CYOA Page 117
Sep. 13th, 2013 09:00 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lumy12"In here," you direct him quietly. "I'm awake."
"Can I talk to you for a minute?"
You wonder if he would actually leave if you said no. "Okay."
You hear him close the door behind him (which is a good sign, right? He wants privacy??), and then curse under his breath as he bumps into something -- not unlike you did earlier.
You might've laughed, if you were in a different mood. "Use your light if you want."
"Don' need it now." He's found the bed. Seems to be perched on the side. "Though it would be nice to see your face."
Neither one of you is fond of flashlight conversations, where only one person can see while the other is blinded, or neither of you can see anything worthwhile because the beam is focused elsewhere. Or you can do what Joel calls "ghost story style," but that's annoying with only one light (and you're not in a playful enough mood anyhow). So... "pillow talk" it is. With Joel far away from the pillow.
"I don' know why I got so upset with you," he says. "It... really wasn't a jealousy thing."
You decide not to argue that point with him again. "Then... what kind of thing was it?"
"Like I said... I don' know. Even if you did that shit on purpose--"
"I didn't!" Not all of it...
"Well, even if you did, it ain't somethin' I should be gettin'... perturbed about."
He hasn't actually used the words "I'm sorry," but he sounds apologetic... he admitted wrong-doing... it's close enough. "Okay, well... I'm sorry I upset you. It's kind of cute that you're jealous, actually."
"I ain't jealous."
"I mean... he's ten. What do you think would even happen?"
"I ain't--" He chuckles. "All right, I see that's what you want to believe. Go ahead, if it makes you happy."
It's easy to be mad at Joel when he's off sulking or whatever it is he does when he leaves like that, but it's really hard at times like this. Even harder when he's closer... "I'd be happier if you'd come here," you purr.
"Not a good idea."
"Please? Just for a minute."
He scoots up the bed and as soon as you're able to grab him, you tug his face close to yours and start kissing whatever skin your lips happen to come in contact with until they connect to his. "Mm... we can't..."
"I know, but... just little kisses. No big deal," you whisper. "I missed you."
"I know you don't like it when I go off by myself like that."
"No, I get it. Sometimes I like to be left alone, too, remember?" Not often, though! You hug him, trying to pull him more on top of you. He starts to protest, so you explain, "I'm just trying to get you closer."
"Fine... only for a minute."
Or so you each like to say!
"You don't ever choose to be alone in the middle of a discussion, though," he picks up where you left off, settling himself beside you rather than on top of you.
"I guess not..." He doesn't want to be tempted to kiss you, you decide.
"You want to hash it out. Get everythin' out in the open. Figure it out. Whereas I..."
"...like to brood?" you supply.
"Not... brood, just... go cool off an' clear my head..."
"And then brood."
"An' then think things over," he corrects you.
"Yeah -- that's brooding."
"No it ain't."
"It is. I'm totally going to look it up in the dictionary when we get home."
"Well, whatever you wanna call it. I hope you know that... that I don't do it to punish you, or..."
"I know."
"At home, I might go for a walk, but Outside? I would never-- I didn't go very far."
"I know that, too. You didn't even have to tell me you weren't going far -- at the time, I mean. I knew."
"You're pretty smart." He kisses you, perhaps as a reward for being smart.
You giggle softly. "Or I just know you really well."
"You do." He caresses your face... and if you could see, you know exactly the adoring, heart-melt-y look you would see on his face right now. "I'm glad. Feels like you're startin' to trust me a little more."
"I've always trusted you."
"...Always?"
"Pretty much, yeah."
"That's an argument for another time. What I'm sayin' is you seem to trust me in the sense that... you don't worry that me goin' off alone like that means I'm gonna end up leavin' you."
"The too-many-fuckups-and-you're-out thing," you acknowledge. You've talked about this before.
"Yes."
"Which means I can treat you like shit, and you still wouldn't leave," you tease him.
