Yadda yadda yadda

[lumy12]

I had a lovely long weekend up in the mountains, and I whipped up this rambly LJ entry that combines Lost musings with personal. Plenty of spoilers for the finale. Also spoilers for Star Wars and Titanic, lolz. I mentioned Robin Hood once as well but I don't consider that a spoiler. I realize I'm alienating some readers by including all that stuff but so be it -- you regular commenters can take an entry off! Besides, I don't expect much -- the Laws of LJ say that the longer the entry, the fewer the comments.

I didn't notice this right away, but now it occurs to me that in the sea of soulmate bliss at the end, my two favorite characters were alone. Hmmm! The only other character flying solo, as far as I could see, was Boone. (does Christian count? He was just the "shepherd" - har har, oh Lost, way to make us feel dumb for not figuring that out sooner). It didn't seem to matter in that final reunion; everyone was ecstatic to see everyone else. It's not like the singles were sitting around glaring daggers at the couples, nor did the couples turn their noses up at the singles. IT DID NOT MATTER. They were all important to each other, and they were all moving on to whatever comes next in presumably the same state of euphoria.

Why do I make it matter so much in my own head? There are plenty of reasons for me not to get involved with anyone. I usually recognize this and am content with my life the way it is. Obviously, there's a part of me that wants more, or my last little foray into dating wouldn't have happened. I just need to beat that part down with a stick! Family expectations and society be damned. And no, I'm not glaring daggers at happy couples :) I'm happy for them. I may long for a piece of what they have at times, but it's not a realistic want, it's just fantasy. Someone like me cannot sustain a healthy relationship. Also, in real life, people don't cross worlds to find that one magical person who makes them complete.

Speaking of Lost soulmates, why was Locke alone? Where was Helen? She wasn't one of the Losties, but neither was Penny and she was there. Is it because this was Jack's deal and he didn't know her? Did each character who died after Jack have their own purgatory scene of sorts? Except Locke died long before him, so he would have been one of the people waiting around to leave... but he didn't die in the other timeline... anyway. Obviously the finale was Jack-centric and the "purgatory" (I'll put it in quotes because they never actually called it that, and I know the writers purposely left things ambiguous rather than tie it into a specific religion) scene reflected that. I mean, there's no good reason to think that little newborn Aaron was about to head into the Great Beyond so soon. Besides, he was three years old and living safely with Grandma in the other timeline. So if this isn't the be-all end-all for all the characters, why wouldn't Locke be with Helen in the afterlife?

Not even going to ponder why no one else was there from Jack's life before the island. I just think of it as one snapshot in a photo album. People who have trouble with the ending of the movie Titanic should do the same: yes, Rose reunites with Jack, but that doesn't mean she doesn't also reunite with her husband. I rather like that they used that romanticized real-life notion of all the souls on the Titanic being forever bonded to each other.

Back to Lost. I saw a theory somewhere that the characters not present in that room were missing because they were only peripheral to that core group, so they had their own gathering, with other people who were more important to them. I like that idea and I shall make it head canon.

The "timey wimey" attitude (conveyed in that last convo) helps me feel like I don't need to understand it all.

Anyway, Locke was clearly happy. My other favorite... not so much. My heart ached for Ben. I wanted to go sit next to him on that bench thing and give him a hug... not that that would help. He was repentant, forgiven (by one), and was invited inside several times -- but that wasn't enough for him. What else did he need? Alex? Not everyone who "lets go" and "moves on" gets to see reincarnations of dead people that haunt them and somehow they manage to do it, Ben. Come on, I'm rooting for you!

If you know my Star Wars side, you know my favorite characters are Anakin and Palpatine. Anakin the tortured soul... and okay, yeah, he's hot... Palpatine I actually didn't start adoring until I started role-playing a cracky version of him. That experience made me appreciate the canon character more. I believe my fic!Palps is an amalgamation of the two, because I love to explore his human side (he WAS a human, after all; not his fault that Lucas only showed him as a monster!). There was no redemption for him in canon, and while that was fitting for the movies, it bugs me since I've "gotten to know him better" in recent years. Ha! Okay, that makes no practical sense, moving on... or moving back... jumping around just like Lost did!

My brother gives me crap for being fickle, changing loyalties from Locke to Ben. But I didn't! I really didn't! I've always considered Locke to be my favorite, it's just that the more they fleshed Ben out, the more intriguing he became. And come on, how could I not adore him after this?



It's so creepily possessive, and so completely unrequited -- I think I fell in love with him at that moment!

He was no saint, but none of them were. They all went inside the church, but there he sat, alone in the church yard. Pensive and calm, until Locke rolled by. They had the "not special" exchange that makes me cry. I want to scream at him that he IS special!!! But... who am I to say? Clearly he was not. Before his power was stripped away from him, his ego certainly didn't seem to be suffering, so I don't think of it as a self esteem thing. It's a FACT thing. Some people are special, some are not. If all of us were special, the word would lose its meaning, wouldn't it?! It just cannot be so.

