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lumy12UGH, stupid LJ doesn't want to post this as one chapter, even when I delete the header!
I guess I'll just split it at the break then. *grumbles and curses*
Title: "Uncertainty" Chapter 47: "A Fog of Uncertainty" (47/47) Part 1
Fandom: The Last of Us
Characters: Ellie, Joel, Tommy, Maria, OCs
Pairings: Joel/Ellie
Warnings: Underage [please see A/N of doom in Chapter 1!]
Word Count for this chapter: 11,669 (for both parts combined)
Rating (for fic as a whole): R
Author's Note: Wow, so this is it -- the last chapter, after working on this story for 18 months. Man, that flew by! Thank you for your comments,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
owlofnevermore, when you catch up... and anyone else who may come along after, I appreciate them... and if you're reading as a lurker only, I appreciate you too... er, even if I don't know you're reading... yeah, something like that :)
Without further ado, please enjoy the final chapter!
~
Ellie couldn't quite bring herself to finish the slash through yesterday's date on her calendar page... until she transformed the line into a star instead. A star big enough to fill up the whole square. She set the pencil down and smiled at the paper. November 14th... the day Joel finally took my virginity. ...And-- fuck!
Her gasp drew Joel's attention. "What?" he asked from somewhere behind her.
"Yesterday was Clicker's birthday!" Ellie wailed, twisting around in her chair to look at Joel. "I totally forgot!"
"Uh... I think he'll forgive you for not wishin' him a happy birthday," he said dryly as he strapped on his holster belt.
Maybe not; the kid had been so sad to see her leave. An image flitted through her mind... of Clicker blowing out those tiny little candles that old-time people used to put on top of birthday cakes for the birthday person to blow out and make a wish. The cake in her mind had chocolate frosting with sprinkles around the edge. She could see it so clearly. It wasn't a memory, so it must've been a dream -- and she had to stop thinking about it before it somehow made her sad... they always make me sad... because they had something to do with her nightmarish days of darkness in the tunnel. Ellie had recovered physically, it would seem, but mentally... well, that always took longer, in her experience.
"I told him I'd be thinking of him, though, and that was a total lie," she lamented now, turning back around to frown at the calendar page.
Joel came up behind her at the table, putting his hands on her shoulders and leaning down to kiss the top of her head. "You meant it at the time."
"That's not how promises work, Joel," she grumbled.
"You are way too hard on yourself. You're thinkin' of him now. You didn' forget."
"You're just trying to make me feel better."
"Damn straight. That don' make it any less true."
Ellie turned around in the chair and climbed up on her knees so she could give Joel a hug and a kiss. She knew she was being a little silly about this. "Thanks. Maybe he's forgotten all about me by now anyway... right?" It was sad to think so, but she and Joel had been gone a couple months now, and they'd only been in Jackson for like four and a half months before that.
"I doubt it. You're pretty unforgettable."
She giggled a little. "Says you." She tried to kiss him again, but he pulled away, taking her hand instead.
"Come on, kiddo. We need sustenance." He tugged her off the chair.
"I know, but--"
"No buts. I don' think I can go another round without eatin' somethin'."
Ellie feigned indignation. "I was just going to kiss you, not seduce you."
He led her outside, then pulled her back into his arms for another kiss. "Safer out here," he teased.
So fucking backwards! She grinned at him. "I don't know if I'll ever get used to being able to kiss you out in the open." They were still rather conservative in public, only now it wasn't because they had to be in order to keep their relationship a secret -- it was because they had agreed it was tacky and uncool to make out in front of people.
He smiled. "It's kinda nice, ain't it?"
"You're not used to it, either -- you still look around like... like maybe someone might see us. Or... is that just cuz this place is new?"
"Maybe both. Come on."
They headed for 'the Hall' -- the restaurant building that was like a self-serve dining hall during the daytime. They'd dawdled so much in their suite this morning that it was likely lunchtime now. Joel was dressed for the beach, and Ellie was dressed for... well, the beach plus a winter layer of her beach bunny sweatshirt and jeans. How Joel could seriously not think this weather was cold was beyond her. True, Jackson was undoubtedly much colder right now, with less sunshine, but there was still a breeze here that could be cold as fuck.
Ellie forgot about eating once they entered the building. "Joel! There's Sophie! Can I go talk to her?" Not that she needed his permission to talk to people... "I mean, would you mind?"
Joel quirked an eyebrow. "Talk to her about... ?"
"Um... stuff." Ellie promptly blushed. "I don't have to..."
