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lumy12Title: "Singularity" Chapter 2: "The Experiment" [2/?]
Fandom: The Last of Us (first game only)
Characters: Ellie, Joel, Tommy, Maria, OCs
Pairings: Joel/Ellie
Warnings: Underage
Word Count for this chapter: 6,303
Rating (for fic as a whole): R
~
Ellie didn't even have to open her eyes to realize that whatever reality she'd just been immersed in was a false one -- only a dream. Because... JOEL. He's right here... his warm body spooning hers... an arm flung over her, his breath on her neck. Already the dream had melted away, with just a vague trace of unease left in its wake. Maybe 'unease' is too strong a word? But I know I was alone. She was never alone anymore, so naturally, that should feel strange to her dream self. Although it wasn't a nightmare; she hadn't been freaked out or anything. Just... alone.
"Morning," she mumbled, as she was fairly certain Joel was awake.
"Mornin'." Delivered with a kiss on the ear.
She waited for the "beautiful," but it didn't come. If she called him on it, he would just remind her that he didn't say it every morning (because it would lose its meaning or some shit). Like it was a special thing. If she accused him of the truth -- that he'd simply forgotten and was trying to cover it up -- he would maybe tease her, or tell her to believe what she would... or he wasn't all-the-way awake yet... whatever bullshit he spewed, he'd never just fucking admit it. A few months ago, she might have pondered what it meant -- because everything might mean SOMEthing, and the somethings in her imagination were rarely good once she started analyzing shit. But now? She cringed at the memory of her former self, so insecure... clingy... needy...
Okay, maybe NOT-so-former, really... but I'm much better now! Even Joel had said so. And whenever she wasn't feeling as secure as usual, he picked up on it, and gave her the reassurance she needed. Knowing her moods was a facet of what he had dubbed his 'Ellie sense.'
I don't need to tell him about this stupid dream, she decided. She wriggled around a bit, molding her body more snugly to his. "How was your night? Was it wonderful with me by your side?" she recited, a smirk in her tone.
Joel surely must have recognized the slightly-altered lyrics, but he didn't play along this time. "Nah... you kicked me so hard I'm sure there's a big ol' bruise on my shin now."
"Liar."
"It's true."
He sounds sincere... but doesn't he always?! "Lemme see."
Joel obligingly peeled back the covers and rolled onto his back. "See? Right there."
Ellie twisted around and looked where he was indicating. "That was there yesterday! I didn't do it!" She also couldn't help noticing that he wasn't hard. She'd suspected as much, given the lack of ass-poking while spooning, but now she had visual proof. Not that it mattered, or meant anything... morning wood wasn't exactly a regular occurrence for him, so...
"No it wasn't. You're thinkin' of this one." He rotated his right leg -- the far-away one -- so she could see the reddish-purple mark, closer to his knee than the other one.
"You had both of those yesterday," she said... with less conviction. Did he, though? Or am I remembering it wrong? I did ask him about that one and he said he banged it on that one rail that everyone's always--
"All right, you can tell yourself that, if it makes you feel better," Joel replied graciously.
"Why would I kick you... unless I had a nightmare? But I didn't. Right?" Strange as it may sound to ask him that, there were times that she herself had no recollection of having a nightmare, yet Joel did. He prided himself on being able to soothe away her nightmares in their nascent state, leaving her with no memory of them.
"Not that I saw, no."
Which meant 'no;' his Ellie sense never failed to register her dream distress when he was right beside her.
"So I was just mean for no reason," she had to conclude. She tucked herself against his side, letting her hand fall on his abdomen.
"Apparently. You're lucky you're so cute." He took her hand and dragged it up his chest.
"Oh my God, it wasn't even inching down yet!" she cried, trying to hide her amusement.
"Yet," Joel snorted. "I'm onto you, kiddo."
She swiveled and flung her leg over him, straddling him before he could protest. "Or I'm onto YOU," she smirked. Unlike Joel, she was wearing underwear. And her nightshirt (the yellow one he liked). She had slept naked at times, but found that she preferred to sleep in clothes. To sleep naked was to risk waking up cold in the middle of the night; Joel was good at keeping her warm, but they sometimes rolled away from each other in their sleep. And she did have a second blanket on the bed now (entirely on her side), but even blankets couldn't prevent her shoulders from baring themselves, apparently. As for the underwear... she just felt kind of gross if she didn't wear any. Like she was smearing her pussy juice and pubes everywhere or something. Besides all that, though, she just sort of... couldn't help wondering if there might come a night when they had to suddenly spring into action with no time to dress. Stumbling out in her nightshirt and underwear wouldn't be ideal, but it was a fuckton better than doing so naked.
She was kind of surprised Joel didn't think that way, really. She had never known him to sleep naked before! When she'd asked him about it, he said of course she hadn't -- he didn't do it Outside, which is where they'd spent the better part of their first year together, and he wasn't about to do it in Jackson with her nearby. There was only the one bedroom, and even if he had slept on the couch like they would have everyone believe, it was inappropriate because she would at times be in that room, subject to such a terrible perversion as his nakedness (even though it would be covered by a fucking blanket!). Of course, since they were actually sharing the same bed, it would've been even more inappropriate, in Joel logic -- even after things turned romantic!
Yep, sex fixes everything! Joel was far less concerned about propriety now. He was free to sleep in the nude as in days of old. He said in the unlikely event that anyone was stupid enough to break in -- it would have to be through a window, because their bolted door was fucking solid -- he didn't need to have clothes on to grab the gun off the nightstand and blow them away (and no, that was not why he insisted on having the side closest to the bedroom window..."Whatever, Joel"). Apparently, no emergency could arise with such urgency that he wouldn't be afforded a handful of seconds to yank his jeans on before rushing out the door. Ellie supposed that was true; unlike her, he didn't need to worry about covering his upper half. Also unlike her, he always knew exactly where his jeans were, because they always ended up in the exact same spot. No matter how frenzied their lovemaking -- or how playful her mood? -- the jeans would magically end up draped over the lone chair in the bedroom, scarcely more than an arm's length away from him. (Okay, so it wasn't exactly magic, considering that he pretty much always got up to pee after sex. Ellie didn't even have to cajole him into rounding up any of her wayward clothing on the way, either. Aside from omitting the "beautiful" in his good mornings of late, Joel was a pretty good boyfriend.)
"Later," he said now, immune to the sensual motion of her hips... her impish grin...
...but maybe not The Pout? "What's wrong with now?" she pouted.
He ran his hands up her sides, just firmly enough not to tickle. "Nothin'... just... it's gettin' to be on the late side now..."
Ellie rolled her eyes. "Right. Cuz we're on such a strict schedule."
"I hear people up an' about out there." Of course he did.
"I know, I know -- the tree. You think they're gonna leave without you? It was your idea."
"No it wasn't. I just agreed it should be done, an' I said it wouldn't be too hard if we could get ourselves a proper chainsaw." Which they had -- they'd borrowed a gas-powered one from the army base. He reached around to give her ass a friendly squeeze. "C'mon. Let's get a move on."
She shifted off of him to let him up. "Yeah, um... about that..." Fuck, why did it come out sounding so guilty? And ducking her head the way she had probably made it seem more so; Ellie forced herself to look at him.
