~I'm on the outside, I'm lookin' in~

[lumy12]

I had a busy weekend. Three social outings, but nothing stressful (two were with family). In fact, I don’t even lament not having my usual amount of weekend alone time. How strange!

As I believe I’ve said before, I am very much a one-on-one person. Add more than one other person, and suddenly it’s a competition. I don’t want it to be, but it’s like a switch gets turned on in my brain. There are exceptions to this, of course – if I’m completely comfortable with at least one of the others (like, someone in my immediate family, or a very old friend), the competition mode doesn’t seem to apply. Competition mode is enhanced if the others present are females.

This goes for in person and online, by the way.

I’ve identified a pattern, and in the past when I’ve tried to break out of it, the results have been disastrous. So, the more plausible solution would be to withdraw before it gets to that point. It’s a balancing act. I don't want to withdraw so much that it makes others uncomfortable or makes them think I don’t care about anyone or anything, but I have to do it enough so that the competitive switch doesn’t flip, because that’s the same switch that triggers Teh Psycho.

I am not the best at anything, I am no one’s favorite anything, I am just ME. That should be enough. I should be able to accept it, and to expect others to accept it, because I certainly accept it about them.

If only emotions could be so logical, eh?

Oh, and people who SAY I am the best/favorite/whatever -- they are lying, or exaggerating, or maybe they mean it at the time but the sentiment is fickle. Not anything that I can actually feel secure in. So. Withdraw, withdraw, withdraw.

So what’s the moral of the story, boys and girls?
-If someone is unpopular by their own doing, it’s easier to accept than trying to fit in and inevitably failing.


Next day of geekitude: Friday, March 27. Yup, it's Star Wars Marathon Day! Rules will be updated/posted a week or so before.

Comments

[lumy12.livejournal.com]

*hugs back* I'm not depressed or emo right now, really. Just thinking about stuff. I had a weird dream last night (I really need to get back in the habit of logging those!)

I know people DO care, I'm not saying everyone's just a bunch of fakers or anything :) At least, I hope they're not! So really, that should be enough for me. Stupid inner voice of insanity. *smacks it*

<333

[lumy12.livejournal.com]

You didn't really -- at least, your comment seemed valid to me :)

I do still love that icon. Hehe. I would match you but I have it on my other account!

The dream has vanished from my head. Funny how that happens. But the main thing of it was me trying to go back to a place that doesn't exist anymore, and struggling to make it be the way I wanted and failing.

Re: <33333333

[lumy12.livejournal.com]

Oh awesome! With all the commenting you do you neeeeeeeeeeeeed a paid account for the iconage!!!

[lumy12.livejournal.com]

Awwww <333 how sweet! Oh wait, I'm the only Wendy you know :P

*squish*

You're my favorite Cat! (the other "cats" on my f-list are actually "Kat"s so I can say that and not hurt anyone's feelings. lol)

I agree, the trick is to find like-minded people... but then just interact with them one at a time. Always. Ha!

[lumy12.livejournal.com]

*purrrrrs*

[gizzi1213.livejournal.com]

You know I now need to steal this icon, right??

[lumy12.livejournal.com]

LOL of course -- for all the times you must talk about your CAT!

[sanestlunatic.livejournal.com]

That's a good day for a marathon. :D

[lumy12.livejournal.com]

Of course it is! What better way to celebrate your birthday? ^_^

You can come if you want ~

[gizzi1213.livejournal.com]

I am not good in a group of people if I don't know all of them. Then I get quiet and shy. When I'm with people I know, even in a group, then I'm fine, although even within that group there will be some I interact with more than others. I much prefer small gatherings to large gatherings.

March 27th, that's my mom's birthday! I should put in for a vacation day and pretend I'm spending it with her but do a Star Wars Marathon Day as well. I won't...but I should!! LOL

Icon selected to cheer you up...I just hope LJ shows you the right icon this time!!!!

[lumy12.livejournal.com]

YAY LJ didn't fuck up the icon this time!

March 27th is your mom's birthday? Wow, now I know 3 people with that birthday! (only one in person though... and we're not in touch anymore so I should just forget that one, really. Stupid anal brain)

K scolded me for not doing it on her spring break (she's a teacher) so she could join me. I told her she could never obey all the rules anyway, which just made her want to do it more. Ha!

Do I sound depressed in this entry? I don't mean to. Maybe it's the "failing at life" tag. Heh. Besides, you know the Mountain Man made me happy this morning. LOLOL that sounds kind of WRONG.

[gizzi1213.livejournal.com]

No, I don't think you particularly sounded depressed, that doesn't mean a person can't use a bit of cheering up by looking at Hayden!!!

At least I didn't use this new icon on you! LOL

[lumy12.livejournal.com]

*snort* Hayden cheating on his fangirls by getting ENGAGED added to Emo February. But I've forgiven him now I think.

I still have the "NO WHINING" sign on my TV. Ha!

[niicoly.livejournal.com]

Wendy. *hugs* I know exactly how you feel. I'm not sure if I can offer much advice, but I think it's important to remember that we can assume people are uncomfortable when really, they're not. It's so hard to tell sometimes.

[lumy12.livejournal.com]

*hugs back* Thanks Nic! I think I do assume things about people too much but... well, some of the time my assumptions have merit >.>

[caffeinatedkate.livejournal.com]

Oh dear, that does sound awkward. But as long as you're comfortable with yourself, that's the most important thing.
Also, I can honestly say I took an instant liking to you when you replied to my first post and it usually takes me quite a while to get to like someone. :)

[lumy12.livejournal.com]

Awww <3 That does make me feel good! And I'm not even an A/O 'shipper ♥

[nelliedrum.livejournal.com]

I do the same thing! I really try not to, I just feel ignored if it's not just one on one, you know?

[lumy12.livejournal.com]

Hey thank you for the card! I got it yesterday :)

[nelliedrum.livejournal.com]

Hooray! It got there on time!
Hope you're having a good day!

[lumy12.livejournal.com]

Got here a whole day early, even!
And yes I'm having a nice (mellow!) day, very enjoyable. And my horoscope said tonight would be a LATE night, but that's just silly - me? stay up late???

[kevthejedi.livejournal.com]

Happy Birthday :-)

[lumy12.livejournal.com]

Thank you! See, you pop out of the woodwork at the right times :)
Happy St. Patrick's Day!

[kevthejedi.livejournal.com]

I do my best :-)
Happy St Patricks Day to you too!

[lumy12.livejournal.com]

Enjoy your green beer!

[bottled-void.livejournal.com]

* Doesn't feel the need to comment because of all the other comments... *

But yeah, Wendy is the best/favorite/whatever "internet person I've actually met, but didn't end up shagging."

Go you!

:D

[lumy12.livejournal.com]

Awwww! How sweet! I'll have that honor for 3 whole months until you meet Becca :P Er - unless the second half of it doesn't apply. LOL!

You can comment whenever, I love comments, whether I have 1 comment or 150. And it's almost time to do my comment stats thingamajigger again, woohoo ~

[bottled-void.livejournal.com]

Well either that or you come over again and... *eyebrow waggle* :P

Yeah, in case you were wondering, which you probably aren't, there is only one person that fell into the category of "interweb ho" and I ended up ringing and keepin her.

[lumy12.livejournal.com]

Ahaha - of course! I do want to go back, you know - YOU'RE the one who made me cry saying "You're never gonna see us again" :P :P :P

Yeah, I kinda figured that out. I'm quick like that :)

ETA: Ohhh! I do have to go back because now I can't say the last place I puked was England! :( So I have to come back and throw up in your toilet again. *sage nod*