"When 900 years old you reach, look as good you will not."

[lumy12]

Partially inspired by this show I'm watching that shall for the moment remain nameless unless you're on my AIM Buddy List and partially just... stuff that's been mildly bugging me for a couple months.

So, about... oh, 15 months or so ago, I declared myself asexual. I have since realized I'm somewhere between the hetero- and a- spectrum, probably still closer to asexual because I have a low sex drive, at least compared to "normal" folk. Maybe I just should get over the desire to label myself to fit into some mold that society dreams up.

To quote wikipedia (partial definition only): Asexuality is a general term or self-designation for people who do not exhibit sexual attraction, or who otherwise find sexual behavior unappealing.

Yay to the second part, nay to the first part. I do feel attraction after all. Just not to real people. Thing is, I used to feel it for real people. I just don't anymore. Celebrities get me hot'n'bothered, but not real people. And I don't really care, because I have no interest in having sex. Why bother? I can just masturbate. I didn't indulge for more than a year, probably closer to two years, but now I see the appeal again. Heh.

I'm not sure why I don't feel anything for real people anymore. Is it just lack of exposure? Maybe. Sometimes I miss it, but most times I'm happy to be rid of the hassle. I've never been a fan of dating; I know many people share that sentiment. Crap, I just thought of this guy at the elevator at my old job - bah, I contradict myself so much. Okay, I'm not talking about him, I don't want to be contrary, THIS is my current stance and elevator guys don't count for shit. *nod*

Another funny/strange thing: I don't fantasize about the celebrities that turn me on. Noooo. It's the same fantasy I've had for... oh, 12 years or so. Just different variations. No I'm not drunk enough to tell you what it is. Just that I'm never in it, and it involves an older woman and one or more young boys >.>

There is no real point to this or any profound revelation or anything. I just felt like saying it. Forgive my tipsy babbling. I'm going to bed now. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Comments

[laariii.livejournal.com]

Well, the way i see it, being asexual is better than being a nymphomaniac & ending up with herpes & a long list of unhappy people you gave them to.

[lumy12.livejournal.com]

Very true. I should just keep that label, dangit.

[ascendingflame.livejournal.com]

Don't be so hard on yourself. I don't really believe your asexual. You're just really really disappointed in love and everything that goes with it (dating, sex, etc.). You're just not ready to take the risk again.

[lumy12.livejournal.com]

Mmmm... I don't know. I have no desire to have any sort of real sex life. I don't wish I could meet the perfect man, because I don't want a relationship. I'm not feeling hurt or angry or disappointed about anything that's happened in the past (unless I get in a mood and start dwelling on it or something... dang I haven't done a "playground" entry in a while here) So... I don't know! I'm clueless.

[ascendingflame.livejournal.com]

Of course you know yourself best but the fact that you wanted to make those playground entries are indication that you're not really over what happened then. But I don't want to bring one of those moods back, just couldn't keep my big mouth shut. :)

[lumy12.livejournal.com]

My attitude about sex comes from that time in my life (the first one I wrote about), to some extent, yes. But I had a great relationship with Aaron that was completely different from anything I'd had before, and I pissed it away. If you could say that - I'm actually very happy with the friendship we have now. And he's happy too, his life's going in a different direction but we're still close and talk nearly every day.

Don't worry, you won't bring on a mood :) I also wanted to post those to let people know a bit more about my past, because it's tedious explaining it over and over sometimes.

[lumy12.livejournal.com]

I've never read that, no.

Yeah... who wants to date the Not Worthy? Heh - not so much the Not Worthy as Not The One. I want to "waste time" my own way.

And I can hear my friend Janice's words ringing in my head all these years later - "Investing in people is never a waste of time." I WANT to believe that but I don't abide by it. Just want to be alone doing my own thing as much as possible!

[bitter-moss.livejournal.com]

I think sexual attraction, desire and who you are attracted to is very cyclic. Some people stay down one end of whatever scale, some move up and down the whole thing. I thinks its natural and you shouldn't worry so much about it. Just be and see what happens - there are other people on your end of the scale too, and hopefully you can find 'em. :)

[lumy12.livejournal.com]

Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaybe. I guess I can't rule anything out.

BUT NO THIS DOESN'T MEAN I'M GOING OUT ON DATES, OH YOU FOOLISH PEOPLE WHO LIVE NEAR ME AND LIKE TO PLAY MATCHMAKER.

Whoa, capslock!Wendy made an appearance there, sorry :)

[bitter-moss.livejournal.com]

Lol, that's ok. I for one don't see why you should date if you don't want to/aren't attracted to real people in that way/whatever. If you're just the way you are and happy then it shouldn't matter. Many won't understand, but you can just smile and say you're waiting for Hayden ;).

[lumy12.livejournal.com]

Exactly! He's worth waiting for :)

[bitter-moss.livejournal.com]

Indeed he is ;). My problem is that I like too many fictional characters :P. Real-people are just never gonna live up to them!

[lumy12.livejournal.com]

True! lol

[sanestlunatic.livejournal.com]

Awww. *pets* I don't like dating, but there's not a convenient spot for "people who just can't get laid" on the spectrum of sexuality. (Also, I really don't have enough experience with dating to say that I don't like it, but meh. I don't like it, damnit. Boys are stupid. Unless they're hot. Then they can be not stupid, until they become assholes, at which point they're stupid again.)

On a completely random note, I want cereal, but I don't have any milk. :(

[lumy12.livejournal.com]

You could get laid if you went out. *sage nod*

My inner-Aoife agrees with the "boys are stupid" bit. Hell, I agree with that mostly too. It's fun to say.

I have milk! *AIMS it to you*

[senatorsfan.livejournal.com]

Might sound funny for me to say this, but I'm not terribly into the dating/relationship thing either. It always seemed so pointless to me. If I'm with a person I would prefer to spend time with them at their house or mine, rather than constantly having dinner out or seeing a movie.

Relationships don't thrill me either, in that I'm not broken up if I'm not in one. Not at all. I'm happy that I'm attached right now, don't get me wrong, but if this goes south I certainly won't be seeking anyone else out. (Technically I wasn't even "seeking" when Andrew and I met.) The sex is great, but I don't need sex to fell happy.

Now if you'll excuse me, I've gotta go clean up some cat puke. /random gross comment

[lumy12.livejournal.com]

I cleaned some of that today myself!

I'm happier when I'm not in one. I really don't think I'm cut out for them. People can say "well you just haven't met the right guy" but I don't believe that. I think they're just trying to make me feel better, even though I don't NEED to be made to feel better because I'm quite content being alone!

[daenarrah.livejournal.com]

This asexual thing sounds like me. I have zero interest in sex and haven't had any kind of attraction to anybody in six and a half years. A lot of it I blame on the fact that I made some really bad choices regarding relationships for several years and got burned one time too many. I swore never again to all of it and it's been just that. I don't mind it too much either. It makes things easier. Who knows, maybe some day I'll show some interest in all of it again.

[lumy12.livejournal.com]

Definitely makes things easier. Sex just messes everything up!

[karinablack.livejournal.com]

heheeh *tickle*