CYOA Page 66
Sep. 14th, 2013 10:30 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lumy12Zack's smile when you tell him you'll stay is so pure and genuine that you feel good about your decision. You do rather like the feeling that you're making a difference by sleeping in his room. In his bed, even. It's... a little different from sleeping in Joel's bed. Okay, a lot different. What age do boys start getting hard-ons, anyway? you wonder. Joel wouldn't give you a straight answer when you asked how old he was when he started masturbating. Ten just seems way too young. Zack is so... small.
You lay next to him, your arms brushing each other... your gun stowed on the nightstand. You chat for a few minutes before you urge him to go to sleep. He turns and snuggles up to your side. Awww. You put your arm around him. Where did he learn to do that? It's not a natural action... or at least, it wasn't for you, before Joel. "Did you used to sleep in your mom's bed?" you ask him.
"Mmhmm," he answers. "When I was little."
"Before she... died?"
"Yeah. Not after."
"Ha! Yeah. I couldn't remember if you said she died, or..."
"When I was six."
"That sucks. At least you had six years... mine died right after I was born."
"...That sucks worse."
"Yeah... good night, kiddo." ...kiddo? Why did I just call him that?
He giggles a little. "That's your name."
"It's hardly exclusive." Although you've forbidden Joel from giving anyone else the nickname. Even though you sort of don't want him to call you that anymore. You like it, but you also don't.
"Good night, Ellie."
The kid falls asleep before you do. You decide you like the snuggling, even if it's not as good as snuggling with Joel. There's something satisfying about holding this little body close to yours, like you're protecting him from the world. You wonder if that's how Joel feels when he holds you.
You sleep somewhat restlessly. Zack makes little whimpering noises from time to time that make you wonder if he's having a nightmare... and if he is, you should probably wake him up from it, right? ...but... you're never quite sure, since he lapses back into regular breathing without ever getting too agitated. He rolls away from you at some point... after you've fallen into a deeper sleep, so you're not sure when.
You wake up before him, just as sunlight starts to tinge the gray of the room with warmer hues. He's on his stomach, head turned toward you. You hear some noises downstairs and realize Joel's already up. He'll probably come up to check on us... you're still a little annoyed that he didn't invite you downstairs, or even say good night properly. You hear when he starts coming up the stairs (you can tell he's trying to be quiet -- but your door is open). Quickly you scoot closer to Zack and sling your arm over him, then tuck his head under your chin -- or, rather, your chin over his head? -You don't move him, you just arrange yourself around him in as natural-looking a position as possible.
Without seeing him, you know Joel is right there by the door. You can't do a convincing fake snore, so you just breathe slowly and deeply, and make sure your face is completely slack. You could risk the slightest peek under your eyelashes, but this has betrayed you before, so you'd better not! You know Joel is watching you. You wish you could see the expression on his face, but even the eyelash-peek thing wouldn't have given you that. After a few moments, you hear him leave.
He could've woken me up, you muse grumpily.
You sulk for a few minutes, then realize that you're wasting precious minutes of what could be very scarce alone time with Joel. Carefully, you extricate yourself from Zack without disturbing him (which is easy to do, since you had simply positioned yourself around him), jam your shoes on your feet, and head downstairs to find Joel.
Joel is stoking a fire out back. You can tell he sees you coming, but he doesn't look up. "Mornin'," he says.
"Hey." You pause. Why does this feel awkward now? "How'd you sleep?"
He makes a motion that you guess is supposed to be a noncommittal shrug. "The bed was lumpy as hell... still beats the floor, though."
You want him to say something like "I would've slept a lot better with you by my side," or something equally mushy, but he doesn't. You wait for him to ask you how you slept... but he doesn't.
"Think the kid likes oatmeal?" he asks instead.
"I dunno. I guess." Every kid in Jackson is at least used to oatmeal. You see that Joel has brought your water canteen outside, along with some other mealtime things. You pick it up and take a few healthy swigs to clear the sleep from your mouth, then look around for something else. "Did you bring the toilet paper out?"
"Nope. Sorry."
"Okay... I guess I'll go get it then." You walk back to the porch rather slowly. Up the stairs... to the back door... you glance over your shoulder at Joel and see that he's busy setting up the cooking rack thing to boil a pot of water. Well, what were you expecting, Ellie? "Please don't go!"... or "Don't leave me! I'll miss you too much!" ... or, hey, how about "I'm SO jealous that you were sleeping with another guy!"
...At least the thought of Joel actually saying any of those things is mildly amusing to you?
He's just so... nonchalant, sometimes. So cool. Does he even care that this might be the only chance you have all day to be alone?
You march back out there, wad of toilet paper in hand, and grab Joel's arm. "You're coming with me. Get up."
Joel chuckles as you drag him off across the yard -- on the other side of the house, so you'll be protected from view should Zack wander out the back door, looking for you. "You need my help?" he teases.
"Uh-huh." Zack's window is on this side, but farther down, and where you're going, he won't be able to see anything if he does happen to look out.