Joel chuckled. "It's all right. I don' mind. Want me to go with y--"
"No!"
"Well, good, 'cause I'm starvin'. Let's--"
"Ellie! Joel! Come eat with us!" Sophie called to them.
Ellie could see Sophie was trying to exchange a look with her, but she pretty much ignored it, because she just wanted to talk to her. Alone!
"I'll get you a plate of somethin'," Joel offered. "I know you wanna go drag her off somewhere."
"How did you know?" Ellie said with a giggle. She scuttled over to the table, politely said hi to Alex, Carlos, and Gail, then tugged on Sophie's arm. "Come here -- I have to talk to you! Like, not here!"
Sophie made no protest of abandoning her lunch; she seemed just as eager as Ellie to get away and have a chat.
"We'll be back! Don't throw anything away!" Ellie called over her shoulder, always mindful of wasting food.
Ellie was going to drag her outside, but decided the wind would be too distracting -- plus, she knew Joel would rather keep an eye on her; he still got antsy if she wandered out of sight. But she did pick a booth on the opposite side of the action -- the one farthest from the kitchen -- and sat with her back toward him. He can scrutinize SOPHIE's facial expressions if he wants! "Hopefully Lupe doesn't come over here and try to serve us and get an earful," Ellie snickered -- although she appreciated the woman's efforts to use up the available fresh food before it could spoil.
Sophie grasped Ellie's hands across the table excitedly. "You're not a virgin anymore!"
She hadn't said it all that loud, but Ellie looked around anyway to make extra sure they were alone. "You can tell? Do I look different?" she giggled.
"Gee, I dunno... you're only blushing and giggling and looking happier than I've ever seen you -- even happier than yesterday -- so... yep, I'd say there's something different about you," she quipped, giving Ellie's hands a squeeze before dropping them. "Soooo... tell me everything! -Okay, not everything. Just-- How was it?!"
"It was..." Ellie realized she didn't even know what she'd wanted to say to Sophie, just that she had to let her know the Big Thing had happened. She giggled again. "It was, um..."
"That good, huh? Yay! Nice hickey, by the way."
"What?" Ellie's hand flew up to her neck to try to flatten her hair over the mark... or the spot where she knew it was (she hadn't actually seen it yet). She tried to do it innocently, but of course, drawing attention to it that way must have looked guilty as fuck. "What are you talking about?" ...and why do I feel like I need to hide it, actually? With SOPHIE, even! Somewhere in her head, the idea had taken root that hickeys were embarrassing. But that was girlish... maybe? I'm a WOMAN now. I shouldn't be embarrassed about ANY of this stuff anymore!
Sophie gave her a knowing look, chuckling softly. "Fine, be that way. So? Joel was amazing?"
Ellie smiled so wide she thought she might split her cheeks open or something, but she couldn't seem to help it. "Yeah... he was... like, exactly how you said he would be. Sweet and... you know..."
"Tender?" Sophie supplied.
"Yeah, that." It sounded sort of corny, but... it was true. "It didn't even hurt, exactly. Not how I thought. When he... Like, it was a little weird, being, um... you know... filled up like that?" she giggle-whispered.
Sophie smirked a little. "I wasn't going to ask you how big he is or anything..."
Oh my God! "No no, I don't mean like... I mean... I think he is... but it... erm..."
"Girl, you are blushing so hard right now. See? You're still innocent."
"Don't you ever blush?" Come to think of it, she'd never seen Sophie's cheeks turn red.
"I don't think so, anymore? But you're still young, and... oh! So you're not worried about Joel not liking you as much now that you're... a little less innocent, right?"
"Was I worried about that?" But she knew Sophie was right; just a mere twenty-four hours ago, she'd been worried about stupid shit like that. I really DID grow up overnight, sort of! "Yeah, that was dumb. Cuz now it's like... something else I can share with him. Something no one else does. Er, does with him, I mean." She remembered feeling jealous when Joel was going to go swim with Sophie and not her, that first time when she'd been afraid to go in the water, afraid to engage with life... this isn't quite like THAT, either... "Or... I dunno. It's not just that. It does feel like we're closer, though. Just like you said."
"I'm an expert on this stuff," Sophie said authoritatively, smiling. "Except when it comes to myself."
"Aww. Is there anyone here you like? Like that, I mean. Or is it too soon to tell?" Ellie hadn't fallen in love with Joel right away, but that might've been due to the uniqueness of their situation. She wasn't sure what was considered normal.
