CYOA Page 104
Sep. 13th, 2013 03:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lumy12It's okay, you tell yourself. There's no one in there -- Joel would've woken up.
Unless someone came in after you started searching for the horses. That would have to be the case, because you know Joel would've heard someone entering the house. You may have heard it, too, but he definitely would -- you remember this one time, on the trip from Boston, he woke up all freaked-out-like from you scratching an itch -- in the next fucking room. And doors squeak. Or if not squeak, exactly... you swear all of them make at least a little noise.
He probably would've noticed someone going inside while you were circling the house, too, right? But he did make that comment about how maybe he should've checked...
Shit. Come on, Joel, hurry up... I can't wait here forever...
If he doesn't come out in one minute, you'll go after him, you decide. Who cares if he teases you about being paranoid?
You wait for probably two minutes... and you're still telling yourself HE'S OKAY HE'S OKAY HE'S OKAY, so you stay put. Going after him is like believing he's not okay...
But... ~that was the last time you ever saw him alive...~
Fuck it -- you start running as fast as you can. You just hope your hesitation hasn't cost Joel his life, that the creepy voice in your head whispering that to you is just wrong... or cruel, maybe...
And then Joel emerges through the door! Just carrying all the stuff, nothing wrong with him!
You keep running toward him anyway. Which makes him drop one of the bags, pull a gun, and look around for whatever's making you run. He's so... Joel-y!
You only slow down when you're right in front of him, because you can't just jump on him full speed. No, you have to do that at half speed. He still staggers backward a little when he catches you, and he still thinks you're running away from something. "What happened?" he asks you.
It feels so good to hold him close to you this way... to feel his arms around you, feel the warmth of his living, breathing body... the pulse in his neck... "Nothing," you choke out, unexpectedly overcome with tears.
Joel eases you to the ground and cups your face in his hands. "Hey. Obviously somethin'--"
"No, nothing," you insist, and you blink hard to try to stave off the stupid tears.
He looks at you another moment, then kisses your forehead. "Don't worry, we'll find the horses."
You utter a hollow laugh. "I don't care about that. I mean, I do, but..." You bury your face in his shirt.
"What's wrong, then?"
You just sniffle into his shirt. Don't cry... this is so stupid, Ellie, you should NOT be crying!
"Come on. Let's sit." He walks you over to the steps and you both sit down, side by side. He keeps his arm around you. "Talk to me."
"You'll just laugh," you mumble, staring at your shoes.
"I won't. I swear."
"Pffff. You can't swear that -- you don't know what it is."
Joel chuckles. "That's right. You hate that. Although I seem to recall you've sworn the same thing yourself a time or two."
He's probably right. It doesn't matter. "I'm just being stupid. Really. We should get going. It's gonna get dark."
"Please tell me." He tilts your chin up and gives you a gentle kiss. "What is it?"
"I just love you. That's all."
"...You love me. That's why you were runnin' like a racehorse?"
You resume staring at your shoe, but you decide to tell him. "I was afraid something happened to you. I know, you were only gone a minute, and there's no one around now, but... I don't know... in my gut, I felt like... I got this awful feeling like I was never going to see you again-- see you alive. That you just walked away from me for the last time ever. I panicked."
Joel is quiet. So quiet that after a few moments, you lift your head to look at him. "Trying not to laugh, since you swore you wouldn't?" you ask, bracing yourself... but the expression on his face tells you that's not it.
He threads his hand through your hair, and you lean into his touch. "I get it," he says softly. "Happens to me all the time."
You smile. "Really?"
"All the time. Yes."
"But you've never... well, like, after a fight with infected or something, and you wanna make sure I'm okay... that's not... irrational, I guess is the word?"
"This ain't, either. There were hunters out here. We're Outside. Not amongst friends. But no... I mean it's happened in Jackson."
"Aww." You kiss him for that. "That's so sweet. How come you've never told me?"
"I have."
"What? No you haven't! I would remember."
"Maybe not in so many words. Last time I think it was... remember that day we were at Tommy'n'Maria's, an' Tommy sent you on an errand... I forget what it was, but you took a long time gettin' back?"
You nod, recalling that day. "I was returning that gun to Adam, the dude who lives at pretty much the farthest-away corner of town... he forgot to come by or something. Tommy was giving you shit for being a worrywart, later."