He sat up, but remained on the bed. "What about it? There's nothin' to worry about. I know it's big, but I've done it on an even bigger tree than--"
"Yeah yeah," she cut him off because he'd already told her all about it. In great detail (although the words pretty much went in one ear and out the other, she did love it when Joel got like... animated about things). "Back in Texas. And it fell exactly where you wanted it to. Because you're such a stud tree chopper dude."
"It's just physics," he chuckled. "I looked up how to do it. I didn't just figure it all out on my own. Tommy helped me, too."
For a guy who loved to show off his knowledge, Joel sure could be a modest motherfucker sometimes. "I'm sure you'll manage not to kill yourself. That's not what I was gonna say. I was just thinking... would you mind terribly if I didn't go with you?" Ellie was cringing before she even asked it.
"Why don't you wanna come? I thought you wanted to watch."
He seems surprised, but... maybe not crushingly devastated? "I did... kind of... but you said it's gonna take hours, right? I'd prob'ly get bored. And I'd get in the way. And then you'd have to worry about the fucking thing falling on me, and you don't want that, right? And it's Outside so there's also... you know. Like hunters... Infected... if I stay here, you don't have to worry about that stuff, right?" ...Right, cuz we have such a HUGE problem with that out here... FUCK, I hate when he looks at me like that! Like he's trying to figure me out. Or like he thinks I'm LYING or something...
"You don't gotta make a case for not goin'," he said. "You can stay here if you want."
"I know I can, but... you'll still go? If I don't?"
"Uh... yeah? Are you sayin' you don't want me to go after all? 'Cause--"
"No no no, you have to go! I get it. It's fine. I was just making sure." ...That LOOK again! Fucking STOP IT, Joel! To escape that penetrating gaze, Ellie hopped up and started rummaging through her dresser drawer, pretending it would actually take longer than the standard two seconds to decide what to wear -- and keeping her back to him.
"If you'd rather I didn't..."
"What? No, you should go. I just didn't want to fuck that up for you." Her swimsuit was in the bathroom, where it pretty much lived when it wasn’t on her, because it never really dried out... he won't get suspicious just cuz I leave the room, right?
But he spoke again before she could close the drawer and escape to the bathroom. "It's the opposite, ain't it. You want me out of your hair for a change."
"No!" Er... not exactly? She turned to look at him, cursing the blush she felt creeping up her neck. "I want you to do it. You're all excited about it and everything."
"...I don' know if excited is the word I'd use..."
"On the Joel scale, you're fucking thrilled, okay? But like... you did say we should spend more time apart, right?" Ellie pushed the drawer closed without retrieving anything from it.
He looked puzzled. "When did I say that?"
"Um, I dunno... just the other day?"
Joel moved toward her as she started heading for the bathroom, making her pause in her tracks... but then she realized he was just going to his own dresser drawer. Doing his own version of rummaging-as-avoidance, maybe? -No... he pulled out a fresh set of boxers right away and stepped into them. He just wasn't answering her.
So be it!
Ellie did her usual morning bathroom stuff and changed into her still-damp swimsuit and T-shirt, sternly commanding her face to quit with the red. You're not doing anything wrong, she reminded herself. And you're not even LYING, so what the fuck? A quick glance in the mirror told her she was sunburned enough that even Joel might not have noticed the blushing. She often wondered how burnt she would be if she never used sunscreen, since it clearly didn't screen completely. ("You have to remember to reapply it, especially after goin' in the water" -- yes, Joel, sorry!)
She couldn't go to the cafeteria in just her suit and top (well, she could... but Joel wouldn't like it), so she returned to the dresser and pulled out her newest item of clothing -- the Nina shorts. That is, a pair of jean shorts given to her by a woman here nearly twice her age named Nina, who claimed they were too tight on her. They fit Ellie perfectly; she just wasn't crazy about the little blue flower pattern stitched on the back pockets. However, this was a flaw she could overlook in light of the fact that Joel absolutely loved them. Anything that made him admire and touch her butt more often than normal was a good thing as far as Ellie was concerned. He even liked the flowers! He liked them so much that when she declared she was going to rip them off with her knife, he made her promise she wouldn't. "At least they ain't pink?" he'd tried to console her. "What've you got against flowers, anyhow?" Nothing -- she liked flowers just fine. Just not on her ass! But sometimes she thought maybe Joel would like it if she were a little bit more feminine, so she figured she could let him have the fucking flowers.
Joel looked fittingly lumberjacky himself in his gold plaid shirt, although he wore those plaid shirts so often it wasn't like there was anything different-looking about him. While he finished getting ready, Ellie made the bed and crossed off another day on her calendar (she was determined not to lose track of the date!). Joel had reminded her to put sunscreen on, and she promised to do it after breakfast instead. At least she never had to do her arms, protected as they were by her ever-present long-sleeved tee. She stepped outside and leaned on the railing in front of their suite to survey the weather, shivering a little. It wasn't unusual for the morning to be overcast like this, even foggy; it would warm up in a bit. Besides, she didn't feel like changing into a sweatshirt and jeans.
Joel came up behind her and engulfed her in his arms, nuzzling her neck. "Mm... have I told you how good you look in these shorts?"
Giggling, she twisted around to face him. "Not today!" she chirped before giving him a minty-fresh kiss. She thought his hands were just roving playfully down there, but then she felt him wedge something in the waist of her shorts, above her ass -- something hard... that's not his dick!
It was her gun, of course. "I was gonna get it after breakfast -- when I sunscreened," Ellie said defensively, sensing a pending lecture.
"If we run into the boys over there, I might leave with 'em."
Ellie gasped in mock horror. "Oh no! You mean I'd have to walk all the way back here with no armed escort? And danger lurking around every corner! Whatever would I do!"
"Don't be a smartass. You might forget, is all."
That was true. She'd already forgotten and covered it with that fib about getting it after breakfast! She was just so accustomed to having Joel around -- and Joel would sooner leave without a stitch of clothing on than without a gun. Never mind the fact that ABSOLUTELY NOTHING has ever happened Inside since we've been here! "Good thing you're here to remind me," she drawled, wrapping her arms around his neck since he seemed to be in no hurry to let go of her. "Don't forget your super cool sunglasses!"
"Got 'em in my bag." His arms settled comfortably around her. "You gonna go grill Sophie about Sylvia, hmm?"
Oh yeah! Ellie had forgotten about that, too. They hadn't seen Sophie until dinnertime yesterday, when there were way too many people around to have a private conversation, and it wasn't urgent enough that Ellie felt the need to pull her aside to discuss. "Maybe. I mean, not grill, just... you know. Find out what she knows." And maybe get her hair done, while she was at it; Sophie's French braids kept her hair contained much better than Ellie's ponytails did.
"Just promise me you won't go in the water."
"Pfff. Such a worrywart," she teased. "I swim pretty good now!"
"Not really. You ain't comfortable bein' underwater. And the ocean--"
"Oh my God, Joel, I knooooow. I'll be careful, okay?"
He kissed her nose. "I don't want you to be careful -- I want you to not even go in. Not 'til I get back."
"Not even with Sophie?" Ellie knew Joel trusted Sophie to not let her drown. Not as much as he trusted himself, of course -- that was a given on anything concerning her safety -- but more than anyone else at the resort.
"Not even with Sophie."
"Why not?" Ellie protested. "You've always been cool with that. She's a better swimmer than you!"
"I'm cool with it 'cause at least I'm still around," he pointed out. "On the beach somewhere, at least."
"Fine, I won't go in the water." I wasn't planning to ANYWAY...
