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"Don't do this - don't shut me out"
Sep. 23rd, 2005 07:37 am*sigh* I wish A. would open up and talk to me about his mom. He's the type that will just keep doing the million things that need to be done rather than take the time to fall apart, esp. since his sisters are not handling her illness very well.
We've talked probably a total of 15 minutes over the past week. And I feel like I have nothing to say to him. He asks me what I've been up to, and I hesitate. He doesn't give a rat's ass about online stuff, so I don't talk to him about it. I did start gushing about my Halloween costume, then felt silly when this was met with silence. I'm sure he was thinking "God, how can she be excited about a stupid HALLOWEEN COSTUME? My mother might be DYING!" I apologized for babbling and told him I didn't mean to talk about trivial stuff, I just don't know what to say. Last night felt awkward, like I was talking to a stranger.
And it's more than just his mom. I feel like we're growing very distant again. I'm not even upset about it, I'm just.... accepting it as fact, I guess. I will always care about him and want him in my life, but it just doesn't make sense to me anymore that we're boyfriend/girlfriend. The only reason I haven't brought this stuff up is cuz of his mom. I'm waiting for HIM to bring it up, and will keep waiting, at least until this crisis passes.
We've talked probably a total of 15 minutes over the past week. And I feel like I have nothing to say to him. He asks me what I've been up to, and I hesitate. He doesn't give a rat's ass about online stuff, so I don't talk to him about it. I did start gushing about my Halloween costume, then felt silly when this was met with silence. I'm sure he was thinking "God, how can she be excited about a stupid HALLOWEEN COSTUME? My mother might be DYING!" I apologized for babbling and told him I didn't mean to talk about trivial stuff, I just don't know what to say. Last night felt awkward, like I was talking to a stranger.
And it's more than just his mom. I feel like we're growing very distant again. I'm not even upset about it, I'm just.... accepting it as fact, I guess. I will always care about him and want him in my life, but it just doesn't make sense to me anymore that we're boyfriend/girlfriend. The only reason I haven't brought this stuff up is cuz of his mom. I'm waiting for HIM to bring it up, and will keep waiting, at least until this crisis passes.