"Ha. No, it means you don't blow things out of proportion. ...If you start beatin' me up every night, I might consider leavin', though." He stifles your giggles with another kiss.
"Might consider it. I like that. You'd have to think about it. Pfff -- not like I could even beat you up in the first place."
"You could. You know I won't hit back."
"That doesn't mean you wouldn't stop me. Or just go off and brood."
He chuckles. "If you cheat on me, then."
"...even with a ten-year-old?"
"Hmm. I reckon he'd have to at least be thirteen for me to take it seriously."
"Thirteen, huh?" You snicker. "Oh -- cuz then he's a teenager, and from everything you've ever said about teenage boys, they are evil incarnate."
"It's true."
You kiss him sweetly. "Why would I be with some dorky thirteen-year-old when I could be with you?"
"Because three years is a hell of a lot--"
"I don't care about age -- that's your thing. Except... I do draw the line at thirty-five-year age differences."
"You do, huh? ...ain't that what we are?"
"No, silly, remember? We are, almost exactly, thirty-four-and-a-half."
"Whew. Jus' snuck in there under the wire."
"Yep, you're a lucky guy."
"...a lucky guy who really oughta get downstairs right about now..."
"You don't have to," you say poutily.
"I do. I just wanted to make sure we were all right first."
"I'm glad you did. ...Can I be honest? I do sometimes still worry about you leaving. Not leaving-leaving, but... saying we can't be together like this anymore. -I don't even think about it when you kiss me, though," you add.
"I see. Is this just a ploy to get me to--"
"Fuck yeah it is," you snicker as he kisses you. ...Why was I even mad at him?
"Don't worry about any of that," he whispers. "I worry enough for the both of us."
"You worry... about us? Or me?"
"About how you're affected by all this. Bein' in a relationship with an old man, at your--"
"Middle-aged," you correct him as always (even though he is indeed very old). "Not old."
"An older man. Much older. ...But you know what it always boils down to?"
"What?"
"Two things, actually. Number one: I'm a selfish bastard. Too selfish to do the right thing."
"Joel--" you start to protest.
"Hang on. Number two: any way you slice it, we're better together than we are apart."
"Then you admit that being together is the right thing."
"No, it's still wrong. It's just the lesser of two evils."
"It's not evil. We love each other, for fuck's sake." You kiss him for emphasis.
"Mmm... maybe it's you that's evil, keepin' me here longer than a minute..."
"~You can stay up here, you know~" you coo sweetly.
"Not with that boy down the hall. He might not realize it's wrong, but he could make some offhand remark to someone who does. Besides, we both need our sleep."
"I'll let you sleep, I swear."
Joel chuckles dismissively. "Good night, baby girl."
You reluctantly let him slip away from you. He's almost opened the door when you call out, "Joel, wait... what's the second evil thing?"
"What?"
"You said 'lesser of two evils.' So what's the bigger evil?"
"You know what it is."
"No I don't. Tell me."
He hesitates, like he's trying to find the right words. "Makin' you feel... the way you would feel if I ended it. I'd rather do the wrong thing than do that."
Your heart is now goo. "Awww. You're so good to me."
"I try." He opens the door, then adds, "I'm glad we had this talk" -- in a slightly louder voice.
He wants Zack to hear that we were ~only~ talking? Ha! "Me, too! Good night, Joel!" you answer a bit loudly yourself.
As usual, you feel much better after talking to Joel. You know you'll sleep better now.
And you don't care what he says about it: he is totally jealous of a ten-year-old boy. Which is funny as fuck, but it's also reassuring, because if he didn't love you like crazy, he wouldn't be so jealous, right? I should probably be more sensitive of his feelings in the future.
...Nahhhh -- where's the fun in that?!
If you'd like to start another adventure, return to page 1.
Annie
Date: 2020-10-03 09:38 pm (UTC)Re: Annie
Date: 2020-10-03 10:35 pm (UTC)Carlos
Date: 2021-01-18 01:06 pm (UTC)Re: Carlos
Date: 2021-01-18 01:41 pm (UTC)