"Eh... not really." Ellie could hear a shrug in her voice. "I dunno. I kind of don't even want to deal with that right now. You know?"
"Yeah," said Ellie, although she couldn't really imagine not wanting to deal with kissing and hugging (etcetera!) Joel, like it was some kind of hardship. It must be hard to... not have the love thing happen by accident? "Well, I hope you find someone as-- well, half as amazing as Joel, someday. Cuz it's impossible to find someone with the same level of... amazingness."
Sophie chuckled. "Me, too. And speak of the devil..."
Ellie turned and saw Joel approaching them with two plates of food. "Thought if you're gonna yak a while, you might wanna jus' eat over here," he explained. He placed the half-eaten plate in front of Sophie, a full one in front of Ellie.
"Oh, are you our waiter?" Ellie cleared her throat for dramatic effect, then tried her best to sound like a snooty person from a movie; Joel used to enjoy it when she played little games like this. "Yes, waiter... since we're in this... really fancy establishment... can you bring me a side of... ... ...?" Her mind went blank.
"Caviar!" Sophie suggested.
"Yes! Caviar," Ellie said in her snobby voice. She didn't even know what the fuck caviar was, but she knew it was for rich people. "My absolute favorite, when it's... prepared properly... and don't skimp on the... ... ..."
"Um... sauce?" Sophie offered. "No, wait, that's not..."
"You two playin' Mad Libs or somethin'?" asked Joel, and Ellie could tell he was amused.
Ellie rolled her eyes. "We're not mad. Honestly -- you should be more polite to your customers. I may have to have a word with the management here." Always fun to throw Joel-isms back at him! And he totally noticed it! "But, yes... cocktail sauce. Molotov cocktail sauce!"
Joel quirked an eyebrow. "Thought you didn' like Mol--"
"I didn't when I was younger," Ellie interrupted haughtily. "I do now. It's a... refined... er..."
"Acquired taste?" he ventured.
"Yes. And what sort of waiter questions his customers' preferences? Such rudeness!" she scoffed.
Joel snorted. "My apologies. Comin' right up, ma'am."
"That's more like it!" Ellie broke character and giggled before remembering to add, "And water! Yes... vintage water." She wasn't sure what 'vintage' meant, exactly, but she'd heard wine described that way, so it had to be fancy.
Joel looked like he was about to say something -- and from the look that flickered across his face, it was something serious, maybe?! -- but he ended up just sort of smirking as he left. I'll have to remember to ask him about that later. Ellie dug into her... well, she wasn't sure what it was. Leftover cod from the previous night, as was customary here (and the 'fridge' in the kitchen was unlike one Ellie had ever seen before -- it was more like a huge underground bucket! So they couldn't keep anything for long), mixed up with what they called 'wild celery' and something rice-y that wasn't rice. She would've preferred a plain old elk sandwich, but she hadn't realized how hungry she was until she was stuffing the food in her face, and the hunger coupled with her awesome mood made the lunch fucking epic. Man, I do miss popcorn, though... and bacon...
"I'm sure he'd rather eat with you than a bunch of strangers," Sophie remarked as she resumed eating her own lunch.
"You and Alex aren't strangers," Ellie pointed out. "But... yeah, I should let him join us. Me and you can always talk about stuff later... I basically just wanted to let you know IT HAPPENED so you wouldn't have to keep wondering." And it's probably not polite to ask a person about 'virgin bleeding' over lunch anyway...
"Thanks for that. I was wondering, all last night and all morning." Sophie sighed contentedly. "I'm so happy for you guys!"
"I'm happy for you -- you're way happier now than you were before. I guess you decided to forgive Alex for bailing on you?"
"Yeppers... we had a good talk last night, finally. I... sort of can't blame him. He thought I cared more about... you know. Having lots of shoes... reading my novels... shallow gossip with Kathy and Millie... and, of course -- guys." Sophie snorted. "I really took him for granted. We give each other shit... we have fun hanging out sometimes... but we never... I think he was shocked to find out that I'd rather be where he is than... not. That I didn't want to just wait around town and see if he eventually comes back with Nina... you know?"
"Do you ever tell him you love him?" asked Ellie between bites (she didn't have to ask Sophie whether she did actually love him or not -- duh!).
Sophie seemed a little surprised at the question. "Nope. Never. My family... we've never been the type that says it out loud. It's just... assumed."
"You should, though," Ellie said sagely. "Maybe he would've asked you to come with him if he knew for sure?"
"Well, I think he knows now, don't you?" Sophie chuckled.