Joel frowned. "If you really want to, I won't stop you. ...Hell, I can't stop you. I would just... prefer it if you didn't. You know that, right?"
"Yes, Joel," Ellie groaned good-naturedly. He was just so cute, with the stupid shit he worried about. Not the possibility of her drowning (that wasn't stupid) -- but sometimes he seemed to feel the need to remind her that he wasn't trying to control her or boss her around. That he wasn't trying to be her dad. The fucked up thing, of course, was that she still did think of him that way, sort of. She liked that he felt so... responsible for her, or something? And, also in the 'fucked up' category, it didn't bother her in the slightest that she was fucking her 'dad.' Maybe if she'd ever had a real dad, it would? She knew it still bothered Joel. He'd come a long way... but it was still there, haunting him at times.
He swayed her side to side, just a little. "Tell you what. Let's find Jeff an' see how the waves are today. If they ain't too choppy--"
"No, it's fine. Really! I don't care! Go chop down your ginormous tree and don't worry about me." She smiled at him fondly. "But it's really sweet that you're willing to seek out someone you don't like, just in case I can't survive a couple hours without swimming."
"I never said I don't like him."
True enough. "You just don't particularly like him."
"I don't... not-like him."
"Whatever, Joel." She suspected he was just jealous of the surfing (okay, so just bodyboarding) lessons Jeff had given her. Like, not the lessons themselves, but the fact that some guy other than him was teaching her stuff. Stuff he didn't know much about himself. Stuff that required the dude putting his hands on her at times. Joel had tagged along on that first lesson, and his mere presence had turned something that should have been fun into something awkward as fuck for all involved. Jeff's solution was to teach both of them together, and that was definitely better... but still kind of uncomfortable. Ellie had enjoyed the thrill of catching a good wave and riding it in... of conquering her fear, at least a little bit... but after a really bad wipeout that had scared the shit out of her, resulting in her aspirating so much water that her lungs burned? She was cool with not advancing to actual surfing.
It was Jeff who had helped her out that time, not Joel. Joel had been too far away. That should've earned the guy some points with Joel, but nope! Joel seemed to think that any surfing failure on her part was all Jeff's fault. And even though Jeff was the beach's unofficial lifeguard (he'd never had any professional training), when it came to looking out for her in the water, Joel still trusted Sophie more than Jeff (...because he'd never had any professional training?) (...and probably just because).
Presently, Joel hoisted her up onto the railing, which meant he wanted to talk to her for at least a couple minutes before heading out to breakfast. Ellie loved sitting there with her arms and legs wrapped around him; it reminded her of sitting on their kitchen counter back home, holding him exactly the same way. She supposed they could do it on their kitchen counter here, too, but they were hardly ever in the tiny corner that served as a kitchen, since they couldn't actually cook in it.
I'll probably have better luck convincing him to have sex with me in there on that counter than out here in the open, though...
"Ellie... what you said before. About us not spendin' so much time together. You got that idea when I... I think you just took what I said the wrong way. I didn't mean--"
"No -- I know, okay? You don't have to explain." She sighed inwardly. I thought he decided to drop this subject!
"I think I do. It ain't that I... that I don't want to..." Keeping one arm around her (as if she might let go of his neck and fall backwards?), he withdrew the other and brought his hand up to caress her cheek. "Christ, you know I love bein' with you."
She smiled; even after all this time, a sweet confession like that could still make her stomach do a little flip. "I know. I love it, too. Being with you, I mean. That's why it works out, see?"
"Yes, but--"
"But nothing! I'm trying to spare you from this awkward... unnecessary conversation. Why can't you just let me do that?" She tugged his face closer to hers. "Maybe this will help..."
He let her kiss him, but he didn't let himself get all into it, and he pulled back way too soon. "That... ain't the answer to everythin' under the sun," he said lightly.
"Really? Cuz... my experience says otherwise," she purred, shifting over to his ear.
He pulled back about as far as he could go without making her fall forward off the railing. "I'm serious. I'm tryin' to say... it ain't natural, the way that we... that I..."
"Everything about us is natural," she argued.
Joel snorted. "Not everythin'."
She managed to reel him in a little, his resistance to her charms only motivating her to try harder to charm him. "If you're gonna say it's not natural for me to spend so much time with an old man, you can just--"
"That may be true, but no, that ain't it. It's me. Bein' so goddamn..." He let that thought trail off. "You know I can't stand it when I don' know where you are."
Aww! Poor Joel. "But you know why you feel like that. After what you went through, it makes sense. It happened before, and it went away after a while. This time--"
"This time it's different. It's... worse. Maybe it don't seem that way to you, but... it is. It's been months now... and it ain't goin' away."
Ellie cupped his face in her hands, stroking his beard with her thumbs. "If you want me to come with you today, I will."
He smiled a little. Turned and kissed her palm, like she knew he would. "Thank you, baby girl. But maybe that's what'll fix it, in the end... us bein' apart for a lil' while, an' seein' that nothin' bad is gonna happen while we are. I've gotten too spoiled here."
A shiver raced down Ellie's back... one that she suspected wasn't related to being chilled. He's going OUTSIDE, she stupidly just realized. I should be worried about HIM! "You're taking a lot of guns, right?" She craned her neck around to check what he had on his person. "I only see two! Didn't you say you're not coming back here after we eat? Why aren't you bringing more?"
Joel chuckled. "There's three. Plus my backpack -- there's more shit in there. But what did I jus' say? Nothin' bad is gonna happen."
"Which means you just totally jinxed it." Ellie frowned. "Maybe you shouldn't go, either. ...How many people are going again?"
"Five total, includin' me. All's we really need is two, so that's plenty. One's just comin' along for fun, though, I think."
"Okay, so four real ones? They don't need you, then," she reasoned.
"None of 'em has ever done it before."
"So... you have to go cuz they'll fuck it up?"
"They might. It's close enough to the perimeter... if it falls on the wall there..."
That's right... he would be so close to the resort that it barely qualified as going Outside. That made her feel a little better. "You think it would break the wall?"
"Don' know about that, but I'd rather not make a nice lil' bridge for hunters to climb over. Hell, maybe even Infected."
Ellie couldn't even remember the last time she'd seen an infected person. "So then you'd just chop it into pieces and make it so they can't. Right? Aren't you chopping up the whole thing anyway? For the firewood?"
"Yes, but preferably while it's on the ground. Bit harder when it ain't. Even then, it's a big job... ain't gonna finish it in one day."
"Two days, then? What if you bring extra people to help?"
"Extra people ain't gonna help much when we've got exactly one chainsaw an' one ax."
"Okay, but you don't have to do the whole thing at once. You'd just have to like... get rid of the bridge part. Everything else--"
"Hey hey... I thought this was about me worryin' about you. Not the other way around." He kissed her forehead. "I'll be real close. We'll ring the bell before we go."
"That doesn't take care of hunters," Ellie grumbled. The loud-ass bell at the resort's entrance certainly would attract any Infected in the area, though. People liked to use it to flush them out before going out to hunt, fish, or scavenge -- the idea being that it was really easy to then snipe them from the second-floor roof (technically the third, but the ground floor was tucked into the hill and not in use). It only took care of the immediate area, though... which would be fine for today, with Joel being so close... but if it attracted curious hunters who might have otherwise just passed on by, well... that wasn't necessarily a good thing.
