>:(

[lumy12]

"Be glad you're not married. Be glad you don't have a boyfriend. Men are nothing but lying cheating sex freaks."
~ my friend who just found reeeeeeeeally strong evidence that her husband's cheating on her

God. I just want to KILL him. Or, perhaps worse, chop his balls off.

Here I was, feeling confused and lonely and emo... I'll take that any day over what she now has to deal with.

I feel helpless. I don't know what to do for her except check in with her a lot to see if she needs to talk. How do you make someone feel better about her husband being an asshole?

Comments

[queen-meep.livejournal.com]

Just be there. And remind her regularly how awesome a person she is without being too obvious about it. Because at some point in time, she's likely going to think it's her fault.

Aaaaand give her ways to distract herself. Talking about other things other than what's going on will probably help.

Poor friend :(

(And poor you. ♥ Your situation sucks, too, if it's making you confused and lonely and emo.)

[lumy12.livejournal.com]

Yeah, she's already like "how could I be so stupid?"
:(
Like one should expect a spouse to cheat.

Thanks ♥

[queen-meep.livejournal.com]

Often we think "why didn't I see this coming?". Of course we didn't see this coming. You don't go into a marriage expecting it to fall apart... otherwise why enter into it at all? Unless your name is Jeremy.

[lumy12.livejournal.com]

Exactly. We need Deborah's "fantasy's better" icon!
Jeremy fails!

[queen-meep.livejournal.com]

Eh, fantasy's better, but it's not as fulfilling when real life actually works out the way it's supposed to- and it does, occasionally. Yeah, he does. But so do a lot of people.

[lumy12.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's the thing - does it ever???
So rarely.

[gizzi1213.livejournal.com]

Here you go, just for you.

[lumy12.livejournal.com]

Yaaaaaaaay

[gizzi1213.livejournal.com]

I supposed I shouldn't "tsk tsk" at you for being online at work since you DID say that it's an all but "Declared Slake Off Day."

[lumy12.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Hee. Though I still shouldn't be online.

Group Project was fun (i.e. anal) - I think we should do it every month, especially if it's followed by a pizza party!

I think you should go home early. It's still summer.

[goes-kaboom.livejournal.com]

Now I'm curious as to what the verrrrrry strong evidence is.

IA with the above comment.

[lumy12.livejournal.com]

Incriminating emails and even more incriminating photos, which the dumbass was dumb enough to have in an account she has access to (they've had it for years and she never uses it, so I guess he thought it was safe.) And in examining one of the email addresses, we determined that he had forwarded the pictures to a gmail account of his that she had no knowledge of. Why he didn't purge the sent emails from that "joint" account is beyond me. Wonder what's in that gmail account!

They've been having a lot of problems lately, but this completely shocked her.

[kevthejedi.livejournal.com]

Just be there for her, there's not much else you can do. It's a shame that so many people are arse holes.

[lumy12.livejournal.com]

It really is. :(
I can be better about using my phone, at least. Heh.

[kevthejedi.livejournal.com]

Why are you up at ridiculous o'clock, replying to me?!

[lumy12.livejournal.com]

That was crazy, wasn't it!
She came over around 10pm and I was all worked up even after she left.

[kevthejedi.livejournal.com]

Unlike you to have visitors, but very good of you. How is she doing?

[lumy12.livejournal.com]

Ah, you remember! I do have friends that come by sometimes. And this one lives very close to me. I'm glad she called.

I haven't talked to her yet today since we're both working (she harder than me) but we had plans tonight anyway and she still wants to keep those so I'll see her then :) Thanks for asking!

[rootytheroot.livejournal.com]

:( God, people like that suck.

I don't think there's any way to make her feel better, not yet, at least. I guess you just gotta be there for her and give her lots of hugs. Hugs are always good.

[rootytheroot.livejournal.com]

also wow, my advice is like, the same as everyone elses in these replies.
obviously i know what i'm on about, for once! :o

[lumy12.livejournal.com]

You do! And yes with the hugs, hugs are good.