"I bet he'd still like to hear it. And wouldn't it be awesome to hear it back?"
Sophie scrunched up her face. "It would be... weird, actually."
"But also awesome! Guys are kind of clueless about it, though, so sometimes you--"
Her advice was cut off by Joel. "Ohhh I see how it is. Send the man to go get your drinks an' then do some gender-bashin' behind his back?"
As soon as Joel set the glasses down, Ellie tugged him down into the booth, scooting over only the minimum amount of space required to let him sit. "Yep! Every time you turn your back, we talk shit about you." She liked the way he casually draped his arm across the back of the seat, grazing her shoulders.
Sophie started to get up. "I'll just let you--"
"You don't have to go!" Ellie protested. "We won't start making out at the table or anything."
"Ellie--" Joel said warningly.
"Hey, make out all you want!" Sophie interrupted him before Ellie could even wonder how her words had earned her an 'Ellie' this time. Didn't I just say we WON'T start making out?! Sophie continued, "Lord knows I deprived you of that... uh... ability? The whole way here from Jackson! Besides, Alex wanted to hear the bear story."
"Ooo! Make sure you exaggerate everything," Ellie told her. "How big it was... how close it got to you... Joel being a bad-ass with the gun-- wait, that part doesn't have to be exaggerated!"
"Will do!" Sophie chirped before sauntering away.
Joel waited maybe three seconds before turning to Ellie with that sexy smile he had... "Alone at last," he murmured before kissing her softly.
"Except we're not exactly alone, and it's not at last when we were just alone in our room like ten minutes ago?" Ellie teased with a grin (although she kind of felt the same way, actually!), cupping his cheek so she could stroke his beard with her thumb.
He turned and kissed her palm, as he was wont to do whenever she did that. "Mm. Too long."
"Aww!" She lowered her voice. "Who knew sex would make you even sweeter than you already are?"
"I ain't--"
"Shut up -- yes you are. Since I'm the one you're sweet to, don't I get to decide if you are or not? And you are. And -- you know it, and love it. You just don't want anyone else to know. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone. Except Sophie cuz she already knows... this whole town or whatever-it-is probably knows cuz they see you kiss me and stuff." She giggled a little. He still looks at me the same adoring way he did yesterday...
He tangled a hand in her hair idly; Ellie liked that he just seemed to want to touch her constantly. "You're right," he said. "I might wanna work on my reputation a little. Show 'em who wears the pants."
She gave him a puzzled look for that bizarre comment. "What do your pants have to do with anything?"
He chuckled. "Nothin'. Just an expression."
"...Meaning?" she prodded. What the fuck else would he wear? A-- "Oh God -- remember you said you were going to wear a dress -- or was it a tuxedo..."
Joel chuckled. “I think we were both gonna wear dresses. But I dodged that one by agreein’ to kiss you every day.”
Ellie giggled. “I still want to get you some bunny slippers like mine, though. You’d look so cuuuuute!” She pinched his cheek the way people in movies pinched little kids’ cheeks when they talked about how cute they were and stuff.
“I’ll leave the cute to you, thank you very much.” Joel pulled her hand back down to the table, nearly into her plate before she elbowed it out of the way.
Ellie thought back to that glorious day… the first time he’d kissed her. The giddiness she felt now was reminiscent of that, and she wished she could make it last forever. “Okay so what’s the deal with your pants?”
He gave a little laugh; for some reason, he didn’t seem to want to explain that one. "Nothin’. Never mind. As long as people know that they can't mess with us, I'm good."
"Ha! I dare them to fucking try." If anyone thought Joel was too sweet to kick their asses... even if he was, I'M certainly not!
She'd always felt possessive of Joel, but now... somehow, that feeling had intensified. She wasn't sure why. Does the fact that his dick's been inside me really make things soooo different? Obviously, sex wasn't just about his dick; they had made love. Several times. Is that why I'm more in love with him now, and he seems more in love with me? Because we, like... made MORE of it?
She would have to ponder these things... maybe while going to sleep. She'd been so excited last night that she'd barely gotten any sleep. A condition Joel sure didn't suffer from -- he was out like a light, after that second time. Though it was really sweet that he TRIED to stay awake for me!
When she had finally fallen asleep, she hadn't had any nightmares. No panic attacks since that one on the beach, either. It had only been one night -- way too soon to know anything for sure -- but Ellie liked to believe that the magical properties of Joel's dick had miraculously cured her of these ailments. Nothing but good things in store for us now!