You push Joel against the wall and kiss him. Hard. He doesn't seem surprised by this at all... and he responds quite satisfactorily, tangling a hand in your already-tangled hair (oops, you maybe could have brushed it before going downstairs?) and holding you close with his other hand. Lips locked on to each other's, your tongues get reacquainted and your hearts start beating faster (or maybe that's just yours). Your stomach flips pleasantly at least four times. I could kiss him forever!
However, you're the one who finally breaks the kiss... and you smile at him.
"Missed you, too, baby girl," he murmurs, returning the smile before going in for another kiss.
You return the kiss but make this one much shorter than the first. "If that's true, why didn't you let me sleep with you last night?" you pout.
"You know why."
"Just sleeping. Not fucking. Zack wouldn't have thought it was weird -- he's too little."
"He ain't that little. An' if we look too comfortable with it, he might wonder if we sleep that way at home, too. Might mention it to someone."
You sigh. Why does he have to worry about that shit so much?! For a guy who doesn't give a fuck what others think, he sure seems to care a lot when it comes to hiding your relationship. It's hard to be irritated, though, when Joel's running his hands through your hair and caressing your face and giving you sweet little kisses.
Too bad he doesn't do it for very long. "I better get back before all that water boils over."
You pout some more, which buys you maybe another minute of love, and then you reluctantly let him go. You really do have to pee, too, so you tell him you'll be back in another minute.
Zack still hasn't made an appearance when the oatmeal is ready. "Should I go wake him up?" you wonder aloud.
"Nah. It'll keep. Poor kid hasn't slept in a bed in weeks."
Oh! Perfect segue! "Yeah. He really seemed cozy in that bed last night." You wait for Joel to show some sign of jealousy... or even just annoyance... but he doesn't! He just gives a little grunt of assent. Man... if you saw him all curled up with someone, you'd be jealous as fuck. And pissed off, too. Even if it was just a little kid! "Like... really cozy," you add lamely.
Still nothing!
You can't stand it. "Joel, I know you saw... that I was sleeping with him." You purposely make it sound like you mean that in the naughty way... in case that sparks the jealousy? ...But of course, Joel knows better.
"Sorry... didn' mean to wake you up. I was just checkin' on you."
You almost tell him that he didn't wake you up, but... you can't tell if he's playing with you or not, and if he believes you were asleep in that snuggly position, so much the better? But he's still not acting jealous! you fume inwardly. You'll just have to go at this directly. "You didn't mind?" You blow on your oatmeal, eyeing him over your spoon.
"Why should I mind? It was cute as hell."
...Cute?! Is he being serious?! He sounds sincere -- but then, it is Joel, after all. "You thought it was cute?"
"Sure."
Generally speaking, you're kind of torn on the 'cute' thing with him. You want him to think of you that way, but you also want him to think you're like... sexy and alluring. Even though you're not sure how to be those things. Well, not like I know how to be CUTE either, really! "You weren't... jealous? Or something?" Because you just can't seem to drop this!
"No. Again -- should I be?"
"Yes!" you groan. "You were yesterday!"
"When?"
"When you didn't want him touching me... when we were riding together!"
"I wasn't jealous."
"Then what would you call it?"
"I don' know. Not jealous."
"But you didn't want him touching me," you repeat.
"I wasn't thrilled about it, no, but I wasn't jealous. I didn't want him to..."
"...to what?"
"Nothin'. I don' know. It'd be different if he were a few years older, I'll grant you that."
Hmmm... You ponder what to say next as you swallow another spoonful. "Would you still think it was cute if he... uh..." You feel the heat rushing to your cheeks.
"If he what?"
"If he... in the bed... if he... sort of... touched me, like..."
"What are you tryin' to say?" Joel finally seems concerned now! "Did he touch you somewhere he shouldn't?"
"N-no... not exactly..."
"Then... what? Tell me."
Shit! You don't want to get sweet little Zack in trouble. Why did I have to go there?! You stare into your bowl. "It's nothing."
"Clearly, it ain't nothin.' What happened?"
You calmly eat your oatmeal, still not looking at Joel -- which probably doesn't help, because now he thinks you're... ashamed or embarrassed or something. ...which, you are, you suppose, but not because the boy molested you, for fuck's sake!
Joel's not even eating now. He's just watching you. "Ellie. Tell me, please. I'll talk to him."
"No!" You look up now, horrified at that thought. "No, Joel, really -- nothing happened! I don't know why I even said that," you say earnestly.
You're telling the truth now, but he doesn't believe you!
"Did he do it on accident?"
"No, he didn't do anything!" you insist.
But there seems to be no backtracking on this now. "He needs to know that whatever he did made you uncomfortable. I won't lay into him... he's just a kid... but he needs to know. An' speak of the devil..."
You turn around and see Zack waving cheerfully from the porch.
To your horror, Joel stands up. "I'll talk to him alone. You don't gotta hear it."
If you stop Joel and confess that you made it all up to make him jealous, turn to page 125.
If you can't bring yourself to suffer the humiliation and you let him go talk to Zack, turn to page 128.
Carlos
Date: 2021-01-27 01:18 pm (UTC)Re: Carlos
Date: 2021-01-27 01:26 pm (UTC)