CYOA Page 155
Sep. 12th, 2013 02:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lumy12"Joel, what the fuck," you complain as you stumble after him. "I wanted to hear what she was about to say! And 'we left the horses unprotected' ? --really? They're right over--"
"You don' need to be talkin' to those people. An' the horses ain't very well hidden in those trees there." He lets go of you, but you get the feeling he'd tackle you if you were to turn around right now.
"Did you think I was going to tell them or something? Why are you being so..." You haven't had a chance to process what little you did hear. When you turn it over in your mind now...
Only you don't get a chance to do that now, either, as Joel suddenly goes from being in a huge hurry to stopping dead in his tracks, halting you by putting his hands on your shoulders. "Ellie, listen to me: we have to be careful. We don' know who we can trust. They might seem friendly, but... we don' know. In fact, I'm gettin' a bad vibe off this whole place. We should just go."
You stare at him. "Go, like... go home?"
"Yes." He abruptly takes your hand and starts striding toward the horses again.
"Joel, hang on a second!"
He ignores this.
"Stop, already! Jesus." You yank your hand away and stop walking, forcing him to stop, too. You cross your arms over your chest and look at him appraisingly. "Why are you so freaked out right now? You're saying things that don't make sense. A bad vibe... from a place we've been doing trade with for months? Go home without even talking to Danny?"
"They told us he's here. He ain't in trouble, he don' need our help. Mystery solved. Let's--"
"Okay -- so, you don't trust these people, but you're cool with taking their word about Danny? And... actually, if you don't trust them, why did you leave our hiding spot? We could've just spied on them for a while and seen what they were up to... and what are we supposed to say to Danny's wife when she asks--"
"Don't worry about that. I'll take care of it. Now we--"
"No!" You step back when he steps toward you. "I'm not going anywhere with you 'til you stop bullshitting me!"
"Ellie," he says in his 'warning' tone, "you're gonna have to trust me on this. We need--"
"Trust you? When you won't even tell me what's wrong?" You glare at him. Does he even know how ridiculous he sounds?! "I'm not leaving without seeing Danny. That's just... so dumb."
Joel seems... perturbed, even pained, by such an unreasonable demand. To actually speak to the person you're on a mission to find -- such madness! But he must have decided he can't win this one (at least not without coming up with more believable bullshit), because he relents. "All right. We can... go find him. But we ain't talkin' to anyone else. Just in an' out. C'mon."
You wonder if he just decided to appease you to get you to keep moving (if so, it worked). Maybe he wanted to buy himself some time to cook up more excuses. The way he's looking around... you get the feeling he's trying to pass it off as his normal Outside-vigilance, but you can tell it's not. He's amped up. On edge. Nervous. Not in an obvious way... but you've spent so much time with him Outside, and you know him so well.
If he was really getting 'bad vibes' off of them, he wouldn't have revealed our hiding spot like that. Maybe he didn't want me overhearing them... he wanted to control the narrative...
You wait until you're approaching the horses to ask him the question that really needs asking. "Joel... when Kylie said she was a Firefly, and that they didn't stop looking for a cure... she mentioned--"
"Stop right there." Joel looks at you... with possibly the most intense look you've ever seen in his eyes. It sends a chill down your spine (is that good or bad... given the situation, you're thinking... bad? -Wrong kind of passion). "I know that you... want to know more about... what happened with the Fireflies, that day." He's speaking slowly, like he has to think carefully about each word passing his lips.
"Yeah. I know there's stuff you haven't told me." He all but admitted that much, a long time ago. But the topic has been declared off limits.
"There's a reason for that. I know it's... askin' a lot, expectin' you to trust me... but trust me when I say this: if you love me--"
"Of course I love you," you interrupt, annoyed at the 'if.'
"If that's true... an' if you want me'n'you to... have a future together..."
...What the fuck? Now it's fear that's creeping down your spine. "You know I do. What does that have to do with anything?"
"It has everythin' to do with it. I'm askin' you... to leave this alone. It's for the best."
"...And if I don't, then... what?" Fear is stronger than anger or outrage or... anything else. Your voice is small. "You're saying... we can't be together?"
He keeps looking at you steadily. Gives a slight nod. "That's right."
Don't panic, Ellie... he might be bluffing... "But... you can't do that... you promised you'd never leave me! After everything... how could you..." You're utterly bewildered by this. It makes no sense!
"It's your call," he says quietly.
That's not fair! You don't even know what it is that you don't know, and you're supposed to just... forget all about it when it's obviously something huge? "I'm confused... am I not allowed to ask you questions anymore? If I do, then... you won't love me anymore?" That last part comes out barely above a squeak.
He closes his eyes and mutters under his breath... something like "Goddamnit."
There are times when you're okay with Joel being mad at you -- like when you do something naughty, or go against his wishes on something minor, something dumb -- and there are times when you're absolutely not okay with it. This is definitely the latter. It sounds like he's trying to break up with you or something, and you can't... abide that, you can't handle that... fuck... "Why are you mad at me? What did I do? I'm sorry, for whatever it is... please, Joel..." You close the gap between you; you're somewhat hidden amongst the trees now, but you can't risk doing anything else to piss him off, so you just lean into him, willing him to put his arms around you...
Which, to your relief, he does. What does it mean? Does that mean we're okay?
Joel sighs. "I ain't mad at you. I'm mad at myself 'cause I can't seem to... I can't let you think that I would leave you, or stop lovin' you... over this, or... anythin' else."
Now you can relax! You smile up at him. "Good! Fuck, you really scared me!"
He kisses your forehead. "I'm sorry. But the thing is... I still need you to trust me when I say that this is best left alone. Left in the past, where it belongs. You might wind up gettin' hurt, an' there's just no need for... it's got no bearin' on our life together now. If you're happy with the way things are, things can keep bein' that way, if you can just let this go. You understand?"
You let that churn in your brain for a bit. It still sounds like some form of threat to you. "But you're not going to end things. Between us, I mean."
"No."
"You think I might? If I know?" You watch him carefully for his reaction to this one.
"I hope not. But I don' know." Unfortunately, he keeps his expression too Joel-like to help you decipher that.
But that sounded pretty straight-forward, you think. Maybe he's as worried about you leaving him over this as he is about you leaving him for someone younger -- which is to say, not very, most of the time. It's a vague possibility his imagination might toss at him every so often, but not a serious concern. ...that I know of, you realize you have to add to that. Maybe he's just good at faking confidence? You know he's good at hiding his feelings... You look at him earnestly. "Joel, there is nothing on this Earth that would make me leave you. Nothing."
He smiles a little. "I hope that ain't true, 'cause if I ever... stop makin' you happy... start treatin' you bad..."
You roll your eyes. "You won't!"
He shakes his head, makes a little 'tch' sound, and looks away.
You don't understand that response. "What? I know you'd never hurt me."
"Not on purpose, no." He lets go of you. "Come on. Let's get this over with."
"Wait... we're not done talking yet."
"Yes we are. I told you, you have to trust me on this. It's best... for both of us." He gives you a measured look. "You do trust me, don't you?"
You bite your lip. Trust goes both ways, Joel...
If you agree to let this go, turn to page 164.
If you are determined to learn the truth no matter what, turn to page 168.
Carlos
Date: 2021-04-01 04:43 am (UTC)Re: Carlos
Date: 2021-04-01 01:19 pm (UTC)RE: Re: Carlos
Date: 2021-04-04 01:26 pm (UTC)Re: Re: Carlos
Date: 2021-04-04 02:17 pm (UTC)