CONTINUE TO PART 2...
I guess I'll just split it at the break then. *grumbles and curses*
Title: "Uncertainty" Chapter 47: "A Fog of Uncertainty" (47/47) Part 1
Fandom: The Last of Us
Characters: Ellie, Joel, Tommy, Maria, OCs
Pairings: Joel/Ellie
Warnings: Underage [please see A/N of doom in Chapter 1!]
Word Count for this chapter: 11,669 (for both parts combined)
Rating (for fic as a whole): R
Author's Note: Wow, so this is it -- the last chapter, after working on this story for 18 months. Man, that flew by! Thank you for your comments,
owlofnevermore, when you catch up... and anyone else who may come along after, I appreciate them... and if you're reading as a lurker only, I appreciate you too... er, even if I don't know you're reading... yeah, something like that :)Without further ado, please enjoy the final chapter!
~
Ellie couldn't quite bring herself to finish the slash through yesterday's date on her calendar page... until she transformed the line into a star instead. A star big enough to fill up the whole square. She set the pencil down and smiled at the paper. November 14th... the day Joel finally took my virginity. ...And-- fuck!
Her gasp drew Joel's attention. "What?" he asked from somewhere behind her.
"Yesterday was Clicker's birthday!" Ellie wailed, twisting around in her chair to look at Joel. "I totally forgot!"
"Uh... I think he'll forgive you for not wishin' him a happy birthday," he said dryly as he strapped on his holster belt.
Maybe not; the kid had been so sad to see her leave. An image flitted through her mind... of Clicker blowing out those tiny little candles that old-time people used to put on top of birthday cakes for the birthday person to blow out and make a wish. The cake in her mind had chocolate frosting with sprinkles around the edge. She could see it so clearly. It wasn't a memory, so it must've been a dream -- and she had to stop thinking about it before it somehow made her sad... they always make me sad... because they had something to do with her nightmarish days of darkness in the tunnel. Ellie had recovered physically, it would seem, but mentally... well, that always took longer, in her experience.
"I told him I'd be thinking of him, though, and that was a total lie," she lamented now, turning back around to frown at the calendar page.
Joel came up behind her at the table, putting his hands on her shoulders and leaning down to kiss the top of her head. "You meant it at the time."
"That's not how promises work, Joel," she grumbled.
"You are way too hard on yourself. You're thinkin' of him now. You didn' forget."
"You're just trying to make me feel better."
"Damn straight. That don' make it any less true."
Ellie turned around in the chair and climbed up on her knees so she could give Joel a hug and a kiss. She knew she was being a little silly about this. "Thanks. Maybe he's forgotten all about me by now anyway... right?" It was sad to think so, but she and Joel had been gone a couple months now, and they'd only been in Jackson for like four and a half months before that.
"I doubt it. You're pretty unforgettable."
She giggled a little. "Says you." She tried to kiss him again, but he pulled away, taking her hand instead.
"Come on, kiddo. We need sustenance." He tugged her off the chair.
"I know, but--"
"No buts. I don' think I can go another round without eatin' somethin'."
Ellie feigned indignation. "I was just going to kiss you, not seduce you."
He led her outside, then pulled her back into his arms for another kiss. "Safer out here," he teased.
So fucking backwards! She grinned at him. "I don't know if I'll ever get used to being able to kiss you out in the open." They were still rather conservative in public, only now it wasn't because they had to be in order to keep their relationship a secret -- it was because they had agreed it was tacky and uncool to make out in front of people.
He smiled. "It's kinda nice, ain't it?"
"You're not used to it, either -- you still look around like... like maybe someone might see us. Or... is that just cuz this place is new?"
"Maybe both. Come on."
They headed for 'the Hall' -- the restaurant building that was like a self-serve dining hall during the daytime. They'd dawdled so much in their suite this morning that it was likely lunchtime now. Joel was dressed for the beach, and Ellie was dressed for... well, the beach plus a winter layer of her beach bunny sweatshirt and jeans. How Joel could seriously not think this weather was cold was beyond her. True, Jackson was undoubtedly much colder right now, with less sunshine, but there was still a breeze here that could be cold as fuck.
Ellie forgot about eating once they entered the building. "Joel! There's Sophie! Can I go talk to her?" Not that she needed his permission to talk to people... "I mean, would you mind?"
Joel quirked an eyebrow. "Talk to her about... ?"
"Um... stuff." Ellie promptly blushed. "I don't have to..."