"There's no one around. How long has it been since anyone here has even seen an outsider of any kind, infected or not? A month? Longer?" It happened rarely enough that it was always the main topic of conversation that evening.
"Still. You never know," Ellie said pointedly; it was basically one of Joel's mottos!
Joel laughed. "I s'pose you don't. I'll be careful."
"You wouldn't think it was so funny if it was me out there!"
"I reckon I wouldn't, no. But I'll be careful," he repeated. "And I'll be in a group. Most hunters ain't stupid enough to attack a group unless there's a shitload of 'em, an' it ain't likely that a shitload of 'em will just happen to wander by, now, is it?"
"Okay, okay. It'll be a good experiment for us." Ellie had to bite back a remark about not really seeing the point of spending any time apart; a comment like that risked triggering a Joel response along the lines of "I'm a lot older than you and won't be around forever." It was perhaps the one topic she couldn't stand to let him ramble about. It's not like the thought had never occurred to her, either. It had crossed her mind (more like attacked her mind) quite often -- especially toward the end of their journey to Monterey. To the point of nearly shutting down completely, because if life was just a series of pain followed by more pain... why bother to feel anything at all? But then... the ocean. She'd learned to play again. To enjoy the good things in her life. Healing physically had helped to improve her outlook too, she was sure. The best thing about all that, though? Joel finally agreed to HAVE SEX with me.
She still wasn't sure what had changed his mind on the matter. It was almost like he just wanted to do it to cheer her up or something. And... well... it worked? Ellie knew she would've been fine without the sex... that time and love had already been working their magic within her, restoring her natural optimism. But she also knew that sex with Joel was as awesome as she had always known it would be, and now that Joel knew it as well, one major source of contention had been vanquished from their relationship. That, in Ellie's estimation, was the thing that had really brought them closer together. More so than the actual sex.
"I'd be far more worried about you takin' a dip without me, than you should be worried about me bein' out there," he was saying now.
"I promise I won't go in the water." She even sealed it with a kiss.
"Thank you. I promise I won't get killed."
Ellie snorted. "I have a little more control over mine than you have over yours!"
She wasn't really worried; Joel was the toughest, most cautious person she knew. And it would be fun to have a chance to miss him a little. Maybe it was strange, but that was one thing she missed about home -- the chance to miss Joel! More importantly, this day apart would give her a chance to turn her attention to other things... things she could more easily attend to without Joel as her shadow.
* * * * * *
I THINK this is his room...? Ellie knocked tentatively on the door. "Parker? You in there?"
Just when she started to debate whether or not she should try to peer through the glare-y window, the door opened. "What are you doing here?" asked Parker.
"Hello to you, too," Ellie huffed. "I thought you wanted to hang out today. Or did I dream that up?"
He stepped back and gestured for her to come in. "Uh... I guess you dreamed that up. I'm going fishing. See?"
Ellie supposed that was true, unless the boy was in the habit of leaving a fishing rod where he could trip over it and a tackle box on the desk. He didn't normally wear a bucket hat like he was wearing today, either; it flattened his curly blond hair (the whitest blond Ellie had ever seen). He looked very fisherman-like. "Okay, maybe 'hang out' is a bit of a stretch... but you wanted to tell me something. Right? Like... twice now. You've started and then stopped. Remember I said today would be a good day to talk cuz Joel won't be around and you were like okay let's--"
"It's not just Joel. Is he really not with you?" Parker stuck his head out the door and looked around, like he couldn't believe it.
"He's doing his lumberjack thing today. He'll be out there for hours."
Satisfied that she was indeed alone, he turned around and looked at Ellie dubiously. "Are you even allowed to be here?"
"Of course I am!" Ellie scoffed. "Why wouldn't I be?!" Fuck a duck... maybe I SHOULD do more stuff without Joel!
"I dunno. All I know is he doesn't look like the kind of person you want to piss off, know what I mean?"
"You know he's actually really sweet." And she knew Joel would cringe at that description -- but she also knew that everyone here had witnessed at least a teensy bit of that sweetness, since she and Joel weren't hiding the nature of their relationship... they held hands and shared chaste kisses and stuff in public. Poor Parker had probably only exchanged a handful of words with Joel, ever, and received at least twice as many dirty looks. Because Joel was fucking ageist and sexist: biased against teenage boys. The only reason he allowed Ellie to talk to Parker was that he was the only other person here even remotely close to her age. ...oh my God -- I think of it as being 'allowed,' too? UGH. There has to be a better word for it... "And why would he be pissed at you for talking to me? Especially when I'm the one bugging you!" And she hadn't witnessed any deathglares recently...
Parker shrugged. "I think what I actually said about today was 'whatever.' Not... 'let's hang out.' I got these new lures I'm gonna try out. Wanna see?"
Ellie didn't give a shit, actually, but she humored him by looking at what he extracted from the tackle box: brightly-colored rubbery lures shaped like little fish. "Those are cool," she had to admit, despite her lack of interest. "Easier than worms, huh?"
"Way easier -- and they should work better, too, since the fish can see them better," Parker explained.
"Who are you going with? Mark?" His not-dad... and actually more like a buddy than a dad, from what Ellie had observed. They didn't even live together or anything.
Parker hesitated just enough before answering that it seemed like the question made him uncomfortable for some reason. "No one... I'm going by myself."
"Oh. Like out on the jetty?" Joel preferred that to one of the piers, since the jetty was Inside.
"No... out on the water."
...Whoa... "You mean you're taking one of the boats? By yourself? Really?"
"Yep."
"Can I come with you?" she blurted. Then she figured she'd better keep chattering before he could think up an excuse to say no. "I promise I'll be quiet if you want quiet. You won't even know I'm there! If you want that, I mean. I won't scare the fish away or anything. Maybe I can help with... something? And I won't try and make you talk -- about that thing, I mean? -- if you don't want to." ...well, maybe just a LITTLE...
He just stood there frowning, like he was still trying to come up with a worthy reason to reject her.
But he hasn't said no yet! "Please? Just for a little bit. Do you go the whole day? We could go out for a while and then you could bring me back if I'm too annoying. I mean, I won't be annoying, but like... if you just really really would rather be alone, that's cool. I won't get mad. I know you like to be alone. Joel's like that too sometimes. Not as much as you, just... I mean I get it, you know?" Except she didn't really. Pretty much the only time she wanted to be alone for any decent length of time was if she was super upset about something... and even then, more often than not, she'd still rather be with people -- especially Joel -- than not. But Parker... he went off by himself kind of a lot. At first, she'd thought that maybe he had developed the habit because there was no one here close to his age... and that it would change, now that she was here. However, any time she tried to engage him in something, it was a crapshoot (as Joel would say) on whether or not he would join her. Or join them, usually; if Joel was the deterrent, well... she'd taken care of that today!
He sighed. "Alright, if you're okay going without Joel."
Yes! "Pfff. We are two separate people, you know!" But Ellie was too thrilled to get an 'alright' out of him to be annoyed. Besides, she had to remind herself that she and Joel weren't actually the same person sometimes, so she could hardly expect others to remember it.
"I mean like... if you're sure he wouldn't mind."
"He won't!" she fibbed; he probably would mind. Not unlike Joel's location, going to the docks also barely qualified as going Outside... but it was Outside, and to be going out with only one other person... who happened to be a teenager, not some venerable adult... in a fucking boat, no less...
It's okay, Joel -- I'm going ON the water, not IN it! she justified it to him in her head. I'm not breaking my promise, see?
