CYOA Page 207

[lumy12]

Page Two Hundred Seven

It's a little late to be having second thoughts now, isn't it? Joel's about five seconds away from shooting the chick.

You creep after him as silently as you can, moving from tree to tree as cover, but he still notices. He glances back at you once, tries to send you back with a Look... then apparently gives up the notion, because he switches his focus back to his target with no further acknowledgment of your presence. You're close enough now to hear the woman crying; you imagine her crouched over the body of her companion, and you feel a pang in your heart... which you quickly dismiss. You've learned that that's what you have to do.

You've made it almost all the way to his little hiding spot when you hear the gunshot. He rises, and you know it's done. Since you were so close to the huge rocks he fired between, you didn't even see it happen (unless you count watching Joel snipe her? but you didn't witness her getting hit, which... feels like something you were supposed to do). The horse takes off again, probably experiencing that creepy feeling called déjà vu.

He gives you a stern look, complete with angrily-knitted brows and a scowl. "I told you--"

"Yeah, I know what you told me. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. In case you didn' notice, she didn't fire back."

You roll your eyes. "No, I mean... are you okay. I know that wasn't something you--"

"I'm fine," he repeats. "Hopefully she never knew what hit her."

"I'm sure she didn't," you assure him. "You took the time to hit her exactly where she wouldn't feel a thing."

He snorts. "You didn't even see where I hit her."

"I don't have to. First of all, I didn't hear her scream or cry out or anything. Second of all, I know you. I knew that you... would have that on your mind."

He shakes his head. "I've hurt plenty of innocent people before. Never much cared if they suffered or not."

"Yeah, you like to say that, but I don't think it's true."

"Ellie--"

"I get that you killed innocent people. Isn't that just... a thing you have to do when you're a hunter?"

"There's always a choice."

"Yeah -- and you chose to stop doing it."

He sighs. "It ain't nearly that simple."

"I know. We've killed innocent people, too, when we--"

"No. You have never done that. You've killed for survival. That's it. An' we need to keep it that way."

He feels so passionately about that! Always has. "The fact that you feel that way? That tells me you do care about other people, or you--"

"Only you," he insists. "Everyone else can go to hell."

"No, see -- if you really didn't value their lives, you wouldn't be so against me doing this. Killing her like that."

"The whole point is to spare you the--"

"Yes! Exactly! Spare me the shitty feeling that comes with doing it. The only way you could know it feels shitty is if you've felt that way yourself. Right? So--"

"Not exactly. I know what a sensitive, caring person you are. It don't take a genius to figure out how it would affect you."

Joel has always overestimated your kindness. Would a truly kind sweet person want to kill this woman in the first place? Take her away from those kids? No. You're even more selfish than Joel claims he is, because he never wanted to do this.

"...Yet it's still affectin' you," he adds.

"What?"

"You're upset. Don't be: it was the right call."

"You're just saying that. Trying to make me feel better about it." Or about making him do the deed, anyway... But please keep lying to me -- I want to believe it!

"No, it's true. That's how you survive in this world -- by eliminating threats. Ever heard the expression nice guys finish last?"

"No... what are they finishing?"

"Means they end up losin' out to the assholes. Bit harsh for before everythin' went to hell, but there's truth behind it... an' nowadays, it's more true than ever."

"Even though... I mean... those kids..."

"It's a damn shame. It is. But... that's just how it has to be."

"Collateral damage," you add bitterly.

"Yes. Lookin' out for number one means you can't worry about shit like collateral damage."

"Number one and number two," you remind him.

"Sure. ...Except I thought you decided that sounds too much like... bathroom activities," he teases.

"Well, it does!" you laugh -- and then you immediately feel guilty for laughing. Which is dumb, I guess...

You don't know if Joel could somehow sense that flare of guilt, but he lays a comforting hand on your shoulder. "We did the right thing. Never doubt that."

Yeah, right... It may or may not be the right thing... you can believe that it was, if the alternative was that she'd kill you or Joel. That's like thinking your lives are more important than hers, that they somehow matter more... but, hey -- you're allowed to think that, aren't you? Doesn't everyone have the right to feel that way about themselves? The world isn't like... a video game or something, where everyone has numbers over their heads, signifying their rank -- where it's immoral to kill someone ~more important~ than you. (...How would that even work? Who would assign the numbers, and based on what criteria?!) Anyway, you'll never actually know if you were 'in the right' based on your own personal criteria, because now she'll never be able to come after you and 'earn' her death. That means there will always be doubt.

Still, it's very sweet of Joel to lie so vehemently. You may even be able to let him lull you into fully believing it. You look up at him. "Thank you. Thanks for saying that... for doing it... for everything." You step forward and wrap your arms around him, taking him by surprise... taking yourself by surprise, for that matter. It's just... it just hit you -- again -- that there's nothing this man wouldn't do for you.

He gives you a squeeze, then seems like he's about to let you go... only you're keeping hold of him, so he doesn't. He kisses the top of your head (which is so fucking sweet!). "You know what the strange thing is, for me?" he says. "I wanna help you survive. Teach you everythin' you need to know. But at the same time, I don't wanna see you change into someone who... can do all that shit."

Aww! That's so... You're touched by that... and the honesty in him telling you. I already AM that person, Joel! And you think he sees it, too... more than he's willing to admit. Maybe now it's your turn to feed him the lies that he wants to hear -- and keep up the pretense of being sweet, innocent little Ellie. You smile into his shirt. "Well, I guess that's why I need to keep you around, huh?" Among a million other reasons...

He starts to say something -- a protest, you think? -- but then doesn't. He just chuckles. "Yes. That's exactly right."


THE END



If you'd like to start another adventure, return to page 1.

Comments

Carlos

[(Anonymous)]

Well, I don't know what the message here if you want to tell one. But I not sure about Ellie wanted to kill that woman after they found out she has kids. It sad that they leave those kids without a mother... anyway I finish all this path and now is time to chose the way thrught the city and see how they do there.

Re: Carlos

[luminations.livejournal.com]

Message? No message, just looking at multiple angles. You might be taking it too seriously :P You don't have to read or agree with every choice, obviously you didn't find this one believable