Joel chuckled. "It's all right. I don' mind. Want me to go with y--"
"No!"
"Well, good, 'cause I'm starvin'. Let's--"
"Ellie! Joel! Come eat with us!" Sophie called to them.
Ellie could see Sophie was trying to exchange a look with her, but she pretty much ignored it, because she just wanted to talk to her. Alone!
"I'll get you a plate of somethin'," Joel offered. "I know you wanna go drag her off somewhere."
"How did you know?" Ellie said with a giggle. She scuttled over to the table, politely said hi to Alex, Carlos, and Gail, then tugged on Sophie's arm. "Come here -- I have to talk to you! Like, not here!"
Sophie made no protest of abandoning her lunch; she seemed just as eager as Ellie to get away and have a chat.
"We'll be back! Don't throw anything away!" Ellie called over her shoulder, always mindful of wasting food.
Ellie was going to drag her outside, but decided the wind would be too distracting -- plus, she knew Joel would rather keep an eye on her; he still got antsy if she wandered out of sight. But she did pick a booth on the opposite side of the action -- the one farthest from the kitchen -- and sat with her back toward him. He can scrutinize SOPHIE's facial expressions if he wants! "Hopefully Lupe doesn't come over here and try to serve us and get an earful," Ellie snickered -- although she appreciated the woman's efforts to use up the available fresh food before it could spoil.
Sophie grasped Ellie's hands across the table excitedly. "You're not a virgin anymore!"
She hadn't said it all that loud, but Ellie looked around anyway to make extra sure they were alone. "You can tell? Do I look different?" she giggled.
"Gee, I dunno... you're only blushing and giggling and looking happier than I've ever seen you -- even happier than yesterday -- so... yep, I'd say there's something different about you," she quipped, giving Ellie's hands a squeeze before dropping them. "Soooo... tell me everything! -Okay, not everything. Just-- How was it?!"
"It was..." Ellie realized she didn't even know what she'd wanted to say to Sophie, just that she had to let her know the Big Thing had happened. She giggled again. "It was, um..."
"That good, huh? Yay! Nice hickey, by the way."
"What?" Ellie's hand flew up to her neck to try to flatten her hair over the mark... or the spot where she knew it was (she hadn't actually seen it yet). She tried to do it innocently, but of course, drawing attention to it that way must have looked guilty as fuck. "What are you talking about?" ...and why do I feel like I need to hide it, actually? With SOPHIE, even! Somewhere in her head, the idea had taken root that hickeys were embarrassing. But that was girlish... maybe? I'm a WOMAN now. I shouldn't be embarrassed about ANY of this stuff anymore!
Sophie gave her a knowing look, chuckling softly. "Fine, be that way. So? Joel was amazing?"
Ellie smiled so wide she thought she might split her cheeks open or something, but she couldn't seem to help it. "Yeah... he was... like, exactly how you said he would be. Sweet and... you know..."
"Tender?" Sophie supplied.
"Yeah, that." It sounded sort of corny, but... it was true. "It didn't even hurt, exactly. Not how I thought. When he... Like, it was a little weird, being, um... you know... filled up like that?" she giggle-whispered.
Sophie smirked a little. "I wasn't going to ask you how big he is or anything..."
Oh my God! "No no, I don't mean like... I mean... I think he is... but it... erm..."
"Girl, you are blushing so hard right now. See? You're still innocent."
"Don't you ever blush?" Come to think of it, she'd never seen Sophie's cheeks turn red.
"I don't think so, anymore? But you're still young, and... oh! So you're not worried about Joel not liking you as much now that you're... a little less innocent, right?"
"Was I worried about that?" But she knew Sophie was right; just a mere twenty-four hours ago, she'd been worried about stupid shit like that. I really DID grow up overnight, sort of! "Yeah, that was dumb. Cuz now it's like... something else I can share with him. Something no one else does. Er, does with him, I mean." She remembered feeling jealous when Joel was going to go swim with Sophie and not her, that first time when she'd been afraid to go in the water, afraid to engage with life... this isn't quite like THAT, either... "Or... I dunno. It's not just that. It does feel like we're closer, though. Just like you said."
"I'm an expert on this stuff," Sophie said authoritatively, smiling. "Except when it comes to myself."
"Aww. Is there anyone here you like? Like that, I mean. Or is it too soon to tell?" Ellie hadn't fallen in love with Joel right away, but that might've been due to the uniqueness of their situation. She wasn't sure what was considered normal.