Ben seemed to be making his peace with it. His smile for Hurley was genuine. I know some have bashed the #1/#2 exchange, but I loved that -- I feel that Ben finally found happiness in that right-hand man position when he stopped striving to be number one at all costs. Who says everyone has to be on top? There's not enough room up there for everyone!

And I can be happy, or at least content, if I accept my shortcomings. Now to quote Robin Hood: Rise and rise again until lambs become lions.

Rawr!

Self esteem doesn't grow on trees. If someone can explain to me why I automatically fasten my seat belt during the week when I think I'm headed for romance and might possibly matter to some guy who doesn't give a rat's ass whether I live or die, and why I listen to the voice that tells me I'm not worth protecting at all other times, I'm all ears. (I still have wenchcat's "I am loved" button on my visor, but the inner voice just sneers at it!)

Going back to redemption... I kinda wanted Jack to redeem Smoky (yes I love the Sawyer-given name) somehow. Turn him back to the light the way Luke turned Vader! But I guess "once you start down the dark path and become a smoke monster, forever will it dominate your destiny." *snort* I love the symmetry of Jack breaking Smoky's spine at the same time he fixes that body's spine in the other timeline... though the broken one wasn't truly Locke, so it's not a perfect parallel. Still, it's fun hearing Jack jokingly tell Locke before the surgery that he could kill him, when at the same time he's seriously trying to kill the fake Locke on the island. I noticed more stuff like that on my second viewing.

I'm definitely going to get the box set when it comes out. I'm not ready for Lost to be over, and with dvds, it never has to be! They say there will be more answers on the box set... I just hope there aren't TOO many more ♥

E-cookies to anyone who managed to slog through that whole thing. Also, my current mood does not match the mood I was in when I wrote most of this. In case anyone notices such things.

Comments

[gizzi1213.livejournal.com]

I want my e-cookie!!! I read all the way through it. Even read all the Lost stuff that makes no sense to me.

There were a few comments that I have to respond to however.

Obviously, there's a part of me that wants more, or my last little foray into dating wouldn't have happened. I just need to beat that part down with a stick!

If you want more the only way you can have more is by allowing yourself to open up to the experiences. That won't happen if you "beat that part down with a stick." And stop hiding behind the "person like me" line. A "person like you" might need to work at a relationship a bit more, but if you wanted one badly enough you'd do so.

I want to scream at him that he IS special!!!

I often feel like yelling the exact same thing at you!!!!!!!!

Some people are special, some are not. If all of us were special, the word would lose its meaning, wouldn't it?! It just cannot be so.

Not completely true in my opinion. I don't think that everyone needs to be special to EVERYONE else. However, everyone can be special to a small group of people or even to an individual. YOU are special to all of us. Someday maybe you'll believe it.

Self esteem doesn't grow on trees. If someone can explain to me why I automatically fasten my seat belt during the week when I think I'm headed for romance and might possibly matter to some guy who doesn't give a rat's ass whether I live or die, and why I listen to the voice that tells me I'm not worth protecting at all other times, I'm all ears.

You WEAR your seat belt at ALL TIMES YOU HEAR ME!?!?!?!? Your car should NOT even MOVE if EVERYONE in your car is not wearing their seat belt!!!! It's a firm and fast rule in my car. Why?? Because everyone's life is SPECIAL and should be protected by all means possible. BUCKLE UP, MISSY!!!!

Now to quote Robin Hood: Rise and rise again until lambs become lions.

Love this line. Now I have to go see the movie for the 3rd time!

[lumy12.livejournal.com]

You get THREE e-cookies! One for reading, one for reading even though you didn't watch Lost, and one for the long comment!

-I don't believe I want one badly enough. Not hypothetically speaking, anyway. Like you I'm rather set in my ways.

-I know, the seatbelt thing is stupid...I wear it when other people are with me or watching me drive away so as not to stir up drama. If I do that then why not ALL the time? I'll make a more conscious effort.

-Done with Robin Hood 'til the dvd comes out :)

Thanks, Shnookums <3

[sakura-ame.livejournal.com]

I read through it all! :D I don't know one thing about lost though!

[lumy12.livejournal.com]

E-cookies for you! Haha, I think the Lost people are more tired of reading/talking about Lost now than the non-Losties :D

[sakura-ame.livejournal.com]

YAY! E-cookies~! <3

[darkp-hawk.livejournal.com]

God... I can't believe I read that all.

Let's see where I want to start....

Why do I make it matter so much in my own head? There are plenty of reasons for me not to get involved with anyone.

There are plenty of reasons why none of us should get involve with other people! We still do because there is more to us than just the solitary person we claim to be. We can be more than the person we are right now and we can be a better version of ourselves by seeing us through other people's eyes.

Stop using "someone like me" while you're at it. What makes you so special that you get to isolate yourself away from the rest of us? You do not get to be all high and mighty on your throne of thorns; we won't allow it!