"That he was. It wasn't about how long you were gone. I knew it would take you more than a few minutes. But right after you left, I got this... this don't-let-her-walk-out-that-door feelin' in my gut."
"Okay, you never told me that -- I would've remembered!" Your heart is melting. There's going to be just a bunch of goopy goo in your chest by the end of this conversation.
"Because it's crazy. There was nothin' to worry about. But you did take your sweet time comin' back, as I recall."
"Not my fault! I ran into Becca on the way--"
"Right, an' you hadn't talked to her since the day before or somethin'. Real long time."
You lean into him hard enough to qualify as a shove. "Shut up -- that wasn't even the big thing, remember? I had girl issues that I had to go take care of. I wasn't late on purpose. I wasn't trying to torture you."
"I know." He drops a kiss on your nose.
"But you didn't run after me," you remember. "You waited. Like a normal person who realizes they're being irrational."
Joel chuckles. "I'm prob'ly more used to it than you."
"I'm sorry," you say earnestly. "Every time it seems like you worry too much... ...?"
"It's... some variation of this, yes," he answers your half-asked question.
"But that's so awful! How the fuck can you stand it?"
"Well... I reckon it's just part of lovin' someone."
"Except you love Tommy and it doesn't happen with him, does it?"
"Who says I love him?"
You roll your eyes. "You do. Maybe it only happens when it's like... a love-love thing."
"Nope. Happened before I felt that way about you, too."
"Huh." You've worried about Joel plenty of times over the past couple years that you've known him, but usually there's a reason. "I guess... once we were in town for a while and I started to feel like... more safe? ...the worry changed. I didn't think something was going to happen to you, I just thought you'd get sick of me and kick me out. Or if I fucked up too much. Out. Gone." Like everyone else did...
"Even though I've told you an' told you that's never gonna happen," he says lightly. "You don't feel that way anymore, do you? Now that we're..."
"No," you say automatically, knowing it's the answer he wants.
"...Never?"
Maybe he doesn't believe you. "I mean... not as much?"
"Good. I'll remind you whenever you need to hear it."
You lean your forehead against his and give him a big smile. "I love you so fucking much, Joel."
"Love you too, baby girl."
"I'll never tease you for worrying too much, ever again."
"You, I don't mind. You're cute. Just don't gang up on me with Tommy again."
"Okay, deal."
You sit there for another minute or so, cuddling and being sweet to each other, when Joel suddenly tenses up. You recognize the "I hear something" look on his face and you start looking around.
"What?"
"Sshh... listen..."
You know he was keeping an eye out even when you were having that heart-to-heart talk. Joel practically has eyes in the back of his head. It can't be anything nearby.
"Where'd you put the binoculars?" he asks you.
"Oh-- in my bag-- hang on, I'll get them..." You both stand up. You rummage in your backpack and hear Joel cocking a gun... the rifle, you think... yep. I still don't hear anything! You hand him the binoculars and follow his gaze to the horizon. "Is that..."
"Looks like your horse."
"Just mine? ...that's weird. If I was gonna steal a horse, I would get as fucking far away as I could before the owner woke up."
"Exactly. No hunters over there, that I can see." Joel sticks his fingers in his mouth and makes that shrill whistling sound (that you still can't do).
The horse starts casually trotting over, like nothing happened -- you can see him now -- and he's followed by Joel's horse! You squeal excitedly. "I don't believe it! They escaped!
They wanted to come back to us!"
Joel smirks. "I don't think that's it, kiddo."
"Of course it is! They love us! And there's no hunters, right? I don't see any. Lucky! Summer!" you call to them. You stride forward to meet them, then hug each of them in turn, rubbing their necks lovingly. "I'm so happy to see you guys! Who wants an apple? Come here, I'll give you some."
Joel follows you. "Think about it. Why are there no hunters?"
You fetch a couple of apples out of one of the bags. "Because they fucking escaped."
"They did. But not from the hunters."
"...What, you think that... no! They were paddocked! And we're not that dumb!"
"Apparently we are. Guess it wasn't as secure as it looked."
You don't believe it. What the fuck? Could that light breeze just have blown the gate open or something? You feed Lucky one of the apples. "So you think they've just been out, frolicking around the countryside for shits and giggles while we're freaking out?"
"That's exactly what I think. Should've thought of it before. It was botherin' me that it happened right under my nose. That I didn't hear footsteps or voices or nothin'."