"Eh... not really." Ellie could hear a shrug in her voice. "I dunno. I kind of don't even want to deal with that right now. You know?"
"Yeah," said Ellie, although she couldn't really imagine not wanting to deal with kissing and hugging (etcetera!) Joel, like it was some kind of hardship. It must be hard to... not have the love thing happen by accident? "Well, I hope you find someone as-- well, half as amazing as Joel, someday. Cuz it's impossible to find someone with the same level of... amazingness."
Sophie chuckled. "Me, too. And speak of the devil..."
Ellie turned and saw Joel approaching them with two plates of food. "Thought if you're gonna yak a while, you might wanna jus' eat over here," he explained. He placed the half-eaten plate in front of Sophie, a full one in front of Ellie.
"Oh, are you our waiter?" Ellie cleared her throat for dramatic effect, then tried her best to sound like a snooty person from a movie; Joel used to enjoy it when she played little games like this. "Yes, waiter... since we're in this... really fancy establishment... can you bring me a side of... ... ...?" Her mind went blank.
"Caviar!" Sophie suggested.
"Yes! Caviar," Ellie said in her snobby voice. She didn't even know what the fuck caviar was, but she knew it was for rich people. "My absolute favorite, when it's... prepared properly... and don't skimp on the... ... ..."
"Um... sauce?" Sophie offered. "No, wait, that's not..."
"You two playin' Mad Libs or somethin'?" asked Joel, and Ellie could tell he was amused.
Ellie rolled her eyes. "We're not mad. Honestly -- you should be more polite to your customers. I may have to have a word with the management here." Always fun to throw Joel-isms back at him! And he totally noticed it! "But, yes... cocktail sauce. Molotov cocktail sauce!"
Joel quirked an eyebrow. "Thought you didn' like Mol--"
"I didn't when I was younger," Ellie interrupted haughtily. "I do now. It's a... refined... er..."
"Acquired taste?" he ventured.
"Yes. And what sort of waiter questions his customers' preferences? Such rudeness!" she scoffed.
Joel snorted. "My apologies. Comin' right up, ma'am."
"That's more like it!" Ellie broke character and giggled before remembering to add, "And water! Yes... vintage water." She wasn't sure what 'vintage' meant, exactly, but she'd heard wine described that way, so it had to be fancy.
Joel looked like he was about to say something -- and from the look that flickered across his face, it was something serious, maybe?! -- but he ended up just sort of smirking as he left. I'll have to remember to ask him about that later. Ellie dug into her... well, she wasn't sure what it was. Leftover cod from the previous night, as was customary here (and the 'fridge' in the kitchen was unlike one Ellie had ever seen before -- it was more like a huge underground bucket! So they couldn't keep anything for long), mixed up with what they called 'wild celery' and something rice-y that wasn't rice. She would've preferred a plain old elk sandwich, but she hadn't realized how hungry she was until she was stuffing the food in her face, and the hunger coupled with her awesome mood made the lunch fucking epic. Man, I do miss popcorn, though... and bacon...
"I'm sure he'd rather eat with you than a bunch of strangers," Sophie remarked as she resumed eating her own lunch.
"You and Alex aren't strangers," Ellie pointed out. "But... yeah, I should let him join us. Me and you can always talk about stuff later... I basically just wanted to let you know IT HAPPENED so you wouldn't have to keep wondering." And it's probably not polite to ask a person about 'virgin bleeding' over lunch anyway...
"Thanks for that. I was wondering, all last night and all morning." Sophie sighed contentedly. "I'm so happy for you guys!"
"I'm happy for you -- you're way happier now than you were before. I guess you decided to forgive Alex for bailing on you?"
"Yeppers... we had a good talk last night, finally. I... sort of can't blame him. He thought I cared more about... you know. Having lots of shoes... reading my novels... shallow gossip with Kathy and Millie... and, of course -- guys." Sophie snorted. "I really took him for granted. We give each other shit... we have fun hanging out sometimes... but we never... I think he was shocked to find out that I'd rather be where he is than... not. That I didn't want to just wait around town and see if he eventually comes back with Nina... you know?"
"Do you ever tell him you love him?" asked Ellie between bites (she didn't have to ask Sophie whether she did actually love him or not -- duh!).
Sophie seemed a little surprised at the question. "Nope. Never. My family... we've never been the type that says it out loud. It's just... assumed."
"You should, though," Ellie said sagely. "Maybe he would've asked you to come with him if he knew for sure?"
"Well, I think he knows now, don't you?" Sophie chuckled.