~Continue to Chapter 3~
Fandom: The Last of Us (first game only)
Characters: Ellie, Joel, Tommy, Maria, OCs
Pairings: Joel/Ellie
Warnings: Underage
Word Count for this chapter: 6,303
Rating (for fic as a whole): R
~
Ellie didn't even have to open her eyes to realize that whatever reality she'd just been immersed in was a false one -- only a dream. Because... JOEL. He's right here... his warm body spooning hers... an arm flung over her, his breath on her neck. Already the dream had melted away, with just a vague trace of unease left in its wake. Maybe 'unease' is too strong a word? But I know I was alone. She was never alone anymore, so naturally, that should feel strange to her dream self. Although it wasn't a nightmare; she hadn't been freaked out or anything. Just... alone.
"Morning," she mumbled, as she was fairly certain Joel was awake.
"Mornin'." Delivered with a kiss on the ear.
She waited for the "beautiful," but it didn't come. If she called him on it, he would just remind her that he didn't say it every morning (because it would lose its meaning or some shit). Like it was a special thing. If she accused him of the truth -- that he'd simply forgotten and was trying to cover it up -- he would maybe tease her, or tell her to believe what she would... or he wasn't all-the-way awake yet... whatever bullshit he spewed, he'd never just fucking admit it. A few months ago, she might have pondered what it meant -- because everything might mean SOMEthing, and the somethings in her imagination were rarely good once she started analyzing shit. But now? She cringed at the memory of her former self, so insecure... clingy... needy...
Okay, maybe NOT-so-former, really... but I'm much better now! Even Joel had said so. And whenever she wasn't feeling as secure as usual, he picked up on it, and gave her the reassurance she needed. Knowing her moods was a facet of what he had dubbed his 'Ellie sense.'
I don't need to tell him about this stupid dream, she decided. She wriggled around a bit, molding her body more snugly to his. "How was your night? Was it wonderful with me by your side?" she recited, a smirk in her tone.
Joel surely must have recognized the slightly-altered lyrics, but he didn't play along this time. "Nah... you kicked me so hard I'm sure there's a big ol' bruise on my shin now."
"Liar."
"It's true."
He sounds sincere... but doesn't he always?! "Lemme see."
Joel obligingly peeled back the covers and rolled onto his back. "See? Right there."
Ellie twisted around and looked where he was indicating. "That was there yesterday! I didn't do it!" She also couldn't help noticing that he wasn't hard. She'd suspected as much, given the lack of ass-poking while spooning, but now she had visual proof. Not that it mattered, or meant anything... morning wood wasn't exactly a regular occurrence for him, so...
"No it wasn't. You're thinkin' of this one." He rotated his right leg -- the far-away one -- so she could see the reddish-purple mark, closer to his knee than the other one.
"You had both of those yesterday," she said... with less conviction. Did he, though? Or am I remembering it wrong? I did ask him about that one and he said he banged it on that one rail that everyone's always--
"All right, you can tell yourself that, if it makes you feel better," Joel replied graciously.
"Why would I kick you... unless I had a nightmare? But I didn't. Right?" Strange as it may sound to ask him that, there were times that she herself had no recollection of having a nightmare, yet Joel did. He prided himself on being able to soothe away her nightmares in their nascent state, leaving her with no memory of them.
"Not that I saw, no."
Which meant 'no;' his Ellie sense never failed to register her dream distress when he was right beside her.
"So I was just mean for no reason," she had to conclude. She tucked herself against his side, letting her hand fall on his abdomen.
"Apparently. You're lucky you're so cute." He took her hand and dragged it up his chest.
"Oh my God, it wasn't even inching down yet!" she cried, trying to hide her amusement.
"Yet," Joel snorted. "I'm onto you, kiddo."
She swiveled and flung her leg over him, straddling him before he could protest. "Or I'm onto YOU," she smirked. Unlike Joel, she was wearing underwear. And her nightshirt (the yellow one he liked). She had slept naked at times, but found that she preferred to sleep in clothes. To sleep naked was to risk waking up cold in the middle of the night; Joel was good at keeping her warm, but they sometimes rolled away from each other in their sleep. And she did have a second blanket on the bed now (entirely on her side), but even blankets couldn't prevent her shoulders from baring themselves, apparently. As for the underwear... she just felt kind of gross if she didn't wear any. Like she was smearing her pussy juice and pubes everywhere or something. Besides all that, though, she just sort of... couldn't help wondering if there might come a night when they had to suddenly spring into action with no time to dress. Stumbling out in her nightshirt and underwear wouldn't be ideal, but it was a fuckton better than doing so naked.
She was kind of surprised Joel didn't think that way, really. She had never known him to sleep naked before! When she'd asked him about it, he said of course she hadn't -- he didn't do it Outside, which is where they'd spent the better part of their first year together, and he wasn't about to do it in Jackson with her nearby. There was only the one bedroom, and even if he had slept on the couch like they would have everyone believe, it was inappropriate because she would at times be in that room, subject to such a terrible perversion as his nakedness (even though it would be covered by a fucking blanket!). Of course, since they were actually sharing the same bed, it would've been even more inappropriate, in Joel logic -- even after things turned romantic!
Yep, sex fixes everything! Joel was far less concerned about propriety now. He was free to sleep in the nude as in days of old. He said in the unlikely event that anyone was stupid enough to break in -- it would have to be through a window, because their bolted door was fucking solid -- he didn't need to have clothes on to grab the gun off the nightstand and blow them away (and no, that was not why he insisted on having the side closest to the bedroom window..."Whatever, Joel"). Apparently, no emergency could arise with such urgency that he wouldn't be afforded a handful of seconds to yank his jeans on before rushing out the door. Ellie supposed that was true; unlike her, he didn't need to worry about covering his upper half. Also unlike her, he always knew exactly where his jeans were, because they always ended up in the exact same spot. No matter how frenzied their lovemaking -- or how playful her mood? -- the jeans would magically end up draped over the lone chair in the bedroom, scarcely more than an arm's length away from him. (Okay, so it wasn't exactly magic, considering that he pretty much always got up to pee after sex. Ellie didn't even have to cajole him into rounding up any of her wayward clothing on the way, either. Aside from omitting the "beautiful" in his good mornings of late, Joel was a pretty good boyfriend.)
"Later," he said now, immune to the sensual motion of her hips... her impish grin...
...but maybe not The Pout? "What's wrong with now?" she pouted.
He ran his hands up her sides, just firmly enough not to tickle. "Nothin'... just... it's gettin' to be on the late side now..."
Ellie rolled her eyes. "Right. Cuz we're on such a strict schedule."
"I hear people up an' about out there." Of course he did.
"I know, I know -- the tree. You think they're gonna leave without you? It was your idea."
"No it wasn't. I just agreed it should be done, an' I said it wouldn't be too hard if we could get ourselves a proper chainsaw." Which they had -- they'd borrowed a gas-powered one from the army base. He reached around to give her ass a friendly squeeze. "C'mon. Let's get a move on."
She shifted off of him to let him up. "Yeah, um... about that..." Fuck, why did it come out sounding so guilty? And ducking her head the way she had probably made it seem more so; Ellie forced herself to look at him.
He sat up, but remained on the bed. "What about it? There's nothin' to worry about. I know it's big, but I've done it on an even bigger tree than--"
"Yeah yeah," she cut him off because he'd already told her all about it. In great detail (although the words pretty much went in one ear and out the other, she did love it when Joel got like... animated about things). "Back in Texas. And it fell exactly where you wanted it to. Because you're such a stud tree chopper dude."