If someone can explain to me why I automatically fasten my seat belt during the week when I think I'm headed for romance and might possibly matter to some guy who doesn't give a rat's ass whether I live or die, and why I listen to the voice that tells me I'm not worth protecting at all other times, I'm all ears.

You're afraid to be hurt. Its all our natural defense to protect ourselves first. You put yourself down to make the fall less painful. It would hurt more to fall from a high pedestal than from a very low pedestal. You close yourself off in your castle of thorns to protect yourself; all the while you're slowly bleeding yourself out by the very walls you built up!

[lumy12.livejournal.com]

I do interact with you guys, though :P so if I'm on this thorny throne you guys are right there with me!

I'm fed up with men and with my own failures and just don't want to care anymore. I do care about YOU guys. You're not in the realm of dating!

[darkp-hawk.livejournal.com]

No, we're standing near you but that throne of thorns is all yours, Wendy.

To not care is to cut yourself off from the dark side! The power that drives the darker side of ourselves is our ability to care at first! Anakin fell because he cared too much and he let his emotions drive him. Is that what you really want to tell your master? That you stopped letting your emotions guide you?

[lumy12.livejournal.com]

Well if we're going the Anakin route... MY MASTER DOESN'T CARE ABOUT ME *WHIIIIIIIIIIIIINE* SO IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT I DO!

[darkp-hawk.livejournal.com]

Ah!!! Don't turn the power of the whine towards me! I'm sure Ansketil didn't forsaken you!

[lumy12.livejournal.com]

She likes me okay but I... think she has other apprentices she likes better. *pathetic sniffle*

[ansketil-rose.livejournal.com]

WHAT???

I...I... I DO SO, APPRENTICE!! I've just had writers' block, that's all. I'll post some more Alexis soon, I promise. And I havn't had time to check my f-list until now. :(

Please stop whining, it's turning my knees to jelly. O_o

[lumy12.livejournal.com]

Oh shit I didn't think you'd actually see this

Master! I luff yoooooo!

[ansketil-rose.livejournal.com]

I read it all! Even though I didn't understand anything about Lost... now I'm imagining smoke monster sex... O_O

wtf??

Anyway, self-esteem is a bit like a person on a roller-coast ser: sometimes it's up, sometimes it's down, sometimes it's upside down screaming its head off. The point is to HOLD ON and eventually you'll realise that you're awesome (you survived the roller-coaster after all), :)

You are loved. ♥

[lumy12.livejournal.com]

Ooooo that would be hawt, esp. if he changed from human to smoke to human... O.o

The only time I truly feel good about myself is when I think some shmuck thinks I'm awesome. It's pathetic!

<333 You are loved MOAR!

[caffeinatedkate.livejournal.com]

I read the whole thing even though I didn't watch Lost and only know a little bit about it.
Oddly enough, it sounds like the ending is very similar to Ashes to Ashes which I did watch and also ended this week.

[lumy12.livejournal.com]

I'm amused that only non-Lost-watchers are responding. (actually, I'm not sure about darkp_hawk...I know he USED to watch it)

E-cookie for you!

[darkp-hawk.livejournal.com]

I didn't watch Lost after the first few episodes. I knew they were never going to answer all the questions and I HATE LOOSE ENDS!!!!

[lumy12.livejournal.com]

Pffffffffffffffffft.

I would have been more annoyed if they HAD answered them all. It would have been a letdown.

[darkp-hawk.livejournal.com]

Well, one of us here has a mild case of OCD about things like that!

[azur-dreams.livejournal.com]

UH Yeah i have no idea what Lost is but i assume it's over. and i can't believe you are still not wearing that freaking seatbelt.
anyway i am in the EXACT same place as u are, as despite my jedi efforts i'm totally in love with someone who not only lives like 18 states awy but has a gf. a horrible, horrible gf. so yeaaaah. why. dunno. sigh.

[lumy12.livejournal.com]

Ugh, I'm sorry :( Is she truly horrible or just horrible cuz she exists? Or maybe he's a jerk just TELLING you she's horrible so he can string you along?

Either way, I recommend watching copious amounts of anime!!!

Off with his balls! Real men suck, I'll take fantasy men any day

[azur-dreams.livejournal.com]

no she actually is horrible, he doesn't talk about her much but i know all about her fail through the joy that is fb... i know my poor anime bfs have been so forgotten.. and my ex fiance has been making drama because i wont be his friend.. it was such a night that i had to dig out the Pride & Prejudice dvd, even..

[lumy12.livejournal.com]

Still haven't seen Pride & Prejudice!

I got pissed at FB and closed the tab cuz I was convinced it's what was causing my "slow script" errors that tied up my computer... well, next day, it kept happening some more. I think it was the video my friend sent me that I accidentally tried to open with google. Sorry, FB, for blaming you for all evile everywhere!

[azur-dreams.livejournal.com]

lolwut how have u not seen that?? my only consolation was going looking in the mirror and i'm not THATTT far off from Keira. what w the gauntness and all.. u have to see that geez!! it has really hot dudes!