"I bet he'd still like to hear it. And wouldn't it be awesome to hear it back?"
Sophie scrunched up her face. "It would be... weird, actually."
"But also awesome! Guys are kind of clueless about it, though, so sometimes you--"
Her advice was cut off by Joel. "Ohhh I see how it is. Send the man to go get your drinks an' then do some gender-bashin' behind his back?"
As soon as Joel set the glasses down, Ellie tugged him down into the booth, scooting over only the minimum amount of space required to let him sit. "Yep! Every time you turn your back, we talk shit about you." She liked the way he casually draped his arm across the back of the seat, grazing her shoulders.
Sophie started to get up. "I'll just let you--"
"You don't have to go!" Ellie protested. "We won't start making out at the table or anything."
"Ellie--" Joel said warningly.
"Hey, make out all you want!" Sophie interrupted him before Ellie could even wonder how her words had earned her an 'Ellie' this time. Didn't I just say we WON'T start making out?! Sophie continued, "Lord knows I deprived you of that... uh... ability? The whole way here from Jackson! Besides, Alex wanted to hear the bear story."
"Ooo! Make sure you exaggerate everything," Ellie told her. "How big it was... how close it got to you... Joel being a bad-ass with the gun-- wait, that part doesn't have to be exaggerated!"
"Will do!" Sophie chirped before sauntering away.
Joel waited maybe three seconds before turning to Ellie with that sexy smile he had... "Alone at last," he murmured before kissing her softly.
"Except we're not exactly alone, and it's not at last when we were just alone in our room like ten minutes ago?" Ellie teased with a grin (although she kind of felt the same way, actually!), cupping his cheek so she could stroke his beard with her thumb.
He turned and kissed her palm, as he was wont to do whenever she did that. "Mm. Too long."
"Aww!" She lowered her voice. "Who knew sex would make you even sweeter than you already are?"
"I ain't--"
"Shut up -- yes you are. Since I'm the one you're sweet to, don't I get to decide if you are or not? And you are. And -- you know it, and love it. You just don't want anyone else to know. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone. Except Sophie cuz she already knows... this whole town or whatever-it-is probably knows cuz they see you kiss me and stuff." She giggled a little. He still looks at me the same adoring way he did yesterday...
He tangled a hand in her hair idly; Ellie liked that he just seemed to want to touch her constantly. "You're right," he said. "I might wanna work on my reputation a little. Show 'em who wears the pants."
She gave him a puzzled look for that bizarre comment. "What do your pants have to do with anything?"
He chuckled. "Nothin'. Just an expression."
"...Meaning?" she prodded. What the fuck else would he wear? A-- "Oh God -- remember you said you were going to wear a dress -- or was it a tuxedo..."
Joel chuckled. “I think we were both gonna wear dresses. But I dodged that one by agreein’ to kiss you every day.”
Ellie giggled. “I still want to get you some bunny slippers like mine, though. You’d look so cuuuuute!” She pinched his cheek the way people in movies pinched little kids’ cheeks when they talked about how cute they were and stuff.
“I’ll leave the cute to you, thank you very much.” Joel pulled her hand back down to the table, nearly into her plate before she elbowed it out of the way.
Ellie thought back to that glorious day… the first time he’d kissed her. The giddiness she felt now was reminiscent of that, and she wished she could make it last forever. “Okay so what’s the deal with your pants?”
He gave a little laugh; for some reason, he didn’t seem to want to explain that one. "Nothin’. Never mind. As long as people know that they can't mess with us, I'm good."
"Ha! I dare them to fucking try." If anyone thought Joel was too sweet to kick their asses... even if he was, I'M certainly not!
She'd always felt possessive of Joel, but now... somehow, that feeling had intensified. She wasn't sure why. Does the fact that his dick's been inside me really make things soooo different? Obviously, sex wasn't just about his dick; they had made love. Several times. Is that why I'm more in love with him now, and he seems more in love with me? Because we, like... made MORE of it?
She would have to ponder these things... maybe while going to sleep. She'd been so excited last night that she'd barely gotten any sleep. A condition Joel sure didn't suffer from -- he was out like a light, after that second time. Though it was really sweet that he TRIED to stay awake for me!
When she had finally fallen asleep, she hadn't had any nightmares. No panic attacks since that one on the beach, either. It had only been one night -- way too soon to know anything for sure -- but Ellie liked to believe that the magical properties of Joel's dick had miraculously cured her of these ailments. Nothing but good things in store for us now!
CONTINUE TO PART 2...