"It's just physics," he chuckled. "I looked up how to do it. I didn't just figure it all out on my own. Tommy helped me, too."
For a guy who loved to show off his knowledge, Joel sure could be a modest motherfucker sometimes. "I'm sure you'll manage not to kill yourself. That's not what I was gonna say. I was just thinking... would you mind terribly if I didn't go with you?" Ellie was cringing before she even asked it.
"Why don't you wanna come? I thought you wanted to watch."
He seems surprised, but... maybe not crushingly devastated? "I did... kind of... but you said it's gonna take hours, right? I'd prob'ly get bored. And I'd get in the way. And then you'd have to worry about the fucking thing falling on me, and you don't want that, right? And it's Outside so there's also... you know. Like hunters... Infected... if I stay here, you don't have to worry about that stuff, right?" ...Right, cuz we have such a HUGE problem with that out here... FUCK, I hate when he looks at me like that! Like he's trying to figure me out. Or like he thinks I'm LYING or something...
"You don't gotta make a case for not goin'," he said. "You can stay here if you want."
"I know I can, but... you'll still go? If I don't?"
"Uh... yeah? Are you sayin' you don't want me to go after all? 'Cause--"
"No no no, you have to go! I get it. It's fine. I was just making sure." ...That LOOK again! Fucking STOP IT, Joel! To escape that penetrating gaze, Ellie hopped up and started rummaging through her dresser drawer, pretending it would actually take longer than the standard two seconds to decide what to wear -- and keeping her back to him.
"If you'd rather I didn't..."
"What? No, you should go. I just didn't want to fuck that up for you." Her swimsuit was in the bathroom, where it pretty much lived when it wasn’t on her, because it never really dried out... he won't get suspicious just cuz I leave the room, right?
But he spoke again before she could close the drawer and escape to the bathroom. "It's the opposite, ain't it. You want me out of your hair for a change."
"No!" Er... not exactly? She turned to look at him, cursing the blush she felt creeping up her neck. "I want you to do it. You're all excited about it and everything."
"...I don' know if excited is the word I'd use..."
"On the Joel scale, you're fucking thrilled, okay? But like... you did say we should spend more time apart, right?" Ellie pushed the drawer closed without retrieving anything from it.
He looked puzzled. "When did I say that?"
"Um, I dunno... just the other day?"
Joel moved toward her as she started heading for the bathroom, making her pause in her tracks... but then she realized he was just going to his own dresser drawer. Doing his own version of rummaging-as-avoidance, maybe? -No... he pulled out a fresh set of boxers right away and stepped into them. He just wasn't answering her.
So be it!
Ellie did her usual morning bathroom stuff and changed into her still-damp swimsuit and T-shirt, sternly commanding her face to quit with the red. You're not doing anything wrong, she reminded herself. And you're not even LYING, so what the fuck? A quick glance in the mirror told her she was sunburned enough that even Joel might not have noticed the blushing. She often wondered how burnt she would be if she never used sunscreen, since it clearly didn't screen completely. ("You have to remember to reapply it, especially after goin' in the water" -- yes, Joel, sorry!)
She couldn't go to the cafeteria in just her suit and top (well, she could... but Joel wouldn't like it), so she returned to the dresser and pulled out her newest item of clothing -- the Nina shorts. That is, a pair of jean shorts given to her by a woman here nearly twice her age named Nina, who claimed they were too tight on her. They fit Ellie perfectly; she just wasn't crazy about the little blue flower pattern stitched on the back pockets. However, this was a flaw she could overlook in light of the fact that Joel absolutely loved them. Anything that made him admire and touch her butt more often than normal was a good thing as far as Ellie was concerned. He even liked the flowers! He liked them so much that when she declared she was going to rip them off with her knife, he made her promise she wouldn't. "At least they ain't pink?" he'd tried to console her. "What've you got against flowers, anyhow?" Nothing -- she liked flowers just fine. Just not on her ass! But sometimes she thought maybe Joel would like it if she were a little bit more feminine, so she figured she could let him have the fucking flowers.
Joel looked fittingly lumberjacky himself in his gold plaid shirt, although he wore those plaid shirts so often it wasn't like there was anything different-looking about him. While he finished getting ready, Ellie made the bed and crossed off another day on her calendar (she was determined not to lose track of the date!). Joel had reminded her to put sunscreen on, and she promised to do it after breakfast instead. At least she never had to do her arms, protected as they were by her ever-present long-sleeved tee. She stepped outside and leaned on the railing in front of their suite to survey the weather, shivering a little. It wasn't unusual for the morning to be overcast like this, even foggy; it would warm up in a bit. Besides, she didn't feel like changing into a sweatshirt and jeans.
Joel came up behind her and engulfed her in his arms, nuzzling her neck. "Mm... have I told you how good you look in these shorts?"
Giggling, she twisted around to face him. "Not today!" she chirped before giving him a minty-fresh kiss. She thought his hands were just roving playfully down there, but then she felt him wedge something in the waist of her shorts, above her ass -- something hard... that's not his dick!
It was her gun, of course. "I was gonna get it after breakfast -- when I sunscreened," Ellie said defensively, sensing a pending lecture.
"If we run into the boys over there, I might leave with 'em."
Ellie gasped in mock horror. "Oh no! You mean I'd have to walk all the way back here with no armed escort? And danger lurking around every corner! Whatever would I do!"
"Don't be a smartass. You might forget, is all."
That was true. She'd already forgotten and covered it with that fib about getting it after breakfast! She was just so accustomed to having Joel around -- and Joel would sooner leave without a stitch of clothing on than without a gun. Never mind the fact that ABSOLUTELY NOTHING has ever happened Inside since we've been here! "Good thing you're here to remind me," she drawled, wrapping her arms around his neck since he seemed to be in no hurry to let go of her. "Don't forget your super cool sunglasses!"
"Got 'em in my bag." His arms settled comfortably around her. "You gonna go grill Sophie about Sylvia, hmm?"
Oh yeah! Ellie had forgotten about that, too. They hadn't seen Sophie until dinnertime yesterday, when there were way too many people around to have a private conversation, and it wasn't urgent enough that Ellie felt the need to pull her aside to discuss. "Maybe. I mean, not grill, just... you know. Find out what she knows." And maybe get her hair done, while she was at it; Sophie's French braids kept her hair contained much better than Ellie's ponytails did.
"Just promise me you won't go in the water."
"Pfff. Such a worrywart," she teased. "I swim pretty good now!"
"Not really. You ain't comfortable bein' underwater. And the ocean--"
"Oh my God, Joel, I knooooow. I'll be careful, okay?"
He kissed her nose. "I don't want you to be careful -- I want you to not even go in. Not 'til I get back."
"Not even with Sophie?" Ellie knew Joel trusted Sophie to not let her drown. Not as much as he trusted himself, of course -- that was a given on anything concerning her safety -- but more than anyone else at the resort.
"Not even with Sophie."
"Why not?" Ellie protested. "You've always been cool with that. She's a better swimmer than you!"
"I'm cool with it 'cause at least I'm still around," he pointed out. "On the beach somewhere, at least."
"Fine, I won't go in the water." I wasn't planning to ANYWAY...
