I don't mean to sound like it's the most annoying thing in the world to get teased about. It's not. But this time, someone asked me how old I was - I replied - then she said, "Honey, it's time for you to shit or get off the pot." I've heard that expression before, but I hadn't applied it to me and A. So, just because we haven't gotten married yet, we should break up? What if that's not what we're looking for? Which leads to the question, what ARE we looking for... what am *I* looking for.... and I feel like just a good friendship would suffice, I don't need a romantic relationship. Don't want one. Fantasies are one thing, real life is different. More and more I find myself drawn to fantasy. Don't care so much about real life. Is it a phase? How do I know?
