lumy12

Page One Hundred Thirty-Two

ZACK!

Oh my fucking God!

Zack looks shocked, confused, and revolted all at the same time.

Joel gets off you so fast -- as if he thinks putting immediate distance between you will somehow erase what Zack saw.

"It ain't what it looks like." ... ...Yep, Joel actually said that.

You stand up and move toward Zack slowly. "I can explain, okay?"

He starts backing away... then actually turns and runs.

"Zack, wait!"

He doesn't wait. You hear the front door slamming in the other room.

"Fuck -- I need to put my shoes on --"

Joel is one step ahead of you there. "I'll go after him."

"I'm right behind you!"

Man... Zack better not go far... there's a whole lot of nothing around here he could disappear into. But unless he ducked right into a hiding spot just outside the house, Joel got out there fast enough that you think he should be able to catch him. You don't see either of them by the time you get out there.

You check the obvious hiding spots around the house, just in case. Nope -- he truly went running off. "Zack! Joel!" you call to them.

"Over here!" It's Joel. He sounds pretty far away already!

You head into the woods, in the direction indicated by Joel's call. In another minute or so, you can hear Joel talking to Zack. Or trying to talk to him. As you approach, it sounds like he's negotiating with the kid to get him to stay put. "...can't do that now. You're stuck with us, like it or not. If you keep runnin', we'll just keep runnin' after you."

Okay, so 'negotiating' probably isn't the word for it. More like 'laying down the law.'

You find them standing a fair distance apart, neither looking too rumpled and grass-y so perhaps Joel didn't have to tackle the boy to stop him. You walk over to Zack -- Joel tries to warn you to give him some space, but the kid lets you come right up alongside him.

He does glare at you, however. "You said he was different," Zack mumbles accusingly.

"He is! That was--"

"Why were you laughing? I don't get it." He scowls at you... and he speaks quietly, like he doesn't want Joel to hear.

"Laughing?"

"Did it make him mad?"

"Uh... no?"

Zack lowers his voice to a whisper (you should probably let him know Joel can still hear him... but you don't). "But right after that -- I heard you -- you couldn't move. You were like 'oh no I can't move'... and then you were swearing you'd be good. That you'd do whatever he wanted. And then -- then I walked in and he was..."

"Oh my God -- no no no -- you totally have the wrong idea. Joel wasn't hurting me." You glance at Joel -- he has a hand over his face and his eyes are shut. "We were playing. It was fun. I was just pretend--"

"I saw it -- he was kissing you," Zack hisses, clearly disgusted.

"It was wrong," says Joel, much to your annoyance.

"No--" you start to protest.

"Then why were you doing it?" Zack asks Joel, who's moving a little closer.

"It's not wrong!" you insist. "Joel thinks it's wrong sometimes because he--"

"It is wrong, Ellie," Joel cuts you off. "However you wanna spin it, it's still wrong."

"Why were you doing it?" Zack repeats. He's giving Joel a dirty look that could rival one of yours!

"We love each other," you answer for Joel. "I know it's--"

"I'm asking him, not you!" Zack interrupts you.

But you don't trust Joel to give a good answer. "I know, but I can answer it better than him. Sometimes he gets words mixed up. Like saying something's wrong when actually it's right."

Joel sighs. "I know exactly what I'm sayin', Ellie, if you'll kindly just let me say it."

"You're not going to tell him the truth. I will."

"You'll tell him what you believe is true, sure. Which is only gonna confuse him more."

"Well, he's not gonna understand if you try to explain, especially when you start by saying it's wrong... like we're doing something bad, when really--"

"It is bad. I'm an adult, you're a child. That--"

"I'm not a child! If you don't want to say I'm an adult, you can at least call me a teenager. You're not a fucking child molester."

Zack... at least looks less angry now? More bewildered. "I thought you guys... don't you consider each other family?"

"Yes," you reply. "We are."

"So... Joel's your dad."

"No. That's just..." ...what we want everyone to think? Fuck -- you forgot that you have another problem here: Zack needs to keep his mouth shut about this.

He looks at Joel. "Isn't Ellie like your daughter?"

Joel hesitates. "She is an' she ain't."

You roll your eyes. "Yeah, cuz that's not confusing at all."

"Never said it wasn't confusin'. It's confusin' as hell." He looks at Zack. "The questions you wanna ask me? They're the same questions I ask myself. One thing I--"

"Joel, stop!" You can't let him keep talking -- he's going to turn Zack against him! "It's not confusing for me, Zack. Not at all. I love Joel... and not just like a daughter loves her dad. I mean, I never had a dad, so it's not like I know what that feels like, exactly? But the kissing and stuff... that's..."

"You... like that," Zack says, like he's asking for clarification.

"I love that," you fucking clarify!

The revulsion on the boy's face is almost comical, actually. "But he's..."

"Old. -Older," you amend (you're still trying to convince yourself Joel's not actually old). "I know. It doesn't matter. People fall in love with people. Numbers are just labels -- they have nothing to do with anything. They just cover up who the person is underneath." Hey, I like that... I was talking out of my ass, but that was pretty fucking good...

"...and you want to kiss him?" Zack asks, like he can't imagine anything worse.

"Of course! He's a handsome guy." You hope Zack's insensitivity isn't hurting Joel's feelings; he acts like shit rolls right off him sometimes, but you wonder if--

"You're right," Joel says to Zack. Inexplicably. "It's gross, it's wrong, an' I'm--"

"Joel, shut the fuck up!" You can't listen to this bullshit. "Why are you telling him-- you're not explaining it the right way! If you would just--"

"Calm down," says Joel. "No matter what we say, he ain't gonna understand it."

"Hey, I'm not a dummy, you know," Zack huffs. "I get things."

"That don' mean that... this will make any sense to you," says Joel. "I meant no offense. How 'bout we go sit down... over there, on that log. Ellie, I think it's best if you go back to the house."

"What? Fuck that! You're saying everything wrong. I'm staying."

"Then we'll be fightin' instead of talkin', an' I really don't wanna be here all day."

"Well, then tell him the truth!"

"You guyyyys," Zack says exasperatedly. "It's... whatever. I don't care. I don't wanna hear any more, okay? Let's just forget the whole thing."

"I'm cool with that," you say, because you know Joel's only going to make it worse.

"Not an option," says Joel. "Look, it ain't like I'm... thrilled to be talkin' about this, either. But... some things need to be said. It won't take long. Ellie, I'm serious -- you should go back to the house. I can't even finish a sentence without you gettin' upset."

"No way. You just finished, like... six or seven without me interrupting you." You smirk at him. "No, seriously -- I'll let you talk. I swear."

Continue to page 219.