Joel frowned. "If you really want to, I won't stop you. ...Hell, I can't stop you. I would just... prefer it if you didn't. You know that, right?"
"Yes, Joel," Ellie groaned good-naturedly. He was just so cute, with the stupid shit he worried about. Not the possibility of her drowning (that wasn't stupid) -- but sometimes he seemed to feel the need to remind her that he wasn't trying to control her or boss her around. That he wasn't trying to be her dad. The fucked up thing, of course, was that she still did think of him that way, sort of. She liked that he felt so... responsible for her, or something? And, also in the 'fucked up' category, it didn't bother her in the slightest that she was fucking her 'dad.' Maybe if she'd ever had a real dad, it would? She knew it still bothered Joel. He'd come a long way... but it was still there, haunting him at times.
He swayed her side to side, just a little. "Tell you what. Let's find Jeff an' see how the waves are today. If they ain't too choppy--"
"No, it's fine. Really! I don't care! Go chop down your ginormous tree and don't worry about me." She smiled at him fondly. "But it's really sweet that you're willing to seek out someone you don't like, just in case I can't survive a couple hours without swimming."
"I never said I don't like him."
True enough. "You just don't particularly like him."
"I don't... not-like him."
"Whatever, Joel." She suspected he was just jealous of the surfing (okay, so just bodyboarding) lessons Jeff had given her. Like, not the lessons themselves, but the fact that some guy other than him was teaching her stuff. Stuff he didn't know much about himself. Stuff that required the dude putting his hands on her at times. Joel had tagged along on that first lesson, and his mere presence had turned something that should have been fun into something awkward as fuck for all involved. Jeff's solution was to teach both of them together, and that was definitely better... but still kind of uncomfortable. Ellie had enjoyed the thrill of catching a good wave and riding it in... of conquering her fear, at least a little bit... but after a really bad wipeout that had scared the shit out of her, resulting in her aspirating so much water that her lungs burned? She was cool with not advancing to actual surfing.
It was Jeff who had helped her out that time, not Joel. Joel had been too far away. That should've earned the guy some points with Joel, but nope! Joel seemed to think that any surfing failure on her part was all Jeff's fault. And even though Jeff was the beach's unofficial lifeguard (he'd never had any professional training), when it came to looking out for her in the water, Joel still trusted Sophie more than Jeff (...because he'd never had any professional training?) (...and probably just because).
Presently, Joel hoisted her up onto the railing, which meant he wanted to talk to her for at least a couple minutes before heading out to breakfast. Ellie loved sitting there with her arms and legs wrapped around him; it reminded her of sitting on their kitchen counter back home, holding him exactly the same way. She supposed they could do it on their kitchen counter here, too, but they were hardly ever in the tiny corner that served as a kitchen, since they couldn't actually cook in it.
I'll probably have better luck convincing him to have sex with me in there on that counter than out here in the open, though...
"Ellie... what you said before. About us not spendin' so much time together. You got that idea when I... I think you just took what I said the wrong way. I didn't mean--"
"No -- I know, okay? You don't have to explain." She sighed inwardly. I thought he decided to drop this subject!
"I think I do. It ain't that I... that I don't want to..." Keeping one arm around her (as if she might let go of his neck and fall backwards?), he withdrew the other and brought his hand up to caress her cheek. "Christ, you know I love bein' with you."
She smiled; even after all this time, a sweet confession like that could still make her stomach do a little flip. "I know. I love it, too. Being with you, I mean. That's why it works out, see?"
"Yes, but--"
"But nothing! I'm trying to spare you from this awkward... unnecessary conversation. Why can't you just let me do that?" She tugged his face closer to hers. "Maybe this will help..."
He let her kiss him, but he didn't let himself get all into it, and he pulled back way too soon. "That... ain't the answer to everythin' under the sun," he said lightly.
"Really? Cuz... my experience says otherwise," she purred, shifting over to his ear.
He pulled back about as far as he could go without making her fall forward off the railing. "I'm serious. I'm tryin' to say... it ain't natural, the way that we... that I..."
"Everything about us is natural," she argued.
Joel snorted. "Not everythin'."
She managed to reel him in a little, his resistance to her charms only motivating her to try harder to charm him. "If you're gonna say it's not natural for me to spend so much time with an old man, you can just--"
"That may be true, but no, that ain't it. It's me. Bein' so goddamn..." He let that thought trail off. "You know I can't stand it when I don' know where you are."
Aww! Poor Joel. "But you know why you feel like that. After what you went through, it makes sense. It happened before, and it went away after a while. This time--"
"This time it's different. It's... worse. Maybe it don't seem that way to you, but... it is. It's been months now... and it ain't goin' away."
Ellie cupped his face in her hands, stroking his beard with her thumbs. "If you want me to come with you today, I will."
He smiled a little. Turned and kissed her palm, like she knew he would. "Thank you, baby girl. But maybe that's what'll fix it, in the end... us bein' apart for a lil' while, an' seein' that nothin' bad is gonna happen while we are. I've gotten too spoiled here."
A shiver raced down Ellie's back... one that she suspected wasn't related to being chilled. He's going OUTSIDE, she stupidly just realized. I should be worried about HIM! "You're taking a lot of guns, right?" She craned her neck around to check what he had on his person. "I only see two! Didn't you say you're not coming back here after we eat? Why aren't you bringing more?"
Joel chuckled. "There's three. Plus my backpack -- there's more shit in there. But what did I jus' say? Nothin' bad is gonna happen."
"Which means you just totally jinxed it." Ellie frowned. "Maybe you shouldn't go, either. ...How many people are going again?"
"Five total, includin' me. All's we really need is two, so that's plenty. One's just comin' along for fun, though, I think."
"Okay, so four real ones? They don't need you, then," she reasoned.
"None of 'em has ever done it before."
"So... you have to go cuz they'll fuck it up?"
"They might. It's close enough to the perimeter... if it falls on the wall there..."
That's right... he would be so close to the resort that it barely qualified as going Outside. That made her feel a little better. "You think it would break the wall?"
"Don' know about that, but I'd rather not make a nice lil' bridge for hunters to climb over. Hell, maybe even Infected."
Ellie couldn't even remember the last time she'd seen an infected person. "So then you'd just chop it into pieces and make it so they can't. Right? Aren't you chopping up the whole thing anyway? For the firewood?"
"Yes, but preferably while it's on the ground. Bit harder when it ain't. Even then, it's a big job... ain't gonna finish it in one day."
"Two days, then? What if you bring extra people to help?"
"Extra people ain't gonna help much when we've got exactly one chainsaw an' one ax."
"Okay, but you don't have to do the whole thing at once. You'd just have to like... get rid of the bridge part. Everything else--"
"Hey hey... I thought this was about me worryin' about you. Not the other way around." He kissed her forehead. "I'll be real close. We'll ring the bell before we go."
"That doesn't take care of hunters," Ellie grumbled. The loud-ass bell at the resort's entrance certainly would attract any Infected in the area, though. People liked to use it to flush them out before going out to hunt, fish, or scavenge -- the idea being that it was really easy to then snipe them from the second-floor roof (technically the third, but the ground floor was tucked into the hill and not in use). It only took care of the immediate area, though... which would be fine for today, with Joel being so close... but if it attracted curious hunters who might have otherwise just passed on by, well... that wasn't necessarily a good thing.
"There's no one around. How long has it been since anyone here has even seen an outsider of any kind, infected or not? A month? Longer?" It happened rarely enough that it was always the main topic of conversation that evening.
