CYOA Page 41

[lumy12]

Page Forty-One

The kid does a little more whining, but then seems to resign himself to the fact that there's nothing he can say to change Joel's mind -- or yours. Pissing Joel off is only fun to a certain extent, after all (and, since Zack doesn't know him, he probably doesn't find it fun at all). And maybe if he hadn't protested so much, Joel wouldn't have insisted that Zack ride with him. Not that that's a terrible fate, but you like to think that Zack would consider you... well... the more enjoyable option for a riding partner. You're certainly more fun, aren't you?

You knew you weren't going to make it all the way back to where you spent last night, but you're surprised at the spot Joel wants to claim as tonight's campsite, not because the little farmhouse isn't nice or anything, it's just... you could probably ride for a couple more hours before it's totally dark. He says there isn't a better spot coming up in the next couple hours, and that you guys can push it a little tomorrow and still reach Jackson by dark. You agree to it, and Zack doesn't object to the thought of eating dinner on the early side.

Dinner is a rather solemn affair, the conversations awkward and stilted. You wish you'd brought your pun book with you; by the end, you're about ready to try to recite some jokes from memory. Joel, however, never seems perturbed by silences. You suspected, even before the end of your Boston trip, that he used the 'need for constant vigilance' to get away with not having to talk much... and living in Jackson, a safe place without that need, confirmed it. But whereas you being silent generally means something's wrong, you've learned that Joel is just quiet by nature -- it's not indicative of his mood, and it's not caused by anything you've said or done. He's taught you to appreciate silence... though mostly it's the "making out" part of not talking that I appreciate. Ha!

Just when you're about to start cleaning up your dinner things, Joel speaks up. "Now... about sleepin' arrangements." He looks pointedly at Zack. "I don't trust you."

What? Don't trust him, like... with me?? "He's ten, Joel."

Joel gives you a Look. "He ran away from home once already. You don't think he'll do it again?"

Ohhhhh.

"I won't!" cries Zack.

You feel silly for jumping to the wrong conclusion, and you're very glad you didn't say anything really stupid to expose your mistake. "I'm sure he's learned his lesson," you say (although you're not actually convinced that he has).

"Unfortunately, the locks on the doors up there work from the inside. Could barricade one, but I'd... rather not. Here's what I'm thinkin'. We brought along quite a bit of rope..."

"You want to tie him up?!" you exclaim -- even though you were just reminded of the benefits of not making assumptions too quickly...

-Only this time, you're right! "Not all the way. Just one hand to the bedpost. I can do a knot that's impossible to untie with one hand."

Zack looks horrified. "You don't have to do that!"

"Joel, that seems... really mean." Even for you, you add mentally -- you would have said it out loud, but you are trying to convince Zack that Joel is a nice person. He's making that task extra difficult right now!

"Or," Joel continues, "we can do guard duty. Sleep in shifts. We stopped early enough that we can both get decent sleep an' still head out on the early side tomorrow."

You like that much better. "Yeah, let's do that one." Is that what he wanted to do all along? you wonder. Why scare the kid?

"All right. I'll sleep first," he offers.

"Can you fall asleep this early?" The sun hasn't even set yet.

"I'm tired as hell. An' with you keepin' watch? I'm sure I can."

Pride swells up in you when he says that. He trusts you with his life, the same way you trust him. ...and he probably feels better since you've already been through here and not run into any trouble, too... plus, neither one of you slept very well last night... but still.

You agree on an approximate time to wake him up (as told by the moon), and although you're really tempted to follow Joel upstairs for a good night kiss, you can't leave the kid alone even for a minute -- hence the need for fucking guard duty. You console yourself with thoughts of just how you're going to wake him up later...

It's decided that Zack will help you clean up the dinner stuff and then groom the horses, in the abbreviated routine that you follow on the road. Then maybe you can talk to him a while before he goes to sleep... get him ready for going home tomorrow. Figure out a game plan -- and convince him to let you explain things to Joel so he can help with that. Zack is cooperative with the chores, but you're starting to get really annoyed at the way he keeps looking around... all anxious-like. Like he doesn't feel safe or something. He didn't do that when Joel was around.

"Dude, relax, we're safe here." You try to keep the annoyance from coloring your voice. "Plus I've got my gun on me."

"Yeah, I know... do you think Joel's asleep by now?"

"I dunno. Who cares? I can shoot people just as well as he can," you say haughtily -- and fuck stifling your annoyance!

"No!" Zack seems annoyed now, too. "I have to go."

"Ohhhh no you don't," you smirk. "Nice try, but I'm not falling for it. I know you went with Joel like... not even an hour ago." Because of course Joel didn't trust him not to run off then, either.

"Not go like that -- I mean leave."

You sigh. "No way. You're coming home with us and that's final."

"Please, Ellie... I can't. If I go home, I'm dead."

"Uh, you got that backwards. You'll be safe at home, dead if you stay out here by yourself."

"You don't understand. He hates me. He already hates me, and if I show up after he told you guys I was dead... he doesn't like to look bad."

"What, so he'll kill you because he let everyone think you were dead? Pfffff," you scoff. "He can't. Joel and I already know you're alive."

"No, I know. But he gets so mad. He'll-- make me pay, is how he puts it."

You sigh again. "Yeah? Well, if I let you go, Joel will kill me."

Zack's eyebrows shoot up. "You said he's never hit you."

"There's a first time for everything." You watch him process that... and as much as you want him to think better of running away, you can't stand the idea of him thinking that Joel might be capable of that. "Yeah, no, he would never actually... hurt me. Physically. But there are other ways to hurt a person... you know? If I betray him..."

"...What if you don't have to?"

"What do you mean?"

"It could be an accident!" Zack's getting excited about this idea now. "Yeah! Like you thought I was asleep, but I was only pretending, and then you fell asleep."

"The whole point of being on guard duty is to... not fall asleep."

"Yeah, but if it's an accident? He can't be mad then."

"Yes he can! I'd still be like... failing him. -Disappointing him, more like."

"That's better than betraying him, right?"

Yes, you think so. But-- "I'm doing that, too -- if I agree to this. Joel trusted me to keep you here."

"But he doesn't have to know!"

"I would know. And he prob'ly would, too, cuz he's good at telling when people are lying. Especially ones who suck at it -- like me." You like to think you're getting better, though. At least with fibbing... little white lies. This one, however, would be pretty fucking huge, wouldn't it?

"Could you try? I wouldn't ask if it wasn't something I really really really really needed to do. Pleeeeease?"

Maybe we should have let him stay hungry, you muse to yourself. You know from experience that hunger can drive a person to accept shitty situations that would otherwise be intolerable.

Joel wouldn't actually kill you, of course... he might be mad for a while, but he'd get over it. He would know that you acted out of compassion. But Joel's not the only factor to consider here... you'd be throwing a kid into the wild. A kid with limited means.

Then again... is it right for you and Joel to basically hold him hostage? You're not his parents. The asshole in Jackson isn't even his parent.

Uggghhhh being an adult is hard sometimes! And obviously, this is one decision you can't toss back to Joel.



If you "look the other way" and let Zack escape "by accident," turn to page 77.

If you refuse to help him do this, turn to page 80.

Comments

Carlos

[(Anonymous)]

poor kid...

RE: Carlos

[luminations.livejournal.com]

Yeah :(