[emavalexis.livejournal.com]

Ah fuck... that is SO shitty. Cheating is one of those things that I have absolutely no tolerance for. I'm of the mind that if you really want to fuck around so badly, then go fuck around... AFTER YOU'VE BROKEN UP. Seriously, that is SUCH an unforgivable breach of trust. :(

[lumy12.livejournal.com]

AFTER. Yes. Problem is, he seems to want to work out their other issues AND fool around. It don't work that way, homeboy!

It really is shitty... but I've been on both sides of it. So I like to think a cheater can be redeemed. (I was also wracked with guilt and had to confess shortly after, whereas THIS guy simply got caught) *shudder* I'm glad all that's behind me now. I like to think I would handle things better, hypothetically, if I were ever in a relationship again.

[zigsternenstaub.livejournal.com]

Really all you can do is give your support, be a good friend and see her through the bad times:( No one could expect more from you. Don't feel guilty because you can't work miracles.

[lumy12.livejournal.com]

♥

I do need to be a better friend. I'm pretty good with being a shoulder to cry on (even if I don't know what to say) but when the crisis passes, I lapse back into my self-centered routines.

[zigsternenstaub.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I know what you mean. It's unfortunately human nature. We often get terribly complacent.

[lumy12.livejournal.com]

Usually when we hang out, I'm going over to her house or we're meeting somewhere... but good point, it would probably be better for her to be in less familiar surroundings, at least initially.

[lumy12.livejournal.com]

I would if I knew where he was! He won't even tell his wife where he's staying currently. Though he does drop by the house whenever he feels like it. What a mess. Maybe you can shoot some long distance dark energy over?

♥

[lumy12.livejournal.com]

I used to have pics from their wedding on my crappy computer... 'til it crashed :(

[azur-dreams.livejournal.com]

that's lame. all my bums cheated on me to but at least they had the decency to not have a big wedding first.. that's why i'm single forever. better to be alone than to find out three's company!!

[lumy12.livejournal.com]

Yeah. He's been a total prick since then too. *siiiiigh* WHY DO MEN HAVE TO FAIL SO HARDCORE

[pyramidhead316.livejournal.com]

Not all men are evil. Some men are just jackasses. Some women are jackasses too. That being said, I think cheaters in general have a hard time controlling themselves. Some do it intentionally to hurt people, others don't know what they want out of relationships, but they all give in to their baser urges despite knowing the consequences. Even if you do 'redeem' yourself to the point where you're certain you won't cheat (again), try with someone else. Don't go back to the same person again. Some people try it and I have no idea how they make it work. But since we're not there to monitor them 24/7, maybe they don't [manage to get it working as well as they like]. Maybe they still have issues that we never see, and things are never the same again.

I know it's cliche, but Bill and Hillary Clinton is the obvious example. Do you think they really stay together because she forgives him, or do they stay for the political sake of the marriage? And even if they do stay because they want to, do you think she really trusts him? Or is she always looking behind her shoulder, wondering "Hmm. What is he going to do this time?"

God. I just want to KILL him. Or, perhaps worse, chop his balls off.

I've always thought it's better to crush with a mallet if you want to torture somebody. It's more painful and they'll remember it more in the short term. Why go for the less painful route?

;D

Sorry if you don't want a strange user commenting on your journal, but I'm always going around LiveJournal exploring the posts of fellow Star Wars fans. ;)

[lumy12.livejournal.com]

I don't mind "strange user" comments at all, the more the merrier! (though you'd find more SW stuff on my writing/art journal, luminations!)

I don't really think this guy is a regular cheater -- at least, in the go-out-and-have-sex-with-someone sense. It's more of an addiction to porn and strip clubs. In his mind, that stuff is all separate from his wife so he's done nothing wrong. Which is just... ANNOYING. And frustrating for her.

I'll remember that mallet idea, though :)