"Still. You never know," Ellie said pointedly; it was basically one of Joel's mottos!
Joel laughed. "I s'pose you don't. I'll be careful."
"You wouldn't think it was so funny if it was me out there!"
"I reckon I wouldn't, no. But I'll be careful," he repeated. "And I'll be in a group. Most hunters ain't stupid enough to attack a group unless there's a shitload of 'em, an' it ain't likely that a shitload of 'em will just happen to wander by, now, is it?"
"Okay, okay. It'll be a good experiment for us." Ellie had to bite back a remark about not really seeing the point of spending any time apart; a comment like that risked triggering a Joel response along the lines of "I'm a lot older than you and won't be around forever." It was perhaps the one topic she couldn't stand to let him ramble about. It's not like the thought had never occurred to her, either. It had crossed her mind (more like attacked her mind) quite often -- especially toward the end of their journey to Monterey. To the point of nearly shutting down completely, because if life was just a series of pain followed by more pain... why bother to feel anything at all? But then... the ocean. She'd learned to play again. To enjoy the good things in her life. Healing physically had helped to improve her outlook too, she was sure. The best thing about all that, though? Joel finally agreed to HAVE SEX with me.
She still wasn't sure what had changed his mind on the matter. It was almost like he just wanted to do it to cheer her up or something. And... well... it worked? Ellie knew she would've been fine without the sex... that time and love had already been working their magic within her, restoring her natural optimism. But she also knew that sex with Joel was as awesome as she had always known it would be, and now that Joel knew it as well, one major source of contention had been vanquished from their relationship. That, in Ellie's estimation, was the thing that had really brought them closer together. More so than the actual sex.
"I'd be far more worried about you takin' a dip without me, than you should be worried about me bein' out there," he was saying now.
"I promise I won't go in the water." She even sealed it with a kiss.
"Thank you. I promise I won't get killed."
Ellie snorted. "I have a little more control over mine than you have over yours!"
She wasn't really worried; Joel was the toughest, most cautious person she knew. And it would be fun to have a chance to miss him a little. Maybe it was strange, but that was one thing she missed about home -- the chance to miss Joel! More importantly, this day apart would give her a chance to turn her attention to other things... things she could more easily attend to without Joel as her shadow.
* * * * * *
I THINK this is his room...? Ellie knocked tentatively on the door. "Parker? You in there?"
Just when she started to debate whether or not she should try to peer through the glare-y window, the door opened. "What are you doing here?" asked Parker.
"Hello to you, too," Ellie huffed. "I thought you wanted to hang out today. Or did I dream that up?"
He stepped back and gestured for her to come in. "Uh... I guess you dreamed that up. I'm going fishing. See?"
Ellie supposed that was true, unless the boy was in the habit of leaving a fishing rod where he could trip over it and a tackle box on the desk. He didn't normally wear a bucket hat like he was wearing today, either; it flattened his curly blond hair (the whitest blond Ellie had ever seen). He looked very fisherman-like. "Okay, maybe 'hang out' is a bit of a stretch... but you wanted to tell me something. Right? Like... twice now. You've started and then stopped. Remember I said today would be a good day to talk cuz Joel won't be around and you were like okay let's--"
"It's not just Joel. Is he really not with you?" Parker stuck his head out the door and looked around, like he couldn't believe it.
"He's doing his lumberjack thing today. He'll be out there for hours."
Satisfied that she was indeed alone, he turned around and looked at Ellie dubiously. "Are you even allowed to be here?"
"Of course I am!" Ellie scoffed. "Why wouldn't I be?!" Fuck a duck... maybe I SHOULD do more stuff without Joel!
"I dunno. All I know is he doesn't look like the kind of person you want to piss off, know what I mean?"
"You know he's actually really sweet." And she knew Joel would cringe at that description -- but she also knew that everyone here had witnessed at least a teensy bit of that sweetness, since she and Joel weren't hiding the nature of their relationship... they held hands and shared chaste kisses and stuff in public. Poor Parker had probably only exchanged a handful of words with Joel, ever, and received at least twice as many dirty looks. Because Joel was fucking ageist and sexist: biased against teenage boys. The only reason he allowed Ellie to talk to Parker was that he was the only other person here even remotely close to her age. ...oh my God -- I think of it as being 'allowed,' too? UGH. There has to be a better word for it... "And why would he be pissed at you for talking to me? Especially when I'm the one bugging you!" And she hadn't witnessed any deathglares recently...
Parker shrugged. "I think what I actually said about today was 'whatever.' Not... 'let's hang out.' I got these new lures I'm gonna try out. Wanna see?"
Ellie didn't give a shit, actually, but she humored him by looking at what he extracted from the tackle box: brightly-colored rubbery lures shaped like little fish. "Those are cool," she had to admit, despite her lack of interest. "Easier than worms, huh?"
"Way easier -- and they should work better, too, since the fish can see them better," Parker explained.
"Who are you going with? Mark?" His not-dad... and actually more like a buddy than a dad, from what Ellie had observed. They didn't even live together or anything.
Parker hesitated just enough before answering that it seemed like the question made him uncomfortable for some reason. "No one... I'm going by myself."
"Oh. Like out on the jetty?" Joel preferred that to one of the piers, since the jetty was Inside.
"No... out on the water."
...Whoa... "You mean you're taking one of the boats? By yourself? Really?"
"Yep."
"Can I come with you?" she blurted. Then she figured she'd better keep chattering before he could think up an excuse to say no. "I promise I'll be quiet if you want quiet. You won't even know I'm there! If you want that, I mean. I won't scare the fish away or anything. Maybe I can help with... something? And I won't try and make you talk -- about that thing, I mean? -- if you don't want to." ...well, maybe just a LITTLE...
He just stood there frowning, like he was still trying to come up with a worthy reason to reject her.
But he hasn't said no yet! "Please? Just for a little bit. Do you go the whole day? We could go out for a while and then you could bring me back if I'm too annoying. I mean, I won't be annoying, but like... if you just really really would rather be alone, that's cool. I won't get mad. I know you like to be alone. Joel's like that too sometimes. Not as much as you, just... I mean I get it, you know?" Except she didn't really. Pretty much the only time she wanted to be alone for any decent length of time was if she was super upset about something... and even then, more often than not, she'd still rather be with people -- especially Joel -- than not. But Parker... he went off by himself kind of a lot. At first, she'd thought that maybe he had developed the habit because there was no one here close to his age... and that it would change, now that she was here. However, any time she tried to engage him in something, it was a crapshoot (as Joel would say) on whether or not he would join her. Or join them, usually; if Joel was the deterrent, well... she'd taken care of that today!
He sighed. "Alright, if you're okay going without Joel."
Yes! "Pfff. We are two separate people, you know!" But Ellie was too thrilled to get an 'alright' out of him to be annoyed. Besides, she had to remind herself that she and Joel weren't actually the same person sometimes, so she could hardly expect others to remember it.
"I mean like... if you're sure he wouldn't mind."
"He won't!" she fibbed; he probably would mind. Not unlike Joel's location, going to the docks also barely qualified as going Outside... but it was Outside, and to be going out with only one other person... who happened to be a teenager, not some venerable adult... in a fucking boat, no less...
It's okay, Joel -- I'm going ON the water, not IN it! she justified it to him in her head. I'm not breaking my promise, see?
~Continue to Chapter 3~