"We were inside, asleep," you remind him. But you know that doesn't matter, in Joel's mind. "And what about the tracks? You saw-- you saw footprints that weren't ours! Shoe prints!"
"Maybe I misread 'em. Maybe they were old."
You give Lucky a couple more nose pats, then turn to Summer, who's patiently waiting for her apple. Figures that Joel's horse is more patient than mine... "How old? Cuz... that shit washes away after a good rain."
Joel shrugs. "I don' know. Maybe it hasn't rained since... or, more likely, I misread 'em."
You gasp in mock horror. "You? Fuck something up? Impossible!"
He makes a little "tch" sound, and you suddenly feel bad for teasing him when you know he blames himself for the horses... getting stolen, wandering off, whatever the fuck happened. "Should've picketed 'em. But... didn't plan on fallin' asleep like that..."
"It's okay -- everything worked out!"
"By sheer luck alone. No thanks to us."
You... can't really argue that. Other than to say it was fate or something, but you know that would only elicit another "tch."
"What a waste of a day," he laments, frowning. "Good thing we ain't in a big hurry. We may as well stay here overnight now."
"Only a few hours, really," you say kindly. "Who cares? We're together -- all four of us -- we're all happy and not-hurt and ~all is well with the world!~" You sing the last bit as you take Joel's hand and make him twirl you around a few times, like you're dancing.
It wipes the frown off his face, at least. He pulls you close and kisses you -- as if you didn't just make yourself dizzy enough! But only for a moment. "Have I ever told you how adorable you are?"
"Nope. Never." You grin and wrap your arms around his neck. "But you know... we just took a really long nap. We're not gonna be able to fall asleep right after dark."
"Mm. You're prob'ly right."
"It's gonna suck so bad to be laying there in bed... in the dark... with nothing to do..."
"Absolutely nothin'," Joel agrees. "That's a damn shame, yeah."
You gasp as if an idea just occurred to you. "Oh! I know what we can do!" You wait for Joel to ask you what it is. ...and he doesn't, even though you know he's playing along with this. "Aren't you going to ask me what it is?"
"No. I don't think I wanna know."
"Why not?" you pout.
" 'Cause you have a filthy little mind, that's why not."
You giggle at that. "Are you afraid I'll like... corrupt your innocence or something?"
"Yes. Exactly. Oh my virgin ears, I believe is the phrase."
You've never heard that before -- and it sounds so ridiculous coming out of Joel's mouth that you're in danger of having a full-on giggle fit now. "But-- you're not the virgin here," you remind him between giggles.
"No? Huh. I forgot. That dirty mind and all..."
You pretend to be insulted. "I was going to suggest that we read. That's all."
"Uh-huh," he says knowingly.
"You're the one with a dirty mind, see?"
"You're right." Joel smirks. "You have no idea."
"I don't? Then tell me!"
"Maybe when you're older."
You groan. "I hate it when you say that!"
"Sorry." He doesn't sound sorry at all. "That's a good idea. Readin'. Let's do that later."
You can imagine how tonight will go. He'll pretend he's serious about reading the book you brought along (even though he's never shown interest in reading your books before), and you might whine a little but you'll go along with it... then start distracting him. That will be so fun!
Just a short while ago, you had the weight of the world on you, knowing it was your fault the horses were 'stolen' (you're still not entirely convinced that they weren't... but maybe that's just wishful thinking), and that you'd have to spend a lot of time tracking them down only to possibly never find them again and have to go back to Tommy and tell him you've lost two more of his horses. Then you had that panicky sort of moment about Joel walking into an exploding house or something... but now, everything's perfect.
...Too perfect?
You could indulge that little voice that says when things are too good, they're about to blow up in your face. It's probably the same voice that told you Joel was about to die. Shut UP, motherfucker! You're wrong, see? Wrong wrong wrong!
You and Joel both struggle with thoughts like that. Yet you're together, safe and happy. Things are going your way now. And if you can feel like that after you just lost the horses for a while... that's something, isn't it? That's mostly Joel's doing. Him not dying really did wonders to improve your mood. And not just that -- he always seems to know what to say to you, even when he doesn't say much or explain things eloquently. Or he'll 'tell' you with a kiss, a caress, a hug.
You're confident that you'll find Danny tomorrow. You just have this feeling.
If you'd like to start another adventure, return to page 1.
Carlos
Date: 2021-04-27 06:10 am (UTC)RE: Carlos
Date: 2021-04-27 01:08 pm (UTC)