lumy12

Page Two Hundred Forty-Nine

You're snuggled up with Joel on the couch in the dark, sleepy yet wanting to talk to him, now that you don't have to censor yourselves. It's a no-brainer that you'll bring the child with you to the hospital, but what about after that? Joel says you'll cross that bridge when you come to it. See what happens at the hospital. If they're going to send him off to some orphanage, you insist he should come home with you instead, and Joel doesn't disagree; you can think of several families in Jackson who would welcome a young child into their home. He thinks the two of you should maybe search the area a little more and see if you can locate family, or other people he was living with... especially if you can get him to talk about anyone besides his mom. You also discuss how and when and what to tell the boy about his mom. Joel says he's too little to understand, and in time, he'll forget her entirely... which is so fucking sad.

Something's still bugging you, but you don't know if Joel will want to go there. "Joel... can I ask you something?"

"...Ain't that what you've been doin' for the past--"

"I mean... something else." You like the way he rubs your arm, when you sit together like this. It's soothing. Maybe I should try to soothe the boy like this...

"Go on, shoot."

"I was wondering... what would you do different, if you had known that the thief was a girl?"

"Uh... I don' know."

"Would you have killed her?"

"No." No hesitation.

I knew it! "What if... it was a regular hunter dude... but you could see he had a kid with him?"

Joel sighs. "I don' know, Ellie, what does it matter? That ain't what happened."

"A hunter without a kid... you'd definitely kill him, though. Right?"

"Prob'ly. Yeah."

"Even though... the hunter probably has way better chances of surviving out here than that girl."

"The hunter's also more likely to have hurt an' killed more people."

"Maybe. Okay, sure. She's probably robbed just as many, though. Or, if it's less it's only cuz of her age. So that's okay with you, but--"

"That's how the world works."

"Would you have just... let her steal from us?"

"No."

"What if I wasn't with you? Then would you let her?"

He sighs again. "Ellie--"

"Would you?"

He gives you a squeeze. "What is it you're really askin'? If we did the right thing?"

"...I guess?" Plus you're honestly curious about his take on the other scenarios.

"Yes'n'no. I can't say it's right to kill a young girl."

"Maybe... it was supposed to happen this way. Maybe she wasn't taking good care of her kid. I mean... she wasn't. He's skinny, filthy, hungry..."

"So we're the heroes? Savin' this boy?"

"Yeah. Something like that."

"I'm sure she was doin' the best she could, an' who knows what horrors she suffered that--"

"Exactly -- her best wasn't good enough, and... we put her out of her misery."

Joel snorts. "If that's what you need to tell yourself, then sure. But maybe we could've helped both of 'em."

"But if it was a dude... then, fuck him."

"Pretty much, yeah."

"That doesn't seem fair."

"Life ain't fair."

"No shit. But... what if she was too fucked up to ever have a happy life? You said... after I told you more stuff about me... about Boston... you said it was a miracle that... well, that I was a miracle, basically."

"You are."

"That means... I'm not the norm. And this girl was prob'ly worse off than me, so--"

"We don' know anythin' about her. I would assume that since she was out here... the condition the kid was in... that some bad shit happened to her. But maybe that's just a recent thing. Maybe she had a good home, parents that love her--"

"Well then maybe if it was a hunter, he would've, too! But he doesn't get the benefit of the doubt."

"Nope. They're all assholes."

"But they're not! You and Tommy--"

"We were assholes."

"...but not forever. Not now!"

"That's debatable."

You give him a playful shove. "You're not. I'm just saying... your logic is flawed. Either it's okay that we kill people to defend ourselves, or it's not."

"Except real life... it ain't so black an' white. You know, that girl didn't even have a gun."

"Well, maybe the guy wouldn't've had one, either. Maybe that's why he waited until we went to bed."

Joel is quiet for a moment. "A man... is always gonna be a threat. I... don't see that girl bein' able to hurt us. Hurt you, especially. I reckon that's what it boils down to."

"What if she was really mean? Mean and violent? Wouldn't she have to be to survive on her own?"

"Then... that's where things ain't so black an' white. Remember how you tried to kill me the second you--"

"I wasn't trying to kill you!" you laugh. "I was defending Marlene."

"Provin' you're loyal. Which ain't a bad thing. But it was... an interestin' first impression."

"Yeah -- and like, right after that, you go and take a nap right in front of me. I could have slit your throat."

"I knew you wouldn't."

"How could you possibly know?"

He chuckles. "I was helpin' you. What motive would you have--"

"Maybe I didn't wanna go. Maybe I agreed to go just to... get away from there, get out of the Zone or something."

"We weren't even out yet."

"Well... I don't know! You didn't know anything about me."

He gives you another squeeze. "I would've woken the hell up if you'd tried to slit my throat, believe me."

"Are you sure about that? I'm pretty quick..."

"...How'd we get to talkin' about you killin' me?"

You giggle softly. "I dunno... you brought it up. And you can kill people with your bare hands. But I wasn't afraid of--"

"You can, too. I showed you."

"But not... I have to disable them somehow first if they're stronger--"

"That girl wasn't stronger than you. She was too skinny to be."

"She could've... stolen one of our guns or something. Or act like she's grateful for our help and then steal everything as soon as we go to sleep."

"So, maybe we wouldn't've taken her with us. We still could've helped somehow. Given her food'n'shit. I don' know." He kisses the top of your head. "But you're right to think that way. Imagine the worst possible thing an' go from there. We did the right thing, all right? Now can we go back to sleep?" He punctuates that with a yawn.

Which, of course, makes you yawn, too. You don't think he really believes you did the right thing, but you've tortured him with enough questions (for now). "I don't wanna get up," you mumble, shifting a little... making yourself even more comfortable. "You're a nice pillow."
"What, you wanna sleep out here? Like this?"

"Mmhmm."

"I think the pillow on your bed is prob'ly softer."

"Nope. Not as good."

"...You don't wanna share your bed with a two-year-old," he surmises.

"No, I don't mind, if he stays asleep... but I'm too cozy now. Besides, if he comes out here in the morning and finds us like this, he'll know you're a good guy."

"Not necessarily. An' he's got me pegged already."

"Pegged wrong." That's a weird word, 'pegged'...

"Might be you that's got me pegged wrong," Joel whispers, slouching into the couch more -- which tells you he's not going to make you get up.

"No way. Bad guys aren't this snuggly."

"...And you know this... how?"

"Oh, I've tried snuggling with all kinds of bad guys. It doesn't work. They're not comfy at all."

"I see. I'll have to take your word for it. Good night, baby girl."

"Good night, Joel." I love you too, you add silently... because you're convinced there's an unspoken 'I love you' in every one of his 'baby girl's.

It's us or them. I don't care who the 'them' is -- I choose US, every single time. We did the right thing -- the unfortunate consequences don't change that.

And the little boy sleeping in the next room is going to end up having a much better life, thanks to you.

THE END

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